


Lonely Is The Heart That Knows No Home

by mansikka



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Adorable dorks, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, BAMF Magnus Bane, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Ghosts, Growing Friendships, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, Malec, Medium!Magnus, Mystery, Pining, Possession by ghost, Self-Doubt, Shy Alec Lightwood, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Teacher Magnus Bane, Writer Alec Lightwood, ghost story, haunted, izzy is the best, lonely Alec, shadowhunters au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2019-11-13 22:47:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 150,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18040559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: Living in New York City, it shouldn't be possible to feel so alone. But for Alec, a successful author who shies away from attention and has no friends to speak of, there is no one he can call if things go wrong. And things are going wrong. Badly. The new apartment he's moved into is haunted, and it feels like weeks since he's made any progress with his latest book. Can the strangers who knock on his door offering friendship do anything to help him? Who is the man he keeps seeing around his neighborhood, and why can't he get him out of his mind?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is a Choose Your Own Malec that readers have voted to be posted here on AO3. 
> 
> It's definitely a work in progress! Tags, title, rating, and summary are all to be determined: _please read at your own risk as these things won't be added until voted on later_. 
> 
> This is normally posted on Tumblr and given a final re-chaptering before the end; it's possible that things might get moved around. If you've followed me before for my other Choose Your Own Malec stories (that would be To Keep Him Safe and Finding Love...) then you know what to expect. If you haven't, or want to follow what is happening with surveys and results, look [here](https://mansikkaomenabanaani.tumblr.com/CYOMG).
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
>    
> 

  


* * *

The apartment was cold, his hair permanently windswept, and sand still crunched between his toes hours after his latest walk on the beach. But as Alec went through his to-do list ticking off the progress made on his manuscript, his decision for a two-week break away on the coast felt like the best idea he'd had in months.

It wasn't so far from home, not as exotic a location as he'd fantasized about visiting. Four hours of scrolling through Google for vacation destinations and he couldn't make himself click on a single one. _Not home_ would have to do. Though Alec had never been to Brighton Beach before, so it was at least new to him.

Alec was already nearing the end of his vacation, wishing he felt more enthusiastic about going home. He'd spent less time exploring Brighton Beach than he'd meant to, though had spent at least a couple of hours every day on the beach. He'd also worked his way through several of the take out restaurants nearby, wincing for the amount of trash he'd generated as a result. But for the first time in weeks, Alec felt like he could breathe. And he'd finally started making progress on his book.

Alec rewarded himself for his work so far with a second bottle of beer, slumping back into the deep cushions of the couch as he looked around the lounge of his rented beach apartment for something to do. It was small, and far too poorly maintained for the price he'd paid to rent it. Every scrape at the window from the overgrown tree out front called for his attention. Every creak of the floorboards and doors within the apartment made him jolt, and every bang in the building from noisy neighbors had Alec gritting his teeth. And as the people upstairs started their second argument of the day, complete with slammed doors and stamped exits, Alec argued with himself yet again that being here was a good thing, trying to focus on the positives.

Alec had investigated the place on arrival, walking through the apartment with a beer in hand as he did. He'd opened the creepy-looking linen cupboard in the hallway trying to decide if he could weave that into the plot in his current book, and caught himself checking the sharpness of the knives in the kitchen trying to work out a scenario for one of his characters. Dropping his head back on the couch for the memory, Alec smiled for his overactive imagination. He'd almost given himself a heart attack when one of the cupboard doors had swung shut apparently of its own doing. He'd checked and realized the hinge was in need of oiling, then spent a couple of hours making sure the rest of the apartment was secure. Just like he often found himself doing in any new setting.

Maybe it was a professional hazard; since he'd started writing his books Alec had found himself checking door locks, seals on windows, and being extra cautious just about wherever he went. Any tool within grabbing reach he knew could be fashioned into a weapon. Any person walking too close became a potential threat. It was why he'd toyed with the idea of taking MMA classes again despite the ache in his heart it gave him for remembering a childhood training with Jace and Izzy. Alec reminded himself he'd look into more classes when he'd settled in his new home, no matter the memories it brought up.

The rocking chair in the corner of the room creaked and began to move for the third time that evening, calling Alec's attention back from his spiraling thoughts. Alec looked over it still debating how to change the setting of his story so his creepy beach apartment could play a part in it. The candles he’d dotted about the living room gave a violent flicker as he watched the chair, the flames simultaneously leaning to one side as though the room had been hit with a blast of air. Alec rolled his eyes already used to it, debating leaving a note for the owner to check for the draught coming through the windows whenever the wind whipped up.

The couch cushion beside him dipped enough for Alec to turn to notice. He half-expected one of the stray cats that always seemed to find their way into the apartment to be blinking back at him in search of food. Alec stared at the empty cushion feeling his heart stir its way to a thud. But then he laughed at himself, hard and throaty, stroking over the dip in the couch and groaning out loud. He must be tired if he'd managed to spook himself enough to think he had some kind of ethereal company.

Checking his word count for the day and thinking he genuinely could be pleased with his efforts, Alec decided he'd earned the rest of the evening off. After closing his laptop he went to the kitchen looking for something to eat, sure there must be a mixture of leftovers from the last couple of days. He snatched up the last couple of pirozhki he'd bought on his earlier walk, disappointed he'd not left himself any pelmeni. Alec opened the refrigerator door eyeing the baklava he'd already had two pieces of, talking himself out of eating the rest of it all in one go. Though he knew he would do before he went to bed.

Already used to the long shadows the candles cast throughout the apartment, Alec ignored the outline of a figure stood to the side of one of the windows. Though he did poke his tongue out in its direction before snorting at himself for being childish. He settled back on the couch with one of the three books he'd bought at the Saint Petersburg Bookstore he'd come across that morning. Alec ignored the feeling that he was being watched, telling himself he was being ridiculous. Instead, he tried to lose himself in the words of the tragedy unfolding on the pages of his book, that was so very different from his own story in progress.

Tomorrow he'd be leaving, going back to a new apartment with still-unpacked boxes, and a publisher who would be relieved that he'd finally added a few more chapters to his manuscript. Alec wished that his schedule was far busier, that he had more to look forward to than her thankful email. That his life was filled with people to visit and places to go. But back home he had next to no one, nothing to do with his life but work. Even the vague promise he kept making himself of doing more with his free time Alec feared would come to nothing despite his move.

Alec picked up his cell, slid his thumb across the screen to reveal a total lack of messages, telling his eyes they weren't filling with frustrated tears. He reached for his bottle and drained the last of his beer before going for another, pushed his phone back on to the table, and forced his eyes back on his book. He continued ignoring that sense of being watched even as he shivered into a second sweater, determined to enjoy his last night at Brighton Beach without his overactive imagination. 

* * *

His apartment was cold, the temperature no different to that he'd just experienced on the coast, and the atmosphere anything but welcoming. Alec dropped his bag down on the end of the shorter of his new navy blue couches still debating if he should have opted for the black ones he'd seen instead. The pale blue painted walls only added to that sense of coldness, with even the rustic coffee table that Alec had convinced himself look sun-bleached when he'd bought it seeming to add a chill to the room.

Alec's gaze fell to and frowned at the books scattered on the floor beneath his bookcase, its shelves full of the only items he'd taken the time to unpack before he'd left. He crossed the room, crouching down to gather the books up to slot back into place and mentally beginning a shopping list including _bookends_. Alec read the title of one book he wished he'd taken with him to help with a scene he was writing, interrupted as a gust of wind rattled the handle of the balcony door.

Rising to his feet, Alec first checked the door handle then snatched up his bag and headed to his bedroom, where he'd spent a total of one night before setting off for Brighton Beach. The closet doors were already flung wide open, and a scatter of clothes across the chair in the corner reminded Alec of how he'd left in a hurry for getting delayed. As Alec opened his bag to put things away, he added _laundry detergent_ to his shopping list, and _laundry_ to the list of tasks to do. With music on his laptop turned up just enough to hear it wherever he went, Alec threw himself into unpacking properly. He thought of his manuscript and the messages he had to return to his publisher, accompanied only by that sense of coldness that followed him from room to room. Alec added _heating_ to the growing list of issues he needed to check in the apartment, along with a leaking faucet and the blocked air vent in his spare room that sounded like a gasp of breath any time he was passing the doorway.

Alec's motivation for unpacking came to an abrupt halt as his hands fell on the box with _personal_ written on the side, bracing himself before opening it. A photo frame of Alec with his siblings was set in pride of place on top of his bookshelf, and a thin album of older photographs called to be flicked through. Alec sank to his couch, the protective wrapper rustling against the backs of his jeans, holding his breath as he turned the cover of the album and forced himself to look inside. Childhood pictures with Izzy when they were young, playing on the beach near a vacation apartment in Alicante. A couple more from a few years later when Jace had become a part of their family. And Max, his youngest brother, who Alec ached for not seeing in so long. He'd never thought he'd miss them all quite as much as he did, and never thought he'd feel quite this alone.

Steeling himself for it, Alec turned to the last page of the album, his thumb smoothing over the one remaining photo he had of his parents. They smiled up at him from the page as they hadn't in person in years, with no communication from them since they had disowned him for not living up to the family name. Alec grit his teeth against the onslaught of memories that came with looking at the picture. He thought of the wedding anniversary party that he hadn't been invited to, that had been the catalyst for his last-minute decision to take a few days at Brighton Beach. The emails, texts, and phone calls that went unanswered until he'd given up trying to contact them. The copies of his books they'd returned unopened as though Alec had ceased existing to them altogether.

Alec slammed the photo album shut, crossed the room to shove it in a gap on the bookshelf, then broke down what he hoped was the last of his boxes. The apartment now at least looked occupied even if it didn't yet feel lived in, with Alec reasoning he'd need to be in the place at least a few weeks before it began to feel like his home. Pretending he didn't feel the wave of loneliness threatening to hit him, Alec fired off messages to Izzy hoping she wasn't working too hard, then drafted an email to Jace but couldn't make himself hit send. He returned a couple of emails to the magazines he wrote articles for, and debated checking out the gym in the basement of the apartment building. Alec decided against it though, when his stomach gave a loud rumble in protest reminding him he'd not eaten much aside from a hurried breakfast.

The balcony door rattled again. Alec stood to inspect it, frowning at the catch on the door and working out if he could change it himself. Alec added it to his list of jobs to do though decided he'd done enough for the day, instead heading in for a shower, intent on going out to find something to eat.

* * *

Convinced it was warmer outside than his own apartment, Alec made his way along the sidewalk not sure what he wanted to eat. He passed a Thai restaurant though didn't feel like sitting in there, and a place that proclaimed to sell the best British fish and chips, though Alec was put off by a passing customer carrying what looked like green mush. Five blocks from his apartment Alec found a deli he liked the look of, wedging himself inside the door of the already-crammed store.

There were only two people in front of him in the queue, though it felt like more because the deli was so small. Alec's attention was taken immediately by the man being served, his eyes falling to the fingers splayed wide around the edge of the counter revealing black nail polish and an assortment of rings. An ornately decorated green jacket fit him perfectly, and his mohawk Alec had the sudden urge to get his hands through. When the man looked his way Alec's breath caught in his throat for beautifully-lined eyes and a soft smile, shifting in embarrassment when he winked.

The man kept looking at him, staring as though he thought he recognized him, though Alec was sure he didn't at all. Though he wouldn't mind if he did; the man was _beautiful_. Alec's heart began to race for staring at him, and he had to keep swallowing for his mouth drying out.

The customer in front of Alec took a call, sighing in irritation as he stepped outside. Alec took a step forward to take his place. Up closer, Alec couldn't help but look harder at the man still being served, giving a nervous twitch of a smile in answer to his. Alec held still as he looked him up and down again, trying to look anywhere but at him.

"I would recommend the meatball sub," the man said, the tone of his voice firing heat through Alec's stomach. Alec opened his mouth to speak though nothing came out but a rasping squeak, leaving him feeling foolish and ungainly as the man passed by him, brushing against his arm. Alec watched him leave, snapping his head back when the server called to get his attention. He mumbled out his request for a meatball sub, then ordered enough food so he'd have enough for breakfast and lunch.

* * *

Alec's list of jobs to do around the apartment kept on growing. There was the almost-overflowing bathroom sink that seemed to be clogged with toilet tissue. An overhead cupboard in the kitchen needed hinges tightening to stop it rattling for no apparent reason. And the ice maker in his refrigerator he'd resorted to disconnecting for the whistles and squeaks it kept churning out instead of ice.

The air vent in the spare bedroom continued to huff out breaths convincing Alec that it too was clogged. And no matter what he did to the balcony door, it continued to tremble at times as though the handle was being tried. He was sure he'd get used to all the new noises and quirks of the apartment in time, only having really lived there just over two weeks.

Alec told himself to focus on his work, pausing only to fix himself some pasta that he took mouthfuls of even as he changed and swapped out words. He winced his way through a couple of spelling mistakes and laughed when found himself jumping in places, when certain words coincided with unidentified knocks and bangs around him. After an hour of engrossed editing, Alec reached out for his beer and took a sip, coughing and spluttering for the sigh he was adamant was coming from the end of the hallway leading down to the bedrooms. He cursed under his breath for being so jumpy, pushed the glass back on the table once again, adamant he was not seeing anything out of the corner of his eye before finally forcing himself to look.

Alec would swear, but would also not, that despite the distinct nothingness staring back at him, he was being watched. Rolling his eyes at his own theatrics, Alec reread the last paragraph he’d been distracted from. he snatched up his beer to finish it, then tried to pour all his attention to the words in front of him. A change of a word here, a removal of a comma there, and he managed to get about a third down the next page before he was sure he could hear a heavy breath to his side. But he ignored it, shaking his head in determination and goading himself for even getting distracted.

These noises had kept him company ever since he'd returned from Brighton Beach; he should already be used to them. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end so many times for every crack and creak, and every time he felt the foot of the bed dipping when he was trying to sleep. Twice he'd convinced himself there was somebody stood behind him when he caught his reflection in the balcony glass, always spinning to find nothing there no matter how hard his heart raced for it.

A final bang had Alec jolting as he tried not to remember all the _disturbances_ he'd experienced over the past couple of weeks. He looked up in time to watch his books tumble to the floor yet again despite the bookends slotted onto the ends of each shelf to hold them in place. With his skin crawling and his heart really starting to pound, Alec snatched up his laptop with trembling finges. He shoved it into his bag and grabbed his jacket in passing, his heart hammering hard as he slammed the apartment door on the way out.

* * *

"Hey, everyone’s favorite crime writer; you said this book’s the creepiest so far," Izzy said as Alec groaned in mortification at himself while telling her of his growing unease in the apartment over Skype. Alec peeked back at her through his fingers wrinkling up his nose, his face propped up on his other hand by an elbow digging deep into his thigh as he nodded. "Yeah. But it’s not supposed to be scaring _me_. I don’t believe in any of this sh—"

"Alec," Izzy chided, smiling at him in affection. "You write about all the worst people in society. You write about people killing each other every single day. Are you seriously telling me you’ve never once got scared by anything you’ve written, ever?"

"Izzy. I write about crime. Murders, and embezzlement, and stuff that... people could be capable of, but hopefully most aren't. Not weird noises in an apartment because I've got an overactive imagination—and probably thoughtless neighbors."

"But still. _Something_ must be spooking you out, right? Some of what you're writing must be putting you on edge, making you feel like this?"

"No, because none of it’s real life," Alec retorted, sitting straighter and reaching over for his beer, promising himself he was only lying a little. "Most I’ve ever done is distract myself a little."

"In any ways I want to know about?" Izzy teased, making Alec groan out and laugh at the same time.

"Izzy. No."

"You haven't found yourself a sexy private investigator to help you with your storylines?" Izzy asked, the picture of innocence despite the laughter in her eyes.

"Don’t be ridiculous."

"Didn’t you receive praise from that critic for your _exceptionally realistic crime scene descriptions_?" Izzy added, still smiling at Alec as though on the verge of more laughter. "Are you telling me you didn't have _any_ help to come up with that?"

"I did have a random cop knock on my door when I was moving out of the last place."

Alec could still picture the startled look on his face. He'd been irritated for the interruption of his packing two days before leaving, trying to cram in as much as possible when he'd left himself so little time. Most of his fury was for himself, angry both that he felt the need to move, and that he was moving. But living in the same neighborhood as his parents and not once ever seeing them had proven too much. He'd had to move to get away from that, and the cop who'd got the wrong address got quite the eyeful in Alec's haste to pack. Alec had all but ripped the door off its hinges in his hurry to open it, then scowled at him in the doorway wearing nothing but a far too loose pair of shorts. The man's eyes had drifted up over Alec's chest growing increasingly startled, and he'd flinched when Alec had barked at him asking what he wanted.

"Okay. So that's another story," Izzy said, apparently aware of the embarrassment he was feeling for remembering, "we'll come back to that. But Alec, if you decided to make your latest book like some kind of cross between Luther and Medium—"

"It is not a cross between _Luther and Medium_."

"Pity. Have you seen Idris Elba?"

"Izzy—"

"I'm just saying," Izzy said, her smile full of tease. "Surely if anyone could figure out how to get rid of something _spooky_ , it’d be you? You're always researching."

"Not my area of expertise, Iz."

"But still."

"Yeah, well, I don’t actually think there's like, anything to ward off here, or whatever they do. I know there isn’t. That's just ridiculous."

"Then, why are you sleeping with a pile of laundry covering your chair?" Izzy pointed out, with the most teasing of smiles.

Three nights earlier Alec had woken with a start, sure something in the room had disturbed his sleep. He had rolled over only to shrink back against his headboard in alarm for what looked like a figure hunched over in the chair, head bent as though looking down at the carpet between its knees. Alec had fumbled for the bedside lamp without daring to look away, bathing the room in soft light that chased the shadows out. He'd rationalized that it was probably just a trick of the light pooling in through the window. He’d turned off the light with his eyes fixed on the chair, watching for his imagination to conjure up something else. And when nothing appeared, Alec had thrown himself back under the comforter and told himself to go back to sleep; impossible for his frantically beating heart.

He'd been covering the chair in folded laundry ever since, like that might keep his imagination at bay. So Alec groaned in answer to Izzy's question, cursing himself for even telling her about it. He threw himself down on the couch out of Izzy's eyeline, listening to her laughing before hauling himself back up.

"But that’s it, right?" Izzy asked, smiling at him with a little more affection when he looked at her. "I mean, nothing else has happened, right?"

Alec thought of the cupboard doors slamming, the books falling, and the breathing in his ear that was probably from the air vent above him in the kitchen. He made excuses for every single thing, and shook his head in denial.

"So, it just means you’ve got even better," Izzy said. "Alec. You know I’ve always loved your writing. But if you’re scaring even yourself now—"

"I’m not scared," Alec denied, though felt himself darting his eyes elsewhere so he would have to see the look on her face. "And I don't write about ghosts. _Murderers_ , remember?"

"Well, I guess it’s not like this _not-ghost_ has made you leave the apartment yet," Izzy said as she yawned and stretched, and in doing so dislodging the small stack of papers on the corner of her desk. "Right, Alec?"

Alec winced, not wanting to see the look of mocking he was expecting—inviting even, for being so pathetic. Izzy's eyebrows hitched up in surprise, and he could tell she didn't know whether to laugh or smile.

"Tell me you’ve not—"

"So maybe I got a little… freaked out, a few nights back. Maybe a couple of times. Went for a walk—went and sat in a cafe for an hour," Alec admitted, feeling his cheeks flare with blush.

It was more than a couple of times. Alec had been fighting against the desperate urge he felt to be out of the apartment every day. But Izzy didn't need to know that.

"Alec," Izzy said, her voice filled with awe. "What the hell have you been writing?"

"It’s not that much worse than the last one," he protested, catching the way her eyebrow raised in disbelief and sighing. "It's just got… psychological stuff in it this time. Sort of. I think it must be playing on my mind, or something."

"If it’s making you leave the apartment it is definitely more scary," Izzy pointed out. "Something's got to be making you feel like this."

"If nothing else, I’ve found a great cafe to go to if I need a break," Alec said, shrugging in an attempt to make light of it. Though the cafe really was good. He could happily work in there every afternoon, whether uncomfortable in his own home or not.

"How cute was the barista?"

"I didn’t look at—"

"How cute?" Izzy insisted as she leaned forward like she would happily reach through the screen to interrogate him.

"Izzy, I didn’t even notice."

Izzy's disappointed sigh was almost enough to have Alec closing his eyes, but instead he squared his shoulders trying to look like he meant what he was saying. "Izzy, I’ve just moved, okay? I’m finally getting caught up on this story that’s been taking me forever. This is not exactly the best time for me to be actually _looking_."

"But you never look," Izzy protested. "You never—"

"Izzy," Alec pleaded, not wanting to rehash their argument. If Izzy was frustrated at his apparent lack of interest in meeting anyone, it paled in comparison to the anger he felt at himself. For someone who had promised himself on his last birthday that by the next one he’d have at least gone on a single date, being so many months past that deadline was a goading reminder of just how terrible he was at socializing. Though how could he even think about dating someone, when he could barely remember how to make friends?

"Is it so bad that I want to see you happy?" Izzy asked softly. Alec closed his eyes to it, not wanting to see her concern.

"No, it isn’t; of course it isn’t," Alec agreed with a contrite smile. "I just… I don’t know how to do this. And honestly; I’ve got so much on right now, there is literally no time for it. It isn’t an excuse."

"So make time," Izzy demanded. "What's the point of making yourself so busy you don’t have time to enjoy yourself; where are you gonna get your next ideas from if you’ve not experienced anything worth writing about in between books?"

Alec's stomach gave a sharp twist for Izzy echoing the fears he’d already repeated to himself multiple times. Perhaps his lack of any kind of social life was the reason the book was taking so long to finish in the first place. His excuse of that break at Brighton Beach to clear his head was just another stark reminder of how very withdrawn from life he had become.

"I’ll try, okay?" Alec sighed, pretending he couldn’t see the sadness in Izzy's eyes as she stared back at him with a pinched smile of her own.

"I wish I could come and see you," Izzy said. "We’re just snowed under right now; maybe in a few months?"

"Whenever you feel like it," Alec agreed, missing his sister more than he could let her know. Izzy was happy, living an amazing life in Chicago where she worked in a forensics lab she loved. He would never begrudge her any of it.

"So," Izzy said then, gesturing to her pile of paperwork then picking it up to wave at the screen. "I’ve got all of this to get through before I can even think about sleep."

"It’s late," Alec protested, looking at the stack of paper and the time, and feeling guilty that he’d kept her from her work.

"It’s fine," Izzy said, dismissing his concern. "It’s not anything hard, just some forms to fill in. Besides, I don’t have to be in until ten tomorrow, so, it’s not all bad."

"Still."

"Still nothing," Izzy insisted. "I haven’t spoke to you like this in weeks. We were due to catch up."

"I miss you," Alec found himself blurting out, cursing himself for it, and the sorrowful look he received.

"I miss you too," Izzy agreed, reaching out as though she might be able to pat his cheek through the screen. "It’s why I want you to—"

"Izzy—"

"I worry about you being all alone there, Alec," Izzy said softly, pleading with him to listen. "I’m never going to understand why you don’t put yourself out there more. You’re amazing."

"You might be biased."

"You’re my brother, one of my best friends, and I love you; of course I’m biased. That doesn’t mean it isn’t true."

Alec smiled at the earnest tone of her voice, forcing himself to appear happier than he really felt. The last thing he wanted to do was to make Izzy worry.

"I promise. I’ll get this first full proofread done, get it chaptered up so I’ve got something to send over to Freya—"

"Your publisher lady?"

"Yes," Alec replied with a smile. "And then I’ll… take a break. A social one."

"Good," Izzy enthused, raising an eyebrow again that dared him not to do just that. Alec tried to smile back, then ducked his eyes for not wanting to see her face when he asked his next question.

"You, uh… heard from Jace?"

"I got an email last week," Izzy said, her voice becoming both hesitant and clipped. "Not like I hadn't written to him a bunch of times before that to get that one response."

"I guess he must be busy," Alec said, knowing it was true, yet still unable to shift the ache in his chest for how little time Jace had for him now.

When they were growing up, their parents had been adamant that Izzy, Alec, and Jace would study to become lawyers and join the family practice. When Izzy had decided to study to become a forensic scientist instead, there had been little protest from them, only resignation. But after he'd passed his Bar Examination, after Alec had fought to be the perfect son his parents expected him to be for so many years and still felt like a failure, he'd finally found the courage to tell them it wasn't what he wanted to do. They hadn't spoken to him since, telling him to move out of the family home barely before he'd finished getting his words out. They had put all their support and focus on to Jace, who'd found a natural affinity for practicing law and thrived for it. Something Alec had never in a million years thought would happen.

Jace was setting up a branch of the family practice in Los Angeles. Alec knew his parents regularly visited him, and that he was probably, just like Izzy, snowed under with work. But they'd been so close; from the moment Jace had become a part of their family after the death of his parents, until the day Alec had announced he had no intentions of becoming a lawyer, he and Jace had been inseparable. Alec missed his brother fiercely, yet his lack of contact suggested Jace didn't feel the same about him.

For a couple more minutes he and Izzy caught up on their final news, both avoiding mentioning Jace, Max, and their parents again. Then Izzy was ending the call needing to finish her paperwork, leaving Alec slumping back against the couch feeling swallowed up by the resuming silence. Without any invitation, memories came to taunt him. Of high school and his eyes not being fixed on the cheerleaders dancing on the edge of the football field, but instead on the guys playing the game. Of talking himself into a relationship with a girl when he’d first started college, feeling guilty for every moment he was with her when his mind was permanently somewhere else. Of the excruciating crush he’d had on a guy he'd met at a summer camp. A stolen, drunken kiss on a dimly lit dance floor during a spring break. Izzy and Jace had been his confidantes through every one of those difficult moments, though now it felt like only Izzy had any time for him.

Alec forced his mind elsewhere, taking another beer from the fridge ignoring the juice he'd bought intentionally so he wouldn't drink so much alcohol. He dropped back down hard on the couch, clicking through his tabs to go back to his story. Alec forced away further memories of fumbles in club corners, of startling awake naked in another guy’s bed, and leaving unfamiliar apartments in a hurry before the men occupying them could wake.

Cursing under his breath as his mind wandered again, Alec demanded to himself that he focus, rereading the same paragraph three times until the words blurred. A thudding noise in the depths of his apartment left him shuddering, but Alec ignored it. He told himself again to concentrate on his work, ignoring the company of unwanted memories and unfamiliar sounds.

* * *

Another week passed, and Alec convinced himself yet again that everything happening around him was nothing more than his overzealous imagination. That he was conjuring unwanted company for being constantly being alone. The flickering lights were faulty electrics that kept hissing despite the emergency electrician he’d called out who had tried to charge him a small fortune. The slamming cupboards nothing more than someone stamping in the hallway outside. Though when Alec stuck his head out to check, maybe to yell at the noisy neighbor passing, the hall was empty.

Once or twice Alec didn’t even want to be in his own apartment for fear of what he might find. Alec began spending a little longer in the gym each evening, moving the time he would have preferred to work out for the excuse of being out of the apartment when that oppressive feeling started descending. He argued with himself that it made more sense to go later, to force himself to interact with other people. Maybe it wasn’t entirely a lie. He’d started a nodding acquaintance with a guy from the fifth floor, and a woman who he thought might even live on his own.

Even showering became a task in avoidance. Alec turned his music up a little louder than he was used to just for the comfort of its noise. He pretended not to flinch on the few occasions when the bathroom door slammed shut after he stepped into the room. And Alec avoided his reflection in the mirror after his showers, for the misshapen outline he’d convinced himself he both had and hadn’t seen over his shoulder.

The spare room door was permanently shut, the coldness of the room if he ever went in there breaking his skin out in goosebumps. The pile of collapsed boxes he’d been steadily removing were left there on the floor after once going in there, the door slamming behind him, and no amount of trying the handle letting him back out. Alec's heart had pounded in what he knew was irrational fear as he pictured someone loping slowly towards him from behind. He'd cursed out loud and yanked the door open with sheer force vowing never to go in again.

Twice more he returned to the cafe he'd fled to on that first evening when things had got too much. On both occasions he was torn between self-ridicule for the searches he was doing about his _visitor_ , and making a mental note of everything, desperate to try anything to get his apartment back. Alec even found himself staring at the salt shaker in his hand as he prepared dinner one evening, debating lining the rooms with it. Mumbling under his breath the words _leave_ and _this place is mine_.

* * *

The sound of glass being slid across a surface had Alec running to the kitchen, snatching up the beer bottle before it could topple. He'd already smashed one glass that he'd thankfully just drained of juice and was about to wash, wondering how he'd managed to knock it from the counter when he was nowhere near it. The gust of wind rattling through from his balcony had probably been the cause of that. Though how that breeze might have reached the kitchen threatening the glass, Alec didn't know.

A door handle rattled out of sight. Alec rolled his eyes telling himself again that the reason he'd paid so little for the apartment was how many repairs needed to be done. Alec added _check door handles again_ to the latest list he was making at the kitchen counter, taking another swig of beer.

Spluttering for the heavy thud coming from his spare room, Alec ran down the hallway flinging open the door in fury. The boxes were strewn everywhere, and the dresser jutting out a good six inches away from the wall it had been against.

" _Enough_ ," he growled out, his heart racing even harder, a blast of colder air in the room hitting him square on. A murmur of laughter had Alec backing out of the room, talking himself out of leaving the apartment yet again.

A hard shove against his shoulder had Alec stumbling, half-tripping over his own feet as he walked. Another shove to his back and a harsh breath in his ear sent Alec falling to his knees. He hauled himself up on a chair, his heart beating hard in his chest and blood pumping in his ears. Alec barreled forward for the apartment door, yelling out in alarm when a hard grip around his wrist yanked him backward jarring his arm.

Alec bunched his hands in tight fists by his sides, trying to control how badly he was shaking before turning around. He half expected to see someone staring right back at him but the apartment was empty. Though the very air seemed to be holding its breath. Alec jolted again when the TV started playing of its own accord, the volume warping and waning as though someone was playing with a remote. Snatches of whispers had Alec sharply turning his head from side to side to seek out their origin, and a louder laugh in his ear left him gasping, stumbling away from it yet again.

It was too much. He had to leave the apartment. Alec cursed his keys for being on the nightstand in his bedroom instead of helpfully to hand right in front of him. Tears of frustration threatened to spill on his cheeks as Alec forced himself down the hallway to pick them up, talking to himself out loud as he walked for the flickering lights overhead.

Alec made it to his bedroom and was just back in the living room when he was shoved again, this time losing his footing and stumbling backward as he twisted to look around. And without looking where he was going, Alec backed up, catching his foot on the end of the living room rug and slipping. He hit his head on the edge of the coffee table as he fell, and knew nothing else.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two!
> 
> Underhill as far as _I_ am concerned can be called Steve until the show says otherwise. If we don't find out his first name in 3x14 then I'll put up a poll for you to suggest then choose a name that you feel is more appropriate <3

"Hey. Hey. You okay?"

Disoriented and pulling back in alarm from the tugging on his ankle, Alec gasped himself awake. He fought his way into a sitting position, sliding until propped up by the coffee table digging into his back.

" _Hey_. Are you with me?"

With a sharp look up that made his vision blur, Alec found the concerned eyes of a woman staring back at him, glancing over him where he was sprawled out.

"I—"

"Your door was open. I was on my way home with groceries," she added gesturing behind her. Alec turned his head and saw several bags abandoned in his doorway. He didn't quite remember getting the door open, and that, added to his disorientation, made his heart start to race in protest.

"What happened?" he asked feeling sluggish despite his panic, raising the heels of his hands up to rub his eyes.

"I don't know," she said, biting down on her lip as she did. "I got off the elevator, was walking to my apartment when I heard you yelling, saw the door was open. I found you passed out here on the floor."

"I... think I hit my head," Alec found himself saying, raising a hand to the back of it and wincing at the sting.

"Yeah. Must have whacked it pretty hard," the woman agreed.

"I—"

"I'm Maia," she added, giving a tiny wave, then uncertainly offering out a hand as though to help him up. "I've seen you a couple of times in the gym."

Alec nodded, now sure he recognized her. He tried to put most of his weight on his shaking arms against the couch and table, needing a couple of attempts of bracing against them before he could get to his feet. Though his legs were trembling so hard when he was up that Alec had to sit immediately with Maia's help, clutching his head in his hands.

"You should probably get that checked out," Maia said. Alec made himself look up again and had to blink his eyes a couple of times to focus them. "Hey—"

"Alec," he blurted out then, offering a contrite smile back, "I'm... Alec. And I'm fine. I think. Thanks. For... waking me up."

"I think you did that yourself," Maia smiled, still looking back at him in concern. "I really think you should go get looked over. You're kind of... out of it."

"Yeah," Alec agreed with a humorless laugh as the evening's events came back to him, turning his gaze about the room. "Yeah, I am definitely that."

"I'd... offer to drive you," Maia said, straightening herself up and looking back at him in guilt. "Only... I'm working in an hour. I—"

"It's fine," Alec smiled quickly cutting her off, "thank you. Seriously, thank you; I'm fine."

"You just moved in, right?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess."  _Too many questions_ , Alec thought, wanting nothing more now than to curl up and sleep.

"What a welcome, huh?" Maia replied, huddling into her jacket as she looked around the apartment with an expression Alec really didn't like.

"Uh—"

"You must be my fifth new neighbor in as many months."

Already disoriented and on edge, Alec didn't like the tone of Maia's voice either. But his head was too sore to think too much on it. "Yeah, well. Guess you're stuck with me. I bought this place."

"You _bought_ it?"

Alec nodded dumbly, ready to repack his boxes and leave, find somewhere else to live for the way Maia's eyes widened in horror. But he couldn't, he would not admit defeat; not to something that was clearly just a figment of his imagination. He would not be driven from his apartment by nothing more than a few strange noises. "Yeah. I did."

"Okay then," Maia said, shaking her head in what Alec had to think was disbelief. "Well. I'm just next door. So if you need anything, just… knock. Okay, Alec?"

"Okay."

"And when you're settled, I work at a bar called the Hunters Moon that's a couple of blocks from here. If you want to come down sometime, meet a few people."

"I'll think about it," Alec replied, wanting to be polite and also wanting her to just leave. He thought about standing so he could show her to the door himself, but his legs were not cooperating with the idea.

Alec watched as Maia left with an awkward smile and an even more awkward wave, slumping back when she closed the door behind her. He made himself stand and added _rug grippers_ to his list of things he needed to buy, adamant that all the noises from earlier were from overtiredness and research for his book. And after a careful prod at the back of his head and a glass of juice wanting something sweet, Alec decided he didn't need to get _checked over_ at all.

* * *

Halfway through a well-earned pizza a couple of hours later, Alec's eyes narrowed for the knock on his door, half-expecting to see his new neighbor Maia checking up on him. He yanked the door open with a false smile ready to find a cop standing with his hand ready to knock again. Surprise flickered on the man’s face, his eyes darting over Alec's chest reminding him too late that he was still shirtless from his earlier shower. Alec hunched in on himself and raised a questioning eyebrow without saying a word.

"Hi. I'm Luke."

"Okay," Alec replied, crossing his arms across his chest and blocking the doorway when curious eyes tried to look past his shoulder.

"My friend Maia lives next door," Luke added, holding up his hands in friendly defense. "She asked me to come check on you. Something about you bumping your head?"

"That's… neighborly."

"Maia's always trying to look out for people," Luke said with a dismissive wave and an easy smile. "I'm working. Said I'd stop by."

"Right." Alec's eyes fell to the police badge on his belt reassured for seeing it, yet still narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"I… thought this place was empty," Luke said when Alec didn't add anything else, not looking to leave as quick as Alec wanted him to.

"Yeah, well, it’s _not_ ," Alec replied.

"Yeah, I can see that," Luke said, laughing. "I’ll leave you to it. I'll tell Maia her new neighbor isn't about to die on her, or anything."

Alec's head still hurt. He pinched his eyes before nodding, mumbling out a goodbye.

"Though if you need anything?"

"No. No, I'm fine."

"Okay. Well, it was nice to meet you, Alec."

Alec smiled, giving a half-wave before watching Luke make for the elevator, then went back to his pizza. He managed another two slices before he was full, sprawling out on the couch intending to rest for a while before going to bed. Alec propped himself up just enough not to put pressure on his still-stinging head, sure he wouldn't be able to fall asleep. But he woke with a start several hours later blinking up into the dark, shrinking back into the couch for the raspy breathing he could hear that wasn't his own.

Alec lifted his head, using the flashlight app on his cell to check the room and finding nothing. Though he did sweep the light over the front door as he explored, finding a business card pushed underneath. Alec blinked as he tried to read it, far too tired to concentrate. He pushed it in the first kitchen drawer he came to then took himself to bed. Though then he really couldn't sleep. He opened his laptop looking for something to do, half-heartedly attempting some proofreading before giving up.

Telling himself he never intended looking, Alec read through a few new reviews and comments on his books, comforted that they were all still mostly positive. His laughter rattled around the walls of his bedroom for reading one particularly enthusiastic review, and the room felt lighter for it. Alec allowed himself to relax, still wincing when his bump from earlier brushed against his pillow.

Alec logged into the Facebook page his publisher had insisted he make and screwed his eyes up in embarrassment for some of the gushing comments waiting for him. After half an hour of scrolling through and liking, responding, or in some cases rushing to get past comments, Alec wrote his last reply to a _fan_  then switched over to his own barely used account. He didn't know why he bothered. He had a couple of people he followed from college whose posts he both grimaced at and liked in equal measure, but aside from them, there was only really Izzy he spoke to.

He smiled through the photos of Izzy and some colleagues in a bar over the weekend, liking them all before he could get too wistful about his own miserable weekend. Sat here in this increasingly uncomfortable apartment with only his _overactive imagination_ for company, Alec had been ready to climb the walls. He spent some extra time in the gym stopping for an awkward conversation with Maia on the way in, and took a walk that meant a good couple of hours out of the apartment since he got lost on the way.

Alec kept scrolling, refusing to let himself be maudlin, his stomach giving an uncomfortable drop when the next post he saw was one from Jace. He was in a garden somewhere with his arms around a woman with bright red hair. From the way they were curled together Alec assumed _Clary_ must be a girlfriend. Alec read the syrupy-sweet message from Jace written beneath the post and washed away the bad taste in his mouth for it with a glug of water from the glass on his nightstand that he'd forgot to change from the previous night.

Checking through his emails, Alec grit his teeth at the date he'd last written to Jace. He hadn't answered in almost two weeks, yet these photos were from just a couple of days ago. Alec typed out an angry message but then dropped back in the couch in defeat, staring at the unfamiliar face on the screen who had apparently got his brother's attention. If Jace had no time for him, there was nothing he could do about it. He'd done nothing wrong here. Though as loneliness crept in and seemed to strengthen Alec's _guest_ making them huff, sigh, and generally cause a racket out in the apartment, all Alec could feel was guilt.

Alec closed his laptop, balancing it on the nightstand before shifting to get more comfortable, hoping that sleep would come to claim him soon. Though as he steeped his fingers together over his chest staring up at the ceiling, Alec knew that it wouldn't. Irritated with everything, Alec turned off the lamp and rolled on to his side, curled up tight and telling himself he'd ignore the noises he was hearing. He lasted minutes, throwing himself back over again, cursing the sting of his head as he once again bathed the room in the light of his lamp.

* * *

"Hey. It's Alec, right?"

Alec adjusted the bag of groceries in his arm looking around for the voice calling to him. A wave of hand got his attention, Alec finding himself staring back at two cops. "Uh…"

"Luke."

"I don't—"

"This is the guy Maia had me checking up on," Luke added talking to the man beside him, who smiled back at Alec polite but curious. But Luke's words were enough to jog his memory, and Alec found himself giving a half-smile in answer.

"Oh. Hi."

"Alec, this is my partner, Underhill. _Steve_. _Steve_ , this is Alec."

Alec changed arms for his groceries so he could shake his hand.

"If it makes you feel any better," _Steve_  said, "the first I knew of being assigned a new partner, was arriving at my desk to find _Luke_ here making himself at home."

"Your chair's still too low," Luke said with a dismissive wave.

"And your desk is still too cluttered," Underhill retorted, with an affectionate but exasperated glance in Luke's direction.

Luke waved his hand again in dismissal of _Steve_ 's words, his focus solely on Alec. "So. Alec. You must be all unpacked by now, right?"

"Yeah. All settled in."

Alec forced himself to smile back and remain still even if all he wanted to do was walk away.

"I'm sorry about all that," Luke said, with a pinched, apologetic smile.

"It's fine. A couple of people have done the same. I guess the guy upstairs from me must be pretty popular," Alec added. Though what he blamed more was the poor numbering in the elevator bringing curious strangers to his door, and why he often ended up on the wrong floor himself. It was either that, or he kept missing the button for his own floor in his reluctance to go home.

A crackling radio called Luke and _Steve_ 's attention then, Alec relieved that he wouldn't be forced to make more idle conversation when he wasn't in the mood. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept more than a couple of hours, the vent in the spare bedroom keeping him awake for the blasts of coldness that seemed to seep through the walls. And the _noises_ , Alec thought, shrinking into himself, the _breathing_ —

"We should probably see to that," _Steve_  said with an apologetic smile as he gestured towards their police car.

"It's good to see you again," Luke called out, already turning and waving goodbye. Alec half-waved over his shoulder as they climbed into the car, picking up his pace to get home. Even if it was the last place he wanted to be.

* * *

Another month passed. The temperature outside was pushing eighty, but Alec's apartment felt like a more arctic thirty no matter what he did. Alec was spending more and more time away from home. He pretended it was to get to know the neighborhood, ignoring the dread he felt whenever he had no choice but to be in the apartment. And though Alec repeated to himself his mantra of ghosts never being real, the very idea of a ghost had effectively driven Alec from his home.

On an unseasonably cold Saturday morning, Alec staggered from his room after yet another sleepless night, sprawling out on the couch in exhaustion. He grabbed the remote intent on watching something on TV hoping to fall asleep to it. But as he settled, the sound of soft, broken crying coming from his spare room made Alec's skin crawl.

In his half-asleep fury, Alec ran to shove the door open, the handle of it ringing out as it knocked back against the wall. A blast of cold air assaulted his bare skin like frost. The crying had been so real, so distinguishable, that Alec was half-convinced he had an actual flesh and bone intruder. When the only thing looking back at him was a bare room with minimal furniture, Alec’s eyes turned to the ceiling in frustration. He stepped back out again to slam the door shut.

A breath in his ear had Alec cursing out, pulling back from it with his heart hammering, and running to his room. Shoving on his jeans and grabbing up the first shirt he could put his hand on, Alec packed his laptop bag in a hurry and kept his head down as he ran out, telling himself he wasn’t being watched as he slammed the door behind him.

* * *

 

Breakfast in a small diner a couple of blocks from home hadn’t reduced the tremble in his arms. A morning sat in a cafe corner under the pretense of reading a book had done little to clear the thoughts of his _guest_ from Alec's mind. By mid-afternoon, Alec was frantic with fury at himself for letting his imagination get the better of him. But the panic he felt would not let him find the strength in his legs to carry him home, to assure himself he was being irrational.

Loathing himself for it, Alec packed his laptop again and made his way outside, heading for a small crystal store he’d sneered at in passing during his first week in the apartment. He loitered outside Devil's Innate pretending to study the window display of Tibetan singing bowls, Himalayan salt lamps, and all other kinds of weird paraphernalia, before forcing his way through the door. Alec jolted for the ringing bell announcing his entrance, repeating to himself the names of gemstones that would supposedly help with his problem at home.

Nodding to the storekeeper as he passed, Alec made for a tall display cabinet immediately picking out some chunks of clear quartz and haematite, having memorized their shapes and color from a website. Alec bent down to inspect a display of geodes and larger pieces of crystal in a second cabinet, imagining where he’d put them in his apartment then scorning himself for it and straightening back up.

"What a pity; I was quite enjoying the view."

Alec startled at the voice behind him, spinning to come face to face with a man openly checking him out. Curious kohl-lined eyes blinked back at him in amusement, and a smile that Alec’s eyes were drawn to took his full attention. Even more so when the man raised an eyebrow that said he enjoyed being _looked_ at like Alec was so blatantly doing.

"I—"

"It is of no matter," the man sighed theatrically, squeezing Alec’s upper arms as he stepped around him. He paused to press his thumbs in and hummed as though he approved, then called a goodbye over his shoulder as he left the store. Alec's brain caught up to remembering the man from the deli he'd been back to once, perhaps twice, just in the hope of running into him again. Alec strained his neck to look out the window, but the man had already disappeared.

Laughter drew Alec’s attention from staring after his departure, making him look towards the back of the store. In the corner stood a man grinning at him in amusement. In his plain clothes, it took Alec a second to recognize him as Luke.

"We just keep running into each other," Luke said as he walked towards him extending a hand to shake.

"We do."

Alec ignored the suspicious voice in his head whispering about the convenience of Luke continuing to show up, forcing himself to smile.

"So? How’ve you been?" Luke asked, his eyes darting over Alec’s face.

"Uh, good," Alec nodded, wishing he didn't feel quite as out of this depth as he did. "Really good."

"How’s the apartment? All good?" Luke continued, continuing to give Alec the impression he was being studied.

"It’s great."

"I heard they did a refurb over there not all that long ago," Luke added, and Alec felt the hairs standing up on the back of his neck, cursing himself again for overreacting.

"Uh… yeah. Yeah, I kind of lucked out," Alec agreed, surprised at himself for still talking. "The realtor said the previous owner had bought it to renovate then sell on, but it hadn’t worked out. So, I got it for a really good price."

"Lucky," Luke replied, smiling, but Alec was convinced there was something behind it. Though before he could start overthinking Luke's interest in his apartment any further, Alec nodded behind them towards the counter, telling himself to leave.

"I should get what I came in for."

"Anything interesting?" Luke asked, his eyes already on the rocks clutched tight in Alec’s fists.

"Just some—some stones. For the apartment. For decoration," Alec blurted out, feeling all kinds of ridiculous for it.

"Clear quartz… haematite?"

"Uh… yeah?" Alec agreed, to which Luke nodded as though that made perfect sense, and turned to the counter himself. "And you? I mean… what are you buying?"

"Nag champa. And some white sage," Luke replied, waving a small bundle about the length of his palm.

"Smudging?" Alec blurted out in surprise, watching as the storekeeper took the items from Luke’s hand and smiled as though they already knew each other.

"Smoke cleansing," Luke corrected with an easy smile, "since neither you or I are Native American—I assume, anyway. You know something about that?"

"No?" Alec denied, shaking his head adamantly and watching the transaction, the stones growing warm in his hands. It wasn't as though he'd bookmarked several websites on advice on how to get rid of ghosts, or anything. That would just be _foolish_. And feed his paranoia.

"Also some quartz," Luke replied, waving the piece in his hand before handing it over. "It's always been something I kept around electronics at work. Underhill broke the last piece knocking it off my desk with his coffee mug. Damn guy complains about my mess all the time, but he's a clutz."

Alec smiled for that, feeling more at ease.

"Anyway," Luke said then, glancing at his wrist after taking his wrapped up purchases, "I should probably go. I got a chores list as long as my arm to do on my day off."

"Sounds good," Alec replied immediately wincing for his words, covering up his awkwardness with a smile.

"You new around here, Alec?" Luke asked as he started turning away. "In the city, I mean? I know you just moved, but—"

"Not really," Alec replied after thanking the storekeeper and motioning that he would follow Luke out. "I've lived in New York my whole life. Though I guess I did just move to Williamsburg."

He didn't want to go into specifics, refused his mind the opportunity to remind him of the family home where he would never be welcome again, or the brother that no longer seemed to have any time for him. Alec didn't know Luke at all, and even if he did there would no reason for him to share his family issues so freely.

"Well," Luke said, pulling out a card from his wallet and grabbing a pen from the counter to write on it before handing it to him. "My number’s on the card; you want to meet up for a beer sometime while you get used to the place, just give me a call. And I sometimes have a poker night if you feel like coming along. Got one coming up soon if you're around?"

In a daze Alec found himself nodding in agreement and holding the door open, waving back at Luke before he turned away. He watched until Luke disappeared around a corner, looking around to get his bearings before making for home. The reminder of what was waiting for him steered Alec into another cafe to stretch out as much time as he could. His laptop was already out of charge despite Alec being sure he'd charged it overnight, so he couldn't work. But when he turned the final page of his book, Alec found no more reasons to stay away. He stopped at a grocery store to pick something up for dinner, then reluctantly made his way home.

Alec held himself more confidently than he felt when he let himself in. He placed the crystals in places he half-remembered as suggestions from what he’d read online. Alec cooked with a continual glance over his shoulder before eating cross-legged on the couch, distracting himself with videos and some links Izzy had sent him. He typed out an answer, pausing to debate whether he should ask Izzy about Jace's apparent new girlfriend. He'd looked _happy_ in the picture, and that was all Alec could ask for. He even started writing Jace an email to tell him just that, but couldn't bring himself to hit send. Maybe _he_ should have tried harder to keep in contact when Jace had first left for Los Angeles, even if it felt like he was always the one to write an email or send a message first. Maybe it wasn't like that at all; Alec checked the date he'd last sent his email and lost his appetite.

As though sensing his drop in mood, the very air around Alec grew heavy, a cold weight pressing into his side. Alec held his breath for imagining furious eyes glaring at him leaning closer and closer, snatching himself away and deliberately walking around the other side of the coffee table to go to the kitchen.

Alec put the remains of his dinner into Tupperware, frowning that the spaghetti was already cold enough to put into the fridge. The water from the faucet was also ice cold, meaning Alec had to restart the boiler. Though as he held his hand under the running water waiting for it to heat up, a sudden splutter gurgling up inside the faucet spat out scalding hot water. Alec hissed as he jumped back, expecting his hand to be blistered for the heat of it, though not a mark was to be found.

Carefully testing the water on the inside of his wrist, Alec filled the sink and made quick work of washing his dishes, throwing the dish sponge into the trash for the greasy mess that wouldn't come off. He rummaged through the kitchen drawers for another, making a mental note to add more to his shopping list. Alec found a business card first, picking it up to inspect as he pulled a sponge from its packaging one-handed, remembering the card was pushed under his door a few weeks back.

Alec returned to the couch still studying the card pinched between his fingers, frowning to see a website name written beneath a cell number. He studied it trying to guess what it might be for before opening his laptop and typing the address in. The blog seemed familiar to Alec, even if he couldn't immediately pinpoint for what. But as he began to click through, a sense of deep unease pressed in around him. His fist bunched tight into the couch cushions for reading words like _ghost_ , _debunking_ , and _real ghost hunting_. With trembling fingers Alec checked his phone for his most recently-added contact against the number on the business card, feeling sick. And with a final click through, Alec read the various testimonies thanking someone named _Wolf_ for their help with increasing fury, glaring at the screen before slamming the laptop closed.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Credit: Icon is by Milena Zanotelli at The Noun Project, visit [here](https://thenounproject.com/milenazanotelli/))


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part three! You'll get to learn a little about Luke in this one :)

_Let’s meet for that beer._

Alec glared at the message typed out on his cell, the casual words not revealing how many attempts it had taken him to write them. He cursed his imagination, and Luke for feeding it. Then himself once more when he realized just how much time he'd wasted typing that single line.

When Alec had seen Luke's website, he'd tossed the card hard into the trash, determined to forget about it and Luke altogether. But the site was still there when he opened the laptop again. And though he clicked straight out of it without looking, the urge to look constantly jabbed in Alec's thoughts. Two days had passed since he'd run into Luke in Devil's Innate, and the _rocks_ Alec had bought had done nothing to help.

That ominous watched feeling still pressed into him as though someone was trailing him from room to room. That mocking breath in his ear still had Alec making excuses to leave. That crying he'd heard in the spare room still called to him in passing. Even leaving the couch to go to the bathroom had Alec planning his steps, rehearsing his mantra that he was not to panic. Alec was trying to convince himself so hard that he was hearing things, that he'd just been adding a little too much detail to his future book, that he'd earned himself several eyebrow raises in both the cafes and the gym for talking to himself out loud. He'd even almost fallen asleep in two cafes for just how little sleep he was getting. Alec was constantly on edge, more out of his depth than he'd ever felt in his life.

That morning, the crying had been even louder than usual. Watching the bedroom door handle move by itself had stolen Alec's breath, and sent him stumbling for the sudden sharp shove to his arm. With his heart pounding he had all but ran to his favorite cafe, ordering breakfast and coffee that he hadn't tasted a bit of. Then after more than an hour of denying he was going to do it, Alec read through Luke's website for a second time, finally sending him a message when he was done.

Alec checked once more that the message had sent then tried to pour all his focus into work. He'd hit a problem on a section that he'd decided no longer worked for the story, managing to distract himself with some frantic rephrasing until it sounded right. After the breakfast rush that had made the cafe a bustling, thriving place far too loud for Alec to work in, the sense of peace that followed also felt too much. The arrival of that quiet meant the departure of the last of his concentration. Alec sank into his chair exhausted, with no motivation to continue working at all.

Because he was already too jittery to stomach another coffee, Alec made his way back down the street to a bookstore that he'd passed a couple of times but not yet visited. He saw his name down the spine of books on two shelves, as well as a display poster for the last book that he hurried past with his head down as though people would see him near the books and put two and two together. Then told himself he was an idiot for it.

Alec made a beeline for a couple of titles he'd been toying with getting, still intent on making his current book more of a thriller than it already was. He was reading the back of one with several others balanced in the crook of his arm when a maroon shirt with embossed gold decoration caught his attention, making Alec look up.

"The only problem with browsing a bookstore like this one, is that I never think of how much space they're going to take up in my home."

Alec's stomach knotted for recognizing the man from the deli, who'd gripped his arms in Devil's Innate and Alec had let his thoughts wander to ever since. Not that he had cataloged those moments, of course, or wondered too often about the man now stood next to him.

"I have the same problem," Alec blurted out, demanding of his voice that it remained level. He was adamant he'd only started thinking of this man so much for a distraction for what was happening in his apartment. Not that the man wasn't beautiful, of course. It wasn't as though Alec had noticed the stretch of his shirt over the thick muscles of his arms, the width of his shoulders, and the ever-present make up and jewelry that he would love to ask more about.

The man turned to look at him, and Alec found himself turning instinctually as well. He held still as he looked him over, also taking the time to look his fill.

"I'm Magnus. I figure we should probably know each other's names since you and I keep running into one another."

"Alec."

"It's nice to meet you, Alec. I don't suppose you have some recommendations for something to read?"

Magnus' eyes were on the books in Alec's hands. Alec tried to adjust them in his arms for the attention, almost dropping them in the process.

"Oh. A friend of mine recommended me these," Alec lied, irrationally worried that the titles all linked to crime might also link Magnus to _his_ books. Or put thoughts in his head about him that Alec didn't want there. Or _something_ ; Alec wasn't sure what he was worrying about, really, or why this stranger left him so thoroughly flustered.

"Well. I am sure I would never sleep for reading such things." Magnus' slight flare for dramatics, a hand pressed over his heart as he looked the books over in horror, turned up the corners of Alec's mouth into a smile. "So unless your recommendations come with advice on how to sleep, or relax at the very least, I'm sure I should look for something else."

Before Alec could think of anything even half-witty to respond with, Magnus' attention was taken by receiving a call. Alec waved back at his apologetic smile watching as he walked out of the store, half-tempted to follow him out then feeling stupid for it. He left the bookstore minutes later with several new purchases that he had no room for on his single bookshelf at home, with _Magnus_ nowhere in sight.

Despite trying to convince himself to go back to his apartment for over an hour of aimless walking, Alec made his way to another cafe. His cell vibrating across the glass of the small table in front of him should not have had Alec jumping out of his skin the way it did. He was both relieved and appalled to see Luke's response of, _sure; tonight?_ And even more furious for how quickly he answered to check when and where.

An hour before meeting Luke at the Woodhul Wine Bar he'd sent him directions to, and having debated with himself several times about canceling, Alec left his second cafe of the day. He took a longer route to the bar planning a dozen conversations on the way, pretending he wasn't frightened. After several laps around the block hoping that he wouldn't run into Luke too early, Alec peered through the window of the bar to make sure it was the right one. His eyes drifted over the dimly lit space with the urge to buy Woodhul some lightbulbs. There were narrow wooden tables with tall, white chairs, and a TV in the corner of the room that Alec imagined catching some kind of game on when waiting to be served.

Luke was waiting for him, already sat at a table in view of the window and offering a small wave in greeting when he saw him. Alec forced himself to walk in calmly, to not rush towards him with any sense of neediness, casually greeting him and asking about work.

"It's good," Luke replied, nodding as Alec took off his jacket and sat. "Hell of a lot more paperwork than I'd like, but, I can't complain. Steve does a lot of it; he likes that kind of thing."

"Does he?"

"Well," Luke shrugged, "he likes it more than I do."

Alec debated asking more just to avoid talking about himself but reined his questions in, steeling himself for the subject changing to what he needed to speak about.

"So, how long you been living here now?" Luke asked after they'd ordered beers, seeming to realize Alec was struggling for words.

"Uh, this apartment, getting on for three months. Maybe a little longer."

"Always in New York, though, right?"

"Yeah. Always. I grew up here. But I… things changed, I guess," Alec said, surprised by his need to explain himself. Had he really been without someone to talk to face to face for so long? "I guess I… I let my family down. My parents, really."

He still felt guilt for not becoming a lawyer, even if he was happier doing what he did than he knew practicing law would ever make him.

"Well. It's hard to live up to our parent's expectations," Luke replied with an understanding smile.

"Yeah, exactly. And it's just. When my brother and sister were here, things were easier, you know? It wasn't so—I guess it wasn't so obvious my parents didn't want me around."

Alec hated the way he sounded, but the words were already out. And because Luke kept looking at him so sympathetically, he just kept on talking. Telling Luke how Izzy and Jace had left New York about three years ago. How Izzy worked in a forensics lab in Chicago and loved every second of it, how proud he was of her. Though Alec stumbled over speaking about Jace, needing to pause before he could make himself say anything at all. "Jace is being the son to my parents that I couldn't be," Alec settled for saying. "I speak to Izzy all the time, but... I haven't spoke to my brother in a while."

"Don't see much of him, huh?" Luke asked, a softness in his look that Alec did not want to be on the receiving end of. He now wanted to leave, mortified that after such a short few minutes he'd revealed so _much_.

"Not really. Families are... hard."

"Preaching to the converted," Luke groaned, nodding. "Cleo, my sister, just... I never know where she is. She's a realtor. Lives right around the corner from my apartment, but I barely see her. Sometimes she shows up out the blue. I get random messages from her asking me to guess where she is from photos sometimes. Or _look at the mess that is this apartment I'm trying to sell_. Then _nothing_ , for months."

Alec smiled at the image that created for him, but just nodded for him to keep talking.

"It's just us now," Luke added. "So you'd think we'd wanna stick together. I'm not saying I don't love my sister, but I guess family means something different to us both."

"My parents haven't spoken to me in... coming up to seven years now," Alec replied absently, surprising himself for realizing he'd been cataloging the passing time—and that he would blurt something out so private to a stranger. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat for all his _talking_ , his eyes darting anywhere but Luke.

But it _had_ been easier when Jace and Izzy had both still lived here. He could pretend it didn't hurt knowing that when they both weren't answering their phones they were at their parents, and he was home alone. Alec sagged for remembering how empty it had made him fill, then quickly drained his glass trying to wash that feeling away.

"Families are hard," Luke repeated with yet another sorrowful smile for him, though his eyes did narrow as though studying him at the same time. "Anyway, enough of that; what's going on with you?"

"I—"

"I meant," Luke amended, with a flick of his fingers dismissing his previous words, "what do you do? Like, work, free time; that kinda thing."

"I write," Alec replied, shifting uncomfortably again, looking for a way to hide his profession until he was ready to talk about it without outright lying. "I write. For journals and magazines, mainly."

It wasn't strictly a lie; he did sometimes publish articles. Though there was no way Alec was ready to reveal he was author _Xander Woods_. The thought that Luke might have read his books at some point made Alec's stomach clench.

"What kind of stuff?"

"I studied—I was studying law, so I guess I've always had an interest in that, in criminology, that kind of thing. So I write things related to that. And... for fun; I don't know. Work is sort of all I do, I guess I don’t go out all that much. I mean, I'm not really one for parties, and just… I don't go out all that much."

Luke looked at him then as though he thought he understood him; for all the things he wasn't saying. "You know, Steve is kinda like that," he nodded, giving a small, private smile.

"Like what?"

"Quiet," Luke began to say before hesitating, as though debating on what to say for fear of offending him. "Steve is one of the best people I've ever met. Good cop, great friend, really believes in looking out for people, you know? And he's funny; guy cracks me up sometimes 'cos he's so straight-faced when he comes out with stuff. But he's quiet. He doesn't like it when he's forced into any kind of social thing when he's not prepared for it."

Alec nodded at that. "I'm the same. I'm not—I don't think I've ever been someone who goes out just to be out. Which probably sounds pretty unsociable—"

"I wouldn't say that," Luke instantly defended, waving away his words. "I mean; I can't speak for you, but. Steve is comfortable—happier—in company he knows. He sort of... has to psyche himself up to try new things, has to be really interested in stuff, you know?"

"I get that," Alec agreed softly, and wholeheartedly, and was rewarded with a small smile.

"Nothing wrong with it," Luke added, to which Alec nodded again, not sure of what else to add himself.

Luke appeared calm, unbothered by the lack of conversation, while Alec was awkward, shifting on his seat and desperately thinking of things to say.

"I hope I didn't weird you out by... I don't know, suggesting you contact me, or anything," Luke said after that silence continued. Alec realized that he wasn't the only one feeling a little on edge, and was relieved for it.

"If you'd weirded me out, I wouldn't be here," Alec quickly replied, pretending to himself for a second that it was just a friendly gesture, an attempt to be social; not because he thought his apartment was being haunted.

"Good to know," Luke smiled. "New York is amazing. Only home I've ever known. But with all these people, it can be pretty overwhelming at times. Especially if you're on your own."

"It certainly is that."

Feeling less shy, Alec asked questions about places Luke recommended to eat in Williamsburg, giving himself a taste for Chinese food after Luke's description of some of the dishes made in the restaurant owned by one of his friends. Alec was relieved their conversation flowed easily, that he didn't have to second guess every word.

"Gotta be honest," Luke said, about an hour later, halfway through their second beers. "I didn't put you as a crystal kinda guy. I mean; I barely know you, I just—"

"Didn't expect to see me in a crystal store?" Alec finished for him with a rueful smile, groaning a little to himself.

"Yeah."

"Guess I'd say the same about you," Alec added, to which Luke shrugged easily, not seeming to be concerned. "I, uh... I saw your website. I mean, I guess it's your website?"

"I could say it's a group of us," Luke replied, his smile becoming cautious. "But yeah. It's mostly just me."

"And _Wolf_ —"

"That friend who owns Jade Wolf came up with it. Site was set up with them in the Jade Wolf restaurant one night over moo shu pork and one too many beers. It sort of stuck."

"Okay."

When Alec couldn't find the words to answer with, Luke nodded to himself, draining his beer before speaking again. "Think I'm nuts?"

"What?" Alec replied, his eyes blowing wide. "No, not at all, I—"

"Just messing with you," Luke laughed, shaking his head and smiling back in apology. "Some people are... weirded out by all that kinda stuff."

"People believe what they believe," Alec replied immediately, having rehearsed this part of their conversation a hundred times over.

"True."

"It's... it's kind of detailed. The site," Alec added, and that was nothing but the truth. He'd found himself browsing through the website a few times, its archive of testimonials luring him in. Consequently causing himself even more sleepless nights, but at least the words on the screen offered hope that there might be a solution.

"It is," Luke agreed. "It's... it started out as a LiveJournal blog back in... man, got to be 2000."

"What made you start it?" Alec asked, curious, and trying to tell himself it was purely for research—then kicking himself, feeling like he was plagiarizing Luke without even doing anything.

"Ah, you know. Just kidding around," Luke shrugged, but his eyes told a different story as they looked firmly anywhere but at Alec.

"You've got... a ton of people saying you've helped them," Alec prompted, though telling himself not to push.

Luke looked at Alec properly then, considering him even more carefully. "I do."

"How?"

"How do I help them, or—"

"Yeah," Alec nodded, telling himself not to sound too eager.

Luke stared back at him, clearly debating with himself. "Look," he began, a slight edge to his voice, "not everyone—"

"People believe whatever they believe," Alec repeated, trying to encourage him.

"They do," Luke agreed, "and some people who believe in, uh, ghosts. Spirits, all that kind of stuff, they... sometimes they think they've got some... _problems—_ "

"Like ghosts?"

"Like ghosts," Luke agreed again with another careful nod. "Sometimes just... I don't know. People feel like maybe there's a shift in... I guess in the atmosphere, or energy in their home. Get spooked out. I mean, more than half the time, it's just things like new neighbors moving in, or they've moved the furniture around and the room _feels_ different, you know? I can't tell you how many times people have thought they were being haunted because they've moved their TV to a new place and they hadn't noticed that their DVD player had a whirr to it, or... I don't know, realized that white noise is an actual thing."

Immediately, Alec was comforted, relieved at the rationality of Luke's words. He was more determined than ever that the problem in his apartment was nothing but his imagination running wild.

"Sometimes though," Luke added, with a discreet flit of his eyes to Alec's face before looking away again. "Sometimes there really is a something."

"A something?"

"Yeah," Luke nodded, a little more insistent. "Like... I don't know. Energy, or whatever. And I... I do what I can to help."

"How?" Alec asked, despite having read all of Luke's posts on suggestions for doing just that. Luke listed off a couple of ways still with a half-reluctant tone to his voice, as though waiting for Alec to laugh at him.

"But you know," Luke added then, with another careful glance at his face, "sometimes it's just literally a case of people smoke cleansing their homes, or... putting candles around the place and lighting them, that... I guess puts their minds at rest, stops them thinking they're seeing and hearing whatever it is they think they are."

"So you don't really believe in ghosts," Alec asked, with a guilty dart of his eyes to the waiter bringing over their beers in case he'd overheard them.

"No, I do believe in them," Luke corrected, and his stance shifted, to one of defensive conviction.

"Is... is there a reason for that? A specific one, I mean? Or—"

"There is," Luke agreed, his tone becoming a little more clipped.

"So, what happened? You don't have to tell me, obviously," Alec added in a rush of words, telling himself not to intrude.

"No it's fine," Luke nodded, yet again glancing over him carefully before sighing, and easing himself back further in his seat. "I was maybe five? Six even; I'd don't remember exactly, I just know it was before my dad left. I woke up one night to this... man, this... gnarly old guy stood in front of my bedroom window, staring out of it."

Alec shifted with his own discomfort, immediately rationalizing all the ways it must have happened, but doing his best to keep his expression neutral.

Luke nodded as though hearing what he was telling himself, and carried on. "Mom never let me watch any TV, or movie, or anything that would freak me out like that. I think the last thing I'd seen before bed was a Batman cartoon. Guy in my room was nothing like anything from that at all."

"So what happened?"

"Nothing," Luke shrugged then shook his head. "I mean, I still remember, clear as anything, telling myself not to breathe, not to draw attention to myself, but I just kept watching. And this guy, he didn't look like he was doing any harm, just... stood there, kept looking out the window, like he was waiting for something. And then I guess my sister must have woken up or something, because I heard my mom in the hallway outside my room like she was going to check on her, and the second I looked away and looked back, the guy was gone."

"He just... disappeared?" Alec checked, trying not to sound skeptical.

Luke gave him a knowing nod. "Just disappeared."

"And that was it? That's... that's what made you believe? In this stuff?" Alec asked, his voice clearly giving away just how much he didn't believe him for the look on Luke's face.

"Nope," Luke laughed, groaning, "not at all. Though I did see him again for however long we stayed at that house. Always by the window in my bedroom, and nowhere else."

"Did you tell your parents? Mom?"

"I figured, he wasn't doing any harm, and I didn't—I wasn't scared or anything; he was literally just standing there, not paying me any attention at all."

"And then?"

"And then," Luke said, sighing out and taking a large glug of his beer, "then my dad left. Mom couldn't afford the house on her own, so she sold it. We went to stay with my mom's brother, for about a year until she could find a place—and I guess get over my dad walking out like he did."

"No ghost there?"

"No ghost there," Luke agreed, sending him a look that spoke of recognizing all of Alec's doubts. "And to be honest, I forgot about that first one altogether. What with moving and all, and... getting used to a new place, new school. Mom being sad all the time."

"It... must have been hard," Alec sympathized, not knowing what else he could say.

"It was," Luke agreed. "I honestly don't know what we'd have done if it wasn't for my uncle. He just took us in, no questions asked. Raised me; if he'd not insisted on me studying, I really don't know what I'd be doing by now."

Alec smiled to show he was pleased to hear that, and waited for Luke to keep speaking.

"Anyway," Luke said, shifting again in clear discomfort which Alec could understand; the chairs were brutal. "We moved into a place not so far away, so my uncle was still nearby, and we didn't have to change schools or anything. Second we walked through the door, I wanted to walk straight back out again."

"Why?"

"First off," Luke huffed, "it was cold. Really cold; like, the heating hadn't been on in a while, so that didn't help. But even when that kicked in, it was like... I don't know, the air felt cold. I can't really explain it, but I've felt it, I don't know how many times since in homes where people think they've got a ghost, or something."

Alec thought about the coldness in his own apartment, convincing himself yet again it was nothing but a blocked air vent.

"And we got all our stuff in; house was overrun with boxes for a few days, but Mom insisted me and my sister got our bedrooms set up first, so we'd have our own space. First night in that house, I woke up to a kid—an older kid, probably like, sixteen, or seventeen—standing right by my bed, glaring at me like I owed him something."

Alec shuddered for Luke's, then scolded himself for doing it.

"And this time, I did freak out, 'cos this guy, he seemed to really want my attention. He just stood there glaring the first night, then just disappeared, right in front of me. But the next night he seemed to crowd closer, lean over me a little. I... I laid there, too terrified to move, or do anything; I couldn't even scream. But it only lasted a few minutes, and I kind of talked myself into waiting it out."

"You didn't tell your mom?"

"I guess I... she had enough on. She'd just got us moved, wanted to make sure she worked even harder so we weren't in danger of losing the house. I didn't wanna scare her, or worry her, or anything, so I just... dealt with it—or didn't; didn't sleep well for about a month."

"That went on for a month?" Alec asked, horrified, still chiding himself for getting swept up in a story he told himself he didn't believe.

"Something like that; I wasn't really keeping any kinda count; I just tried to stay out of my room as much I could—did my homework in the kitchen, or at the back of my uncle's workshop. Mom took to yelling at me for leaving my crap everywhere around the house."

"What about your sister? She see anything? Or your mom?"

"Nope," Luke laughed. "I mean, Mom didn't. But around the end of that first month, I—I guess you could say my, uh, _visitor_ , disappeared from my room, and showed up in Cleo's. And my sister; she's got some lungs on her—always has done. Mom comes charging along the hallway into her room when she starts screaming, I run in there, terrified there was a serial killer or something in the house. Blood ran cold hearing Cleo describing the boy from my room."

"What happened then?" Alec asked, leaning forward, telling himself he wasn't taking mental notes, comparing Luke's story to the things he was experiencing.

"Mom called in this supposed medium—"

The way his mouth spat out the word told Alec just how little Luke thought of _mediums_.

"—and she tried to 'communicate' with it. Did no good, obviously."

"Your Mom believed you? Both?" Alec asked, incredulous at the idea. His own mother hadn't even believed him when he'd said there was so much as a mouse in his room when growing up; even when he'd caught one in a trap.

"She... I think she believed we believed it," Luke said after a pause, taking the time to consider his words. "She went out of her way to give us everything, and I think—I think maybe she thought that if she—if we could tell her anything, no matter how stupid it sounded, we'd be—we'd feel better for it."

Alec nodded in agreement, still hesitant to believe him, yet very definitely being sucked into the story.

"Anyway," Luke said, stretching a little, "this medium suggested some things to try around the house; all the usual stuff."

"What's 'usual stuff'?" Alec asked, already reciting a list in his head that he'd read, wondering which Luke would suggest.

"The whole 'don't think about it, think positive, don't let negativity in'."

"People think that works?" Alec laughed, shaking his head.

"Utter crap," Luke agreed, groaning out loud. "Like, who hasn't tried not to think about something, and only been able to think about that very thing?"

Alec laughed again, feeling a little more trust flowing through him for Luke's own apparent disdain for the idea.

"But, you know. Salt on the door frames, windows, that kinda thing. Candles; rose, lavender, and vanilla—think my Mom liked that idea more than anything else ‘cos it made the place smell good."

"Any of it help?"

"I mean, it made my sister feel better, and she never saw him again," Luke said, shrugging. Alec could see the pinch between his eyes telling him to expect something else.

"But you did."

"I did," Luke agreed with a bitter smile and a tight nod, staring back at Alec as though deciding what to tell him.

"What happened?" Alec asked, hearing his own voice drop to something a little softer, then biting down on his bottom lip, telling himself to wait without interrupting.

"I mean, I thought he'd gone too. I thought... guess I thought we'd both imagined it, maybe dreamt it up or something. I don't know out of what, but, you know. It wasn't something I wanted to think was happening to us—to me."

Alec nodded, feeling his heart give an irrational thud as he waited.

"And then, I guess it must have been... actually, I don't know how many months passed without seeing him; I know it was the summer though. I remember being sat on the window seat in the living room, reading, 'cos it was way too hot to be outside. And I felt this... breath on my arm. Like... a real, huffed out breath. And the air just kind of shifted like... I wasn't alone anymore. Which I know, makes me sound all kinds of crazy," Luke laughed, shaking his head again.

"I didn't say that," Alec immediately denied, just about stopping himself from blurting out his own experiences, desperate for Luke to keep going.

"Anyway," Luke said, taking another long gulp of his beer. "The feeling went, and I... I guess I went about my day however the hell I went about it. Went up to bed, thought nothing else of it, until I woke to someone shoving at my arm. Thought it was Cleo."

"It wasn't?" Alec asked, his voice becoming tighter with the tension he felt.

"Nope," Luke laughed. "Teen ghost guy was back again. Glaring harder than ever, like, full on furious at me. No idea what I did to piss him off, but I knew about it then."

"What—what do you mean?"

"He..." but Luke's voice trailed away, and Alec had to grip his hands in tight fists out of sight to stop him from shaking Luke to ask him to go on. Alec watched as Luke debated with himself, looking between the bottle in front of him and back at Alec's face, then let out a heavy sigh.

"He grabbed my arm. Like... it was a solid grab, not like... it was like a real, living person was grabbing and squeezing my arm. I mean, it was no more than that, but I shot out of bed, raced to my mom's room, screamed the place down. Couldn't sleep, couldn't stop screaming; seems like such an overreaction now, but... you know. Kid and all."

"So... what did you do?"

"Mom... Mom didn't know what to do. We put all the lights on in the house, she carried me downstairs, made me a hot chocolate. I swear she put something else in there, 'cos the next thing I know I'm waking up on the couch, my head resting in my mom's lap to her stroking over my arm—which already had this kind of bruise; you know, the kind you get when a bad one's fading."

"And you'd not... hurt yourself, or fallen, or—"

"Nope," Luke denied with a sharp shake of his head. "But I tell you, you could—if you put your hand over it, you could make out the outline of a hand grip."

"And there was... no other explanation for it?" Alec demanded, thinking of the shove to his own arm earlier, and not wanting to ever go back to his apartment again.

"None," Luke agreed with a wry smile. "So we got a different medium, who announced I was possessed—"

" _What_?"

"Yeah," Luke laughed, rolling his eyes, "this guy walks into our house and tells my mom she's got to pay I don't know how many hundreds of dollars to exorcize her eight-year-old son."

"I—"

"Mediums are supposed to communicate with the dead, like... depending on what they think they're sensing, or can see, they're supposed to be able to speak to them. Describe what they look like, or figure out what they want, or something. This guy didn't have a clue about anything, just trying to make money out of a single mom by scaring her."

"I guess it's an industry that... preys on people being desperate for help," Alec said, feeling more and more confused about what he did and didn't believe by the second.

"It is," Luke agreed. "But then we went into this crystal store—Devil's Innate, where I saw you; I've been going there just about forever—"

"It's been open that long?" Alec asked, surprised, though not really having a reason for why.

"Yeah," Luke smiled. "been a kind of family business handed down through. The woman that runs it now took over from her mom when she decided she'd had about enough. And she'd taken it over from her own mom, so. Been going for years. They own a bookstore as well—a regular one."

"So," Alec said, swallowing awkwardly, "what happened to you? After—you know."

"We went into the store and spoke to the owner there—Danica; real good woman—and when we told her what was happening she showed me over to this display cabinet full of pendants and stuff. Pointed out all the iron ones—"

"Because iron repels ghosts," Alec interrupted without even meaning to, wincing for it a moment later.

"Because iron repels ghosts," Luke agreed with a small, curious smile, that left Alec shifting in his seat.

"I read it somewhere..."

"Anyway," Luke said, giving a slight frown before continuing. "I wore the pendant, like, always; pretty much always, anyway. Never saw Ghost Boy again."

Alec nodded to himself, considering Luke's story, not sure what to believe. "So if... how come you do all this stuff—all the stuff you list on your website... how come you do all this now?"

"I got interested in it," Luke shrugged, smiling again, "grew up wanting to get my hands on just about every scrap of detail I could get. Made like... reams of notes. And when my uncle got internet—I'd moved back in with him by then; made sense since I was working for him, and studying in the workshop the whole time wanting to make some cash. Anyway, when I wasn't working, or... didn't feel like hanging out with friends and stuff, I wrote everything up. Made that LiveJournal, and over the years it... grew into a real blog."

"And... how'd you start helping people?"

"Accident," Luke laughed, groaning to himself. "I was out at this... I don't wanna call it a house party, 'cos there was like... six... eight of us? But we were all sat around, watching movies, and stuff. I was... trying to talk myself into making a move on the girl I'd been crushing on for weeks, when one of the other girls screamed from the upstairs bathroom saying she was trapped. We all ran up there, and it was that same, cold feeling I remembered from my own house. I just... I mean, I admit it; I was maybe being a little theatrical for all the attention. But I ran back downstairs and grabbed up all the salt and stuff from the kitchen, lined the doors, windows with it, whatever. Muttered a couple of things under my breath that I said were spells."

"Like... banishing spells?" Alec asked. Luke gave him another curious smile, and nodded.

"Yeah, like that, but not—not a real one, not like one I might use now."

"And..." Alec prompted, when Luke stopped talking altogether.

"And I got myself a girlfriend out of it," Luke laughed to himself, shaking his head. "Girl I'd had my eye on screamed the place down like we were literally in the middle of some stupid teen horror movie, and just ran. But this other girl kind of sidled up to me after, offered me her beer. Spent the rest of the night making out on the couch. After everyone had like... made my ego the size of a house for telling me how good I'd done getting rid of the ghost."

Alec nodded but had no idea how he was supposed to answer.

"Anyway," Luke said after a pause Alec was sure was for his benefit, to give him the chance to compose himself for everything he'd just heard. "After that night, word of mouth, I got... invited to places if people thought they had ghosts, or whatever. It was a bit of fun, and it got me more stuff to add to my blog. And then, it kind of took off. Every now and then, I'd get a message asking for advice. Half the time it was easier to just go and look for myself, and that's... essentially me. When I'm not working at the precinct, obviously. That's still my full-time job."

"That's... that's—"

"A lot to take in," Luke agreed, smiling, "and probably too much information from a guy you've only just met."

"No—I mean, it's fine. Good," Alec blurted out, shaking his head in earnest.

"I don't go in for all that crappy seance stuff, and... all those shows that pretend they're tracking ghosts with all this tacky equipment they've got now," Luke added, squaring his shoulders again.

"I... hate those shows."

"Yeah," Luke laughed, "me too. It's—they're why I don't exactly advertise the stuff I do. I mean, sure; I'm out there, but, I don't really talk about it, unless someone asks about it, or something. Or if I think they need help. Or run into people buying crystals that I know I've used myself for my, uh... work," Luke added, scrutinizing him. Alec shifted under his stare, and offered up a sickly smile.

"I... just like them, is all."

"Some people go all in for all that ritual stuff with cleansing them and stuff," Luke added, definitely narrowing his eyes a touch. Alec nodded but said nothing, already aware of the ideas people had about cleansing, but wanting to hear what Luke made of it.

"I just rinse 'em off and leave them out in the sun. Always worked for me."

"You, uh... you don't... I wouldn't... I—"

"I don't look like the type of guy to be into all this kinda crap?" Luke finished for him, smiling knowingly all over again.

"I—"

"Hey, that's a good thing," Luke laughed, "it's bad enough people figuring I'm a cop just by looking at me when I'm off duty. I'm glad to hear I don't stick out like a... like one of those kinds of people on TV. Means I'm still just a regular person, instead of a freak show."

"I'd never call anyone a freak show," Alec denied, adamantly shaking his head.

"No, I suppose you wouldn't," Luke agreed, still appearing to be sizing him up. "I mean, I sort of guessed that. I can usually tell what kind of a person some is, or isn't, fairly quickly."

"Intuition?" Alec asked, hoping against hope Luke wasn't about to start spouting something about being psychic, because up until then, he'd sort of put a little faith in the things he was saying.

"Everyone's got intuition," Luke shrugged reasonably. "For some, it's getting the exact right ingredients when they're cooking without measuring out a single thing. Like those people who always measure out just enough pasta; how?"

Alec laughed. "Not a skill I've ever mastered."

"Me either," Luke agreed, shaking his head. "I mean, I love cooking; I just make enough leftovers for half the week."

"Better than not enough," Alec pointed out, smiling easily.

"Fair point," Luke smiled, draining the last of their beer. "And as for intuition; Steve's got this way of knowing exactly how to stare a guy down without saying a isngle word so he can't help himself talking. Comes in pretty useful, I can tell you."

Alec nodded in agreement, not sure of what else to add.

"Anyway," Luke said, looking at his watch and draining the last of his beer. "I promised I'd stop by a friend's on the way home; mind if we get going?"

"Not at all," Alec agreed, finishing his own drink, mirroring Luke as he stood and grabbed for his coat.

"If you're not too weirded out," Luke added as he held the door open for him, "come over for dinner? Thursday night I'm cooking for Steve and another friend of mine. Maia might be there too if she's not working. It'd give you chance to meet some new people. I mean, if you want?"

"Actually, that'd be great," Alec smiled, a warmth settling in his chest for the tentative thought of having another evening with more than just his own company.

"Okay," Luke nodded, smiling. "I'll message you to confirm a time?" to which Alec nodded in agreement, and then spent a few more minutes speaking with Luke outside of the bar.

He made his way home, lighter for having something to tell Izzy besides an update on his writing. It wasn't until he was letting himself in to the apartment that he realized he'd not mentioned anything to Luke about it at all; in fact, he'd barely told him anything about himself besides his family issues. The apartment was cold, reproachful almost, and Alec debated turning straight round again to go downstairs to the gym.

Alec squared his shoulders, repeating all the things he didn't believe about ghosts. He rinsed his quartz and haematite in the kitchen sink then laid them out on the balcony floor and closed the door firmly behind him, ignoring the handle when it gave a violent rattle.

Ignoring the feeling of being watched, Alec made his way around the apartment more enthusiastically than he was feeling, taking a shower and folding the mound of clothes away from his bedroom chair. He went to bed with a book, determined not to react to every creak and groan he heard beyond his room.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here's](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdS_br5QvJoDpdvFgH-oWVf0ah8qidwBqRWyVgZ1nlHPy78Ig/viewform) your survey, happy voting! You can follow what is happening on [Tumblr](https://mansikkaomenabanaani.tumblr.com/CYOMG).


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part four! Look at Alec trying to be all sociable <3

An insistent knocking on Alec's door had him startling awake, irritation rushing through him as he pushed his way up from the couch. He was sure he'd only been asleep a little over an hour. Alec was so used to not sleeping when he tried to go to bed, that he'd taken to snatching whatever he could whenever exhaustion took its toll. He pinched his eyes wincing for how gritty they were, grinding his teeth and telling himself not to be furious with the person on the other side of the door.

"Hey."

Maia's smile was too kind, her face too soft, and the way her eyes darted over him in concern far too telling. He must have looked a mess.

"Maia. Hi."

"I… realize it's been a while," Maia said, wrinkling her face up in what Alec thought was apology. "I've just been swamped. What with work, and studying and all. I keep meaning to knock and see how you're doing, but time just… goes. You know?"

"I do," Alec agreed, thinking of the couple of times they had stopped to speak in the gym, and how she always seemed to be rushing off somewhere with things to do.

"So," Maia said, wringing her hands together, "I wanted to know if you could help me with something."

Alec wanted to say no and go back to sleep. "Sure."

"So… I put on a crockpot of food this morning. Coconut curry shrimp. My Grannie's recipe. You wanna… keep me company? I made way too much."

Alec pinched his eyes and shook his head; not to say no, but to clear it for how confused he felt. "Are… me?"

"I'm… stood in _your_ doorway, inviting _you_ ," Maia replied, smiling. "Of course you. C'mon. You don't want me to eat it all myself, do you? I'm not saying I couldn't, but. It'd be nice."

Maia tilted her head towards her apartment, still smiling in hope. He could say no. Alec could close his apartment door, close himself off to this attempt to be friendly and neighborly, continue living in near-solitude. It was what he would have always done in the past.

"Sure," he said, patting at his jean pockets, "I'll just grab my keys."

Maia clapped her hands together in glee, shooing him back into his apartment as she waited outside. Stepping into Maia's apartment was like walking into a completely different apartment building for Alec. Instead of the cold hostile greeting he'd become used to in his own apartment, Maia's place was warm and welcoming, and Alec immediately felt relaxed. There was music playing in the kitchen when they walked through, Maia stopping to take plates down from a cupboard before squeezing Alec's arm and quickly giving him a tour.

"You settling in okay?" Maia asked after gesturing for Alec to sit at the island in her kitchen.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's good."

"Beer?"

Alec nodded for the offered bottle watching Maia twist off the cap, clinking their bottles together before she spun back to the counter. "Thanks, Maia. You didn't have to do this."

"But I _wanted_ to," Maia replied, smiling as she began to pile up two plates with rice. "I like cooking for people. I don't get much chance."

"You said you're studying?"

"Marine biology, part-time."

"And the bar?"

"Hunter's Moon," Maia replied, carefully spooning the delicious-smelling coconut curry shrimp onto the plates. "It's a good place! Best bar I've ever worked in, anyway. You should come check it out some time. When you're not too busy doing…?"

"I'm a writer. I write," Alec said, sitting back as Maia slid his plate into place then sat down herself. "This looks incredible."

"My Grannie would be proud. The smell of this is… my earliest memory. Try it," Maia insisted, gesturing towards his plate with a fork.

The curry was delicious, Alec surprised by just how hungry he was. His appetite had been fluctuating wildly ever since moving in next door, but in Maia's beautifully calm apartment, Alec felt like he might lick the plate clean. So he forced himself to slow down, listening as Maia told him about the recipe, and happily obliging whenever she gestured for him to take another bite.

Over dinner Maia asked about his work, Alec's story about the articles he wrote flowing more naturally than it had done when speaking to Luke. In turn Maia talked of her studies, and some of the customers in the bar. Alec felt more comfortable than he would ever have thought possible, sharing a second beer with Maia after dinner when she shooed him away to sit again after he'd offered to help clean up.

When they moved to the living room Alec cast a quick glance over her bookshelves relieved to see no _Xander Woods_ on the book spines. They talked about the apartment building's gym, how surprised they both were with how good the equipment was there. Maia recommended an MMA gym that one of her classmates had mentioned when Alec said he was thinking of taking it up again.

"So how do you know Luke?" Alec asked during a lull in their conversation. Maia's eyes became wistful but she quickly shook her head and smiled.

"Actually, I met him in the Hunter's Moon. He came in on a break not long after I first started working there. I made some crass comment about cops drinking on the job. And we've been friends ever since."

"We went for a drink."

"He told me," Maia replied, looking pleased. "I'm… sorry I called him to come check on you when you fell, but I was worried. I'm… glad you met though. Luke's a good guy."

"Yeah," Alec agreed, "seems so."

For more than two hours, Alec felt _normal_ , more at ease than he'd truly felt in months. He pasted on a false smile when worried that he thought he'd outstayed his welcome and began making excuses to leave, offering to return the favor another time.

"I can't say I'm as great a cook as you are," Alec said in the doorway as Maia showed him out.

" _That_?" Maia said, waving back inside her apartment. "I put that on at like… eight this morning. I just let it cook all day, is all."

"Then, maybe I should invest in a crock pot."

"You _should_ ," Maia agreed. "That way, when you're writing all those horrible things you're writing, you'll have something warm and filling to eat when you take a break. You do take breaks, right?"

"Sometimes." Maia didn't need to know that almost all of those breaks were from what was in his apartment, and not from Alec's work.

"I'm working the next few nights," Maia added as Alec unlocked his door. "And I don't think I can get the time off when Luke's making his dinner. But… come by the bar, if you want?"

For a moment Alec bristled for the thought of Luke telling Maia he was _lonely_ , then told himself to shut up. "Maybe."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Maybe I will," Alec said, smiling as he opened the door, ignoring the blast of coldness greeting him. "Thank you again for dinner."

"You are welcome," Maia said nodding. "I'll see you soon, Alec."

* * *

The Hunter's Moon was nothing like Alec had been picturing when he walked inside. He took in the groups of people talking as he checked out the decor, saw the customers waiting to be served, and decided within seconds this was a place he liked. Alec made his way in, waving back when Maia called to him and patted the bar in front of her, settling into a seat and steepling his hands against the bar.

"You're here," she said, sounding pleased to see him.

"I am."

"What're you having?"

"Scotch?"

"We've got… Glenfiddich, Ardbeg, or Laphroaig."

"...the last one."

Maia nodded, spinning around for the bottle then pouring him a generous measure. "So. You taking a night off working?"

Alec thought of the cold blast of breath to his neck that had been the final thing to send him from the apartment and took a gulp of his scotch before he could answer. "Yeah. I've been... staring at the screen for too long."

"Well. I am glad of the company," Maia told him, tapping the bar before tilting her head towards a customer waiting to be served.

Over the course of a couple of hours Alec nursed his drink, only agreeing to a second after a lot of cajoling. Maia told him about some of the regular patrons, pointing out a couple of people she had gossip about in the bar. The longer he stayed, the more Alec liked the Hunter's Moon, already toying with the idea of coming again.

"You feel like waiting around to walk back with me?" Maia asked when he started talking about going home, even though he was reluctant to.

"Sure."

"I get off in about half an hour. That okay?" Maia asked, draping a dishcloth over her shoulder and rolling her neck.

"Of course."

"In that case…"

Alec's protest when she poured more scotch into his glass went ignored. Though he laughed for the ice cubes she quickly added and her smile that told him not to complain. He raised the glass in thanks and sipped at it as he looked around him when Maia served another customer.

A mohawk got Alec's attention, calling him to look, then look again to confirm it was _Magnus_. Magnus looked back at him from across the bar, and even with that distance between them Alec's stomach gave an excited, nervous clench for his smile. Magnus raised his glass to Alec then nodded to the empty space across from him. Alec's feet carried him forward, though he stopped first turning to check on Maia.

"I'll come get you when I'm done," Maia said, already winking, gesturing towards Magnus. "Go keep Magnus company."

"You know him?"

"A little."

"I… don't."

"And yet, you know his name," Maia said, smiling harder at him. "Go. Say hi."

Alec gulped more of his scotch for courage, then made his way across the bar, standing awkwardly beside the table instead of sitting. "Hi."

"Well, hello," Magnus replied sounding delighted to speak to him, and gesturing for Alec to sit. "It's good to see you again, Alec."

"Yeah. You too. You… come here a lot?"

"On occasion," Magnus replied, smiling as he ducked his head. Alec watched him running his finger around the rim of his martini glass and told himself to snatch his eyes away. "You?"

"Oh. No. No, this is my first time here. I like it."

"And what brought you to the Hunter's Moon?"

"My neighbor," Alec said, nodding back towards the bar.

"The delightful Maia?"

"Yeah."

"Maia saved my life once. Did you know?"

Alec sat back in his chair, glancing towards Maia then back at Magnus, not sure what to make of his words. "Uh. No?"

"She does happen to mix a martini like nobody else," Magnus replied, still trailing his finger around the rim of his glass. "I came here after an exceptionally long day, soaked through to the bone because I had forgotten an umbrella, and was in the foulest of moods. Three martinis later, and Maia's excellent knowledge of every song on the jukebox, and I was back to my normal self."

Alec took in Magnus' shiny black nails, perfectly-lined eyes, and mohawk that he once again had the urge to get his hands in to _ruin_ , and told his imagination to calm down. He barely resisted asking more about what Magnus' _normal self_ involved, saved from blurting out anything stupid by the vibration of Magnus' cell against the table.

"My apologies," Magnus said, one careful finger sliding across the screen. "It appears my friend is on their way."

"I'll leave you to it—"

"No," Magnus said, his fingers flaring as though he wanted to reach across the table to grab Alec's arm. "Stay a moment. If you want to, that is."

Alec did. He _did_ want to stay; Magnus had been flitting through his mind for weeks. Though he didn't know what he was supposed to _say_ to Magnus, all of his thoughts in a jumbled mess. Was he seriously crushing on a guy he'd seen for a total of perhaps five minutes across three occasions?

"So do you live near me, or something?" Alec asked, fingertip drawing a pattern in the wet patch left by his glass on the table. "I keep seeing you around."

"That would depend on where you live."

"Williamsburg. Near… Marcy Avenue."

Magnus smiled at him over the lip of his glass. "As it happens, I teach high school a few minutes from Marcy Avenue Subway."

"What do you teach?"

"English."

"English is… good," Alec replied, internally groaning and desperate for a way out. Though also wanting to know more.

"It has its uses."

Alec was saved for having to stumble over more words for Magnus' friend arriving. He fled after the most awkward of introductions, knocking back his scotch once sat back at the bar.

"Oh. Catarina's here," Maia said, already filling Alec's glass again, and him not even resisting this time.

"Do you know _everyone_ in this bar?"

"It's my business to," Maia replied, shrugging. "How else do you think I'm gonna make my tips? Now. What's say you and I pick up some take out to eat on the way home? You're gonna wanna soak all that up once we get outside."

Alec watched the swirl of scotch in his glass after Maia nodded towards it, before taking another gulp. "Sounds good."

* * *

Aside from Maia's impromptu knock on his door, it had been so long since Alec had been invited anywhere, that when Luke messaged to invite him to dinner the day after his evening in Hunter's Moon, Alec was out of his depth. He fussed over his appearance trying to style his hair before just shoving his hands through it, talking himself into and out of canceling several times.

Alec's reflection twisted and turned in the bathroom mirror as he carefully avoided looking elsewhere, for fear of seeing someone else peering over his shoulder in the glass. Grumbling to himself for his too-active imagination, Alec gave a final tug on his favorite grey shirt telling himself it would have to do, and he was going, no matter what. He ran a hand through his hair again and tried to tidy it, going through a mental checklist as he left the apartment.

Alec spent forever pacing up and down the supermarket liquor aisle trying to find a wine that would go with whatever they would eat. Alec went back to his first choice after a good fifteen minutes, cursing himself for being so indecisive.

Luke's apartment was a ten-minute walk from the supermarket. Those ten minutes were filled with a never ending stream of problems that had been whispering at Alec the entire time since receiving Luke's message. Alec worried about being uninteresting, about saying something stupid in front of Luke's friends.

Steve yanked open the door when Alec arrived, silencing him before he could even say hello. On waving him through, Steve pointed at a man perched on the edge of a desk, who sounded like he was arguing. Though the smile on his face and the way he threw his head back in laughter told Alec an entirely different story.

"He'll be done in a minute," Steve whispered as he ushered Alec through to the kitchen, where Luke greeted him and accepted the wine with a grateful smile. He waved it to see if Alec wanted a glass, which Steve took over pouring for him as Luke turned back to the stove.

"That's Raphael," Luke added as he paused to clink their glasses together. "I'll introduce you once he's done."

"Is he working?" Alec asked, his eyes drifting over the pale blue kitchen and already liking the way it felt so homely.

"Of a sort," Luke replied. "Raphael volunteers as a Spanish teacher for a community college near here sometimes; he's talking to one of his students. She's just got back from a vacation in Cuba with her parents and is, I think, telling him of some mix up she made with the wrong verb. I think so, anyway; I hear him talking Spanish often enough to kind of half-guess what he's saying."

"How was your day?" Alec asked aiming the question at both Luke and Steve. Though he was distracted wondering what half the gadgets were on the back kitchen wall.

"Good," Luke called over his shoulder, stirring something delicious-smelling. "We found this beautiful stolen Ducati Scrambler in for an overhaul down by the docks. Had a hell of a time explaining to the guy why he couldn't just keep stolen goods even if he bought them in good faith."

"And that's a... bike?" Alec checked, having no idea at all.

"It is," Steve agreed with a quick turn of his head to smile, "it's—"

"I'm sorry; I was hoping I'd have finished the call before you arrived."

Raphael's calm voice cut Steve off as he walked into the kitchen behind them, offering out his hand to shake and greeting Alec with a tight smile.

"There's a glass for you on the side," Steve told him, with Raphael mumbling his thanks and lifting it to clink it against Alec's glass.

"Guys," Luke said. "How about you three go and sit; this is nearly done."

For a second Alec considered not wanting to leave Luke in the kitchen. He might have only spoken to Luke a couple of times, but he hadn't really spoken to Steve before, and didn't know Raphael at all. Steve proved easy to talk to, though, sinking down into a seat at the already set dining table and making simple conversation that unknotted the anxious feeling in Alec’s stomach.

Dinner was a pot roast with all the trimmings. Alec spent a couple of minutes trying to remember the last time he'd had a home cooked meal beside Maia's, amazed he'd had two now in the space of a week. In between being plated up with seconds Alec found himself talking freely, that nervous knot in his chest loosening enough for him to enjoy himself.

When his offer of helping to clean up was refused, Alec was all but pushed into an armchair and told to relax. Alec allowed himself a quick glimpse over the tall bookcase to his side, fearful that he'd see _Xander Woods_ staring back at him from a book spine. He was relieved when he didn't, then cursed himself for daring to even consider he might; just as he'd done at Maia's.

"So what are you working on right now?" Steve asked as he came back into the living room and slumped down on the end of the couch with a satisfied sigh. "Luke tells me you're a writer."

"A little. I'm researching for a journal I've been asked to write for," Alec replied, thanking Raphael as he reached out to top up his glass before sitting down in the furthest armchair from them all. All those practiced answers Alec had been rehearsing over the past few days meant the words flowed easily from this mouth. They were even true, in part.

Their conversation shifted to Raphael's work once Alec answered their questions. Luke spent a few minutes teasing Steve for drooling over the bike he'd mentioned, then made further inquiries about Alec that he found himself answering without hesitation.

"So, you're all settled in now?" Steve asked, after covering his glass when Luke tried to top them all up again.

"Yeah," Alec agreed, doing his best not to show his suspicion for the subject turning to his apartment unprompted. "I don't have a huge amount of stuff, so, it was fairly quick. I've been there a while now. Plus, it was already decorated, so I didn't have that to think about."

"They did a good job?" Steve asked, sipping at his beer.

"Yeah," Alec agreed. "I mean, I like the colors—they've grown on me, at least. But I'd probably do it different—I _will_ do it different when I redecorate in a couple of years."

"All neutral colors or something, like a showroom?" Luke guessed, smiling.

"A little," Alec replied, thinking back to the apartment. "It's all cold colors—for the most part, anyway."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," Alec said, picturing his home to describe it. "The lounge is pale blue, almost the color of your kitchen, actually. In my room, behind the headboard, it's all chocolate brown. But the rest of the walls are cream, or a paler brown; makes me think of chocolate cheesecake."

"That's no bad thing," Steve replied.

"It's like that in every room?" Luke asked, sounding horrified by the idea. "Some… feature wall going on, or something?"

"No," Alec smiled, "everything else is one color. Not the same color. But the same kind of theme."

"I mean, neutral's good," Luke said, seeming to be really considering the idea. "But I don't know. Too much cream and it just feels too cold, you know?"

Alec thought of his cream spare bedroom and its constant temperature a little cooler than everywhere else in the already-cold apartment, and gave a rueful nod of agreement.

Raphael received another call then, and made his excuses for having to leave. Luke showed him out, and Alec burst out in surprised laughter when Steve made an under-the-breath comment about Raphael being a temperamental, unsociable ass.

"Maybe I can return the favor," Alec said when Luke came back through, scanning around the room quickly before looking back at them both. "I mean, make you dinner, so you can see all these bland colors for yourself."

"Sounds good," Steve agreed immediately, nodding in thanks.

"That sounds great, Alec," Luke agreed, though his fingers drumming on his knee made Alec think he was nervous, especially when his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. Like he didn't like the idea at all. "And you know. If you're free when we have it, we've got that poker night coming up."

"I'd like that," Alec replied, telling himself there was no awkwardness now in the room.

The conversation shifted again, that residual uncertainty Alec felt shoved to one side. He found himself enjoying the evening far more than he ever thought he would, and even made vague plans to meet Steve for coffee when he was next off work.

"How are you fixed for next week?" Luke asked, as they walked him to the door. "For us coming to yours for dinner, I mean?"

Alec’s heart gave a nervous, excited jolt that he cursed himself for, though he pasted on what he hoped was a neutral smile. "I don’t exactly have an active social life," he laughed, trying to keep it self-deprecating rather than pitying. "Come whenever you want."

"We’re not all that exciting ourselves," Steve replied.

"Speak for yourself," Luke retorted, with a smile dancing around his eyes.

They said their goodbyes, and Alec walked home smiling for both an evening of company, and another new number to add to his contacts. He told himself not to overthink it, to not be already planning on elaborate dishes to cook.

* * *

Another month passed, and though he wouldn't yet allow himself to call any of them friendships, Alec had seen and spoken to Maia, Luke, and Steve multiple times over that period. He had eaten once more at Luke's apartment, had dinner with Luke twice at the Jade Wolf, and spent a couple more nights with them both playing pool at The Hunters Moon.

He'd returned the favor of dinner for Maia, making a sausage casserole that Maia made such a fuss over she managed three bowls before announcing she would burst. She reminded Alec about the gym she'd mentioned, and by the end of the week Alec had attended his first MMA session in years.

Luke and Steve had also come to his apartment, and Alec's apprehension about that had given him a couple of sleepless nights caused by something other than his _guest_ , which felt like an improvement. He'd gone from worrying about what to cook, to them not really wanting to be there, to fearing this thing from his imagination might reveal itself in their presence and embarrass him. To his relief, their arrival had subdued that ominous atmosphere, leaving Alec free to show them around the apartment.

That ominous, watchful feeling though, that hadn't gone anywhere. In fact it had seemed to put itself on mute in the company of others, then reared up even stronger the second they left. Alec had convinced himself he was used to the continued knocks, bangs, and doors rattling around the apartment. He'd even stopped feeling his blood running cold for the crying he sometimes heard in the spare room.

The chair from his bedroom corner he'd moved to his spare room, and even the desk chair that Alec was yet to use had been stored there. He'd woken one night to it moving back from the desk of its own accord and slowly spinning to face the bed. Alec's justification for that had been pitiful, blaming an errant wind that had managed to blast its way into the room at just the right point, or some vigorous activity from a neighbor.

The occasional shoves were the things that broke Alec's resolve and sent him scurrying from the apartment most often. He'd told himself he wasn't counting them, attempting to convince himself he'd banged into door frames or knocked into walls in passing, blaming the events on being clumsy. There had been a few to his arms, a couple to his back, and one that was harder than any of them, squarely to his chest like the heel of a palm. If he didn't rationalize it, he would say that whatever was sharing his apartment was getting more confident, stronger in its abilities. Though Alec told himself repeatedly, the only thing getting stronger was his imagination, feeding whatever was happening.

After avoiding the elevator that seemed to teem over with people heading out for Friday night, Alec climbed the stairs then closed his door with a soft thud, leaning back against it. The thought of yet another weekend alone left Alec sagging in despair for the few seconds he allowed it. Alec took a beer from the fridge, closing the cupboard door that always flung itself open in his absence, and glaring over the living room with couch pillows scattered over the floor.

Alec decided on a shower, stripping as he walked to the bedroom, then flinching for the outline of a shadow over his shoulder in the bathroom mirror. He turned the music up on his laptop hoping to hear it from where he'd left it playing in his bedroom. The light above the mirror buzzed as though the bulb might be about to blow again, and the temperature dropped enough for his skin to dimple.

Gritting his teeth, Alec took a swig of his beer and stepped into the shower, cursing again for the momentary blast of cold water before the warm started sluicing through. He closed his eyes, straining his ear to listen to his music, jolting at the sound of his glass from juice this morning shattering from where he'd left it on the back of the sink. It was the last of a set of six to be smashed; Alec made a mental note to add glasses to his shopping list.

Three dinner plates, two coffee mugs, the solitary photo frame capturing a happier moment with Izzy and Jace that had adorned the shelf over his TV. Alec's overactive imagination was proving to be destructive, and costly. Each time he bent to sweep up shards of glass and crockery into a dustpan, he chastised himself for being clumsy, making up excuses for how he'd managed to knock things over. Every time a bulb blew, Alec thought about a second electrician, then blamed himself for not putting bulbs in as accurately as he should.

When he'd taken as much time in the shower as he could justify, Alec dried off quickly then went through to his bedroom. He tugged on boxers and a pair of sweatpants before stepping into the flip flops he'd worn more often lately for clearing up glass.

In passing, Alec lifted the laptop, squaring it carefully on the coffee table where it normally wasn't disturbed. He turned the music up louder and grabbed supplies from his utility room, meticulously clearing the glass from the bathroom floor. Alec flinched again for catching that shadow out of the corner of his eye in his reflection, his stomach dropping for the soft rumble of laughter that he justified as coming from somewhere outside the apartment.

Unsettled, Alec grabbed another beer, took three large gulps before throwing himself down on the couch and checking his emails. Goosebumps over his arms only highlighted how cold the apartment was getting. Alec wrapped himself up in the throw he'd started leaving on the end of the couch for such occasions, instead of having to pass his spare room again to put on a shirt.

The battery drained on Alec's laptop, going from around 50 percent to just 15 in the space of a few minutes. Alec groaned for seeing it, glaring at the air in his apartment before going to his bedroom, picking up the laptop cable from his desk. Though as he went to leave Alec stumbled back for the doors of his closet flying open then banging closed, like they had been disturbed by a blast of wind.

Frozen to the spot, Alec watched in disbelief as the doors flew open again, clothes tumbling to the floor like someone had shoved an arm in the back of the closet and yanked everything out at once. He told himself to breathe, to keep calm, dropping the cable back on his desk and starting to put the clothes back on hangers. But within seconds of getting the closet doors closed they were flying open again.

" _Stop_ ," Alec called out, hating how hard his voice cracked. He watched with choking, frustrated tears as all the clothes he'd just put back tumbled back out again, scattering at his feet.

Cold laughter had him jolting, pulling away from the sound of it. Alec bent down to scoop the clothes up to put on the end of the bed and refold, shuddering as a shirt was yanked out of his hands.

"Please," he whispered, choking back a sob, "why are you doing this?"

Alec stumbled back for the heavy thud of a footprint stepping towards him, his breathing coming out shallow for realising he was trapped in the room. He could picture fists bunched up by an invisible person's sides, furious eyes glaring at him as he tried to back away.

" _Please_."

Alec felt his jaw crack with the force of the punch to his cheek, registering the pain of it seconds after. He prodded at and moved his jaw, glad at least that it wasn't broken. But he was then stumbling once more for a blast of laughter in his ear, his heart pounding in protest.

"What do you want?" he demanded, desperate to keep his voice more steady than he felt.

Alec held his breath for the way the air seemed to still around him, hairs up on the back of his neck for the coldness sweeping over his throat like a stroke of fingertips.

_"Mine."_

Alec gasped for the out loud answer, spinning away and in his panicked state trying to run from the room. The laughter followed him again, a tugging to his leg making him stumble. Alec fell forward hitting his head on the doorframe before falling to his knees in the hallway, groaning at the sharp blow to the back of his head.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your [survey](https://goo.gl/forms/8fxBsKqtfFXk2lNl1)! You can follow the results on [Tumblr](https://mansikkaomenabanaani.tumblr.com/tagged/CYOMG).


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your next part!

When he came around, Alec sat in the hallway outside his bedroom for a few minutes, trying to get some strength back into his legs. In a daze, he crawled his way back into the bedroom, fighting the urge to just tumble on to the bed and sleep. His head and jaw hurt far too much for him to ignore it like the last time. Though Alec barely had the strength in his arms to haul himself up on the bed.

Alec's _guest_ also seemed to have exhausted themselves, because the air for once felt silent, and empty. Alec waited for the tremble in his legs to slow enough to stand again then threw on some other clothes, bracing himself in the door frame when his vision blurred. When he was dressed, and it felt as though the room had stopped spinning, Alec snatched up his wallet and cell, then forced himself out the apartment.

The cold evening air rushed at Alec the moment he stepped outside leaving him dizzy. He stumbled back in, asking the building's receptionist to call him a taxi, then propped himself up on the end of their desk as he waited, gratefully drinking the glass of water pushed his way.

Alec went through the ride to the urgent care on autopilot, mumbling responses to the driver's questions that he hoped made sense, then did the same again as he was checked over. He winced at the tender fingers to his head and jaw though was relieved there wasn't any worse damage. Alec smiled wistfully at the suggestion that he have someone keep him company for the next 48 hours, then made his way back home still in a trance.

Standing outside his apartment building, Alec realized he couldn't bring himself to go in. He stood staring up the face of it and trying to force his feet to carry him forward, but couldn't. And after what he thought was probably too long, Alec pulled his cell from his pocket and looked up the first hotel he came across. He made a reservation with trembling fingers, having to check the directions three times before he got them right.

In sheer relief and exhaustion, Alec let himself in to the hotel room after a halted, awkward conversation with the receptionist, then remembered the nurse's advice to sleep it off, and allowed himself to collapse on to the bed.

* * *

Alec woke with a start in the morning, sitting up far too fast for not recognizing his bed. He pitched to the side, picking up the key card reading _The William Vale_ on it, and decided the hotel room was far too _bright_. Alec threw the comforter up over his head, and curled back up on his side.

After a good half hour of trying to sleep again, Alec threw himself into the shower, wishing he had a change of clothes. The complimentary coffee in the room did enough to revive him as he sipped at it admiring the view from his balcony, shivering but sure it wasn't for the cold. When his coffee was drained, Alec lowered himself back on the bed, pointing the remote at the TV and flicking through the channels.

He couldn't stay here indefinitely, though Alec was tempted to book another night. Maybe more, maybe a week, maybe just enough time to get a little peace. But he couldn't; the time for getting help with what was happening at home was long past. He stared at Luke's number willing himself to call, closing his eyes when he'd convinced himself to.

"Do you... do you think you might have time to... meet up today?" he said after a mumbled greeting, clutching too tight to his phone. Alec cursed at the nervous, desperate tone of his voice, and squeezed the phone in his hand a little tighter, desperate for a positive response.

"Alec? You okay?" Luke answered, concern evident in his voice, enough for Alec to take a little relief from.

"Yeah," Alec nodded, swallowing hard, "I just... I could do with some, uh... I need some... I—"

"Alec? What's going on?"

Alec groaned, feeling more than a little stupid. He had a moment of wishing he could call Jace, or at least that Izzy lived somewhere nearby. Or that there was just someone he could reach out to, and that he wasn't reaching out with _this_ story. Alec wallowed in self-pity for another moment, then forced the harsh words for himself away and cleared his throat. He winced at his lingering headache, then made himself speak again.

"I could... use a little help," he admitted, slumping forward a little, and feeling himself about to topple from the edge of the bed. He had just under an hour before he'd have to check out, and though he was still exhausted didn't dare lay down, for fear of falling back to sleep.

"Alec—"

"Only if you're not too busy, that is," Alec quickly amended, hoping he'd not interrupted anything.

"I'm... if you can give me maybe a couple hours, I'll be around. You wanna... grab a beer or something?"

"I... don't think I'm supposed to drink."

"Alec," and Luke's voice became a little more stern, a little more urgent, "what's going on?"

"I... I think I could really use your help," Alec answered, and to his horror felt himself tearing up.

"Alec—"

"You, uh... that... that blog. You—you really think you can help with... with that stuff?"

Sure he could hear the very second Luke understood what he was trying to tell him, Alec listened to Luke moving around. He imagined his face morphing into the vaguely serious one he'd seen on him a couple of times, and sighed to himself all over again.

"Give me a couple of hours," Luke repeated. "You wanna meet me somewhere? Or I can come straight to the apartment—"

"How'd you know it was in my apartment?" Alec bit back, eyes narrowing in suspicion as he scowled into the phone. Then winced for the resulting shoot of pain.

"Alec," Luke said, a little softer, and slightly amused, "people don't usually call me about this kind of stuff if it's, I don't know, a car being haunted, or something. Or they're haunted themselves. And since you work from home, there's no office to—"

"Got it," Alec sighed, groaning to himself, "sorry. It's... been a long night."

"You gonna be okay? Till I can get there?"

"Yeah," Alec agreed, nodding and already deciding he'd make use of his day by spending some time in the library. "Yeah, I'll... meet you there."

"You're not home?" Luke asked, his voice shifting in alarm.

"I got a hotel."

"Why didn't you call earlier?" Luke demanded, and Alec smiled into the phone, since the thought hadn't even occurred to him.

"I... didn't think."

"Okay," Luke said, sighing a little, "sit tight. I really shouldn't be more than… I won't be long, okay? I'll message when I'm on my way."

"Okay," Alec agreed, "thank you."

"On a scale of one to ten; how bad are we talking? Just—just so I got some kinda idea what to expect—maybe even what to bring."

"What gets me a ten? So I know the scale?"

"I'd say anything above noises... stuff being moved, gets you about a five. If we're talking some kinda... manifestation—"

"Like... full on person manifestation?"

"Could be," Luke agreed, cautiously, "or even just a... I don't know. Shadow, or, outline, or—"

"Ticking all those boxes so far," Alec agreed, covering his eyes.

"Shit."

"Yeah," Alec laughed, huffing to himself. "What's that scored me?"

"I'd... say about a seven," Luke joked, and Alec was sure he could hear him smiling.

"What's higher than a seven?"

"I don't know, Alec; this thing touch you at all? Grab you, shove you, pull—"

"I don't believe in ghosts," Alec blurted out then, feeling foolish, and that he had to justify what felt like his overreaction.

"No," Luke agreed tactfully, seeming to be weighing up his words. "No one said you did. Or didn't; don't matter if something feels off though, right? It's still worth checking out."

"Right," Alec sighed, nodding to himself.

"So. We talking this mystical seven on this scale I've basically just pulled outta my ass?"

Alec laughed, then groaned, the rumble of it rattling his head. "I'd say we've got ourselves a ten of overactive imagination."

"...Fuck."

"Yeah," Alec agreed, closing his eyes again.

"I'm... sorry, Alec," Luke added, and Alec's eyes flew open again at the guilt there in his tone, immediately shaking his head.

"Not your fault."

"Well no, but... man that sucks," Luke sighed, and Alec could picture him running a hand over his head, like he'd done on the few occasions he'd seen him getting worked up about something.

"It does. But I should let you get on with—whatever it is you're doing. You're at work, right?"

"You gonna be okay?" Luke asked, his voice even softer with concern.

"I will," Alec agreed. "I'm gonna... force myself out of this hotel room, take advantage of my _complimentary_ _breakfast_ , and... maybe go find something to read, or do, till you're ready."

"I'll message as soon as I'm free," Luke promised again, and they exchanged a few more words before he hung up.

Alec yawned, resisting again the urge to throw himself backwards on the bed and sleep some more. He checked the battery on his phone, reminded himself to return the charger he'd borrowed from reception, then made his way down to breakfast.

* * *

With a hastily-bought notepad and pen, Alec made his way into the library, tempted to rest his head on a table and sleep until he had to go home. But he didn't, instead picking up some books on real life crime and a couple on criminology theory, spreading them out before him adamant that he would read.

Alec made some notes, got lost in one account of a story, grimacing for the details of the death. He wrote then underlined some details about psychopathic behaviors, then had to stop for a wave of exhaustion, pinching over his eyes.

His cell buzzed in his pocket as he took a break. Alec expected it to be a message from Luke checking up on him, surprised when instead he saw it was Jace.

" _Hey. Sorry I've not been in contact forever, things just got crazy busy here. I'll do better; maybe in a month or so things'll settle down. I hope you're okay, Alec."_

Feeling petty, Alec first logged into Facebook after changing his password since it had been forever since he'd used it on his phone, and then went through liking all the recent pictures of Jace and _Clary_. It took him a while, but then he felt justified in his reply of, _"yeah, I can see what's been keeping you busy."_

Guilt hit the moment he pressed send, though before he could type another response to lighten his words, Alec received another message; this time from Izzy.

_"Hey, you up for Skyping tomorrow? How are you?"_

_"I'm good,"_ Alec typed back, followed by, _"sure, let me know what time?"_

Already Alec could picture himself Skyping from a hotel room and having to explain himself. Alec prodded at the bruise on his cheek and wondered what kind of excuse he could come up with, then decided on an MMA class.

Feeling better for arranging to Skype Izzy, Alec's stomach boiled for seeing Jace's response.

_"I've been working, Alec. This has nothing to do with Clary."_

"Oh, _that's_ her name?" Alec bit out to himself, keeping his eyes on the table for thinking he'd spoken too loud. _"Wasn't blaming her. Glad you're okay."_

_"We'll talk soon, Alec. I promise."_

Alec glared at the screen not trusting himself to answer again, going back to taking notes.

* * *

"You sure you're ready to do this?" Luke asked, staring at him in concern as they stood outside Alec's apartment. They'd met in the lobby, and Alec thought he must look pretty rough for the way Luke's eyes had shot wide in alarm.

"Have to be," Alec answered with a grim smile, telling his hand it wasn't shaking as he shoved the key in the lock. He pushed the door open and talked himself into walking in, half-expecting to find the place wrecked.

The apartment felt still, like it was waiting for him. Alec was relieved to see that though there was a splash of beer across the coffee table presumably from where he'd fallen against it when stumbling through, the bottle was still upright. And the only problem with his laptop was that its battery was drained. He quickly plugged it in, then waved for Luke to follow him, explaining what he'd experienced as he showed him around.

Books were in their usual scatter by the side of the bookcase, and all the throw pillows were strewn over the floor. A kitchen cupboard door hung open, as it had done for probably every morning since he'd moved in. And a quick peek in his bedroom revealed his clothes all over the floor just as he'd left him. Though they looked as though they had been picked up and thrown even more than he remembered.

Alec shook his head, trying not to believe what he was seeing. He paused outside the spare room, really not wanting to go in. But for having Luke there he talked himself into gripping the handle, shoving the door open with a little too much force.

"Damn it's cold," Luke said with a visible shudder as Alec stumbled forward, following closely with his eyes scanning all over the room.

"Always is," Alec agreed, sucking in a breath at the dresser for being even further from the wall than it had been the day before, with two of the drawers hanging out.

"And this is the room you said you heard crying coming from?" Luke asked, bending to straighten out the bedding that seemed to have been rucked up, then pointing at the mirror in the corner. Alec turned to look himself realizing it had toppled over, and on closer inspection found it cracked, with pieces of it glinting in the carpet. Belatedly he wondered when he'd mentioned about the crying, vaguely recalling their conversation in the elevator on the way up.

"Yeah," Alec sighed, kneeling down and scooping up the bigger pieces of mirror glass, glad that there didn't seem to be anything like shards. "But the laughing, the... shoving, heavy breathing; all that stuff, that happens just about everywhere. Not—not all the time," he added, standing quickly and turning back to try gauging Luke's reaction, then regretting it for the way it made his head spin.

"And this has been happening ever since you moved in?" Luke asked, reaching out to grip around Alec's arm and not moving again until Alec nodded to say he was okay.

"Pretty much," Alec agreed, gesturing for Luke to follow back out. "I mean, it's a lot more intense lately, but, yeah."

"So how come you didn't mention it sooner?" Luke prompted in reproach as Alec picked up the coffee jug and shook it. "Especially since you know what I do? And leave that, I'll make coffee."

"You don't need to—"

"You're in no shape to do anything. So sit your damn ass down."

Alec held his hands up in defence and turned, slumping down on the coach with a groan. He thought about standing again to tidy away the books, or at least pick up the pillows. But Alec had no energy to even thinking about moving so far.

"I don't believe in ghosts," Alec said the moment Luke came through with their coffee, watching him as he sat. "I've been telling myself it's all been in my imagination ever since I got here."

"So, what happened? Last night, I mean?"

"Last night was about the worst it's ever been," Alec admitted after mumbling his thanks for the coffee.

"This thing touch you?"

"A few times," Alec agreed. "But last night; last night it was even more pissed off. I got shoved, kind of... tripped over my own feet, knocked myself out trying to get out."

"Alec," Luke said, his voice laced with worry; Alec jolted hard at the hand on his shoulder and felt it slide away, turning to see Luke holding his hands up in defense.

"Sorry," he winced, "kind of jumpy."

"Can't say I blame you," Luke huffed, going back to scanning around the room. "So... this is what happened, when Maia found you. Right?"

"I've... been telling myself I've imagined everything. Justified why glasses fell, doors rattled; all that kind of stuff," Alec sighed avoiding parts of Luke's question, drumming his fingers on his thigh and not able to look up.

"And these things, they've just been getting worse. And you've just… kept it to yourself?" Luke asked.

"Yeah," Alec admitted, raising his head to catch Luke's look of sheer disbelief. "I kept on telling myself none of it was happening, that I'd just... let my imagination get the better of me, but—"

"Alec," Luke said then, his tone putting stiffness in Alec's spine. He didn't want _sympathy_ , or _pity_ , and neither did he want a lecture.

"Yeah."

Luke rolled his eyes and stood, and before Alec could even protest pushed his books back on to their shelves, huffing in surprise at one of the covers. "For someone who doesn't even believe in ghosts," Luke said, as he slotted that last on in, "you sure do like to read about 'em. Mind you. You've got all kinds of weird stuff in here. You planning a murder, or something, Alec?"

Alec slumped back against the couch with a heavy groan for seeing the title of another book Luke waved at him, covering his eyes in defeat. There was no way for him to avoid telling Luke what he was writing when the evidence for it was right there in his hands. "They're... all for research," he tried, buying himself a little time to organize his explanation a little better.

"For?" Luke laughed, slotting the books back into place then bending to pick up the remainder of them. "Telling me there's some weird-assed theory about ghosts being responsible for crime rates or something?"

"No," Alec smiled, though it was a poor one accompanied with nervous laughter, "no, nothing like that."

"Then, what?" Luke asked, turning to face him in obvious curiosity after pressing all the books back into place until they were flush with the case. "Wait. You bought these books trying to… figure all this out for yourself?"

Alec hung his head, embarrassed, but nodding. Luke turned over the other titles on the coffee table as he sat back down, and smiled.

"Don't tell me you're also looking into the _psychology_ of ghosts trying to figure this thing out?" Luke asked, brandishing one of the books that was marked with a dozen or more Post-Its stuck out of the pages.

Hanging his head again, Alec debated with himself, deciding to tell Luke who he was. Then inspiration struck. "Wait," he said, carefully standing and waving Luke's concern away as he did.

In the bottom side of the nightstand to the left of his bed were stacked a few copies of his books. He picked up a couple, staring down at the covers hoping he could find the words to explain, then walked back through to the living room and sat down. After hesitating he leaned across, pressing both the books into Luke's outstretched hands, watching him read as he drank his coffee.

"What's this?" Luke mumbled absently after a moment.

"I—"

"Oh, wait," Luke said then, sounding amused, which had Alec bracing for ridicule of his work. "I've read these."

"You have?" Alec said, his stomach clenching tight for it.

"Yeah."

Alec looked up cautiously, watching Luke as he continued to read the blurb of one of the books then turned it over to study the cover. "Are they... I mean... did they... did they make any sense?"

"I'd say they made sense for someone," Luke smiled as he looked back, tapping at the embossed ribbon that revealed the book to be a bestseller. "Actually, I thought they were great. Really different to most crime stories out there, you know? None of this gore and violence just for the sake of it."

Acute embarrassment roared through Alec, forcing him to lean forward pinching over his eyes.

"Thank you," he managed to say. "I'll... coming from you, I'll... take that as a compliment."

If the situation hadn't been quite as terrifying as he was finding it, the look on Luke's face then was a comical kind of confusion that would normally have Alec biting back a laugh. But as it was, all Alec could do was smile a little, nod the fraction that didn't make his head hurt, then drop his gaze elsewhere. Alec concentrated on his fingers knotting and unknotting together against his leg, waiting for Luke to respond. And when he didn't, Alec knew he had to say something more.

"I... Luke, I didn't know how to tell you; it's not... there's like, very few people who know I do this," he said, nodding towards the books. "That is, if you don't count my publicist, editor, all the people who—"

"Wait," Luke laughed, his face the picture of disbelief. "This is _you_?"

Alec sat back up from where he'd slumped, answering with a grim smile and a tiny wave. "Hi."

"I..."

"I don't talk about it. I don't... I like my privacy; I need it—it's why I write under a pen name."

"I still feel like I'm missing something," Luke said, shaking his head.

"Luke. I'm working on a book right now. And it's a little different. I'm trying to… let's just say I'm trying to incorporate something a little… more psychological, I guess. And everything I've been reading and researching to make it all more… realistic. I think it's been messing with my head. I'd convinced myself it had, anyway."

"You're not... you're not kidding. Are you," Luke said with a huff of surprise, looking between Alec and the books now clutched hard in his hands.

"No," Alec shook his head, "I'm not. And I'm not... kidding myself I'm any great author, or—"

"Best seller," Luke said, pointing out the ribbon again.

"Well—"

"You topped I don't know how many reading lists for a while," Luke added, looking surprised and confused all over again. Alec nodded, keeping his eyes down on his own hands for the embarrassment still roaring beneath his skin.

"I've been... lucky."

"I know you said you don't tell people about this. But how come you didn't tell me?" Luke laughed, shaking his head, still looking caught between amused and surprised.

"I didn't want you to think I was... using you for... for research," Alec admitted, covering his eyes as he spoke, "Luke. You're a cop. This is your _work_. And I just… write stories about it. And then when I saw your website, I… I didn't know what to think."

"Because you don't believe in ghosts and all that," Luke continued for him, his voice taking on a tone that Alec couldn't work out.

"Exactly," Alec nodded, gesturing over at the bookcase. "I got the idea for this book over a year ago. I knew what I wanted to write for the crime but thought I could make a… I guess tell a more interesting story if I added some of this stuff. The feeling of it all, anyway. So I read those books for pointers on how people feel when… how they feel when they're being watched, or followed, or stalked, or something. But I can't—I _don't_. I _don't_ believe in any of this stuff at all. Not the ghost stuff; I get the psychological stuff. That's… that's what I told myself was happening here."

"Even if this thing is happening right in your face," Luke said wryly, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't believe in any of this stuff," Alec told the ceiling, then winced as his head bounced off the back of the couch. They sat in silence, with Alec desperate to hear Luke's opinion, or verdict.

"So... firstly, I—I don't think you were trying to 'use me for research,'" Luke said eventually, calm enough for Alec to feel brave and look across at him. "I mean, why would you? Not like that's the first thing you knew about me and you went looking for me, or something. I showed up on your doorstep, remember?"

"I know," Alec agreed quickly, "I just didn't want you to think—"

"Well I don't," Luke told him, cutting him off. "And I... I guess... I mean, I know—I can understand, maybe, why you'd... keep this kind of thing to yourself; you don't strike me as the kind of guy who'd want all the attention, publicity, all of that."

"I don't," Alec agreed again, "it's not... I'm not like that. I... like simple. My publicist wishes I would do some signings, or readings, or something. Just the thought makes me feel sick."

"Nothing wrong with simple," Luke smiled, then picked up his coffee and took an appreciative sip.

"I guess," Alec answered, reaching out for his own mug for something to keep his hands busy.

"And secondly," Luke continued a moment later, his voice becoming more cautious. Alec snapped his head round at the tone of it, surprised to see the doubt rippling across his face.

"What?"

"And secondly," Luke repeated; Alec was sure he heard him cursing under his breath before he watched Luke's jaw clench as though steeling himself, then looked back up at him once more. "I... I'm sorry."

Alec shook his head, his stomach dropping. "You don't think there's anything here, do you."

"What? I—"

"You think I'm just... imagining it, because of what I'm writing," Alec added, voicing out the things he'd been telling himself for almost three months. He'd have to go for medical tests. He'd have to accept there was something wrong with him. He'd—

"Alec, no, I—there's definitely something here. Honest, there is," Luke said in a rush, seeming to force it out to get his attention.

Alec's stomach dropped a little more, and a cold tendril of fear stirred awake in his gut. This news really wasn't much better; Alec was terrified either way. "You... you think it's bad. This... this _spirit_ , or whatever the hell this thing is."

"I—"

"You don't think you can help."

"No, I do," Luke interrupted, waving a hand. "I mean I can, I can help. At least I'm gonna try to help. But—"

"You don't have to, obviously," Alec added, feeling more stupid by the second.

"Alec," Luke said, laughing a little, enough to gain Alec's attention. "I can help. I _will._ I'm not saying sorry because I can't; I'm saying sorry, because I... because I sort of already knew about it."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your [survey](https://forms.gle/LwUDB77G3WR34oeC9)! Results will be posted on [Tumblr](https://mansikkaomenabanaani.tumblr.com/CYOMG).
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :) here's a chapter with one or two answers, I hope!

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Having only known Luke for only a short while, Alec didn't think it was right that he could already sense the discomfort, and awkwardness in the way Luke held himself after his question. In truth, Luke, Steve and Maia were about the only people Alec regularly saw face to face, so perhaps it wasn't all that surprising, but still. It was alarming to see the way Luke shifted, glancing anywhere but at him, until he finally looked up and appeared riddled with guilt.

"You need to eat something."

"Are you seriously changing the subject on me? Seriously?" Alec demanded, glaring as Luke toyed with his phone.

"No. I'm not," Luke replied, raising a hand up to placate him. "I'll explain everything. I _will_. I just want to get some food into you first. And if you tell me you're not _hungry_ —"

"No. I am," Alec said, starving despite his breakfast in the hotel.

"Jade Wolf okay with you?" Alec nodded to say it was fine, moving to stand thinking he needed something a little stronger to drink than coffee; only for Luke to stand up first and glare down at him, shaking his head. "Uh. Where do you think _you're_ going?"

"I—"

"What did I say to you about sitting your ass down? What do you need?"

"Are you gonna go to the _bathroom_ for me if I need to go?" Alec retorted, scowling up at him.

"Alec—"

"You're _stalling_. Don't _fuss_ over me thinking I won't notice."

"...do you? Need the bathroom?"

"I need something to _drink_."

"I thought you said—"

"I _need_ a drink," Alec insisted. He glared back at Luke until he relented, listening as he sat back down call in an order to Jade Wolf, adding a special request for a bottle of scotch at the end.

"Look," Luke began to say the moment he hung up, his hand turned over in another gesture Alec thought was supposed to be placating but instead was just irritating. "I didn't... I guess there was a mix up. When you—when you first took the apartment."

"I don't—" Alec began to say, but Luke cut him off with a sharp shake of his head, asking for him to hear him out.

"Alec," Luke said, trying again, one hand up and running over his hair in awkwardness as the other gripped tight around the arm of the couch. "This place. It was sold back in... you know how this whole place was converted into apartments from an old office block, right?"

"I didn't know that," Alec denied, shaking his head, wondering if this entire thing was his fault for not putting more thought into buying the apartment and finding out about its past. But then he ridiculed himself for the idea. Checking an apartment was structurally secure made sense when buying, but looking up its full history seemed a little overkill; even for someone who overthought everything, like he did.

"Okay," Luke said, nodding, "well, back when this place was first built—back in 1970—"

"I knew it was built in 1970," Alec interrupted, immediately waving his hand in apology for it. Luke gave him a small smile.

"Anyway. Around 2000, 2001, the block was sold to a developer, and they converted the place. Seven floors, six of them residential, divided up into 26 apartments."

"Right," Alec agreed, remembering reading those details in the brochure when he'd been looking.

"Anyway. The person who bought this apartment back when it was first refurbished was in it for years. Up until about three years ago."

"So... you think this... _thing_. This stuff going on here is... is _them_?" Alec asked, unconvinced, and also totally out of his depth. He pictured a ghost; a tall, stooped man clinging to the banister for support, and then a tiny, aged woman doing the same.

"Maybe," Luke admitted after a long pause, breaking Alec from his wandering thoughts. "I mean, it would make sense. That's not to say it couldn't be someone from before then—someone who maybe had an accident in the office this place must have been part of back before it was an apartment."

"Okay—"

"Or even someone before that. Who knows? You just... maybe you already know this yourself from your _research_ ," Luke said, smiling at him, "but ghosts generally get attached to a person, place, or thing. An object of some kind. And normally, they move on, and there's like... no hesitation. At least, none I've ever seen anyway; I've only ever dealt with those that got stuck—attached themselves to something they couldn't let go of."

"Which means in this case, if that's what's happening," Alec said with a cautious, still skeptical glimpse around him, "then this _spirit_ or... whatever, is attached to the apartment."

"It makes sense," Luke repeated, shrugging.

"And you know this about my apartment, because?" Alec asked, trying to keep the suspicion from his voice. Luke heard it though, screwing his face up in remorse.

"Look. I don't know for definite, but. If someone's lived in the same place for all that time, they've... I guess the place might have needed to have a bit of an overhaul."

"I don't know—"

"Alec," Luke said, sighing again, "this apartment, before you bought it? It was sold on _twice_. And the last person to buy it had the whole thing redecorated. Put in new appliances, bathroom suite; the works."

"Yeah," Alec agreed, "the realtor said that, and that it had been stood empty for about eight months."

"They couldn't get rid of it," Luke replied in agreement, shaking his head a little. "They had viewings, and offers made, all kinds of agreements. And every offer just fell through."

"Why?"

"People who viewed the place said it was cold. That they didn't like the feel of it; that they'd be standing here and drawers would fly open in the kitchen by themselves, or they'd hear loud bangs, or whatever. Realtor themselves never liked being in here for more than a few minutes—"

"How'd you know—"

"And I don't know if you've had much to do with your neighbors aside from Maia," Luke continued, seeming desperate to get out his words, "but on both sides of here they said about hearing noises coming from the apartment when no one was in it. Like... dragging furniture. Called the cops a couple of times. But every time anyone came in, there was no one here."

"How do you know all this?" Alec repeated, needing to understand, to try to calm the fluttering in his heart.

"I... about a month, I guess it must have been, before you moved in, your realtor called me," Luke said, turning his eyes very firmly elsewhere.

"Why?"

"Alec," Luke laughed, incredulous, "c'mon, man, you know what I do."

"They called the police?"

" _No_ , Alec."

"They... thought this place had a ghost—was haunted," Alec amended, slumping back a little harder, feeling more stupid than he thought he'd ever felt.

"Yeah," Luke nodded, and another piece of the puzzle fell into place for Alec.

"And your sister is a realtor," he said, pinching his eyes. "Chloe."

"Cleo," Luke corrected, "but, yeah. Cleo had this place on her books, didn't like the feel of it, asked me to come take a look. I did a little research before I came here; turns out the first person who bought this place after the, I guess, first apartment owner, they didn't do anything with it at all. No redecoration, nothing. They were creeped out from day one, and were trying to lease it out, but. Same problem as all them potential buyers; no one liked the feel of the place enough to want to rent it."

"I didn't... I didn't even notice when she showed me around," Alec told him, feeling even more stupid.

"Yeah, but... why would you notice?" Luke retorted, though not unkindly. "You said it yourself. You don't believe in this stuff. It probably didn't even register for you. And you… you gave me the impression you were pretty desperate to move, to… start over."

Shame washed through Alec, for having already shared so many details of his life with Luke. He never shared those kinds of details with _anyone_. But now here he was, with Luke knowing enough of his family history to understand why he'd wanted to move in the first place.

"But... you can feel something off about here, right?" Alec asked again, needing the reassurance, even if he felt ridiculous about everything else.

"Oh yeah," Luke agreed with a huff, his eyes darting out over the room before back at him. "Without a doubt. This place is giving _me_ the creeps," which Alec was both reassured by, and distressed to hear.

"Even when you and Steve came over for dinner?" Alec asked, his stomach clenching at the pinched smile he received back.

"Yeah. But Alec," Luke said, sitting forward a little as though that would make Alec hear him better, "you acted like… you acted like nothing was off, at all. I didn’t… I guess I didn’t wanna scare you, if you’d not even noticed anything up for yourself."

"So. The realtor—your sister gave you spare keys, or something," Alec prompted, when Luke didn't add anything else.

"Cleo gave me the keys," Luke agreed, wincing. "And it just kinda... slipped my mind. Work was busy, we had a review at the precinct, and before I knew it a month had gone past. And you were already living here."

"So when you were... when you came here," Alec said, dawning realization hitting him and leaving him mocking himself.

"No, I wasn't gonna just show up—I mean, I _was_. But Maia called me. You know that. But I… I kept meaning to come over," Luke admitted, screwing his face up in apology.

"So why'd you... why'd Maia call you?"

"Alec. You _fell_. Maia saw you, and was worried," Luke shrugged. "She always said the place felt off. There's nothing more to it than that."

"How does _Maia_ know to call you about something to do with ghosts?" Alec asked, narrowing his eyes in further suspicion.

"Now that is Maia's story," Luke said, still looking guilty but also determined. "Maybe she'll tell you about it some time."

"I can... I mean, I get that. I understand that," Alec said, even if he was furious for everyone knowing something while he knew nothing, and wanting to demand more answers.

"And then when I ran into you in the crystal store, and I saw all those stones in your hand, and I just... I wanted to ask, but didn't know how to," Luke added, sighing to himself.

"You recognized what they were," Alec said, nodding in understanding.

"Well," Luke said, scratching absently at his jaw, and in doing so reminding Alec he'd not shaved himself for the best part of three days. He told himself his stubble wasn't starting to itch now he was aware of it. "I mean, I know those two you picked up, 'cos I use them all the time. A good amount, anyway, but I... all the other gemstones, everything they're supposed to do; I don't believe half of it. And I don't remember the names of most of them, so, I kind of... I only look stuff up when I have to."

"So the candles and all that... you know they work," Alec prompted a minute later, already looking around the room for where to put some. "Because you—your _mom_ used them when you were a kid. And because you… you deal with this stuff all the time. Or something."

"Yeah," Luke agreed, "though salt and iron are my usual go-to. I still think half the other stuff that works is more like a... like a placebo effect than anything that does any kind of good."

"I always thought that as well," Alec admitted, his eyes lingering over this bookshelf, and groaning to himself. How the hell had his life ended up _here_?

"How come you don't want anyone to know you're this famous author, anyway?" Luke asked then. Alec could tell he was genuinely curious instead of just stalling for time.

"I'm just not… I'm not comfortable with it all," Alec said, shaking his head. "I don't like… I don't need the attention, you know?"

"You don't want anyone to recognize you for your hard work?"

"It's not that," Alec said, trying to find the words to explain what he was meaning. "I just… it's just never been _me_. I always… it was always Jace who wanted—who _was_ the one people noticed, or paid attention to when we were growing up. And Jace is good at that, thrives on it, even. I'd just… prefer to fade into the background. Get the job done, and that's it."

"Your brother, right?" Luke asked. Alec's thoughts were already replaying things he would really prefer not to be thinking about.

"Yeah." When Luke didn't add anything, Alec found himself needing to talk again. "When we were maybe fourteen, Jace, Izzy, and I used to compete, and train together. MMA. And we were… all three of us were pretty good. But Jace just had this confidence about him that was almost like he knew he would win every time, without even ever trying.

"My parents were always very… _determined_ , that we all did our best. _Better_ than our best. For everything. School, MMA, behavior—everything. And whereas that determination was full of pride, and encouragement for Jace—maybe because he'd been orphaned; I don't know—for Izzy and I, it always felt like criticism. Like we never did enough, never tried hard enough, _were_ never good enough. And Izzy would just… if it bothered her, she never showed it. Just shrugged it off, and kept doing whatever she wanted to do. But for me, I couldn't."

Alec pleaded with himself to stop talking, but the look on Luke's face told him not to.

"So, what happened?"

"We had this really difficult tournament, going round after round, seemed like for hours. And Jace was… incredible. Fearless, never wavering, just kept on fighting, no matter how bruised and bloodied up he got. And my parents were watching. And I remember beating the guy I was sparring with, winning, and my dad calling across the room how I'd not had the right form. That if I was gonna win, it had to be fair, and we should… go again. I'd been so proud; this guy was a couple years older than me and I was… anyway. The point is, we _didn't_ go again. Somehow it ended up as Jace and I competing against each other."

"Let me guess. Jace won?"

"No," Alec replied, laughing and groaning for the memory. "No. Actually, I did. But… you wouldn't have known that at our house. You would have thought that Jace had been beaten by this other competitor we didn't even know, and I just… hadn't been there at all."

"No offense. But your parents sound like dicks."

Alec shrugged, out of all excuses for his parents. Telling himself it was stupid to still be hurting over something so stupid after all this time.

"But that was… that was years ago, right?"

"It was. And I made a promise to myself after that, that I would quit trying to impress my parents. Which of course, I kept trying to do anyway. College, graduation. And then when I let them down—"

"How did you let them down?" Luke asked, shaking his head.

"They wanted me to be a lawyer, like them. To continue the family business. And I just… I couldn't. It wasn't me, and I tried so hard for so long to convince myself that it was. That I was a lot of things that I wasn't. And I couldn't."

"So. You don't want anybody to know you write because… your parents were controlling assholes who—okay," Luke said then after interrupting himself and holding his hands up. "That's not my business, and it's not my place. But I get it. I think."

Further embarrassment hit Alec, but the words were already out, and whatever Luke had inferred from what he'd just told him he couldn't take back now. "Yeah."

Luke nodded to himself, then stood, waving towards the kitchen. "I should… maybe we can get plates ready, or something."

"Sure. I'll—"

" _Sit_ ," Luke insisted, gently pushing Alec back into the couch when he tried to get up. Alec endured without grumbling too much when Luke cupped his jaw to inspect the bruise spreading there, and carefully felt over the back of his head which was still tender and slightly raised in a bump.

Luke brought plates through for them along with glasses of water, and tumblers which Alec assumed was for the coming scotch. As he moved about the apartment casting furtive looks everywhere he looked, Luke kept Alec regaled with stories of work, minor details of ghosts he'd dealt with in the past, and anything else he could share to keep talking. Alec knew he was trying to put his mind at ease by changing the subject, but he felt even more on edge for it.

"So," Luke said after their food had been delivered and devoured, clearing his throat and darting a nervous look at him. "What I... what I normally recommend, is having some of that stuff we talked about earlier all around the place. Lining your windows and things with salt—good salt, like, rock salt. I mean, the other stuff works if you're stuck but, at least good rock salt is... I don't know, a little easier on the eye than trails of regular stuff all over the place. Seen some people make it look like some kind of art feature, or something."

"I don't really care about the aesthetics if it's going to stop whatever this is—or at least, like you said; work as some kind of placebo to convince me it's stopped."

"If you know salt works with ghosts. I mean," Luke stopped, correcting himself, "why'd you not salt the place up already?"

"I thought about it," Alec groaned, nodding. "I just... I've been so fixated on... on trying to finish the book I'm working on, and—and convincing myself none of this is happening—I just... I just didn't want to believe it was even needed, you know?"

"I get it," Luke agreed, smiling.

"So. I salt the place up, get some... iron to put about, and that's it?" Alec checked, adding those things to his mental shopping list and putting them to the top of it.

"Normally, yeah," Luke agreed, but the hesitation in his voice had Alec's attention, already bracing for things he didn't really want to hear.

"But?" he prompted, when Luke didn't add anything.

"Normally, yeah, that'd work," Luke agreed, though the way he sighed afterward just put more panic in Alec's stomach. "But if... thing is, Alec; most ghosts, most spirits that get trapped? They're just that—trapped. They might... move a few things; like, if they had a favorite ornament and you moved it to the bookshelf when they wanted it on the shelf in the hallway, or something."

Alec looked up and around the room, taking in his books and the broken solitary photo frame, and pursed his lips together. "Everything in here now is my own stuff. And I... obviously, I don't have much."

Luke gave him a sorrowful smile, and a twist of bitterness twisted in Alec's gut for being on the receiving end of pity. He forced himself not to lash out, or close up, and instead concentrated on slowly sipping at his scotch.

"So what else would you 'normally suggest'?" Alec asked, curious but also wanting to change the subject.

"Sometimes people make like a triangle in their doorways. Like... two iron nails either corner at the bottom, and one in the middle at the top. It's... it's got origins in Wicca; I don't know. Seen it work sometimes."

"And," Alec continued, thinking over what he wanted to say, "these things—the salt, the iron and stuff; why are they supposed to work?"

"You might already know that from all those books," Luke laughed, leaning over and tapping at one of the books on the table, and looking back at him expectantly.

"The... the salt's supposed to be a purifier, cleanser, and protector. It's been used in... all religions I think, for consecration, and—and purifying."

"Used to use it in battles to stop crops from growing when cities were invaded too," Luke added. "I always think it's hilarious when people say—especially on TV shows—when they say you should stand in a circle of salt until help comes; I just got... visions of people standing all around the place, waiting, looking up at the sky and just… I don’t know, like a real life version of Sims or something."

Alec smiled at the image, though was still looking down at his lap. "And... and the iron, it's supposed to repel evil, and... represent pure will."

"Yeah," Luke agreed, laughing. "Ghosts aren't supposed to be able to cross stuff like railroads; I just got visions of 'em all queuing up either side of the track, trying to figure out a way across," to which Alec laughed himself.

"So... you don't think that alone is gonna help here?" Alec checked, seeing the smile on Luke's face tense up and freeze.

"I... normally what I say, to anyone experiencing this, is that you have to—you have to figure out what they—the spirit wants. Ask what they want."

"But you don't like seances; you told me," Alec objected, shaking his head.

"I don't," Luke agreed. "I mean, there's other ways to find out about a place, or person. I just... I look stuff up. Records, online, libraries if I have to. Try and piece it together with whoever's involved."

"And there's no... there's no quicker way of getting rid of them?" Alec asked, hearing his own voice come out as a whine of protest. Luke gave him a look that Alec thought was in disapproval.

"Well first," he said, proving Alec's assumption, "you have to... you gotta show 'em a bit of respect. Like... easiest way to get rid of a ghost is to _ask_ them to leave. But if you're being all negative, and shouting, threatening to _get rid of them_ , it's not... it's not a great start."

"I... guess," Alec agreed, contrite for a second until the reminder that he was being harassed in his home came back to him, and he scowled, shaking his head.

"Of course, you can do things like bless the place," Luke added, smiling as though he was reading Alec's mind. "You can... I mean, some people—and again, I think it's more the placebo of it all—some people get in priests and stuff. I don't... I don't believe in any of that myself, but... if it works for people."

Alec watched Luke shrug again, and nodded.

"Or," Luke continued, "there's banishing spells and stuff that... I don't pretend to know how they work. I just know that they sometimes do."

"So we could try that here," Alec prompted, seeing the doubt cross Luke's face. "If it's to do with cost or anything like that—"

"It isn't," Luke said, smiling, "it's not that at all."

"Then what is it?"

"It's... Alec, you said this thing basically attacked you. Shoved at you, startled you—whatever."

"It did."

"Then... ghosts aren't normally... they're not normally malicious, or violent. They get stuck, because they're attached to something, or they die too suddenly to know they've even gone. And it's... it's when they're really confused, when they're... really hurting, or—or _lost_ ; it's when it's like that, that they generally lash out, do the kind of stuff you've been experiencing."

"...oh."

"And," Luke added, sending another nervous smile in his direction, "worst thing is, is if you start getting scared by it, that negativity, it kind of... it kind of gives them a—a power source. And it just... it just feeds it back, makes it worse."

"I see."

"Some people even think they stick around, 'cos they need to _guide_ people on their own journey," Luke added with a huff in ridicule, clearly not believing that for a moment.

"And I guess... I guess I can't just... call them up on a ouija board."

"That would be a really, really bad idea," Luke told him with a shrewd look "And an angel board too. Seriously. Don't mess with either of those things."

"I wouldn't," Alec said, about to point out he didn't believe in them either, but given everything that was going on around him deciding it probably didn't need to be said.

"But we need to do something," Luke said as he sighed again, sinking back into the couch.

"We do; I can't live like this," Alec agreed, receiving another sympathetic smile. "So, any other suggestions?"

Alec watched Luke as he seemed to debate with himself, playing with his fingers and generally appeared not to want to answer the question. Alec kept waiting, telling himself to keep quiet and let Luke find the words he needed that might help him out.

Finally, Luke looked him over, an unreadable expression on his face as he pulled himself forward, sitting almost on the edge of the couch. "Look, Alec. I think I told you, at least once, I got no time for... psychics, mediums, any of that."

"Okay," Alec agreed wholeheartedly, but his stomach began to knot for wondering where Luke might be going with his words.

"But I know a guy," Luke sighed. "He's a... a friend of mine. Good guy—"

Luke snapped his fingers and smiled harder as though something had occurred to him.

"—hey. Technically, you already ran into him. At the Devil's Innate?"

 _Magnus_ , Alec thought, with ringing in his ears and such disappointment and confusion in his gut that he felt sick.

"And he's a..." Alec prompted, holding his breath, not liking what he was anticipating hearing at all, despite already knowing.

"English teacher, by day," Luke laughed, shaking his head a little wide-eyed, as though the image was one he couldn't quite picture himself.

"And when he's... not?"

Luke darted another look at him, then shrugged. "He's a... he's a medium. A real life, actual, genuine medium."

"But you don't trust mediums," Alec protested, still half-hoping he was wrong, that this person was someone else entirely to the man he'd found himself thinking about more and more. Which was also ridiculous; he and Magnus had barely even  _met_.

"Most, no," Luke agreed. "But Magnus is... Magnus is something else. And I wouldn't... I wouldn't recommend… well firstly, Magnus is the only—the _only_ medium I would ever, ever recommend, to anyone. So you gotta know I think he's the real deal; not like all these charlatans and tricksters you see on TV raking in money with sleight of hand and—and basic human intuition."

"Okay," Alec answered, not knowing what else he could say.

"Magnus is good," Luke repeated, seeming to make that point very, very clear. "And I think... I think given the way things have been happening here, it's... I think the best thing we can do is try and... talk to it— _them_. Try and... work out what they need to move on."

"Think that'll be enough?"

"I don't know," Luke told him, honestly. "I think right now, you could do with... maybe getting yourself some kinda talisman, or pendant with salt and, or iron. And I know you probably don't believe in those either—"

"Right now? I'd... I think I'd try just about anything."

"Good," Luke smiled, "and like... definitely salt the place up. Get some iron. I'd not really go for candles right now; not if this person's active, moving around—touching you and stuff. You don't want the place to go up in flames on top of everything else."

"They can do that?" Alec asked, his eyes growing wide in alarm.

"Probably best to cover all bases, huh?" Luke shrugged. Alec found himself nodding in agreement.

"What else?" he asked, already planning on heading out for supplies, glad he'd relented and booked another night in the hotel.

"I'll... look into the place some more—"

"I can help—"

"Good," Luke smiled, "but this is... this is kind of my thing. And I have… resources you don't have access to. And since you're the one who's in the middle of all this, it might be better if you didn't... you don't wanna provoke them, or anything."

"No, I don't want that."

"I'll call Magnus," Luke said, nodding to himself. "I don't know what his schedule's like."

"I'll pay whatever," Alec said immediately, not caring how much it cost.

Luke smiled to himself again, briefly closing his eyes. "Well; you'd have to work that out with him. I don't give his details out much, and I sure as hell don't talk about money and stuff; that's none of my business."

"True."

"Magnus is..." and Luke's voice trailed away again, leaving Alec's stomach knotting once more.

"What?"

"Alec, Magnus is... he's... I mean he can be, a little outrageous."

"Outrageous?"

"Not outrageous," Luke amended, shaking his head. "Uh... flamboyant."

"Okay," Alec agreed, already painting an image for himself of some kind of fortune teller, or someone pretending to be a Romani, and swallowed away the distaste in his mouth. Because that wasn't _Magnus_ ; not the person he'd built a picture of in his head, anyway.

"He's not—he's not a showman, not anything like that," Luke added, as though sensing what he was thinking, "he's just... I think he... I don't know his history all that well, but I get the impression he needs to... he needs to have these kind of... walls up, until he gets to know someone. Can be... I can't say off putting, ‘cos he’s a good guy, but... I think it's fair to warn you."

"But he's real. Genuine, with this kind of thing," Alec asked, not liking the image Luke was conjuring for him at all.

"Only medium I'd ever trust," Luke agreed, nodding. "And plus; once you get to know him a little? He's a great guy. Seriously."

"And you think he'll be willing to do this?"

"He's... I think so, yeah. I'll—I'll talk to him," Luke smiled, "but like I said; I honestly don't know his schedule."

"So I should... get this talisman thing, and salt and stuff. In the meantime."

"Yeah. You really should."

"I'll go now. To get stuff. I mean," Alec stumbled over his words, "if—if you don't mind, that is."

"No, it's fine," Luke said, already standing. "I don't suppose I can convince you to… come stay in my spare room, or something, while we figure this out?"

Alec shook his head already rejecting the offer, but so touched for it that he couldn't help smiling. "Honestly. I'll be fine. I've made it this far."

"But if it gets too much—"

"I'll call," Alec said, nodding. "I will. Thank you."

"Personally? I think you're insane for staying," Luke added, raising an eyebrow.

"Well. Maybe I am. But I'm not staying tonight," Alec answered, standing himself, patting his pockets down for keys and snatching up his wallet from the table. "I'm just… give me two minutes."

For Luke's nod Alec quickly put an overnight bag together, determined he would only stay away another night. Luke's eyes were on the bag immediately.

"You know, Alec, seriously; if you need a place to stay—"

"I'm at the hotel again tonight. Got a… two for the price of one night deal," Alec added, which was a lie. That Luke didn't need to know about.

"Okay. But I'll let you know what he says as soon as I can. Magnus, I mean. And in the meantime, if it gets too much, let me know, and I'll come back, see if there's... I don't know, anything I can do."

"I appreciate that, thank you; you've no idea how—"

"No problem," Luke said, smiling easily, "if you can’t look out for your friends and all..."

Alec's heart gave a jolt that left him feeling stupid for being so touched for the idea of having a friend.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is your [survey](https://forms.gle/bFBMP6aisKew8xqS7)!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, here's chapter seven!

Magnus, it turned out, wasn't free until the middle of the following week, and Alec spent the time waiting to hear from Luke about his visit on tenterhooks. Though his conversation with Luke about MMA also led to Alec looking up the nearest place for archery practice, something else he'd enjoyed doing as a kid but as a solitary pursuit away from his siblings.

Gotham Archery was perfect; welcoming instructors and plenty of targets, making Alec feel like he'd not forgotten a single moment of the training and practice he'd once been so familiar with. He made himself sign up for two tournaments before he could overthink it, knowing the additional practice needed would be a great way to keep him out of the apartment and give him something else to focus on.

The iron bracelet that now adorned his wrist became a comfort to him even if just for something to keep his hands busy with when not working, and the tiny salt-filled pendant worn around his neck whenever at home he constantly pulled at to make sure it was still there. Alec had lined every window frame with salt, and bought two lion figurines cast in iron that sat in the living room on the coffee table and on the nightstand nearest his bedroom door.

Despite talking himself into staying at the apartment overnight, Alec still spent most of his days in cafes, trying to lose himself in work. Meeting Steve for lunch one day highlighted just how exhausted he must look for his concerned greeting that Alec brushed off as unnecessary, changing the subject and instead asking about his and Luke's work. And though Alec convinced himself he'd adjusted to his erratic sleep pattern, he spent most nights just seconds from booking into another hotel just to get more than a couple of hours.

Alec could still feel it, whatever was causing all the problems in the apartment. The breathing in his ear and shoving against him had lessened at times, but the feeling of being watched hadn't gone anywhere. And the crying coming from the spare bedroom only grew louder, with that sinister, mocking laugh he'd heard only twice before his accident becoming bolder by the day. All Alec could picture was a malevolent mist in his hallway building in density like it was being charged. It was easier, somehow, than giving this _thing_ a human form.

When Luke finally messaged to say Magnus would be over, Alec could have cried for the relief he felt. Luke had also invited Alec over to dinner, where he had spent almost the entire evening split between just two subjects; sympathy and concern for what was happening in Alec's apartment, and reassuring Alec just how amazing Magnus really was.

By the time Magnus was due at Alec's apartment, Alec was near beside himself with nerves. His _guest_ prowling around the apartment made his skin crawl and his heart race for every noise he heard, and the sense of expectation instilled in him by Luke had conjured up all sorts of images of Magnus that left Alec both fearful of and ready to scorn. Even when convincing himself he already _knew_ Magnus at least a little.

Hearing the shift of the dresser in the spare bedroom had Alec wanting to stand outside his own front door to wait for Magnus' arrival, and not for the first time, Luke's offer of his spare room felt like the best possible solution to his problems. He'd already started looking into selling the place after being woken yet again by the sense of being stared at from his doorway since he refused to be intimidated into closing his bedroom door, and having to watch helpless as his clothes were yanked out of the closet all over again.

If Magnus wasn’t the answer to the problem that Luke had been so insistent he would be, then Alec didn’t think he’d have any choice and would have to leave. He couldn’t live with the lack of sleep, the constant fear of something he couldn’t see, and still try to convince himself none of it was happening. He had even found himself looking through medical forums online to check if any of the things he was imagining were symptoms of something he needed to get some help for. Alec hated to imagine what this _ghost_ might do to his ability to write, and if he lost that he didn’t think he’d have the strength to keep going with anything.

The sharp rap of knuckles on his door had Alec jumping, yelping for hitting his knee on the coffee table as he stood. And when he caught himself staring down at his own chest with his hand clutched over his heart Alec cursed out loud for being overdramatic. He stamping his way through the apartment to yank the door wide open, though first pausing for only a moment in an attempt to gather his thoughts.

The man standing before him was both nothing like, yet exactly as he’d expected. A little shorter than himself, Magnus’ dark brown eyes were lined as Alec had come to expect, and his hair still called Alec to get his hands through it. Alec had a second of wondering how the hell Magnus would ever lie down on a pillow with his hair like it was, then thought about what it might be like to see that for himself, and had to clear his throat. Though he still took an appreciative glance over Magnus' tight black pants and shirt, and a jacket covered in red arrows that said _look at me_ ; which Alec was already doing. Alec told himself he shouldn’t be staring, and that he absolutely wasn’t enjoying the view.

Magnus’ own eyes drifted down over him in appreciation, lingering deliberately on the way back up. And the smile waiting for Alec when Magnus made it back to his face stole the air from his lungs, leaving his voice cracking.

"Magnus?" Alec blurted out, feeling the need to just make sure.

"We just keep running into one another, Alec," Magnus nodded, that smile becoming small and secretive as he continued to stare back at him. "Wouldn't you say that's a sign?"

"Yeah. Uh… Luke told me to expect you?"

Alec kicked himself for the formality of his tone, trying to make his smile lighter.

"I must thank him. For this… opportunity," Magnus added, doing nothing to disguise the way he looked him over once again, leaving Alec feeling like he needed to hold his breath and back away at the same time. Or step forward; Alec wasn't sure.

"You, uh… you want to come in?"

"Since you’re inviting." And with that Magnus all but glided through the doorway, leaving Alec feeling out of place in his own apartment as Magnus began to look around him.

"You, uh… you want something to drink?"

"What did you have in mind?" Magnus asked, spinning on his heel and beaming at him. Alec pushed himself away from the door not remembering leaning back against it, and nodded towards the kitchen for him to follow.

"How about... coffee? Tea? Juice? ...Wine?"

"Wine would be wonderful," Magnus enthused, turning away from him again and hanging his jacket up carefully by the door. Alec watched the entire performance, then turned sharply back so he wouldn’t be caught staring.

"So. I don’t—I don’t really know how this works," Alec admitted, busying himself with opening a bottle and pouring them both a glass, figuring it would help soothe his own nerves at the same time so couldn’t do any harm.

"It’s very simple, Alec," Magnus smiled. "We're just two people getting to know each other over a glass of wine—"

"I meant about my apartment," Alec blurted out, eyes wide and feeling foolish, even more so for the Magnus’ eyes darting away in amusement and his lips curving up into a secret smile.

"Just let me lead, Alec," Magnus replied smoothly, accepting his offered glass and immediately clinking it against Alec’s. Alec had no idea what to make of him, watching as he turned again with a dramatic spin on his heel, and then as he walked across the living room, surveying his surroundings. Alec's eyes were drawn to the buckles at the tops of his thighs, having to quickly snatch them away when Magnus spun around to face him.

"A minimalist. I like it," Magnus announced, bending to inspect the bookcase and laughing softly at the contents there. Alec's stomach knotted so painfully he had to keep moving, or drinking, or doing _something_.

"Thanks. I—"

"Luke told me that you dabbled in a little writing," Magnus added, his fingers trailing over the head of the lion on the coffee table, patiently looking at Alec as he waited for him to talk.

"He did, huh?" Alec answered, groaning and wishing he’d told Luke not to say anything, then realizing just how pointless that was.

"He did," Magnus agreed, with a touch of intrigue to his voice. "A criminologist journalist, according to him. And Raphael."

"Oh."

"Raphael _likes_ you," Magnus added, folding his arms over his chest as he observed him. "By his standards, anyway. I think he mentioned your name three times in the space of two hours without the slightest prompting. It’s quite remarkable."

"Raphael seems like a... good guy," Alec said, fidgeting where he stood, uncomfortable for the praise, and not sure what else to say.

"Luke also said you... that you don't believe in any of this _stuff_ ," Magnus added, waving his hand to gesture at the room, but then bringing it to a stop on his own chest, looking wounded.

"But I—"

"It is of no matter," Magnus sighed theatrically, turning on his heel yet again and walking around the room. "I am quite used to that."

On the tip of his tongue, Alec had a retort about first impressions, but held it back, chiding himself for being judgemental and reminding himself this wasn't even the first time they'd met. He took another breath, forced away any remarks that would have been unkind, and held his hands out helplessly.

"Tell me what I need to do," he asked, staring back at him.

"You?" Magnus repeated, pointing at him, with Alec's eyes immediately drawn to the shine of black nail polish on his nails and all the rings adorning his fingers, quickly looking away again when he thought he'd been staring too long.

"Yes."

"Nothing," Magnus replied, pointing towards the hallway. "May I?"

"Sure," Alec replied, trailing behind Magnus as he walked, answering his questions as he peered into the main bathroom. Alec winced at the flickering lights, expecting yet another bulb to blow as they watched.

"And this is where all the action happens?" Magnus asked, waltzing into Alec's bedroom. Alec closed his eyes unable to look at him, reaching out for the edge of the desk and gripping on to it for something to do with his hands.

"Some."

"Do tell."

"I..."

"I meant, about your company of the spectral kind, not the flesh kind," Magnus elaborated when Alec could force himself to look, seeming to thrive on the roar of blush now surging over Alec's face and neck. He _hated_ blushing.

"I—"

"Forgive me," Magnus said then, looking thoroughly delighted with himself, "you have the most delightful blush. I couldn't help myself; please continue."

Alec watched the wave of his fingers, bit back the whine of protest threatening to climb up out his throat and stood a little straighter, pointing across the room.

"I had a chair in the corner there when I first moved in. Woke up a few times, and—and I'd convinced myself there was someone sat in it."

"Where is the chair now?"

"In the spare room," Alec said, feeling stupid for it and expecting Magnus to laugh.

"I understand," Magnus said with a pinched smile. "It can be... alarming, if it is not something you are used to seeing."

"If it's something you don't even believe in," Alec blurted out in addition, earning himself another small smile.

"Anything else?"

"Uh... well. This desk chair sometimes wheels back by itself. My clothes end up on the floor out of the closet—"

"Are clothes the only things coming out of the closet?" Magnus interrupted, giving him a wink that left Alec flustered and looking elsewhere.

"And sometimes," he continued, as though Magnus hadn't said a word, "it feels like... it feels like someone's watching from the doorway when I try to sleep."

"Luke said that there are noises... voices sometimes?"

"Yeah," Alec breathed out hard, "there's... at first it was just like... I'd feel like someone was breathing real close to me. And there were a couple of times I thought—it felt like, I was being shoved. I—there's been some... some laughter, and sometimes—quite a few times now, there's been crying, coming from the spare room."

"Let's take a look," Magnus offered, gesturing for Alec to show him.

Even with the company that might prove the answer to his problems, Alec hesitated outside the spare bedroom door, reaching out uncertainly for the handle.

"It's okay, Alec," Magnus reassured him, his voice dropping to something more gentle than he'd shown since arriving.

Alec grit his teeth and pushed the door open, stumbling forward into the room. He was half-relieved to find it was as cold as ever, and that the dresser had been moved a good few inches clear of the wall again. He turned to watch in silence as Magnus' eyes darted about the room, walking slowly around it, his hands out as though stroking the air. Alec couldn't tell if that was for his benefit as part of the show, but Magnus seemed engrossed in whatever he was doing, so Alec just stood and observed. It wasn’t the worst view in the world, Alec found himself thinking again, then embarrassedly cleared his throat.

Finally, after what felt like a long, stretched out silence, Magnus turned back to Alec and tilted his head towards the door, gesturing for him to follow. He trailed behind him back through to the kitchen, where Magnus picked up both of their wine glasses and extended Alec's out to him. Then Alec followed again as Magnus walked through into the living room and sank down on the couch with an appreciative hum.

"So?" Alec said, coming to sit on the other couch. "What's the verdict?"

"There is someone here," Magnus agreed, taking a sip of wine and closing his eyes for it.

"Someone?" Alec repeated.

"Yes."

"Can you tell... who?"

"Alexander," Magnus said, smiling at him, "I am sure you have already formed an opinion on what a _medium_ can and cannot do, from whatever you have seen and heard on that obnoxiously large television screen of yours."

"I... don't watch anything like that," Alec protested, ignoring the excited jolt in his stomach for the unfamiliar use of his name. "I—"

"Don't believe in ghosts, the supernatural in general, so how could you ever possibly see mediums, psychics, as anything else but fake?" Magnus finished for him with a dismissive wave and smile.

"Magnus," Alec began to say, thinking of a way to defend himself. "Look; there's—"

"Those infernal celebrity psychics who host shows and randomly pluck people out of the audience giving them false hopes of their relatives contacting them from beyond," Magnus continued, his face twisting in obvious distaste. "It is people such as those that have, no doubt, forced into people's minds that we are all charlatans, and frauds."

"Magnus, please; I—"

"It is of no matter," Magnus said, cutting him off, flourishing his arm again to silence him. "Luke speaks highly of you. And Raphael; that is enough for me to believe you will not openly mock me. For now."

"I wouldn't mock you," Alec protested. "I wouldn't mock anyone. I just don't bel—"

"Believe. I know," Magnus finished for him, nodding, and giving another small, private smile.

"Just... tell me. Tell me what I need to do." Alec felt like he was asking that a lot, and couldn't tell if Magnus was stalling before answering or if it was just him getting increasingly impatient.

"First," Magnus said, nudging at Alec's glass to encourage him to drink, "tell me everything again. Everything you have experienced, what you've heard, or felt."

"To... help you build up a picture of who this... ghost is?" Alec asked, wincing a little for the tiny scowl that crossed Magnus' face. "I mean—"

"It would help me to understand what is happening, not to try and... conjure an image, a person; that is not how this works, despite what you might have seen."

"Magnus—"

"I cannot just know whoever this person once was, from whatever details you are giving me. I need... being a medium is not always about being able to see a spirit sat right there beside you—"

Alec jumped, unconsciously retreating further into the arm of the couch, which Magnus found hilarious. He reined in his laughter quickly though, carefully dabbing at his eyes, needing to take a sip of his wine before he could speak again.

"Alec," Magnus said, sighing, "it is... rare for me, to see a spirit in a full, incorporeal form. I usually get a sense about them, try to work out why are they still lingering here and have not yet passed on. Some so-called psychics will describe to you, in minute detail, right down to the care label in the back of their horrific acid-washed jeans, what spirits look like; that is not something I have ever experienced. I get an impression, I get a feeling for them, and if I am... in contact with them long enough, perhaps then they will show me their form."

"So... it's not like... it's not like they can just... reveal themselves to you?" Alec checked, not sure what he believed, or didn't.

"There are far too many movies, too many TV shows, that depict a medium's work as simply showing up to a property and holding an intriguing, life-affirming—or death-affirming, I suppose, in this case—conversation. We... those of us who choose to do this are simply helpers. We help the living," he said, gesturing at Alec, "and we help the no longer living. But it is not as straightforward, or as simple, as being able to see, or sense, a spirit in the room."

"Okay," Alec agreed, nodding rapidly, "but what do I do? Do I try and... communicate with it? Do I—"

"Considering you have already suffered an injury. Considering this spirit is charging itself on your fear," Magnus amended, offering him a small shrug that Alec presumed was supposed to tell him not to be embarrassed by that, "then, no; it would not be in your interest to attempt to talk to this spirit."

"Luke said... Luke said he'd... _research—_ "

"Ah, yes," Magnus smiled, looking amused all over again, "Luke is quite... practical in his approach to _hunting ghosts_."

"Is... is that bad?"

"Not at all," Magnus disagreed, shaking his head. "Luke's respect and compassion when he works is truly one of the only reasons I have ever felt comfortable—confident—working with him."

"He... he sort of says the same about you," Alec admitted, absently sipping at his wine.

"Oh, I know Luke's opinion of most psychics, and mediums," Magnus agreed, his voice twisting up with mirth, though laced with his own cynicism. "And I agree with him in that opinion; most of the time."

"He's... not what I'd ever expect a _ghost hunter_ to look like," Alec blurted out then, staring down at his own lap.

"No," Magnus replied with a long, drawn out sigh, "I suppose not."

"I... I'm sorry, Magnus, but... but I'd really appreciate your help with... with whatever's going on here."

"Of course," Magnus said with a tiny shake of his head as though he was trying to clear it.

"I'll... I'll pay whatever you... whatever you need," Alec added in a hurry, awkward and not knowing how to word it.

"I'm sure we can come to some kind of agreement." Magnus smiled at him again, and Alec couldn't work out if he was genuinely flirting, or purposely trying to push his buttons. He sent a cautious, half-smile in Magnus' direction, and silently pleaded with him to keep talking.

"So. Here's what I know," Magnus said then, the tone of his voice switching to something a little more formal, professional even. "There is a spirit here, who is trapped. This is the last place they remember being before their death, and they are confused about how that happened. They are in mourning, deeply upset, and coupled with that confusion, they are a... ball of frustrated energy that is feeding on your negative energy."

" _My_ negative energy?" Alec protested, his eyes blowing wide.

"Yes," Magnus insisted. "They can sense your fear, and every time that you are frightened it energizes them, makes them stronger. And it is true; salt, iron, other blocking defenses, they all work—"

Alec unconsciously reached out for the salt pendant around his neck, and Magnus' eyes flew to it, lingering down his arm to the iron bracelet and tutting in disapproval. "But?"

"But they can sense that you are trying to block them. And as they don't know why you are trying to block them—why they are not already welcome in the place they last occupied; indeed, why you are in their place—it only serves to frustrate them further. All that negativity constantly feeding itself, coupled with, perhaps, any of your own personal negativity—"

"Mine?" Alec asked again, shaking his head. "I—"

"Alec," Magnus all but purred, smiling at him over the top of his glass as he sipped at it, "are you telling me that your life is problem free? That your entire existence is fulfilling, in just about every way it is possible to be fulfilled? Because if that's true, please; tell me all your secrets. Tell me all your secrets anyway—"

"I don't have secrets," Alec protested, firmly shaking his head.

"It doesn't have to be secrets," Magnus shrugged, draining the last of his wine and pushing the glass on to the table. "It could be anything. If you write, it could be frustration that you're not hitting your word count. If you are having problems in your love life—"

"I don't have a _love life_ ," Alec retorted, instantly regretting it for the pleased, triumphant smile creeping over Magnus' face. Now he was almost certain he was flirting with him. Alec didn't think he'd been so openly flirted with in forever, and though he didn't object, it didn't seem like the right time at all. Even if Magnus had been in his thoughts plenty of times before, and Alec had already struggled keeping his eyes off him ever since he'd walked through the door.

Though now he had a new thing to think about; Magnus intimidated the hell out of him. From waltzing through his door as though he had a right to be there, and the way he held himself exuding confidence that Alec could never even dream of having, Alec truly felt out of his depth.

"Interesting," Magnus said, looking him over once again, for long enough to make Alec squirm.

"So," he said, clearing his throat, "anything even... slightly negative, could be... making things worse?"

"Perhaps."

"But I can't... I can't just.. walk around, pretending to be a... like I'm happy all the time just for sake of being happy. I can't."

"It's not your character," Magnus said, and Alec told himself not to be offended by that. Magnus must have seen him stiffen up in defense, though, because then he added, "and that's a good thing; who wants perpetual morning people in their faces all of the time, hmm?"

Alec smiled, and found himself nodding. "So what do I do?"

"There is no magic answer here, Alec," Magnus said, though it was kind, that edge of slight condescension now missing from his voice. "We just need to work out what this spirit needs. Why it is still here."

"So... research? Like... what Luke's doing?" Alec asked, hoping it wouldn't be much more complicated than the kind of research he did for his own books.

"Yes," Magnus agreed, "this could take a little time."

"And in the meantime? Should I... is there anything I can do? I don't... I don't think I can stand—"

"Alec," Magnus said, "we can put more _charms_ , more... _barriers_ around the apartment, but this spirit; they are not going anywhere. They _can't_ go anywhere; not until we help."

"You think... you think it's going to get worse?" Alec asked, resigning himself to finding somewhere else to stay, or booking into a hotel again, or doing anything to be elsewhere.

"It might. It might not," Magnus answered, completely unhelpful. "But we will do what we can. Follow me."

Alec did just that, jumping to his feet and following Magnus around the apartment, taking his advice on what to do, watching the flourish of his fingers as he gestured. At one point, Magnus picked up one of the quartz crystals and glared at it in disdain, shaking it at him.

"Are you cleansing these? Washing them at least?" he asked, frowning at Alec as he waved it a little harder.

"Uh... no? I... I washed them when I got them but—"

"First thing tomorrow," Magnus said, decisively, scooping all of the quartz up and pacing away from him. Alec watched him run the crystals under the kitchen tap taking the time to turn each of them over, before laying them out on some kitchen towel and individually drying each.

"First thing tomorrow _what_?"

"These. Out on the balcony, since this apartment has such inadequate natural light," Magnus added with a distasteful grimace around the room.

"It's—"

"Leave them out in sunlight for a good few hours. They might be more effective if they're not full of negative things."

"I... didn't know—I mean. That's... that's really a thing?"

"Alec," Magnus said, sighing at him in disappointment, "quartz is piezoelectric; it is used in an entire range of our electrical devices and various technologies. It's like a tuning fork, though really, it transforms mechanical force into an electric signal. It is not some... wishful thinking lucky pebble, or... worry stone, though people do like to use it for that as well."

"They—"

"But the only way quartz is as effective as it is," Magnus continued, raising an eyebrow that dared him to interrupt, "is if it is kept perfectly clean. Now, in electronic devices, the quartz is clean, because it is inside the device. Out here, however, it picks up dirt, dust—negativity. If possible, once per week, give them a little sun."

"The haematite as well?" Alec asked, reaching out about to pick one up, but receiving a light tap on the back of his hand telling him not to.

"These are best charged when placed on top of other rock crystals, not put in water."

"I... might have washed them when I first got them," Alec admitted, earning himself another tut.

"If possible, I would suggest getting some more quartz. Rose quartz if you can."

"Why rose quartz?"

"Well," Magnus said, lingering his eyes over Alec again, "it is the love crystal; it might help you in other ways."

"The love crystal?" Alec asked, not able to hide the groan from his voice. "I mean, clear quartz, sure; I know it's got all kinds of proven uses. But—"

"You can believe, or you can not believe; the choice is, obviously, entirely yours," Magnus said, calm, and with that edge of condescension creeping its way back in, as well as amusement. "But if you want to solve your... issue here, then, I would have thought you would have been willing to try anything."

Alec grit his teeth and held in a more sarcastic retort, nodding his head. "What else?"

"We should smoke cleanse," Magnus said, his eyes narrowing as he looked around the living room.

"Okay. How do I—"

"Will you be free tomorrow evening, Alec?"

"I... well, sure, but I don't... I don't wanna take up your weekend." Alec knew without question Magnus must have better things to do on his Friday night than help _him_.

"As it so happens, I have made no other plans yet," Magnus smiled, looking him over. "Though if you'd like, you can _contribute_ to my weekend."

"...how?" Alec asked, nervous for the look Magnus was giving him.

"I propose that, of course, if you are free, then I will come by on my way home from work tomorrow. Say... around five?"

"I'll... I can be here."

"Excellent," Magnus enthused, clapping his hands together dramatically. "Then, after we have smoke cleansed your apartment, you can accompany me to an excellent supermarket that is approximately three blocks from here. After which we can share a taxi home."

"Uh..."

"And then," Magnus asked, his voice rising in what Alec thought was excitement, "you can come to my apartment—that has much, much better natural lighting than… well. _Here_. And I will cook us dinner."

"You—"

"How does that sound?" Magnus asked, looking back at him hopefully. "My dear friend Catarina recently gave me a delicious-sounding recipe for lemon asparagus pasta, if you are willing to be my guinea pig?"

What felt like a thousand thoughts launched themselves at Alec then, leaving him overwhelmed and unable to answer. Was he supposed to think this was a date? Was he even right to assume that Magnus was flirting with him? How could he even be thinking about anything like that when everything that was happening in his apartment was still going on? He didn't know a thing about Magnus, not really, only what he'd conjured in his own imagination before today. He—

"Alec?" Magnus prompted, and for just a second, Alec saw a flash of doubt and uncertainty flicker across his face.

"Uh... sure?" he said, smiling cautiously. "That sounds good. _Great_. I mean... unless you... unless you make better plans."

"You are my _better plan_ ," Magnus replied, winking at him. "I was going to be preparing a meal for myself anyway, and then spending the evening reading some of the most bizarre theories about The Great Gatsby that I am sure I have ever heard in my life. Let's just say that my 10th-graders have vivid, active imaginations."

"You're an... English teacher, right?" Alec asked, smiling both for Magnus' words and for remembering their conversation in the Hunter's Moon. When their conversation had been _normal_.

"For my sins," Magnus agreed with a hard sigh, though he was still smiling. "I have been a substitute teacher at the same school for a little over three years now. Practically a part of the furniture."

"They won't make—they won't make it permanent?"

"Oh, they would," Magnus disagreed, "but the moment my signature was drying on the contract I fear would likely be the very moment I got bored, and wanted to move somewhere else."

"I... can't imagine working in the same place for... any kind of length of time. Being tied to something like that—"

"There are much more pleasurable things to be tied to," Magnus agreed, and Alec felt himself getting flustered all over again.

"So," he stumbled out, having to look elsewhere, "tomorrow. You'll be here—"

"Around five," Magnus agreed, smiling triumphantly.

"Do I, uh... you need me to get anything? For this smoke cleansing? And, uh, for dinner?"

"For the smoke cleansing, no," Magnus replied, shaking his head. "I have ample amounts of sage at home; I'll put some in my bag when I get back tonight so I don't forget."

"Okay—"

"And as for dinner," Magnus continued, lingering his eyes down over Alec in a way that couldn't be anything but deliberate, "no. Just bring me you. Just as you are."

"Okay," Alec agreed quickly, his stomach clenching. He couldn't tell if it was in fear, or nervous excitement—or even misplaced excitement, he amended to himself; his imagination might just be doing its typical overactive thing.

"Until tomorrow then," Magnus replied in a soft drawl, his eyes darting about the living room once again. Alec watched in silence as he gracefully got to his feet, leaving the apartment without another word.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your survey is [here](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScIuGB2nW8KnGz03DEkcxarfSyBzxJtJCOzeXDKZx1i5gf7uQ/viewform)!


	8. Chapter 8

Most of Alec's Friday was spent on edge and distracted, both because of the previous evening in his apartment, and his mind constantly wandering to Magnus. And although of late he was quite used to feeling _off_ , it was in an entirely different way since Magnus' visit. He found himself rethinking many of Luke's comments that he'd first thought were given purely to warn him about his slightly eccentric friend. But having now met Magnus for himself—properly—Alec couldn't help think those comments were more silent requests for Alec to not judge Magnus at face value, and to not be dismissive or unkind. Which Alec hoped he never would be anyway, but would heed the subtle warning. Alec already felt the strange urge to _protect_ Magnus from being hurt.

But the fact that Magnus had now been to his apartment and confirmed that, at least to his understanding, there really was something there in the apartment with Alec that there shouldn't be, both relieved Alec and confused him further still. He was torn between adamantly not believing in it happening, and being desperate for whatever was going on to be over no matter what it took.

After working all morning Alec distracted himself for a couple of hours with archery, putting all his attention into the flying of his arrows and the satisfaction of seeing them hit their target. Though then the reminder that he'd accepted an invitation to Magnus' apartment for dinner almost left him missing those targets for giving him something different to be worrying about.

Back in the apartment Alec retrieved the quartz crystals he'd put out on the balcony that morning, doubtful about Magnus' advice. He expected them to look _different_ , or _brighter_ , or _something_ and was disappointed that they didn't. But he still placed them carefully around the rooms, trying to remember where Magnus would expect them to be.

Retrieving the package he'd picked up on his way home and opening it up on his coffee table, Alec picked up the chunk of rose quartz to inspect, turning it from side to side and wondering if he was supposed to cleanse that as well. He opened his laptop intent on looking for instructions but then ridiculed himself for it, giving the rose quartz a home on the shelf over his TV. He spent a few minutes arranging the pieces of haematite he'd previously bought around it and felt even more foolish, as well as uncreative.

With a couple of hours to kill until Magnus arrived, Alec found himself pacing the apartment, a nervous energy that just seemed to close in without warning one moment, then evaporate altogether in the next. Every item in his closet was tried on then discarded as Alec told himself to stop overthinking what to wear, and threw on the first thing he put his hand on. But then he thought of how good Magnus had looked, and found himself rummaging through his shirts all over again, even debating if he had enough time to head out for something new. 

It was ridiculous, the back and forth that kept bouncing around his head for what Magnus might be viewing their evening as. When he'd grown tired of repeating the same arguments to himself, Alec slumped down on the corner of the bed and dropped his head in his hands with a groan, settling on a familiarly comfortable black shirt. 

When Magnus arrived, Alec took in his black shirt with white pattern unbuttoned halfway down his chest complete with various chains draped there, and the pants that hugged him in all the good places, telling himself very firmly that he shouldn't even be looking.

"Alec," Magnus smiled, obviously not objecting to Alec's wandering eyes, doing exactly the same thing to him, although not as subtly. In Alec's opinion, at least.

"Come in," Alec gestured after another second of staring, stepping backwards and awkwardly bumping against the wall as he let him pass.

"How is our guest?" Magnus asked, reaching back to close the door behind him, already glancing over the room.

"Still here," Alec sighed. "No better or worse than any other day."

"And how have you been entertaining yourself?" Magnus asked, dropping his satchel down on the end of the couch and bending to rummage through it, standing seconds later with a bundle of sage and a lighter. Alec told himself he hadn't been staring at his ass.

"Uh... working," Alec said after clearing his throat from the way it was cracking. "I... went to a cafe this morning to work. I spend a lot of time in cafes."

"Through choice?" Magnus asked, a little distracted as he began to light the sage.

"Mostly. Yes and no," Alec amended, shrugging, though his eyes firmly occupied with watching Magnus' hands.

"Oh?"

"Uh... when I was in my old apartment, which is... a little bit further out from here, a little quieter. I—I spent most of my time working at home."

"So this spirit has done you some good," Magnus smiled, raising his head to look at him then gesturing for Alec to step back.

"Meaning?"

"If it has persuaded you not to spend every minute of your day within the same four walls, that can only be a good thing."

Alec thought about that, wanted to point out it was only to avoid the constant ominous atmosphere, but thought better of it. Though then he thought of himself through Magnus' eyes and feared he sounded as dull as he felt at times, quickly adding, "I had archery practice this afternoon."

Magnus paused from weaving his hands through the air as he had done in Alec's spare room just yesterday, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. "Archery?"

"Yes. I did it. I _do_ it. For fun. It's… good."

"I see," Magnus replied, eyes drifting over him as though cataloging his gait and posture to determined if Alec was telling the truth. "And is this a _new_ pastime for you? One that your _guest_ can take the credit for pushing you in to?"

"Oh. No," Alec said, watching Magnus straighten up his satchel when it looked like it might slip from the couch. "No, I did it when I was a kid. I just… decided to take it up again."

"Are you good?"

"I—I don't know. I hope so. I was okay when I was younger. Pretty good. I think. But I'm… competing. At least, I will be. I just need to train a little first."

Magnus smiled to himself and Alec desperately wanted to know what that smile meant. "Well. That gives me all kinds of new things to think about." 

Alec's throat was dry when he swallowed, coughing to clear it, now desperate for a change of subject. "So, how does this work?"

"This?" Magnus said, giving a small wave of the sage now streaming out a wafting trail of smoke. "We direct the smoke into the corners of the room—of every room. The spirits—people who believe in spirits," he amended, turning a wry smile on Alec as he passed him, "they believe it cleanses the air of negative energy."

"And... what do you think?" Alec asked, watching as Magnus gave a twist of his wrist and began aiming the smoke from the sage up into the corner of the living room.

"It has always helped me in the past," Magnus replied mildly, "whether that is a spiritual connection, or the apparent impact it can have on the ionic composition of the atmosphere, I don't know. I find the smell of sage soothing, which is never something to be dismissed."

Alec considered his words and found himself nodding, continuing to watch Magnus as he worked.

"So... how was your day?" Alec found himself asking as Magnus opened the spare bedroom door, listening as he tutted under his breath, pushed the dresser back against the wall, and upended the chair that was on its side; Alec hadn't even heard it fall.

"I taught three classes, then ran a session for those students falling behind in their grades. A pretty average day," Magnus said, turning to frown at something Alec couldn't see, but waving a hand to ward off any question he might have been about to ask.

"And you, uh... you like it?" Alec asked, watching as Magnus pulled the lighter out his pocket again to relight the sage, noting that it took a few tries for it to catch.

"Teaching? Yes. Much of the time," Magnus agreed. "I have always enjoyed literature, and if I can corrupt young minds into sharing that love with all the most beloved and controversial of texts, perhaps they will be the generation to shape a future that is good."

"That's... not a bad thing," Alec agreed, smiling at the back of Magnus' head.

It took Magnus another few minutes to finish sending smoke into the corners of every room, and then he was turning back to look at Alec expectantly, ushering him out of the apartment.

Alec had been dreading this part of the evening fearing all the stupid things that might tumble out of his mouth unchecked, or how many ways he could embarrass himself by bumping into things at the supermarket. He wasn't even clumsy, but when he was feeling a little out of his depth like Magnus made him feel, anything was possible.

But by the time they had reached Magnus' apartment, loaded up with bags of food and alcohol, Alec had found himself beginning to relax. When Magnus was talking about general things, like teaching, or the books he liked reading, or the series he liked to watch, it was like speaking to an entirely different version of him than the one he’d had in his apartment. And Alec found himself answering just as easily, all that awkwardness from earlier almost gone altogether.

"I have questions," Magnus announced the moment they were through the door. Alec took a moment to look around thinking Magnus' apartment was beautiful, then followed him to the kitchen, depositing the bags he was carrying next to Magnus' on a side. 

"What questions?" Alec answered absently, still busy taking in his new views. 

"Would you like a tour?" Magnus asked, startling Alec by appearing suddenly by his side.

"Sure."

"Follow me." 

Alec followed Magnus through the apartment already loving how homely it felt, smiling at the _office_ that felt more like an apothecary room. Magnus backed him up with a quick squeeze to his arms like he had done in the Devil's Innate so many months ago, humming in approval just as he had then, smiling before continuing his tour.

"It's... your apartment's incredible," Alec told him when they returned to the kitchen.

"Thank you," Magnus smiled, pleased, beginning to unpack the groceries and store them away. "I like it. I've been here for around five years now. This might be my third redecoration, however."

Alec smiled at that having already expected Magnus to be the kind of person who would constantly be redecorating, but said nothing. 

"And you, Alec?" Magnus asked, dismissing Alec's gesture offering to help.

"Me, what?"

"Tell me your story; I'm intrigued."

"You've... not really told me yours," Alec stuttered, stumbling over his words.

"True," Magnus agreed. "Though I already know my story. I want to hear something new."

Alec snorted at his logic, nodding at the offered glass of wine, and thought about how to start. "I... well, I grew up in Upper East Side; do you know it?"

"Only a little," Magnus replied, clinking their glasses together, then pointing towards a balcony gesturing for him to follow.

"Well, it's not—I guess it's like anywhere else," Alec told him, following him out and smiling in surprise at the view, and the small table and chairs that Magnus headed for. "My family—my parents—knew just about everyone. So growing up, everyone knew everyone's business. You couldn't keep a secret even if you tried, and if you ever did anything wrong, it would always get back to them, because someone else's parents were always around, watching."

"I can't imagine you ever doing anything that incriminating, or truly terrible, Alec," Magnus said, and Alec was sure he was teasing him.

"No; no, I guess not," Alec agreed, "but it felt kind of... stifling. I thought—I thought once I'd left, once I'd stopped feeling like everyone was watching me, I would... I mean, I—" 

"Your life would be _different_. More exotic?" Magnus finished for him, smiling warmly.

"Uh... just different," Alec said, dropping his eyes to the counter, unsure of what impression he was making. "I'm… my brother and sister were always—I guess I was kind of quiet compared with them." 

"Don't be embarrassed," Magnus said, coaxing him and sweet enough to give Alec the strength to look back up. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. Although, Alec, you are adorable when you blush," he added, which did nothing but make Alec feel more awkward and have to look away again, though smiling about it that time. 

"Anyway," he said, clearing his throat. "I left home to study, which my parents hated. Even though I still went to college in New York."

Alec shook his head then, refusing to let his family issues taint the amazing evening he was so far having with Magnus. "Anyway. What did you study?" he asked, then grimaced for it. "Stupid question."

"I studied to be a teacher," Magnus said anyway, smiling at him. "My parents—my adoptive parents that is; I never knew my biological ones—" 

"I'm sorry," Alec said immediately, offering a sympathetic smile.

"It is of no matter now," Magnus said easily. "I was two; I'm sure there is a repressed memory in there somewhere, but the only childhood I ever imagine is the one I had in Camden, in Maine. My parents, they were incredibly wealthy. They chose to adopt a child a little later in life; my mother was forty, and my father forty-two, and all that time ago—I'm thirty-five, in case my youthful good looks made you think I was so much younger—" to which Alec smiled harder, and had to take another gulp of wine to stop himself from laughing, "—back then, they were considered rather old parents."

"I don't know why that makes any difference if kids get to have loving homes," Alec said, shrugging, and earning himself yet another winning smile.

"In any case. I moved to New York to study, and never left. But we were talking about you," Magnus said then, gesturing for Alec to continue.

"Uh... I've got a sister, Izzy. Also a brother—two brothers. I'm... not good with people. What else do you wanna know?"

"I never said you weren't good with people," Magnus objected, looking back at him reproachfully. "There is a huge difference between not being good with people, and being _quiet_."

Alec nodded back, but didn't know how to respond.

"I'll tell you what," Magnus said then, rising fluidly to his feet. "You sit here. Enjoy the view," he added, sweeping a hand out over behind them. Alec nodded, already agreeing the view was incredible, showing all the beauty of the city in the early evening sun.

"Okay."

"I need to take a shower. I smell of classroom," Magnus added, pinching at his shirt to pull it away from his skin, and grimacing. "And when I come back out, I am sure I will have thought of more questions. Perhaps you can entertain me with the answers as I prepare us dinner."

Alec nodded in agreement, watching as Magnus disappeared back inside the apartment, and leaned back on his chair. This was quite different from how he'd spent his previous Friday, with most of his days losing the meaning of things like weekends, because he was never normally doing anything at all. In truth, with all the time and effort he put into writing when he had so little else going on in his life, Alec was grudgingly honest enough to accept that he could have finished his current manuscript long before now, if only he had motivated himself harder to.

With a grumble under his breath Alec looked out over the city, allowing himself to relax. The noises of the streets beneath drifted up to him, and for the first time in a long time, he felt a part of the city, yet also so aware that he was separate from it. He had never intended to back away from the world, to withdraw himself so thoroughly that he could go days without speaking to anyone. Looking around him just then, Alec had the urge to find a way to fit back in.

Alec thought about his life since moving into his apartment, loathing himself for how little he'd achieved. All those promises he'd made about being more social, going out more, and interacting, not one of them had gone anything like to plan. But here he was, on a beautiful summer's evening, with new, fascinating company. And though it wasn't exactly in any circumstances that he would have wanted, or even welcomed, Alec was _excited_ for the evening ahead. Alec rolled his eyes at his own wandering thoughts then, glancing skywards before going back outside.

With his eyes drawn immediately to the bookshelf as they always were when in a new place, Alec scanned over the titles of Magnus' books, amused to find not one of them related to anything spiritual at all. In fact, he thought, turning and scanning the room quickly again, there was nothing to suggest anything spiritual in the apartment at all. 

Alec continued to walk around, deciding then that the cabinets his fingers itched to open were where Magnus must keep any evidence of his life as a medium. He chided himself for even considering looking, then came to a stop in front of one those cabinets to smile at the noticeboard on the wall behind it. It was a mass of pinned photographs, candid shots of Magnus with other people, and sometimes just other people on their own, each one of them smiling back at him looking as though they were having the time of their lives.

"Anything interesting?"

Alec gasped out and cursed under his breath, spinning at Magnus' laugh as he walked away from him, still running a towel through his hair and absently plucking at the charcoal henley he'd put on after his shower. Alec berated himself again for even looking, noticing the tight black jeans and carefully reapplied eyeliner. But he followed him over when called to, sitting down on the high stool Magnus pointed out and watching as he retrieved their glasses to refill.

"So. Any deep, dark secrets you feel like sharing?" Magnus asked, rolling up his sleeves and beginning to wash the asparagus they'd bought earlier.

"Uh... no?"

"None?" Magnus prompted, smiling. "We all have our secrets."

"Well, sure," Alec agreed, "I just... I don't think any of mine you'd think of as dark."

"Debatable," Magnus smiled, teasing as he glanced up at him. "How do I know that there's not a photo album somewhere of you showing an absolutely awful haircut in high school, or something equally sinister?"

"If there are any photos of me looking like that," Alec said with a laugh, taking a quick look at Magnus' own hair currently sticking up in all directions after his shower, though still looking really, really good, "I doubt anyone will ever have to suffer seeing them."

"And why is that?"

"Uh," Alec shrugged, smiling and deciding as he always did, that he didn't care, "because if there are any photo albums of me still around, that haven't been trashed, or, I don't know, burned or something, then they're in my parent's house. And that's the last place anyone would ever be shown a picture of me, so. I think everyone's safe from any kind of nightmare of having to see that."

"You... don't get along with your parents?" Magnus asked, his tone gentle and his eyes sad, his forearms coming to rest on the side of the counter when he'd been about to start chopping.

"I think it's... more that they don't want anything to do with me," Alec shrugged, darting his eyes away. "They haven't... they stopped speaking to me, years ago now. I gave up trying to contact them a couple of years back."

"Why would anyone not want to talk to you?" Magnus asked, sounding truly astonished by the idea.

"Magnus," Alec laughed, "you've known me for about... ten minutes."

"And what I've seen, I already know I like," Magnus replied, studying him intently for a minute. He seemed to catch himself doing it and turned that study into a wink, going back to preparing their dinner.

Alec watched him work, telling himself he wasn't as flustered as he felt, and even more that he wasn't preening a little under Magnus' praise. Or checking him out with his back half-turned.

"So, Alec. You... obviously, you don't have to tell me..."

"Why we don't speak?" Alec finished for him, already presuming that was what he was ask. Magnus gave a single, sharp nod, barely looking up for more than a second, as though by not looking at him, it might give Alec the room to talk. "I... I guess I didn't live up to their expectations."

"What did they expect?"

"I don't know," Alec laughed, shrugging again. "I guess that I'd be more like Jace. My brother."

"And what is so perfect about your brother that we should all aspire to being like?" Magnus asked with an arch to his voice, rinsing his hands off and reaching out for his glass.

"Oh, you know. He... studied law, works as a lawyer, so there's that; actually working in the career he studied for."

"Who does that?" Magnus teased, smiling easily at him. "Actually, I'd wager if you asked most people, the vast majority have ended up working in a sector, or profession, that has little or nothing to do with what they studied in college."

"I guess," Alec said, not sure if he agreed with that or not. Then smiled for some of his earliest memories as he toyed with his glass. "When I was really little, and then I guess until maybe junior high, I wanted to study, like… natural sciences."

"Oh, really?" Magnus asked, pausing to lean against the counter and watch him.

"Yes," Alec agreed. "I used to like animals a lot—I still do. But when I was a kid, I guess wanted to… work in a zoo, or as some kind of… like, Steve Irwin, but without the attention."

Magnus' smile was helpless, and beautiful, and Alec ached for seeing it. Though scolded himself for being so dramatic.

"Anyway. The point is, that didn't happen. My parents wanted me to study law, so I studied law. And when I didn't go on to _practice_ law, well. That was a big deal for them, apparently."

"They are both lawyers?"

"They have a family practice."

"I see," Magnus replied, seeming both impressed and understanding.

"I could never have done that. Not—I tried so hard to _want_ to be a lawyer, to make _them_ happy, and woke up one day just knowing that I couldn't. That I'd never be happy if I did." 

"Why would they insist that you do something that would not make you happy?" Magnus asked, sounding a little annoyed on his behalf. "Surely your happiness is more important than anything else? Than the… family practice?"

Alec wanted to find something clever, or at least unrevealing enough to answer with. He didn't want to relive yet again the disappointment he still felt from his parents even though he'd not seen them in years.

"I'm so sorry," Magnus said anyway, looking genuinely upset for him. Alec forced himself to make eye contact and offered up a self-deprecating smile.

"It's fine."

"It isn't," Magnus countered, then pursed his lips together as though trying to tell himself to stop speaking. "However."

"However," Alec smiled, "can I help you with anything?"

"Just continue to sit there and look pretty," Magnus smiled, then nodded towards his glass, "and keep us topped up."

"I can do that," Alec agreed, adamant he would not blush, standing up and moving across the kitchen to retrieve the bottle of wine from the other counter.

"My parents," Magnus said as Alec topped up his glass, "they're gone now—" 

"I'm sorry." 

"Thank you; my parents were wonderful, caring people. They accepted me—all aspects of who, and what I am—a long time ago. Nothing was ever an issue, never something that needed to be discussed. I have always been what I am; in that respect, anyway."

"Good," Alec said, lost for anything else to add.

Seeming to sense the awkwardness Alec was feeling, Magnus steered their conversation to other subjects, telling Alec about his day. Alec could tell how much he loved teaching, and even which were his favourite students, just by watching his face as he spoke. Though when Alec asked about his childhood home, Magnus' face became wistful, and it was Alec who wanted to change the subject.

"I felt so guilty for leaving, for not living there as my parents grew older. Though I suppose I enjoyed the lifestyle in New York just a little too much to be anywhere else," Magnus said, pausing to take a drink. "Even if sometimes this city makes you feel so… anonymous." Alec got the impression there were several memories playing for Magnus that were not one he was comfortable sharing.

"I'm… sure they understood," Alec said softly, receiving a grateful though still wistful smile.

Magnus' lemon asparagus pasta was delicious, eaten slowly and accompanied by even more wine. Magnus seemed so happy to be in Alec's company. And, Alec realized, probably much later than he should have, he was far more comfortable in Magnus' company than he'd thought he could be. Though their worlds were completely different in a lot of ways, the conversation between them was easy, and Alec felt himself talking more than he thought he ever normally would. 

Inevitably, their conversation eventually steered back to Alec's apartment. Alec was reluctant for it for the shift in mood, sitting back more rigidly against the couch they'd moved to, debating an answer to Magnus' question.

"Do I feel unsafe?" he repeated, waiting as Magnus nodded. "A bit. Sometimes," he amended. "I mean, I did slip and bang my head. But I guess that was more in a panic than because of anything they, uh, they did to me."

"When they touched you, what was it like?" Magnus asked, eyes darting over his face in concern.

"It was... it was just like someone, a, living person did it. Like, a hard shove to my chest, or back, and then gripping tight around my arm, like they wanted to pull me out of the way, or get my attention."

"Oh, they are absolutely trying to get your attention," Magnus agreed, draining the last of his glass, and sliding back on to the table in front of them. "However, since you haven't experienced anything so... aggressive, since, I would imagine they are all out of energy for it at the moment. Plus, you're wearing these things," Magnus added, reaching out to tap at the bracelet around Alec's wrist.

"You... you think they help?"

"You haven't been touched since, right?" 

"Right," Alec agreed, nodded. "I... I mean, they're still there, I can... I can still feel them there. Even though I keep telling myself it's not happening, they're... they're still around."

"It is likely they will continue to be there until we solve the mystery of their passing," Magnus said, grimacing in apology.

"I know."

"Luke is good at his _research_ , have no fear; I think it's just going to take a little time."

"If... should I be looking stuff up—researching, myself?"

"You could," Magnus said, though his voice suggested he didn't think it was a good idea. "Though quite honestly, I don't know half the time where Luke gets his information from—and I don't want to know. Goodness knows what secret police data resources he is using when he shouldn't be. All I know is that it's usually more effective to leave him to it."

"I feel like I'm useless in all this," Alec admitted, slumping back.

"Not at all," Magnus denied, "it's just... both Luke and I, we have experience with this. It makes sense for us to investigate, to already know how to approach this situation."

"Okay, so, I guess I leave this in your capable hands," Alec smiled, his fingers tapping against his leg for something to do. Out of nowhere he worried that though he'd outstayed his welcome. "I should... I should probably get going."

"Already?" Magnus asked, his eyes wide in surprise. "But the night is young."

"Magnus," Alec smiled, unable to stop himself, having already taken a glance at the time on his phone, "it's almost one in the morning."

"Exactly," Magnus enthused. "There are hours to go until the sun goes up."

"You've got... work to do," he laughed. "And I'm sure you've—you'll need some sleep, so you're not too tired out for whatever else you've got planned for the weekend."

Magnus' smile then was bemused, but he nodded to himself and let out a dramatic sigh. "I do suppose I will need to be get some beauty sleep," to which Alec smiled harder, but nodded, and rose to his feet.

"I'll... thank you, Magnus; tonight's been... dinner was delicious."

"As was the company," Magnus added, giving him a glance over that Alec felt himself both blushing and preening at, then chided himself for it. "Perhaps I can tempt you with something a little more exotic next time."

Alec's heart gave a tiny thud, though he tried to ignore it. "That... if you want. I mean—sure, if... if you're—" 

"I would be honoured to have you sample my wares once again," Magnus told him as he stood himself, though making no attempt to encourage Alec to leave.

"I'll... sounds good," Alec said, feeling like he was tripping over his own words.

"Perhaps next Friday again," Magnus continued, gesturing towards the door as Alec began to shuffle awkwardly on the spot. "Though of course, I intend to be in contact long before then."

"I—I'd, uh... I'd like that," Alec stumbled out, telling himself not to jolt back when Magnus brushed against his arm.

"We do have a spirit to move on, after all," Magnus added, the words leaving Alec feeling stranded. 

"I... yeah, we do."

"Well. I won't keep you any longer," Magnus sighed, opening his door with a flourish. "Though if you would be so kind as to message me so that I know you have arrived home safe."

Alec looked down at the cell phone being extended towards him with the contact page open, took it gingerly from Magnus' fingers, and entered his number. He watched as Magnus then pressed the call button and felt his own phone vibrate in his pocket, telling himself not to be excited for it.

"I will. I'll, uh... when I get back," Alec stuttered, backing out the door and feeling increasingly more awkward. He spun on his heel and muttering a goodnight, all but throwing himself through the door to the stairs because he couldn't face Magnus watching him waiting for the elevator. Though he did smile all the way home adding Magnus' details to his own contacts.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your [Survey](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdCRgsCxwSst0rfML0xl3m9OJDAm5bDWjvpWy1fjy6b7xG8mg/viewform)! Happy choosing!


	9. Chapter 9

"I made far too much of this. Do you want to... help me?"

Alec rewrapped the dish towels he was holding his crockpot in trying to disperse the heat, pasting on his most hopeful of smiles. Maia's gaze fell to the pot then looked back up at his face, by which time she was already nodding.

"Sure. Come on in," she said, stepping back. "I just got home. You'll save me a job."

Alec sagged in relief, rushing into her apartment and thankfully putting the crockpot down on a kitchen side, blowing on his hands.

"You okay there?"

"Yeah. Just hot."

Maia laughed, opening the fridge to pull them out a beer. "Yeah. They get like that. So; what are we having?"

"Chili. I need to go back for the—"

"It's fine," Maia said, looking back in the fridge. "I have… salad, and this really great guacamole. Also some… sour cream? And in that cupboard there, there's some weird mini taco shells I need to use up."

"Great." Alec's relief was two-fold. First for the ever-present excuse to be out of his apartment, and second for having someone to talk to. Since going to Magnus' Alec had felt flighty, and like he needed company all of the time. And if he was honest, he wanted to know more about how Maia had come to know Luke. If he could understand their connection, and Maia's story, perhaps he would feel better about what he was dealing with.

"Well this smells amazing," Maia said as they dished up plates together.

"I put it on this morning. It's got bourbon in it, and… well. Chili stuff." This was one recipe Alec knew well, and was confident that it should taste pretty great no matter what. He had that confirmed as Maia started to eat, almost devouring three of the tacos in quick succession.

"You seriously need to give me the recipe for this. Or cook for me again. It's so _good_."

Alec watched Maia load up another taco before starting himself. "So? How is everything?"

"Work; pretty good. Studying; good, but _hard_ right now."

"Why?"

"There's just a lot of stuff to try to remember right now. I feel like there's just no room left in my head."

Alec watched her jab at her forehead. "Like what?"

"Like… food webs. The delicate balance of marine ecosystems. How the amount of plastic we keep dumping in our oceans is messing up a whole bunch of things."

"That sounds... complicated."

"And what about you? Your work going okay?"

Alec wished that he could say yes, but his concentration levels were almost obsolete. Every day he tried to write it felt like no words came out for his book at all. Though thankfully his articles still came to him easily enough. "Uh… good. Great. I'm… keeping busy."

"Luke said you had another… _incident_ in there," Maia added pausing as she ate, her face filling with guilt.

Alec forced himself to keep eating, only nodding in answer. Though when it became apparent Maia wasn't going to eat again until he answered her, Alec washed back his mouthful of chili with beer, and sat back.

"Yeah. Yeah, I did. And it was much, much worse this time."

"I should've told you the moment you moved in—"

"Hey. this isn't your fault."

"But I lived here. And I _knew_ —"

"I chose to live here. And to stay. It's my choice. You didn't do anything wrong. Seriously."

"But I still feel like I owe you an explanation," Maia replied, playing with her food.

Alec couldn't pretend it wasn't exactly what he was hoping for. He'd been thinking of ways to broach the subject but had come up blank. Though a message from Magnus yesterday about how much easier it was to get to know somebody over a good dinner put the idea in his head. If Maia knew he'd come here with ulterior motives she was good enough not to say a word.

"I… met Luke a few years ago," Maia said, taking her time to fill another taco and take a thoughtful bite. She glanced quickly in Alec's direction and then back at her plate, squaring her shoulders before continuing to talk. "After my brother died, my home life was… difficult. And I… I guess you could say I was _troubled_ for a little bit. Nothing bad, just… staying out late. Maybe drinking a little. Luke took me home a few times. Said I was a good kid, and should… talk to my parents."

Alec nodded, encouraging her to keep speaking.

"My relationship, still, isn't great with my parents. I guess I felt after my brother died that… that they really didn't want anything to do with me. That no matter what I did, _he_ would always be their favorite. That no matter what I achieved, it would never be _enough_."

"Oh. I hear you on that one," Alec replied, holding out his bottle for Maia to clink against. Maia's smile was wistful, and filled with solidarity. Alec smiled back, waiting for her to continue.

"Anyway. Things got… things started to get really weird at home."

"Weird how?" Alec asked, his stomach already knotting.

"Like… things started going missing, or moving. We'd think one of us was in another room because we heard footsteps. My mom swore she saw someone looking at her in the mirror one time, when there was nobody in the house but her."

Alec's bite of food stuck in his throat, eyes wide as he stared back at Maia across the table. "Like—"

"I guess, like some of the stuff you must be going through in there," Maia replied with another guilty smile, and a nod behind them towards Alec's apartment.

"I'm sorry."

"No. It's me that should be sorry. I went through all of that and _know_ what it's like. And I just… I let you—"

"It's fine," Alec said, cutting her off. "What… so what happened?"

Once more Maia toyed with her food; Alec resisted the urge to tell her to hurry up.

"I don't really want to go into details," Maia said, carefully avoiding his gaze. "Not because I don't want to share, or because I don't… _appreciate_ what you might be going through. It's just… it's _hard_. And… private."

"I get that," Alec agreed, "believe me. I do."

"Luke and I by then, we'd... he'd got me volunteering in this soup kitchen some nights," Maia said, smiling in memory. "Sometimes if he was working when I was there, he'd drop me home. We got to talking more often, and somehow along the way, I... told him about our house. What was happening."

"And he... offered to help?"

Maia nodded, still toying with her fork. "Long story short, I got to know Luke because… because my brother had difficulty moving on."

"Your _brother_ was haunting your house?" Alec asked, more horrified for the thought than anything he'd been dreaming up for Maia's story.

"I know. I _know_ how it sounds," Maia said, holding her hand up in defense. "But I… I woke up one night, to my dead  _brother_ , standing right beside my bed. _Crying_. Asking me to _help_. And I didn't know _how_."

She looked heartbroken; Alec experienced his own guilt for forcing the subject. "Maia, please. You don't have to talk about this—"

"And that's… literally, all I can say about it right now," Maia agreed. "But I… that's how I met Luke, and that's how I knew what you might be experiencing. And… I'm so sorry, Alec. That I didn't come to you with this sooner."

"What would you have said?" Alec asked, forcing a smile on his face and eating as though he was unaffected by Maia's revelation.

"Uh, how about _hi_? _I think you got a ghost in there with you_? _Maybe watch out_? Alec," she said, awkwardly reaching out to squeeze his hand against the table. "I've been trying to find a way to tell you this for months. But in between work, and school, and… you know. _Life_. I should have found a way to tell you. And I'm sorry that I didn't."

"Well. I know now," Alec said, settled for knowing at least a little of Maia's story. "And I'm… dealing with it now."

"Luke's helping you?"

Alec narrowed his eyes at the change in tone of Maia's voice again, for the overly-innocent look accompanying it. "Yes."

"... _Only_ Luke?"

Alec felt himself smiling, even when he tried not to. "So maybe not just Luke."

Maia grinned, shifting in excitement as she filled another taco. "Tell me _everything_ you know about Magnus."

"How about _you_ tell me everything you know about Magnus?" Alec retorted, defiantly staring back.

"Good tipper. Great dresser. Always a kind, wise word for everyone. He was in with Luke one time and we were introduced. I… got the gist of his sort of… _involvement_ in all this stuff. But _I've_ never seen Magnus outside of the Hunter's Moon. And I get the impression that _you_ have. So, spill."

Alec thought of his dinner with Magnus, and the few times they'd run into one another over the past few months. He filled a taco carefully, laughing for Maia's impatient clearing of her throat, and gave the most annoying, indifferent of shrugs.

* * *

After so many evenings spent to varying degrees in other people's company, Alec thought he'd be ready for some time alone. But the weekend dragged long, and tedious for him without being able to concentrate on anything. Alec convinced himself he'd take the weekend off worrying about his manuscript so that he could look at it with fresh eyes and a clear head at the beginning of the week.

He tried to make a Skype call to Izzy though she was already busy. So once he'd reassured her nothing was wrong and had tried to message Jace but had no answer, by Sunday evening, Alec was about ready to climb the walls in frustration at just how lonely he felt. Alec snatched up his keys, bouncing on the balls of his feet on the ride down in the elevator. There had to be someone in the gym he could spar with, find a way to blow off some of this steam. Automatically he thought of Jace, his first choice in sparring partner. He thought of how they'd started to grow apart when Alec had gone to a different college, and how nothing had seemed to put things right. Alec fluctuated between being hurt by Jace's avoidance of him since moving to Los Angeles, and telling himself he didn't care at all.

But these past few days, or weeks in fact with company, had cracked the facade of his carefully thrown up wall. Why he even had a wall in the first place when there was no one fighting to make their way into his life, Alec didn't know. Still, with meeting a few new people and getting to spend some time with them, Alec begged himself to start making more of an effort. Pleading with himself to change.

Monday saw Alec just as restless, though he managed to work at home for a couple of hours before that sense of unwanted company proved too much, and he had to get out. He walked for a while, toying with wandering by the precinct in the unlikely off chance he'd see Luke outside. But Alec then decided he should use the time for archery practice, killing more time doing that instead.

Alec could lie to himself just as much as he wanted, but really no matter what he was doing he was willing his phone to ring, to announce he had a message—anything to mean he had some company. Luke's message asking if he wanted to have dinner at his again during the week had Alec sagging with relief, forcing himself not to answer too quickly in an attempt not to seem too keen. He even suggested having dinner at his instead as a thank you for Luke's help, and putting him in touch with Magnus.

Luke's prompt to invite Magnus as well filled Alec with a feeling he couldn't quite put a name to. It wasn't fear, and it wasn't reluctance; in fact he might even put it down to excitement. His joke to Luke that he would invite Magnus but that he'd never be able to live up to Magnus' cooking had Alec's phone ringing just seconds after his message had sent.

"He cooked for you?" Luke asked sounding surprised, and if Alec let himself notice it, a little teasing.

"Uh... yeah. Yeah, he did."

"What, at yours?" Luke prompted, sounding even more incredulous. Alec could hear somebody in the background and assumed Luke must be at lunch.

"No," Alec answered, shaking his head. "He invited me to his."

"When?"

"Last Friday?"

Alec's answer prompted Luke's shout across the room, revealing he was with Raphael. There was a muffled sound he couldn't make out, and then Alec thought the call had ended.

"He invited you to his apartment? On a Friday night? When you just met him?" Raphael added, and the amused, delighted question had Alec shifting in awkwardness, having no idea what was going on.

"...yes?"

"Alec," Raphael said, a smile obvious in his voice. "Magnus; he's... it is _incredibly_ rare, that Magnus invites anyone into his home. Anyone _new_ , anyway."

"It... it is?"

"Yes," Raphael insisted, and there was a shuffling sound that told Alec that Luke was taking back the phone.

"You saw him once... right? I... when he came to your apartment to check things out; that's the only time you've seen him?"

"Of course," Alec replied, feeling out of sorts, and that he was missing something important. "Well. Sort of. We maybe ran into each other once or twice. Is there—"

"Alec," Luke said, laughing. "I've been to Magnus' once... _once_ , in the entire time I've known him. And that was for a birthday party that was crammed with people. I—I didn't even know he could cook."

"Oh..."

"And he's never, ever home on the weekend," Luke continued, his voice still laced with that tone of amused surprise. "He only ever comes over to mine in the week or when it's a poker night, because he's too busy doing... whatever it is he does."

"Or whom," Raphael added in the background, and Alec didn't know what to make of that at all.

"Okay."

"You should definitely invite him for dinner," Luke insisted. "Wednesday good for you?"

"Uh... yeah. Yeah, of course," Alec replied, panic rising in him then for having no idea what to cook, genuinely convinced he wouldn't cook anything that would impress Magnus in the slightest. Then arguing with himself that he didn’t need to _impress_ Magnus at all.

"We could get takeout, if you want," Luke suggested.

"Maybe Magnus can recommend a place," Raphael added in the background, and his voice then was really nothing but a tease. Alec hung up dazed, planned and over-planned a message to send to Magnus, then sat there staring at his phone waiting for a response.

* * *

By the time Wednesday arrived, Alec was far more nervous about dinner than he thought he had any right to be. He was almost thankful for the unwanted company in his apartment for its distraction. He could still sense something was off, and woke every morning to things strewn out of place, still heard noises and saw things out of the corner of his eye that he couldn't justify away. But what had him pacing in worry more than anything was the arrival of his very new friends. Magnus in particular, Alec thought to himself, straightening his shirt collar and smoothing down the front of it. He ignored the shadow over his shoulder in the bathroom as he tentatively reached out to touch the pendant at his neck, then reached up to attempt to do something with his hair for a fourth time.

The intercom made him startle. Alec gave a final glance of the living room as he rushed through, hoping his guests didn't mind sitting there to eat since there was no way they'd all fit round his tiny dining room table. And when the doorbell chimed, making him jump six feet in the air again, Alec cursed under his breath, pleading with himself not to make a fool of himself.

"Alec."

Magnus' smile for him when he opened the door was warm, seeming genuinely pleased to see him. Since their dinner they had continued to message back and forth on a regular basis, talking about everything and nothing. And though his messages were just as colorful and vibrant as he was in person, there was an undertone to Magnus' words, an honesty and openness that Alec found himself rereading and smiling for, hours after the messages were sent.

"Hi," Alec said, ushering him in to the apartment and accepting the small crate of beer in Magnus' arms with a soft huff at the weight.

"For Luke, ostensibly, though I do hope you won't object. The man is a heathen."

"Because he likes beer?" Alec laughed, turning and dropping the beer down on the counter beside the fridge, beginning to slot some into it. "I like beer."

"Because he prefers it to wine," Magnus sighed, sounding thoroughly disappointed by the prospect. "I can accept that you like beer. But you do like wine, don't you, Alec?"

"I—"

"Of course you do," Magnus corrected himself with a quick flourish of his hand and a warm, appraising glance over him.

"Do you want... wine now?" Alec asked, thanking himself for having a couple of bottles already in. Just in case. Not for thinking about _Magnus_ at all.

"No," Magnus sighed, sounding very regretful for it. "It is a school night after all. No mixing. Besides, this beer is actually palatable. We can have one while we wait."

Alec nodded, reaching out for a bottle opener then handing an uncapped bottle over to Magnus.

"So," Magnus said, after clinking their bottles together, "how have you been?"

"Uh... good?" Alec said after stumbling.

"Have you found the time to write all of those wonderful articles of yours?"

"I... I'm in the middle of one," Alec answered, his eyes narrowing a touch. "You—"

"I might have found your articles," Magnus added, fingers toying with an ear cuff. Alec was sure it was in an attempt to look coy.

"You... you did?"

"Yes," Magnus enthused, turning back to him with a beaming smile. "I might have worked my way through your entire body of work. Everything I could get my hands on, anyway. Truly; you have a remarkable way with words."

"Thanks," Alec replied, wishing for a moment that he also wrote his articles under a pen name, then told himself not to be ridiculous.

"How you can make such a monster sound so interesting is beyond me," Magnus added, closing his eyes and shaking his head. "Truly. I don't know how you sleep."

"When did you find time to look at… any of that?" Alec asked, with an odd sense of pride, and humility really, that Magnus would take the time to look his work up.

"Oh," Magnus smiled, waving a dismissive hand, "I am a quick reader, and a light sleeper; and your words are so intriguing. Honestly, I read almost everything within a couple of hours laid flat on my back in bed," which Alec did not blush for hearing at all.

"And… how’s… how’s your week been so far?" Alec prompted, taking a swig of his beer and willing himself not to be as awkward as felt.

"Oh, delightful," Magnus enthused again, with another sweep of his arm. "Just this morning I had three insightful discussions about the concept of masculinity in The Catcher And The Rye. And what its place in history could teach us now."

"It’s a good book," Alec agreed.

"There are six books that convinced me it was my duty in life to be a teacher," Magnus continued, practically solemn. "That was one of them."

"Seriously?"

"Yes," Magnus nodded, more serious than Alec had seen him before. "My parents, both of them, were artists. One of my earliest memories is of a bed sheet weighed down in the corners with planter pots on the back porch, my hands and feet thick with a rainbow of paints, working on my creations."

Alec smiled at the image and nodded for him to continue.

"But," Magnus sighed dramatically, "much to their, albeit brief disappointment, I showed no artistic talent in the slightest. But I always did have a natural flair for reading, and words."

"Maybe you should have gone into writing yourself," Alec smiled, wincing at his own attempts at teasing.

"Perhaps," Magnus smiled to himself, "though it is truly you who has such an incredible mastery of words. Why, I'm sure there is no one else who would intrigue me enough to read about... mysterious stabbings in Kansas. Or… a beach house in Sandbridge with several equally mysterious deaths. Wasn't that last one written off as a murder-suicide, without any proof?"

Alec smiled harder for that, especially as Magnus’ eyes took an indiscreet sweep over his chest before looking back up. "You really have read all of my articles; that was the last one I wrote."

"I know," Magnus said, a hand pressed to his chest as though hurt. "You know how to leave a guy hanging; I am thirsty for more."

Without meaning to, Alec groaned out audibly at Magnus’ words, convinced he couldn’t actually be flirting with him because his efforts were just so terrible. But before he could comment on it, or try to find a way to respond, another knock at the door announced the arrival of Luke.

"Didn’t mind me letting myself up… right?" Luke asked as they walked in.

Alec shrugged to show he wasn't concerned either way, smiling as Luke silently pushed a couple of takeout menus into his hand.

"This is Magnus' favorite," Luke announced tapping his finger against one, not bothering to lower his voice or pretend he wasn't darting his eyes over at Magnus as he said it. A tiny flicker of something changed Magnus’ expression for a second but then morphed into that slightly over-the-top flamboyance Alec was already becoming familiar with, and couldn't help smiling at.

"There is no need to cater only for me," Magnus simpered, though gave a gracious bow as he said it before walking across and slipping the menus from Alec's hand with a deliberate slide of his fingers. "Although Luke is correct; this one is very good."

Alec dragged his eyes down from Magnus' face, telling himself he hadn't been staring, and took in the menu for Dar 525, deciding it was a good choice. There was a brief discussion over what everyone wanted, then Alec ushered them all to sit, taking beer in for Luke and sinking down in the couch next to Magnus. The smaller of the two couches, Alec realized, assuming from the way Luke had sprawled out on the other, that was deliberate.

"So," Luke said after an approving swig of his beer, and his eyes darting out over the room. "How's it been here? You doing okay?"

"It's okay."

"We smoke cleansed last week," Magnus added, leaning back and slightly towards Alec. "And I showed him the _proper_ techniques for clearing crystals."

Luke snorted at the insinuation in Magnus' tone, and waved him off. "Anyway, I started doing a bit of digging. Not much; we've got so much on at the moment I've barely got time to think."

"I don't want you to take up all your free time doing this for me," Alec told him, guilt knotting his stomach.

"I'm not," Luke assured him with a quick smile. "I just didn't want you to think I'd forgotten, is all."

"I didn't."

"Good. So, anyway, here's all I know so far. We already said, this place was stood empty for a while before you took it on. I managed to find the names of the two buyers before you, and the woman who'd owned the place since the refurbishment into apartments."

"Okay," Alec said. This was surreal, a conversation that meant what he'd feared was happening truly was, and was on its way to being dealt with.

"So, I figure, this person who's... who's got stuck here, they're probably her."

"Why?"

"Because," Luke said, taking another sip of his beer, "gotta be a reason people are being chased from the apartment. Maybe she doesn't like what you've done with the place."

"Technically," Alec smiled, "I didn't do anything apart from move in. The decorating, that unit—" All of them turned as one to look at the multiunit combination of shelves and support for the TV, then turned back. "—all of that was already here."

"True," Luke nodded, "but I'm guessing this couch wasn't. This table, the—"

"No," Alec agreed, "all the, uh, freestanding stuff; that's mine."

"Maybe you've just got really different tastes," Luke said, shrugging.

"Maybe."

"It feels deeper than that," Magnus disagreed, his fingers tapping an absent beat against his knee.

"Deeper?" Alec asked, shaking his head.

"As I told you," Magnus smiled, more definitely leaning towards him, "it feels as though the spirit has become stuck—stranded here. That they do not really know that they have passed, or even, really, the method of their passing. Though I wouldn't dismiss Luke's thinking entirely," he added, with a nod for Luke that Alec thought might be meant to appease him. "They do move a lot of your things, Alec; perhaps they really don't appreciate the way you have set things out."

"So... maybe this person died here," Luke mused, and Alec's stomach jolted harder still for that idea. "Maybe that's why they're so... intense at times, you know?"

"Spirits rarely become violent if they were not violent in their lifetimes," Magnus said, seeming to carefully choose his words. "They—"

"So," Alec said, immediately cutting him off, and telling himself he wasn't frightened, "you're telling me—I thought spirits, ghosts; whatever... I thought they couldn't... that they weren't supposed to be able to do you any kind of harm."

"Normally, no," Magnus agreed, tilting his head a little. "Spirits don't tend to become violent the moment they pass, unless the circumstances of their passing are unknown to them, or they can't pass on entirely, or they are confused by what has happened to them."

"Okay," Alec agreed, taking a gulp of his beer, "but if they're already violent in life, I thought—I thought that didn't go with them?"

"It's uncommon," Magnus told him with a curious smile; Alec winced to himself thinking perhaps Magnus could see the panic building in him. "Though it does happen. Usually it is these... rarer spirits, that are so badly dramatized, and made into works of fiction for... amusement."

"Magnus isn't a fan of a lot of ghost movies," Luke said, grinning, "or books even."

Alec was convinced Luke was looking towards his own collection of  _ghost books_ on his bookshelf and took another gulp of beer.

"I am sure there are some that are very good," Magnus allowed, though by the tone in his voice Alec didn't really believe him. "Though I am yet to read anything where the spirits are seen in a sympathetic light."

Alec had no idea how to respond.

"I mean," Magnus said, turning a little towards him, "that many of the spirits who are stranded here, who are unable to pass on, there is often tragedy to their stories. Missed chances, heartbreak; all kinds of reasons. Spirits don't exist purely as a function of entertainment, or horror story to get people's adrenalin pumping."

"I can... understand that," Alec replied, earning himself a pinched smile. Would Magnus think the same of _his_ characters? That he had created them purely for _entertainment_ with no thought for real-life victims? He felt sick for the thought.

"It is unfair... disrespectful, to automatically assume spirits in the role of a villain," Magnus continued, as though he hadn't really been paying attention to Alec's words. "And though I would never justify some of the things some spirits are capable of doing—have done—it is... hateful, and harmful, to portray them all as though they had one, single purpose of destruction."

"That makes sense," Alec agreed, trying to get his attention, though he could see Magnus was a little lost in his subject and smiled for it, saying nothing.

"One night when we were all at mine, Steve once asked Magnus' opinion on The Exorcist," Luke added, full of glee.

"It is a hateful abomination," Magnus seethed, that calm exterior of his slipping just enough for Alec to be surprised.

"I've never seen it—"

"Not only does it portray beings... existences, that few know of at all to do them any kind of justice," Magnus continued, his tone adamant and a touch angrier, "but those... _barbarians_ performing the exorcism. And the way they showed the person being possessed, it is... dangerous, and inaccurate, and... they should be ashamed."

"Steve's been too frightened to say anything to Magnus ever since," Luke added seeming thrilled with the thought.

"So," Alec said, feeling his heart pound a little faster, though shaking his head in denial, not wanting to hear it, "there's... but people can't really be possessed, can they?"

Both Luke and Magnus looked away from him. Alec had the urge to pack a bag and move out right then.

"It happens," Luke said, with a quick glance to Magnus. "I mean; I've never seen it for myself—not a real possession, anyway. Seen plenty of fake ones—"

"Which is precisely the reason why it should not be mocked in the way it is done for entertainment," Magnus bit out, scowling.

"But... that's not... how's that even possible?" Alec asked, not able to stop the words coming out despite the look on Magnus' face.

"Again," Magnus sighed, slowly sipping at his beer, "it is not particularly common. It is practically unheard of for someone to be possessed against their will."

"Why would anyone choose to be possessed though?" Alec asked, laughing with it, still in denial, and filled with disbelief.

"On occasion, it is something that is asked of those... of people, like myself," Magnus replied, giving Alec a look that made him feel guilty, and wishing he could claw his words back.

"I... I don't believe that," Alec stuttered out, shaking his head. "I don't... I... that can't—"

"It happens," Magnus insisted, arching an eyebrow. "I am... thankful, that it is something I have never experienced myself. But it does happen. I had a mentor that—"

But whatever Magnus had been about to tell him was cut off by the arrival of their food, and Alec jumped up at the sound of the intercom, relieved for the distraction. He hovered by the door waiting for the delivery to be brought up, then spent a few minutes handing out plates and dividing everything up. Though he couldn't get the ideas of what Magnus had been saying out of his head, so the moment they all had plates on their laps, he started asking questions all over again.

"So you said... you said these other, _beings_ ," he tried to begin with, thinking the word _demonic_ , and drawing the line at that.

"There are... when spirits pass, or get stranded here, if they are trapped for any great length of time, they can—on occasion—become... I would not say evil," Magnus said, frowning to himself as he chewed in thought. "I would say, that the longer they are suspended, the further they are from—the more touch they lose with their humanity."

"But—"

"It is not _demonic_ in the meaning of the word I'm sure you are used to," Magnus continued, sending a wry look his way, "but more of something... animalistic. Instinctual. If you think of a cornered animal trying to defend itself, perhaps if it is injured in some way—"

"Injured?" Alec asked, paused with a spoonful of couscous halfway up to his mouth. Magnus' eyes darted to the spoon, and Alec took it as a cue to keep eating.

"If a spirit has... if a person dies from an injury that is sudden, then it is possible for that injury to... translate, to be suspended with them. Imagine if you were cornered, out of your mind with pain, and fear, in a place that you didn't recognize—or in fact in a place that you _did_ recognize, but where nobody recognized you; perhaps didn't even see you. Imagine what that must be like."

"I... I can't," Alec said, shaking his head, torn between being fascinated, and refusing to believe a word of it.

"This is what the more... feisty of spirits some people claim to see, are dealing with," Magnus added, with such a sense of empathy that Alec felt guilty all over again.

"Most people pass on all the time, with no particular difficulty, no real issues—not that they don't have issues with dying," Luke amended to himself, shaking his head. "I mean; not every person that dies is ready for dying. But that don't always mean they get themselves stuck and stick around to... mess with people."

"Who would choose that existence for themselves?" Magnus demanded, making Luke raise his hands up in defense.

"Never said they did," Luke denied, and Magnus stared him down for a moment before relenting. "I'm just saying. We don't hear about—about a lot of spirits sticking around to cause havoc. In fact, I'd wager there's a fair few that do get... stuck, stranded in between here and whatever's next for us all, but they don't draw any attention to themselves and just... go, when they've worked things out."

"So... the ones we do hear about, the ones that... the ones like... the one that you think is here—"

" _You_ think they're here," Magnus said, correcting Alec softly, "you know that they are. You have witnessed their—"

"I didn't mean anything by—"

"Those that get stuck, and don't know why they're stuck, can't figure it out for themselves; those are the ones that we get called in for—that we hear about. It's not... it's not a massive thing, or a—a big deal—"

"Where's after?" Alec found himself saying, and was met by three wistful, amused faces avoiding his gaze.

"Even we, those who are more... sensitive to the spirits still lingering around us," Magnus said, clutching a dramatic hand at his chest, "even we are not privy to what is beyond for us mere mortals."

Alec was relieved to see Magnus become less agitated and more teasing again, already calling it his old self, despite barely knowing him.

"Magnus thinks anyone's capable of, uh... being sensitive to this stuff," Luke added after a moment of silence between them all. Alec turned to Magnus silently for an explanation.

"Do you really think within that huge, beautiful skull of yours, there isn't the capacity to know the... to the unknown abilities in the brain, that would not be able to sense something other than what we perceive as our reality?" Magnus asked, his eyes boring into Alec's and seeming to dare him not to look away.

"I... I know I read somewhere that—that we don't know if... that people—scientists, speculate we've more than the five senses we know about," Alec replied doubtfully, trying to recall the exact information but coming up blank.

"Precisely," Magnus agreed, seeming pleased with his answer. "It is simply a case that some of us are aware of these other... senses, as you say. That is the only difference."

"So... intuition, but like... hyped up?" Alec asked, trying to be placating whilst trying to justify everything in his own head.

"Exactly," Magnus enthused, this time rewarding him with a warmer smile. "Some of us are more intuitive; that is all."

Luke changed the subject then, giving brief details of a case he and Steve were working on. Though Alec was reluctant to not ask more questions about what they'd been discussing, the relieved look on Magnus' face told him the subject change was deliberate. Alec scolded himself for pushing.

The rest of the evening passed quicker, and Alec found himself relaxing. When he'd listened to Luke and Magnus' plans for the rest of the week and the weekend, stumbling out his own deadlines and making himself sound busy, and _interesting_. When all he really had to look forward to was continuing to fight with his manuscript.

As though sensing his despair the moment he'd closed the door to Magnus and Luke, that threatening sense of foreboding and uninvited company swooped in on him like a shroud. It pressed down on Alec's shoulders slowing his walk. Alec forced himself through cleaning up, washing dishes and stacking takeout cartons ready to be taken out to the trash downstairs. He closed the kitchen cupboard door that repeatedly swung open for no reason, holding the cutlery drawer closed at it rattled, and caught a beer bottle before it tumbled to the ground.

The breath in his ear startled him, though Alec tried to rein it in, hide it even. But the snatch at his arm that he swung out against he couldn't mask at all. With his heart racing, Alec clutched at the salt pendant around his neck, then gripped his fingers around the iron bracelet at his wrist, closing his eyes to the mocking laughter he heard.

Slumping down on the couch, Alec forced his way through his emails, gritting his teeth at the sliding of the dining chair from beneath the table out of the corner of his eye, the books clunking on the shelf as though being repeatedly slammed back into place, and argued with the urge to leave. He tried to think back on the conversations he'd had with Magnus and Luke about what might be happening, told himself not to be feeling the fear that he was. Though that did nothing to help. Especially when all he could think of was the reminder of what in particular he'd learned that evening. Alec lied to himself that he hadn't believed a single word.

The sound of crying, a hopeless, despairing kind of wail had Alec's heart hammering, whipping his head to the side in the direction he heard it, telling himself to keep calm. He tried to think of Magnus and his words, tried to sympathize with whatever—whoever it was in the apartment with him. But the wail grew louder and the air heavier, and soon Alec found himself taking gulping breaths, turning up his music to try to drown out the sound.

In a flurry of action he was standing, ramming his phone in his back pocket and snatching up the laptop. Alec grabbed the half-full bag of rock salt he still had in his kitchen cupboards then stamped his way down the hallway, and into his bedroom. With shaky fingers after dropping the laptop down on his bed, he lined the doorway with the salt, as well as replenishing that along the windowsill. And it took him a while, debating going to bed without so much as brushing his teeth so he wouldn't have to look in the mirror in case someone else looked back at him. But Alec forced himself into the adjoining bathroom, still clutching that bag of salt as he went.

The door slammed behind him. Though he was cowering on the other side of it, Alec worked his way through using the toilet and brushing his teeth whilst avoiding looking in the mirror, before returning to stare up at the closed door, and bracing himself to open it. He imagined all kinds of things; the handle to burn into his palm, the door not to budge at all, having to pummel his fists on its surfaces though there would be no one near enough to hear him.

But when he reached out, the door opened with ease, and he stepped through in relief, quickly shutting it behind him and stooping to pour a line of salt there as well. He spun back, gasping at an obvious shadowy outline of a person just outside the doorway, told himself it wasn't there, it wasn't happening, he wasn't seeing a thing. With his head ducked, Alec forced himself to take a couple of steps forward, shakily reaching out again to grab around the doorframe of his bedroom and swing the door closed.

Stumbling forward, Alec pressed his forehead against the door for a second, added yet another line of salt in front of the door, then readied himself for bed. Alec winced and jumped for every bang and crash out in the apartment, hoping he didn't wake to find the entire place wrecked—or the noise to be so loud that it disturbed his neighbors.

With no chance of sleeping whatsoever, Alec climbed into bed, plugged in his laptop, and continued with his searches, debating putting in his earphones to drown the noise out. Though he too fearful of what he might miss if he did that. But no matter how hard he told himself he was imagining things, or how many tabs he opened in an effort to distract himself, Alec was terrified, furious at himself for ever letting himself believe in any of it at all.

Sleep came to claim him eventually, still half-wedged upright on his pillows with the laptop clutched firmly in his hands. There were three messages to Magnus started then deleted on his phone on the sheets beside him, and nothing but curses for himself blasting out of his mouth.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your [survey](https://forms.gle/qtyvAdAMLk3xQhUA9)


	10. Chapter 10

"So, tell me about this _Magnus_."

Alec paused from where he'd been reaching for his coffee, looking back to find Izzy staring back at him through the screen with a knowing smile. He did his best to keep his face neutral, dismissing her question with a disinterested wave.

"Who?"

"Magnus," Izzy repeated, smiling harder, "you know. The guy you've mentioned in every single conversation we've had in the past few weeks. The one who, clearly, has got your attention, and who you seem to have been spending a lot of time with."

"I haven't," Alec denied. He'd not spent _that_ much time with Magnus. At least, not as much as he'd _like_.

"Really," Izzy said, and Alec could tell from the tone in her voice that she wasn't going to give up on this. His shoulders slumped in defeat. Alec dropped back harder into his chair, reaching for his plate with a slice of cake on and scooping up a bite as he thought about what to say.

"He's... we've been messaging," he tried to say as a halfway measure, averting his eyes at Izzy's answering snort. "He's... helping. You know, with the, uh, with the apartment," he added. Izzy's eyes instantly became sorrowful, making the cake in Alec's mouth difficult to swallow for his guilt.

It hadn't been until last week that he'd been so frustrated with what was happening that he'd confessed everything to Izzy. He'd kept it to himself not wanting the sympathy, or the mocking he felt he invited, or to have to admit anything was happening at all. But despite doing everything Luke and Magnus suggested, and repeating to himself how Luke was giving up all the free time he could spare to help him with researching the history of the apartment, everything had gotten too much.

That breaking point might have come with a belated answer to his weekend messages to Jace, with the offhand comment that he'd just got back from spending time with their parents, introducing them to his new girlfriend Clary. But Izzy didn't need to be told about that since she already knew. And where Alec was pretending not to be hurt that they hadn't made the time to see him, Izzy was livid. Alec was almost relieved for the change of subject to _Magnus_ for how quickly it changed her mood.

"I'm sorry. I didn't... I didn't want you to worry—"

"More like you didn't want any of this to be happening," Izzy amended for him with a shrewd raised eyebrow that said she knew him far better.

"That too."

"So what else is going on with you?" she asked, reaching out for her own coffee cup. She was sat in a small office in stark contrast to Alec's own cafe corner where he'd spent most of the afternoon. Alec didn't know she coped; none of the light on her desk was natural. She was all but sat in a large cupboard.

"Me? Nothing," Alec said as he shrugged, "the usual. Freya's having my manuscript so far read through, or reading it herself first; I don't know, exactly."

"You have any ideas for another one yet?"

"My head's too full of this one right now. I'm… still working on this one. I thought I'd finished but… it isn't right yet. Doesn't feel right, anyway."

"I suppose, if you need a glass-half-full spin on this situation in your apartment, you could use whatever's happening now to give you ideas for the next one, right?"

"Yeah," Alec laughed, shaking his head. "I invite well-meaning strangers into my home, befriend them, have them help me when I'm probably just... going insane, or something—"

"Alec—"

"And then go behind their back and use their stories to write my own so I can profit off them?" he continued, dismissed her attempt to interrupt him.

"Okay, first," Izzy said, with a little huff of indignation spilling from her lips before she could find her words. "Firstly. You're not going insane. You can't say things like that, Alec. You're _not_."

"Normal people don't have this kind of thing happening to them," Alec argued, trying to keep his voice down.

"Look," Izzy said. "Worst case scenario is that because you're writing's so good, you make it believable."

"It's not that," Alec immediately denied. "I don't write about _ghosts_."

"You wouldn't be selling the kind of numbers you're selling—you wouldn't have the kind of feedback, and reviews that you're getting if you weren't an incredible writer," Izzy pointed out.

"You've been looking at that?" Alec asked, both embarrassed and proud for the thought of Izzy on his website or looking up anything about his books.

"That's just about the dumbest thing you've ever said to me," she replied with a look that pushed Alec further into his seat. "Like I wouldn't be cheerleading you on—checking how you're doing—every step of the way."

"Okay," Alec mumbled back, nodding, and offering a contrite smile.

"And anyway," Izzy continued, taking another sip of her coffee. "Don't you think... you might be overdue a little company, huh?"

"I—"

"I'm talking about _Magnus_ ," she said, the look on her face telling Alec he wouldn't be allowed to get off topic again.

"What about him?"

"Alec. You've finally found yourself some new friends there; I couldn't be more happy for you. And from what you've said, he's been really understanding about what's going on with you in that place."

"He has; they all have."

"And you're messaging him, what... every day?"

Alec thought back to Magnus' earlier messages from that morning, and caught himself smiling.

"And you said he's _attractive_ —"

"I did not—"

"So he's not?"

"No. I mean yeah—yeah, he is," Alec amended, groaning to himself for the glee his words had put on Izzy's face.

"And he... he _intrigues_ you," Izzy continued, practically purring the words at him.

"He... I don't know what he does to me." But the truth was, _intrigue_ was probably a good word for what Magnus did for him. Magnus kept a lot of things to himself, but every small thing about his life that he revealed, Alec treasured, going over for more details of when alone. Which of course raised even more questions, even more things he wanted to know about him.

At times Magnus was as flamboyant and dramatic in his gestures as he had been the first time Alec had met him. But Alec had become convinced that his actions were often no more than an admittedly beautiful wall. He'd hinted at it in conversation with Luke and Raphael, having joined them for dinner again. Alec had even spent an evening at a bar with them and a couple more of their friends, surviving making easy conversation with the cushion of alcohol, pleased that he'd managed not to make a fool of himself.

But the mystery that was Magnus, that remained something Alec was yet to figure out, with Luke and Raphael giving him no further clues.

"Oh, I’m sure he does _something_ to you," Izzy teased, winking at him and leaving Alec whining in protest. He was definitely _not_ thinking about the occasions when just thinking of Magnus when alone had put something to grip in his hand. Which left him guilty in the aftermath as he panted into the darkness of his bedroom, reaching out for the box of Kleenex he’d left there for exactly that purpose. How horrified would Magnus be to learn he was getting off just thinking about him?

"Izzy—"

"Alec, Where's the harm in a little flirting? A little fun? When was the last time—"

" _Izzy_ ," Alec protested a little louder, with that blush beginning to creep down his neck.

"What?" she laughed. "Alec; you've got to stop doing this. You deserve better—at least a little human interaction."

"I _have_ human interaction," Alec protested again. He would tentatively call Maia, Luke, Steve, Raphael, and even Magnus friends, even if he chided himself half the time for making the presumption. And he'd made himself take more archery practice and go to more sessions at the MMA gym over the last few weeks. Alec knew his life wasn't anywhere near as social as he could be making it, but it was far better than it had been even a few months back. He was almost proud of himself for the changes he was making.

"Okay, _more_ human interaction," Izzy amended, rolling her eyes at him. "What's wrong with asking this Magnus out on a date?"

Alec winced over the way she lovingly pronounced Magnus' name, shoving in another mouthful of cake to prevent himself blurting out anything he didn't really mean.

"Seriously—"

"I don't think—I don't even know if he's interested," Alec found himself saying, immediately regretting it for the triumphant look in Izzy's eyes.

"I _knew_ it; you _do_ like him," she said, beaming back at him.

"I—"

"C'mon, Alec," she whined. "How am I supposed to live a vicarious love life if you won't play fair, huh?"

"You could... find your own love life so you don't have to be so interested in my lack of one," he suggested, washing back his cake with another mouthful of coffee.

"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?"

"There's Jace," he pointed out. "Go live vicariously through _him_. He's... I don't think I've seen him smile as hard as he's doing right now." On _Facebook_ , since he'd not bothered to see him in person.

"True," Izzy said, her smile dropping. "But, you know."

"I know you should be finding yourself someone before you insist on me doing the same," Alec added, earning himself a reproachful look.

"We've talked about this," Izzy said, with a wave of her hand. "I'm not even sure if... you know I don't even know if that's for me. I didn't come here for that. Besides. No changing the subject," she chided, fixing Alec with a mock stern glare.

"I—"

"And anyway; where's the harm in saying _hey, Magnus, how about a drink_ or something? It doesn't have to mean it's a _date_ , or anything; just two people getting to know each other a little."

"We barely know each other." Which wasn't true. Alec thought already he knew Magnus at least a little. He got the impression in fact that he'd already revealed quite a  _lot_.

"So _get_ to know each other," Izzy said as she laughed, her voice raising a touch in frustration.

"I’ve got… all kinds of problems with that," Alec sighed, taking a moment to pinch over his eyes.

"Like what?"

"Like… he believes in stuff I don’t believe in? He thinks he’s a medium—"

"One who is apparently helping you get rid of a ghost haunting your ass," Izzy pointed out, huffing to herself.

"Exactly," Alec nodded. "He’s helping me with something that I—I refuse to believe is happening even if I _know_ it’s happening. He doesn't even know that I _write_ —not books, anyway. That also happens to be something I’m very deliberately keeping from him."

"Why?" Izzy said, not seeming to understand. "You should be proud of your work, Alec. You _should_. And you could just… still get to know him. You could get to know him in other ways."

"Yeah," Alec laughed wryly, "because that’s a great way to start any relationship—friendship or otherwise. Only giving them half the story."

"I never said anything about a relationship, Alec," Izzy teased, a wicked glint in her eye that only sent a flare of blush over his cheeks.

"And I wasn’t saying that either; you know I wasn’t. But how can I even—I don’t know what I’m doing here," Alec said, running a frustrated hand through his hair and slumping even lower in his seat.

"So just… seriously. Invite him for a drink. Talk to him about stuff that’s not what’s going on in your apartment—"

"Like what?"

"Like… whatever you spoke about when you went to his for dinner. Ask him about his work. Tell him about yours—the stuff you do want to share with him; you said he read all your articles," she pointed out, trying to encourage him. "What’s the worst that can happen?"

"The worst that can happen is that he realizes that I’m not actually… that I’m just _this_ ," Alec said, pulling at the front of his shirt.

"And what’s _just this_?"

"This," he insisted, "just… just me, Iz. I’m not… I don’t—I’m not interesting—"

"Hey—"

"I’m _not_. I just… I don’t do anything, I don’t—I don’t even know where to start."

"I swear," Izzy sighed, her expression morphing into mild exasperation. "If I ever, _ever_ , run into whoever it was that made you stop _trying_ to have a relationship with someone, I’m gonna—"

"Izzy. Not this again. Seriously."

"You—"

"Just never got around to… _that_ ," Alec finished for her, shaking his head at the screen. "I just… it was never the right time, okay?"

"If Mom and Dad hadn't always pushed you to be _perfect_ all the time—"

"Past history, Izzy," Alec insisted, shaking his head. "All of that is just… past history. Okay?"

"Then if it’s _past history_ ; ask Magnus out for a drink," Izzy said, tilting her chin in challenge.

"That’s kind of a leap; I never said—"

"A _drink_ , Alec, not—not an exchange of every deep, dirty secret you’ve ever held on to—or, you know, saliva. Although that’d—"

"I don’t have any deep, dirty secrets," Alec replied, choosing to selectively ignore the other thing she’d said, "that’s sort of the problem. Magnus has a life, a—a _real_ life. Things he does—people he—"

"You said you don’t know all that much about him; you’re just assuming all—anything—because you’ve got nothing to fill in the gaps."

"I—"

"A _drink_ , Alec," Izzy repeated, a touch of pleading in her voice, "a single, solitary drink. A coffee if it has to be."

"He likes wine," Alec mumbled, darting his eyes away.

"See?" Izzy said with glee. "You’ve already got that in common—"

"Half the world likes wine."

"Yeah, but… it’s something," Izzy said, and Alec laughed again at the hope in her voice, groaning out loud.

"I’ll… think about it."

"Not too much, thinking," she insisted, "more doing—"

"No. Not too much," he agreed, smiling back at her in affection before changing the subject and catching up on the rest of her news.

* * *

"So; not that I’m not thrilled to be here. But this is a little unexpected, Alec."

Alec thought of the literal hour it had taken him to compose his message to Magnus, the way he’d trembled fighting with himself to send it, and how he’d watched his phone for a tortuous ten minutes until Magnus had answered him back.

Fighting to keep his face a mask, just smiling at Magnus whilst pleading with himself not to be an idiot, Alec took a gulp of his wine for courage, preparing to reply. "I just… I thought… I mean, I kind of feel bad that you cooked for me, and the best I’ve done in return so far, is get you takeout."

Perhaps he’d spent yet another hour prior to that message researching somewhere for them to go for a drink together, wanting to find a bar that Magnus might not have been to, then thinking considering his active social life that it was an impossible task. He'd chosen the Night of Joy Bar because it looked _interesting_. It was all low couches and mutely lit corners, one of which Magnus had led him over to and made himself immediately at home.

"Events in your apartment are a little too distracting for any form of elaborate cooking, I would imagine," Magnus offered as an excuse, unaware of Alec’s inner musings; Alec smiled around the sip of wine he’d just taken and swallowed it down.

"Well there is that," Alec agreed. "Still doesn’t stop me feeling at least a little bad about it. Especially when you’re helping me with whatever it is that’s going on in there."

"I see," Magnus replied, with a small, private smile to himself.

"Plus," Alec added quickly, interpreting the smile as an unhappy one, "I’d… we’ve been messaging… that is, we’ve known each other a few weeks now, and I… I just thought it would be n—good, to maybe meet up and talk about stuff that isn’t, uh… isn’t my apartment," and then promptly cursed at himself for his stumble of words.

"Alec," Magnus said, smiling wider and most definitely for him this time. "In case I haven’t already said it enough; you are adorable when you get flustered. But thank you, and I agree; this is a much more pleasant way to be spending the evening than I had been intending."

"What were you going to do?" Alec asked, imagining a thousand more interesting options than being stuck with his own company.

"Despite being a substitute teacher, I have been drafted in to assist with trying to unravel the mystery that is the schedule for next year," Magnus replied lacking all enthusiasm.

"You know; it didn’t even really occur to me that—that school’s out now, for summer, and you’re still teaching."

"We have a lot of students needing to improve their results for grades, and better their chances for college applications," Magnus agreed, nodding. "My schedule at the moment is really no less than during the normal school year. Which means that it is full—fuller than I would like, anyway."

Alec thought of all the possibilities of what Magnus could be doing if he had free time, and shifted in discomfort. "So how come you’re being asked to deal with the scheduling?"

"Resources, Alec," Magnus smiled, "and even if I do say so myself, I am exceptionally good at multitasking. Besides. It’s a good school. I like helping out."

"You’ve been at the same school as a substitute for three years, right?" Alec checked, making sure he’d remembered what Magnus had previously told him.

"Three long, rewarding years," Magnus confirmed with a fond smile, then added, "I started not long after my mother died."

"I’m sorry," Alec said immediately, itching to reach out and squeeze his arm in comfort and reining it in at the last minute. Magnus’ smile in response caught his breath, and Alec chided himself for being ridiculous.

"Thank you. It was a difficult period. Although when isn’t the loss of a parent?"

"I… well, mine are still alive, but… I guess I wouldn’t know," Alec replied, receiving a sympathetic look that had him gulping back his wine, and telling himself to stop drinking so fast.

"I say it wasn’t long after she died," Magnus amended then with a small frown to himself, "but it had to have been almost… six months. I had a lot of estate, and other matters to attend to. My father died when I was seventeen, and so when my mother passed as well, I had… so many things to deal with. Their house to clear and sell, to carry out their requests; everything."

"I can’t even pretend I know what that’s like," Alec replied, imagining when the inevitable happened to his own parents such duties would fall solely on Jace. Alec didn’t even consider the possibility of being named in their will.

"Challenging," Magnus nodded. "It is very hard to go through the treasured possessions of a person that you love, and not feel the same sentimentality for them—not to know the significance of them. I spent almost a full month going through everything in their house; pieces of art stored just about everywhere, and trinkets, draft pieces of work—so many things. It was strange to have to put my childhood home up for sale; it made me even more grateful that they had stipulated that I was to keep the summer house. I don’t know if I could have bared to sort through a second home."

"That’s not so bad," Alec replied, not really sure what he could say to that.

"No," Magnus agreed, "it isn’t. They insisted—Mom insisted, long before she died—that I keep it, that I use it as a retreat sometimes. They bought the place when I was about nine, and we spent so many weekends there, it was really a second home—a little further up the coast from home. A retreat away from everywhere."

"That sounds… good."

"Oh, it was," Magnus said, his face twisting up into a wistful smile of memory as he swirled his glass.

"I was in Brighton Beach a couple of months back," Alec nodded, "for the same kind of thing. I needed to clear my head a little, to focus on writing for a while. Not that it was all that far from home."

"You could have stayed at my place if I had known you then," Magnus teased, hesitating before nudging into his side. "And I must say, Alec, the effort you put into writing these articles; I never knew it would be so intensive, or demanding of your time."

Alec screwed up his face, wishing desperately that he was better at hiding what he was feeling.

"Alec?"

"I don’t… I don’t just write articles."

"No," Magnus agreed, his eyes narrowing in something between knowing, and triumphant, "I suspected as much. And Luke did mention that you dabble in other writing. I assumed you would tell me about it in your own time, if you chose to."

"I was down there—at the beach," Alec continued, taking another sip of wine for bravery, "because I guess I was having a little… writer’s block."

"For?"

"I might have written a… a couple of novels," Alec said, staring at his glass and feeling Magnus’ eyes boring into the side of his face. When he said nothing in response, Alec felt Magnus turn a little more towards him in obvious interest.

"Oh, really. This is intriguing," Magnus prompted, as Alec grew increasingly regretful of even opening his mouth.

"I—I don’t think it—they—would be anything you’d like," Alec stuttered out, cursing under his breath for how nervous he sounded.

"I might surprise you."

"I… really don’t think you would."

"Try me," Magnus coaxed, his voice gentle, weighing down on Alec hard with guilt.

Alec debated with himself, tried to find a way out of the conversation that wouldn’t feel stupid, and couldn’t, then attempted to find something to say that wouldn’t be too awful. "I… I guess you could say it’s… they’d fit into the horror genre."

"Is this your way of telling me that you tell stories about the ghosts you don’t believe in?" Magnus laughed, and Alec could tell he was joking. Magnus’ eyes flared a little a moment later when Alec found he couldn’t say anything to the contrary.

"Alec," Magnus prompted, his voice a tone Alec couldn’t work out.

"No. It isn't," Alec said when he could convince himself to speak. "Though the latest one has some elements that… well. I don't—I suppose I can't say, in all honesty, that everything at home isn't… having an impact on my work. I mean, I intended to try to make this story more of a thriller, more psychological, but. I'd be lying to myself if I said all the stuff happening in my apartment hasn't… changed the atmosphere of the story, at least. Not that I'm doing so well with writing the book right now. I'm stuck rewriting and I… well. That's it, really."

"I see."

"I… I know what you think of people who… who kind of… who—"

"Capitalize on things they don’t believe, and mock?" Magnus finished for him, and Alec slumped back hard in his seat, cursing at himself.

"Yeah…"

"You don’t… strike me as someone who would be so disrespectful," Magnus said after a long, uncomfortable pause.

"I’m not," Alec rushed to tell him, looking up with pleading in his eyes, and surprise to see Magnus fighting back a smile.

"Alec," he said, laughing a little, and even reaching over to squeeze his arm as Alec had been debating doing to him just a few moments earlier. "It is of no consequence to me, what stories you tell. I’m actually flattered that you would be so concerned about my opinion."

Which of course had Alec’s stomach give an uncomfortable, embarrassed twist.

"I just didn’t want you to think I’d that I’d be… I don’t know, taking notes for all you’ve done for me, and turning them into plots for my book, or… that I was laughing at you behind your back, or something. I… didn’t tell Luke right away either, but it felt—I felt worse for… for the idea of offending you."

"Because I’m a medium?"

"Exactly. Not that that has anything to do with what I write, but—"

"Alec," Magnus said, smiling harder, though there was an edge of bitterness to it, "do you not think I have been ridiculed for that… aspect of my life, for so much of my life, that I would not be able to recognize when someone is mocking me or not? Or going to mock me?"

"I—"

"Even my parents—my father in particular; my mother just didn’t talk too much about it—even they had trouble believing anything I was saying. I had school... _friends_ , who would invite me over for things like seances and ouija boards, and then go out of their way to really make me feel like the most… that I had no right to be even so much as talking, because everything I was saying was so unbelieveable."

"Magnus…"

"To say that I was bullied because I was different, in so many ways," Magnus continued, with what Alec thought was an unconscious look down at his own skin, bared to the elbow with his rolled up sleeve, "would probably be an appalling understatement of the… cruelty of some people at times."

"I’m so sorry," Alec tried, wishing Magnus would make eye contact and see how much he meant it.

"I told people in the beginning, but then I just kept it to myself. Put up walls, wore masks." Magnus said, his eyes darting off to the side. It brought to Alec’s attention the kohl lining his eyes, and he couldn't help his gaze lintering on the long chains halfway down his chest.

"I like your masks," Alec blurted out, his breath whistling out of him a second later. Magnus lifted his head to look at him, a curious smile curving his lips, and a softness around his eyes that spoke of his surprise. "I mean—"

"Don’t take it back, now, Alec," Magnus teased, though the second squeeze of his arm said more about pleading with Alec to mean it.

"I won’t; I do," Alec smiled. "I just… I mean, I don’t know your life, your world… all the things you’ve experienced, but… I think if I’d been through similar, I’d put up a few walls myself."

"Your own walls are perhaps a little less… dazzling than my own," Magnus smiled, casting a knowing look down over himself, "but I know you have them." Alec’s heart gave a stutter when Magnus followed up his words with a wink.

"I—"

"We all have walls… methods to hide our true selves behind, do we not?" Magnus continued, watching him carefully over the lip of his glass.

"We… we do," Alec agreed, his voice coming out small, "I—I don’t really have… I’m just… the friends I do have tell me I’m a little... I—"

"You have difficulty—discomfort, in certain social situations," Magnus replied, with no hint of judgment in his expression at all. "You are… intriguing, fascinating company, yet you doubt yourself. You are not comfortable in new situations unless you are familiar with people."

Alec’s stomach gave a violent jolt for Magnus’ observations, all of them scarily accurate.

"Alec," Magnus smiled again, affectionate and warm, "we said that part of what I do, what I can sense, is about intuition. Does it not follow, then, that my intuition is not solely for the recently deceased?"

"I.... hadn’t thought about it like that," Alec replied, frowning to himself for his own stupidity.

"So how about this," Magnus said, reaching for their bottle of wine and topping up both their glasses. "How about, we spend the rest of the evening getting to know each other, without all of these assumptions we have made about each other?"

"You’ve made assumptions about me?" Alec blurted out, immediately feeling even more stupid for it.

"But of course," Magnus agreed with a solemn bow. "Everything I just said to you was an assumption. I have more, of course, but—"

"More?"

"Alexander," Magnus laughed, leaning in a little, "are you attempting to tell me that you have not made more assumptions about me?"

"I—"

"Don’t be mistaken; I do want to hear all about them," Magnus teased, raising his glass and nodding to Alec’s, "however, perhaps some other time. There are so many other things I want to hear about you first."

"Like what?" Alec asked, lightly knocking their glasses together.

"Everything. Anything. All your deepest, darkest, most devastating secrets."

* * *

"We should share a taxi home."

It was almost midnight, but Alec felt like he could talk to Magnus for several more hours. They had spoken more about their childhood, and studies, and the things they liked to do when not at work. Alec had preened at Magnus' interest in his archery and MMA, which made him feel better that he didn't have anything more entertaining to tell him. And while Magnus was very definitely being coy he still spoke freely to Alec about many things. Alec  _still_ wanted to know more.

Though Magnus had work early in the morning, and Alec felt guilty about keeping him out so late. And that Magnus was the one to be suggesting they leave told Alec he really did want to get going. Alec pasted on a smile and ducked out the door Magnus held open for him, flagging down the first taxi he saw.

"Probably."

"I suspect it is only a few blocks for you, really," Magnus added. "Though I would feel happier to know that you were home safe."

"Actually, I was thinking of coming with you. Sharing a taxi to yours. So I… so I can see that _you_ got back okay."

Magnus's face split into the most adorable smile as he opened the taxi door. "Oh. You don't need to do that for me."

"I want to," Alec told him, climbing in after Magnus. He nodded and smiled again, relieved when Magnus only hesitated for a second before giving their driver his address.

"Actually, there is the most beautiful view of the river just by my building, if you feel like stopping to take a look. If it's not too late?"

It _had_ to be hope in Magnus' eyes, Alec was convinced of it.

"Sounds good. I don't have an early start tomorrow." He also preferred to go to bed exhausted so that he stood a better chance at sleeping. Magnus probably knew that already but was kind enough not to comment.

The taxi ride was too fast for Alec, who not only dreaded going home but also wasn't ready to end their night. So he was relieved when Magnus mumbled a slight change in direction taking them directly to the river, shivering into his jacket the moment they were out.

"Too cold?"

"No," Alec lied, shoving his hands further in his pockets, "it's fine."

"I like this view very much," Magnus added, waving an arm for him to follow. He was right; the view out over the river was stunning, lights rippling across the water surface and the air feeling calm.

"It's good."

"Sometimes if I have had a long day in my classroom, this is where I come first. It is only a few minutes on foot from mine, but it is enough."

"Even with the view from your place?"

"Well. If you were looking for an invitation—"

"I—"

"Of course, another night," Magnus said, smiling and avoiding his eyes. "I know it is late now."

"And you work tomorrow," Alec said, telling himself he wasn't disappointed.

"As do you."

"Yeah. But it's not—"

"I can stay. A little time. I mean _here_ ," Alec added, eyes blown wide for the way Magnus fought so hard against smiling.

"Do you have any plans besides work for tomorrow?" Magnus asked, gesturing for Alec to continue looking out.

"Archery in the afternoon. Work in the morning. That's… all I have planned."

"That doesn't sound so bad."

"What about you?" Alec asked, back to feeling uninteresting.

"Tomorrow night I will be visiting my friend Catarina."

"The… I saw her at The Hunters Moon."

"Yes."

"Catarina and I have known each other for years. Her parents were friends with my parents, we went to school together for a while. Her father got a job here in New York, so the entire family moved here when we were in junior high. We reconnected when I moved to New York to study."

"So you know each other pretty well."

"Catarina is my closest, most dearest of friends," Magnus agreed. "At times we are inseparable. Though when we were back in Camden together, there were three of us."

"Oh?"

"Ragnor Fell was our third."

Something was off. Alec knew it from the slight change in Magnus' tone, and the way his shoulders slumped a touch. Magnus glanced towards him and nodded as though he needed to compose himself to keep talking.

"Ragnor is also a good friend. _Was_. Is," Magnus said again correcting himself and frowning. "It's… complicated."

"You… had a falling out?"

"No," Magnus said, smiling, "never. Never anything more than slight disagreements in the entire time we've known each other. Though to hear him say it, you would think we fought all the time."

Alec said nothing, only waited for him to continue to talk.

"Ragnor's family are English. They moved here when Ragnor was very young, though the family always intended to move back to England for Ragnor to attend university there. Oxford, of course."

"Of course," Alec replied, kicking himself for it seconds later.

Magnus smiled, his hands wrapped around the edge of the railings lining the river, dropping his head down a touch. "Ragnor died. Approximately one month after starting university."

"Magnus, I'm—"

"It was a horrific accident. And _quick_. He didn't feel a thing. But it was… awful, losing him like that."

"Magnus, I'm sorry," Alec said, hesitating then reaching out to squeeze his arm. Magnus closed his eyes and leaned into it, and for a second Alec recognized that _look_ on his face. Like it had been an age before Magnus had been touched. Though Magnus quickly reined it in and reached up to cover his fingers, squeezing only momentarily before dropping them again.

"Thank you."

Alec smiled when Magnus looked up, though looked away again quickly for fear he'd start staring.

"Ragnor is… still here," Magnus added after a long pause; Alec could tell he was hesitating to tell him.

"Still… here?"

"Yes."

What Magnus was trying to tell him took a few seconds to sink in, and when it did, Alec had no idea what to think. Or how to react.

"You mean… he's a—"

"Spirit?" Magnus finished for him with a pinched smile. "Yes."

"But—"

"Do you remember me saying that a spirit may become tied to a person, place, or thing?"

Alec nodded, trying to ignore the way his heart started fluttering in protest.

"Ragnor never wanted to go back to England," Magnus replied. "He left a number of his possessions in _my_ possession, and with his passing… well. Let's just say it was something of a shock to be going through those possessions after the funeral and Ragnor arriving in my bedroom. Complaining that death had given him a headache and _would I mind awfully turning that infernal noise down_? It was only the radio. It was actually his favorite song."

"So he… _lives_ with you," Alec said, trying to be sensitive, trying not to reveal just how much he doubted.

"No, nothing of the sort. Though he does sense when I am in need of company. And he does have never-ending advice that… honestly. Death has made Ragnor rather _cocky_ at times."

Again Alec was stuck for words. Magnus smiled knowingly and gestured for them to walk.

"And on that note, I am sure you want to be getting home."

"Magnus, I—"

"I understand," Magnus said, already speeding up.

Alec couldn't let him think whatever it was he was thinking so jogged the couple of steps needed to catch up and once again grabbed his arm. He swirled his thumb over Magnus' jacket as he kept him in a loose grip. Magnus looked down at his hand as though daring himself to look up at Alec's face, giving him a cautious smile when he did.

"Does it help?" Alec asked slowly letting go. "I mean. Does it help with him being gone that… that he's still here in a way?"

"It does," Magnus agreed, still looking uncertain.

"Then. I guess this is all a good thing."

Magnus' smile became easier, almost amused for the vague wave in the air Alec did with his fingers to imitate him. "Yes. It is."

Outside of Magnus' apartment building door they came to a stop, Magnus raising his arm to flag down a passing taxi.

"I'll see you soon, Magnus," Alec said as he climbed in, wishing he could find an excuse to stay a little longer.

Magnus smiled, curling his fingers around the edge of the car door and gesturing that he would close it for him. "Yes, you will."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your [survey](https://forms.gle/jTCnV5Ztq4hm4pD39)!


	11. Chapter 11

"Is Steve okay?"

Alec watched Luke checking his phone for the third time since he’d arrived at his apartment, taking in the slight frown on his face and feeling second-hand concern. Luke had called to say he would be delayed because Steve had been taken ill at work, though had given no details about it.

"He’s fine," Luke agreed with a pinched smile for him. "He gets these migraines sometimes. Stress ones, when he’s an idiot and takes on too much."

"Is it work?"

"Uh…" Luke began to say, his tone still absent as he typed an answer back, "I don't know if there's anything that sets them off in particular, but yeah, probably. He's always been a stubborn bastard. As long as I've known him, anyway."

Alec took in the frustrated though affectionate look on Luke's face and smiled. "I hope he gets better soon. I can’t imagine what a migraine must be like."

"It looks like hell," Luke sighed, checking his phone a final time before pushing it on the coffee table, "but it’s worse when he still tries to work through it. I drove him home, left him propped up on the couch with like… food and water in grabbing distance. But I bet if I went back I'd find none of it touched."

"You didn’t have to come if you were busy," Alec said softly, guilty or disrupting Luke's day.

"I did," Luke said, blinking and wiping a hand over his face as though realizing how much he was sharing his worry for Steve. "I wanted to tell you what I’d found out so far. About here."

"Okay," Alec said, sucking in a breath and not realizing he’d been holding it until Luke raised an eyebrow at him.

"So. Your apartment was sold by a Vivian Nelson back three years ago. She’d bought it when they first did the conversion; her husband died in some freak farming accident, and she bought this place outright on the insurance."

"So the ghost…"

"Probably her," Luke finished for him with a grim smile. "Says here the sale was conducted by her power of attorney—her niece."

"So… Vivian died, her niece sold the apartment, and Vivian… got stuck here?" Alec asked, glancing around the room, half-expecting that saying the name out loud would summon Vivian into the room with them.

"Seems that way. She’d been diagnosed with Alzheimer's seven years prior, so… I can’t imagine that’s helping with that feeling of being stuck."

The bathroom door swung shut in the apartment as though in answer, and both of them jumped a little on the couch from the force of it.

"Hello, Vivian," Luke huffed, giving an absent wave of his hand.

"So… what do we do now?" Alec asked, telling himself not to panic, though his heart already beat too fast.

"Well," Luke sighed, "you’ve put out crystals, iron, salt already. You tried candles, right?"

Alec raised his hand to point to the two half-melted vanilla pillar candles above his TV. "You said if it—if Vivian’s active, then I—"

"Yeah, not to," Luke said, his eyes skimming out across the room, "I know. We could ask her to leave."

"Why do I hear a _but_ in that?" Alec asked, wincing again at another knock from somewhere in the apartment.

"I’d prefer to have Magnus here if we do that," Luke said. "In all honesty, when I’ve dealt with ghosts in the past, at this stage if none of that stuff has made any difference, I’d be trying a banishing spell."

"Why not in this case?"

"Banishing spells are good for when the person—spirit—is less, uh… volatile. Even when they’re more aware of what’s happened to them."

"Vivian’s more… confused, and active, so we can’t?" Alec summarized for him.

"I mean, we could," Luke replied, rubbing a tired hand over his face. "I… Magnus doesn’t like ‘em all that much."

"Banishing spells?" Alec checked, unconsciously shifting for the mentioning of Magnus’ name for a second time.

"Yeah," Luke agreed, with a slight narrowing of his eyes as he looked Alec over, and Alec was sure there was a curve of a smile there as well. "He’s… he thinks it’s disrespectful. Forcing these people out of their homes, or wherever they’ve got stuck. He’s… honestly, until I met Magnus, I… I sort of didn’t care about all that so much. I mean I _did_ ; I’ve dealt with one or two cases where the story behind what’s resulted in a ghost were heartbreaking, but… but before I met Magnus, I never really considered all that many ghosts as people. Stupid, really."

"I guess if you’ve spent all your life trying to get rid of them, it’s… not the first thing you would think about," Alec offered as a compromise, to which Luke gave a noncommittal shrug.

"I don’t know. Point is, though, with him on board, I sort of… I like to hear him out on what he’s thinking—feeling, I guess."

"He… seems to know what he’s doing," Alec agreed with a dry swallow. "Even if—"

"You don’t believe in what he’s doing," Luke finished for him, and that smile turned into one full of amusement.

Alec pictured the conversations they’d had in the past, when he’d strived to show he wasn’t dismissing the things Luke and Magnus did yet felt the need to point out his lack of disbelief every chance he got, and felt ridiculous for it. His expression apparently said that for him as well, because Luke's amusement took on a softness before he burst out laughing.

"I guess you heard me the first time," Alec said, covering his face with his hands and groaning.

"Hey, it’s fine; I get it," Luke said, sounding pleased enough to make Alec look up, smiling when he did. "And besides. _Magnus_ decided you’re good people, so, I gotta trust his judgment."

Alec made an undignified squeak as he inhaled too quickly, feeling his cheeks burn with the crinkling up of Luke's eyes in utter mirth.

"He said you went out the other night," Luke added, and Alec really did think the ground would open up and swallow him for the knowing look on his face.

"I—"

"Seriously. He’s…. I don’t know, Alec; he’s usually all kinds of… You know. Nothing will touch him, nothing fazes him—I mean, obviously it _does_ , he just hides it. But now every time he talks to me, every other word out his mouth is about _you_. It’s cute," Luke added, which did nothing but make Alec want to hide his head in his hands all over again.

"He’s… fun," Alec managed to say, muffled between his fingers without really looking up. Fun was an understatement. Magnus was proving to be one of the most interesting people he’d ever met. But he didn’t think Luke needed to hear that.

"He is," Luke agreed. "I’m just used to him being more… I don’t know. Aloof with new people, is all. Shutting ‘em out ‘till he’s ready, or not wanting anything to do with ‘em at all."

"He was sort of like that in the beginning with me," Alec said in defense, sitting back hard against the couch. When he looked up at Luke's lack of commenting it was to see him staring at him in consideration then finally giving up a rueful smile.

"Anyway," Luke said, clearing his throat. "Since it looks like this ghost is _Vivian_ , maybe now we’ve got a name, it’d be good for Magnus to come back and… do his thing."

"He’s… coming over tomorrow, actually," Alec admitted, avoiding eye contact already knowing the look that would be on Luke's face. "So, I guess—"

"I’ll call him," Luke replied, "tell him what I’ve found out so far. Though if he’s coming over anyway, I guess he’s already got an idea of—"

"It’s for dinner," Alec blurted out, immediately regretting it. "I—"

"Which reminds me," Luke interrupted, a purely triumphant look lighting up his face. "Dinner at mine on Saturday. You, me, and Magnus. You up for it?"

"I… that sounds good."

"Good," Luke echoed, that same studious look on his face again from before. But then he was glancing at his phone again.

"So. You’ll tell Magnus about… about Vivian—"

"I will," Luke nodded, already standing, looking back at him apologetically. "Sorry to make this such a quick visit, but—"

"It’s fine," Alec agreed quickly, standing with him, exchanging a few more words before he was closing the door behind Luke and his thoughts already turning to Magnus.

* * *

"I don’t think it’s Vivian."

Alec paused with his glass halfway to his mouth at Magnus’ words and turned a little to look at him, pretending he wasn’t aware of the way their thighs pressed together on the smallest of Luke's two couches.

"How come?"

Alec turned at Luke's response, catching the dart of his eyes over the two of them sat together and the flicker of a smile, then finally raised his glass, watching. If Luke thought he was being subtle in the way he’d arranged their seating, or his pointed questions about their dinner together at Alec’s apartment, then he was fooling no one.

It had just been _dinner_ after all. Luke didn't know how hard it had been for Alec when Magnus arrived with a shirt unbuttoned halfway down his chest and his hair styled in such a way that had made Alec want to sit on his hands so he didn't reach out.

"The spirit feels… younger," Magnus replied after a careful pause and twirl of his fingers. "More like they had more to lose by dying so soon; more than I would imagine an older woman would."

"Well," Luke replied, taking a sip of his wine himself, "only other person I found connected to the apartment was her niece. And she’s clearly still around if she’s executor and all that, so. Kinda stuck."

"I can… I can help looking into stuff," Alec offered, holding his breath when Magnus gave an affectionate nudge against his thigh.

"Of course you can," Magnus teased as he leaned into him, "all that research you must do for your books," then let out a peal of delighted laughter, which Alec had to assume was for the embarrassment that had to be written all over his face.

"I mean, I guess since you’re the owner, you might have some details on the deeds and all that," Luke said with a shrug, apparently fighting not to smile at them both. "I guess it wouldn’t hurt for you to take a look at those at least."

"Then I’ll do it tomorrow," Alec agreed, raising an eyebrow at the slightly indignant grumble from his side.

"Alexander," Magnus said, a little softer as though their conversation was private, "the spirit is… it is becoming more agitated." Instantly Alec was reminded of their dinner being interrupted with flickering lights and more bangs and crashes than he’d heard in a while. How Magnus had jumped to his feet with his hands flared out like he might try to _defend_ him if needed. Alec had gone to bed that night with many thoughts about _that_.

"All the more reason for me to try and figure this thing out quickly then, right?" Alec replied, sounding more confident than he felt. He hated revealing just how much everything was affecting him, feeling foolish in more knowledgeable company, and finding himself not wanting to look stupid in front of Magnus in particular.

"Yes, but you’re the one who is living in there. You’re the one who has to deal with all that is happening. And you repeatedly refuse my offer of a spare room," Magnus added sounding deeply offended by that. Alec told himself he didn’t flinch at the way Luke snorted in surprise around his glass.

"It’s okay, Magnus," Luke replied, a little mirth creeping into his words, "he’s stubborn. Refused my spare room as well."

"Stubborn indeed."

"I wasn’t even aware that you _had_ a spare room," Luke added, sounding full of reproach and staring at Magnus with doleful eyes; the amusement lighting them ruined the entire look, however.

"Two," Magnus confirmed with ease, smiling at Alec, "so you would have your pick; though my bed is, of course, the most comfortable. I would also offer you that."

Luke snorted behind his glass apparently hearing the insinuation there, and Alec forced himself not to react. "Magnus. I keep learning all kinds of things about you because of Alec. You've been holding out of me, man."

Alec's stomach knotted painfully, ducking his head and still feeling Magnus' eyes on him.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah," Luke replied, his voice still full of teasing. "I hear you can _cook_."

Alec had to look. Magnus was staring back at Luke, his mouth slightly open. To his relief, Alec watched his lips curve up into a smile.

"Only for certain, special people," Magnus said, turning to _wink_ at Alec, who jolted against the coffee table for it and almost dropped his glass in the process. He needed the subject changing, and _now_.

"I need to get rid of this thing—"

"Help the person move on," Magnus immediately amended for Alec, sending a reproachful look his way.

"Help them move on," he amended himself with a small smile, "because you’re right; it _is_ getting worse there. I don’t know how much longer I can stand it without giving up."

"Giving up?" Magnus practically cried in alarm. "You can’t do that—"

"And I can’t live like this indefinitely."

"I’ve got a couple evenings free next week so I can do a bit more research myself," Luke said, the tone of his voice getting Alec’s attention. Alec caught himself forgetting he was there in Luke's apartment, trapped in a bubble of staring at Magnus as though there was no one else around. He muttered a thanks in Luke's direction and forced his eyes down to the glass in his hand, begging his cheeks not to flush. Though Magnus was a reassurance warmth against his side as he and Luke continued to discuss his apartment, Alec listening not thinking he had anything to offer that would help.

* * *

Ignoring the burst of cold laughter from behind his shoulder, Alec slid the folder containing all the paperwork for the apartment from his desk drawer and slammed it closed. It was an irrational thought, but Alec got the impression his uninvited company was _watching_ him, aware that things were now happening that would make them leave.

Throwing himself on the couch as though he didn’t have a care in the world, Alec slid the folder open and tipped the contents out onto the couch cushion beside him, beginning to sift through it. There were details of repairs, the agreements that he’d signed, some photographs showing the previous decor of the place, and a few receipts from contractors who had completed the work. Vivian Nelson’s signature and details stood out on earlier documents, and then another name began to appear on her behalf; Matilda Duke, who Alec assumed to be Vivian’s niece.

Alec ran his thumb over the name as though doing so might give him a little insight into what he was looking for. He’d been confident when he’d announced he’d do some of his own research—partly to speed things up, but also to take some of the pressure from Luke—but looking at all the paperwork in front of him, Alec realized he’d been too ambitious. There was no hidden message on the page in front of him, no secret code scribbled in a margin, no photos or clues to tell him where he should next look.

Determined not to be defeated already, Alec tipped the folder up to see if an answer would tumble from its depths. When no such thing happened he grabbed his laptop, gritting his teeth and adamant that he wasn’t flinching at the grating sound of a dining room chair being slid back from beneath the table to his side. He typed the name _Matilda Duke_  in the search bar, winced at the thousands of pages that came up in his search and became immediately disheartened again. Instead he settled for distractedly flicking through looking for details of the apartment building as though that might help, not knowing where else to look.

Turning back to the paperwork, Alec skimmed over the limited details of both sales of the apartment, idly typing those in to search for as well. Again he came up with nothing. The only scrap of information that solved one mystery was the confirmation that the ghost was not Vivian Nelson, since she was currently in a residential home where she had moved when her Alzheimer's had become too much to deal with alone. It explained her niece being executor, but since she was still alive as well, Alec's _guest_ was still without a name. Alec slumped back against the couch in frustration and sighed out into the room.

As usually seemed to happen to him of late, when his mind wasn’t occupied with work or worrying about his _ghost_ , Alec’s mind turned to Magnus. He picked up his phone, thumbed through and smiled at their most recent messages, then caught himself grinning and locked the screen, only to immediately open it up again and begin another message.

It had become second nature to speak to Magnus every day. They shared anecdotes about Magnus’ students, and Alec’s observations of people in the cafes he frequented that Magnus declared hilarious; their days were _filled_ with conversation. There never seemed to be an end to Magnus’ interested in him, which Alec was astonished by, yet couldn’t help feel the same way back. Magnus really did fascinate him; even if Alec did avoid subjects that he thought Magnus wouldn’t want to hear details of, or didn’t want to pry.

Their back and forth had become so easy, that Magnus’ brief response to his pointless message to check in caught Alec unawares, and he was still staring at the screen wondering what he’d said wrong when a second message came through.

 _Sorry, Alec; I’m in the middle of something_ , came the follow up message, that Alec spent an equal amount of time staring at as though he could will the words into something else. When nothing further appeared after five minutes, he pushed the phone to the couch, determined not to be dejected by Magnus’ disinterest.

As though picking up in his dip of mood, the dining chair pushed back harder; so hard that it collide with the arm of the couch. And Alec was flinching in the other direction just a second later when a cold, harsh burst of laughter hit his ear, hard enough for him to believe he could feel a huff of breath there against his skin.

Glaring into the air of the room, Alec forced himself to slowly gather all his paperwork to slide back into its folder, returning it to the desk in his bedroom adamant he did not flinch at the rough shove to his shoulder. He quietly gathered up his bag as though not wanting to draw attention to that fact he was planning to leave, deciding to find distraction in a cafe—for once from Magnus not wanting to talk to him rather than worrying about his ghost.

By the time he’d slumped down into his favorite cafe corner, Alec had decided on multiple reasons for Magnus’ coldness, then dismissed each one of them in turn as his own paranoia. A further message from Magnus saying nothing more than _I’m having a bad day_ lifted a little of his listless feeling, and then Alec spent a good half an hour debating what he could do to cheer him up.

After some careful messages back to check where Magnus was and establishing him to be at work, Alec decided on what he thought was a good solution. After killing a little time on his various blogs and social medias, Alec made his way down to the school where Magnus worked. He waited nervously where he hoped he’d catch a glimpse of Magnus as he made his way out of the building, hoping Magnus wouldn't hate the idea of him just showing up. While waiting, Alec talked himself into and out of leaving so many times, that he was possibly more surprised than Magnus was when he finally stepped out. Alec watched Magnus appear on the top step and suck in a lungful of relieved air, startling when his eyes fell on Alec.

"Alec," he said, too quiet for Alec to hear, though he could make out the shape of his name there on his lips even as he stepped forward himself.

"Hey," he called out, hoping that his wave back was casual and wouldn’t reveal just how nervous he was feeling.

"What… not that I’m not happy to see you, but what are you doing here?" Magnus asked, eyeing him curiously as his lips curled up into a smile.

"You said you were having a bad day," Alec said, quick as though getting his words out was time critical, "and I thought… I mean I should’ve asked; because you’ve probably got plans. But I… I thought maybe we could go for a drink. You could... tell me why it’s been a bad day. Only if you wanted, of course."

"I’d… actually, I’d love that," Magnus said softly, falling into step beside him and gesturing for the best way to go. Alec tensed for the excuse that would say why it wasn’t a good idea, or why he had something far more interesting to do. And when it didn’t come, he allowed himself to relax into the beginnings of their conversation, enjoying the easy way their arms repeatedly knocked together as though they’d spent so many times walking side by side.

Alec willingly followed Magnus into a bar he suggested, trying and failing to ignore the intimate corner he picked out. Though he couldn't be oblivious to the way Magnus all but snuggled up into his side, demanding to himself that he concentrate as he prepared to play the role of sympathetic listener.

"I'm listening," he said when they had their drinks, watching Magnus begin to unwind.

Magnus smiled, toying with the stem of his martini glass, looking deep in thought. "Nothing in particular made today a bad day. Nothing specific. At least, nothing that should have left me in such a foul mood."

"Bad days don't need a reason to be… _bad_ ," Alec tried to say, pleading with himself to find better words. Magnus smiled for them anyway, taking a sip from his glass.

"Today I had two classes, one after the other, first thing this morning, with students who are… let's just say they are _difficult_. They are the most infuriating group of students I have ever had the misfortune to teach. Part of me wants to feel sorry for them; I know they don't have the easiest of lives at home. But part of me just really resents that they would so wilfully waste my time."

"What were they doing?"

"Disrupting the group. Having no consideration for the other students taking time out of their summers to improve their grades. At one point they were making paper airplanes to throw around the room—ostensibly to pass crude messages to one another, of course. It's very possible I came close to snapping, and I loathe putting myself in that position."

"That doesn't sound like… fun, at all."

"It wasn't," Magnus agreed, sipping from his glass again. Alec gestured to a passing waiter for another for them both. He was determined to like the taste of these things even if martinis weren't his usual thing.

"So… that seems like a good reason to be having a bad day."

"I suppose. Between that and little sleep, it has been… quite the day."

Already Alec could picture Magnus' evening the night before, some exotic club somewhere in the company of people far more interesting than _him_. Magnus didn't _look_ tired, he was as beautiful as he always looked. But Alec's thoughts took him to some horrible places, and Alec found himself draining his glass to chase them away. He forced a smile on his face and berated himself for the misplaced jealousy still bristling beneath his skin when he didn't have a right to jealousy at all.

"Well. Then I hope you'll sleep better this evening."

"I assume I will be so exhausted from getting barely any sleep last night, that I will fall asleep the moment my head touches the pillow."

"I won't keep you here too late tonight."

"Oh, I have no objection to you keeping me here as late as you like," Magnus replied, his smile making Alec's stomach flutter. "I just hope that when I attempt to sleep tonight I actually _do_ sleep. Unlike last night when nothing I tried helped in the slightest."

That jealousy in Alec seemed to pause in suspicion, though Alec couldn't deny he was relieved for the thought of Magnus just not being able to sleep than spending time with somebody else. And then of course he was furious at himself for being selfish. Alec drained his glass and pushed it away on the table, determined to make Magnus smile to make up for his unpleasant thoughts.

Over several martinis Alec found himself shuffling closer to Magnus and getting more comfortable. Magnus' shoulder was pressed firm against his own on more than one occasion, and when Magnus stood to use the bathroom Alec offered his hand for balance. Magnus squeezed back holding on for several seconds longer than necessary before turning away and making his way through the bar. Alec dropped his hand into his lap telling himself not to focus on it, trying to rein in how hard he was smiling.

When Magnus began to yawn another hour later, doing his best to cover it up but then looking back at him ruefully on his third attempt, Alec offered to walk him home. The look on Magnus’ face was awed, as though such a gesture was beyond any of his expectations. Alec had to resist the urge to throw his arm around his shoulders, or drop his hand a fraction to link their fingers together in the gap between them on the seat.

"It is too far to walk."

"It isn't," Alec denied. "Not if you want me to walk you. Though if you wanted to get home quickly—"

"No."

Alec looked down at the hand gently resting on his thigh, sure he could hear how hard Magnus was swallowing.

"No," Magnus said again, squeezing before dragging his hand away, "a walk would be wonderful."

Their conversation flowed even easier on the walk home. Magnus' laugh was addictive, and Alec found himself telling all kinds of stories just to hear him laugh again. Magnus seemed to be doing the same, sharing details that almost had Alec doubled over for laughing. At one point he had to backhand tears from his eyes for laughing so hard.

"Thank you for such a wonderful surprise of an evening, Alec," Magnus said in quiet, hushed tones once they were at the foot of his apartment block.

"It was fun for me too," Alec replied easily, although worrying if there was a better word he could have used. The humble look Magnus gave him back sent an ache piercing through his stomach, and Alec couldn’t help wondering if the idea of someone surprising him with little more than the gift of their time was something Magnus had rarely received.

"Perhaps we should do this again soon."

"We should," Alec agreed, telling himself tonight hadn't been a _date_. Even though he was half-convinced it was.

Magnus continued to smile back at him; Alec searched desperately for something to say. He was convinced Magnus was too, panic beginning to grip him when he couldn't get a single thing out.

"Ragnor."

Magnus' eyes flared for Alec's blurting out. "What about Ragnor?"

"You said. That a… a person who's _gone_ but not… _gone_ gone, they get attached to something."

"I did," Magnus agreed with a cautious smile.

"So… Ragnor. What—what did he attach to? _Is_ he attached to?"

The tension in Magnus' smile dropped and became it a soft, wistful one instead. "A chess board. Ragnor and I learned to play together when we were children. At times we still _do_. He is an appallingly bad loser, even now."

Alec smiled for the image Magnus' words created for him even if he was still trying to convince himself he didn't believe it. But he only nodded in answer, once again stuck for something to say.

A visible shot of tension went through Magnus then, his expression becoming hesitant as though he was debating with himself. And before Alec could overthink it, Magnus was stepping forward, tentatively reaching out and pulling him in for an awkward hug. Alec lifted his arms to hug him back immediately, closing his eyes at the contact, and allowing his head to sink down against his shoulder.

"Thank you," Magnus whispered, dropping his head to the side to lean against Alec's.

"Any time," Alec replied, leaning back.

Alec was smiling to himself all the way back home, buoyed by the reminder of Magnus’ arms around him; enough to flip off the noises and movements in his apartment and go to bed without being worried for once.

* * *

Alec’s ease with the ghost in his apartment was short lived.

After passing on a message to Luke that there was no way the ghost could be the previous owner Vivian, the air of the apartment seemed to take on a static quality. The lights dimmed and hummed so much it was as though he had a faulty dimmer switch, and there were three separate occasions when Alec had gone to take food off the stove only to be hissing in pain when things over boiled without warning, or the controls became too hot to touch.

Alec had become, if not accustomed to the various foibles of the ghost, then a little complacent to them. The crying no longer sent quite the same shiver down his spine that it once had done, and the majority of the furniture being moved around barely even registered for Alec. Even the repeated shoving at him when he walked through the apartment had become little more than an irritation. Alec had begun to think that the best way to deal with the ghost was to act as though he was unaffected by its efforts.

But if anything, the ghost seemed incensed by his lack of attention for it. The breathing in his ear or behind his shoulder grew louder and more impatient, and those shoves he tried to shrug off were carried out with greater force. Every step, and moment in his apartment had begun to feel like a challenge. And while so many of the unexplained occurrences had faded to little more than background noise, others reared up so that he had no chance of ignoring them at all.

After a particularly poor night’s sleep following wordless whispering and the weight of unseeing eyes staring at him from his bedroom doorway, Alec fell asleep on his couch. When he woke around lunch time he decided he would force himself through research for a couple of articles before letting himself go out.

He’d fallen asleep with his fingers curled around the edge of the laptop whilst stretched out at an awkward angle on his back. Alec woke choking, thinking that perhaps he’d swallowed something in his sleep, and moved to sit upright. The feel of a hand squeezing around his windpipe and pressing him hard into the couch cushions had his heart racing in fear.

Alec tried to suck in a breath, push his head back in the cushions to get himself more space to breathe, but all that happened was the tightening of the grip.

With his voice cracking and his fingers clawing ineffectively at his throat, Alec found one solitary breath in which to call out. He yelled, as loud as his fractured voice would allow him to, and pushed back trying to raise himself up, arms flailing out. The pressure dropped, and Alec flung himself to the floor beside the couch, snagging his fingers out for his laptop, and groaning when what felt like a kick to his back pushed him flat against the floor.

Since Alec’s entire livelihood sat on his laptop, his urge to just flee the apartment as he was became overruled by fear of a loss of months of work. Squaring his shoulders and wincing at the wheeze in his breath, Alec dragged himself up on shaking arms, trying to catch his breath. He wedged himself against the couch for balance and stuffed his bag with his laptop and cable, then dragged his phone and keys from the table as he stumbled to his feet, and turned to make for the door.

Though there was no visible force there, Alec could feel it. As though a mass was stood before him blocking his way, towering and hard-breathing, watching his every move and waiting to strike.

Steeling himself, Alec sucked in a breath, cowering while trying to look, telling himself he was concentrating on the door. He made it three steps; a low, rumbling laugh assaulted his ears before he was sent plummeting forward, hitting his forehead against the door as he fell. He scrambled to his feet gripping hard to the door handle, and through sheer force of will managed to crack the door open, all but crawling outside.

The door slammed hard behind him as Alec sat in a heap on the other side of it, taking huge gulping breaths to right himself. A cold burst of laughter from behind the door made Alec's skin crawl. He hauled himself up on shaky limbs, too frightened to ride the elevator down in case his _guest_ joined him. Alec made his way down the stairs taking twice as long for how unbalance he felt, ready to cry in relief when he stepped out of the apartment building.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is your [survey](https://forms.gle/vGG7GaKWNUkh1Csp7)!


	12. Chapter 12

"Oh, Alec…"

The softness in Magnus’ voice when Alec showed up unannounced at his apartment after wandering aimlessly for a couple of hours was so gentle that it forced a sob up out of his throat. He didn’t mean to, and had no wish for anyone to see how much this ghost was troubling him. But Magnus’ look of concern as he stepped back to invite him in opened a floodgate. Alec tumbled forward, far too upset with himself to be embarrassed that he landed all but head first in Magnus’ neck.

"Alec," Magnus called again even softer, carefully wrapping his arms around him once he’d pushed the door closed. And with a bit of coaxing and a lot of stumbling forward, Magnus moved him through to the couch. He slipped Alec's bag over his head and guided him to sit, giving the single instruction for Alec to wait.

Magnus returned just moments later with a mostly full bottle of scotch, pouring him a generous measure and guiding it in to Alec's shaking hands. He didn’t move until Alec took a hesitant then more confident sip, a shudder shooting right through him that almost had him gulping the entire thing down.

"What happened?" Magnus asked. Alec watched him pour a smaller glass for himself, then saw him hesitate before reaching out, sliding his fingers beneath Alec’s against his lap. Alec squeezed back, instantly feeling anchored by his touch enough to sigh out in shaky relief and take another sip of his drink.

"It’s… I don’t know what happened, but it got worse," Alec said after a couple of breathy attempts, then blurted out the entire experience leaving him breathing hard and gripping Magnus’ hand tighter still.

"It's okay, Alec," Magnus said squeezing his hand back and giving Alec such a soft smile that he felt like crying all over again.

"I don’t think I can do this anymore, Magnus," Alec said then, hating how shaky his voice was coming out. But all Magnus did was gently flex his fingers so he’d know to release them, then lift that hand to rub reassuring circles into his back.

Whether it was the experience with the ghost, or how much he was craving any kind of human contact, Alec felt himself dropping his head back down into the crook of Magnus neck, breathing the scent of Magnus in. Magnus tensed in surprise, and Alec felt foolish for his moment of weakness, making to move back. But Magnus stopped him by wrapping his arms tight around him and squeezing before murmuring soothing, wordless nothings into the side of his hair. So Alec let himself be held, repeatedly told himself to neither feel stupid for it nor enjoy it too much. In the silence of Magnus’ apartment he told himself to think of nothing else, to focus only on the warmth of Magnus next to him and the evening out of his own breathing.

"You doing okay?"

Even Magnus’ words were gentle. As he pulled back with a final nod against his shoulder, Alec could already feel crippling embarrassment curling him forward for just how much he’d enjoyed being held.

"Yeah," he said, having to clear his throat for the crack in it and avoiding Magnus’ eyes altogether. "Yeah, I’m good. Thanks."

"We need to do something about this," Magnus sighed, reaching up to push the hair back from Alec’s forehead before his eyes flew wide in alarm for his own actions. Alec only smiled back, accepting a top up of his scotch when offered to distract them both.

"I don’t… I don’t think I can go back there," Alec stuttered out, imagining a repeat of what he’d just experienced and shuddering.

"You don’t have to," Magnus replied, promise laced through his words. "You’re welcome to stay here while we figure this out."

"I can’t do that," Alec protested, already shaking his head.

"Why not?"

Alec thought of numerous excuses but couldn’t come up with a good enough reason, so took another sip of his drink and shrugged. "It’s… I’d be imposing."

"Alec; with two spare bedrooms, two couches—and the other half of my bed—I have ample room," Magnus said, and Alec couldn't help but smile.

"Still—"

"How about we agree to a couple of nights to start with?" Magnus suggested. "If you allow me to, I’ll go back to your apartment, see if I can get a sense for a reason for this change. I'll speak to Luke, see if between us we can’t speed things up a little."

"He’s already giving up his free time for this," Alec protested again, thinking how much he seemed to be inconveniencing these new friends of his.

"He doesn’t mind," Magnus said, hesitating once again before reaching out and resting a hand around Alec's shoulder. Alec resisted the urge to try to duck beneath it into the warmth of his side again. "If anything, I think he feels bad that he has so much on currently, that he’s not been able to help more."

"He’s doing more than enough—you both are."

"I hope it is not too bold to make the assumption that we are your friends, Alec," Magnus replied, the tone of his voice teasing. But a slight flicker of doubt behind his eyes had Alec think it might be his own insecurities peeking out.

"You are," he agreed quickly, smiling back at him.

"Then, how about this," Magnus replied, slipping his fingers back from Alec’s shoulder and sitting back against the couch. "I’ll message Luke now, to tell him what’s happened. You will enjoy that glass of scotch and forget about your ordeal. Stay here tonight; I know an excellent recipe that will have you far too distracted—and full—to think about anything but how you’ll ever move again."

Alec offered up another smile in answer, and gave a sharp nod.

"And then tomorrow—I’m afraid I am working for much of the day—but if we leave together in the morning, then I will come with you to your apartment. Perhaps you can pick up a change of clothes for a couple of nights, and I will attempt to get a feel for the place to see if I can sense what has caused this change. I will give you a key to here—"

"Magnus, I can’t do that," Alec protested again, though his heart did soar for the thought of him trusting him so much already. "When this sort of thing happens—not to this kind of extent, of course—I… usually I spend the day in a bunch of cafes."

"Well, of course; if you would prefer your usual cafe corners to the corner of my couch for the day," Magnus teased with a wink, nudging back against him, his lips twisting up in delighted mirth at Alec’s immediate ducking of his head.

"It isn’t that I don’t appreciate it," Alec tried to say, stumbling a path through his words. "But—"

"I understand," Magnus replied, with a serene look on his face. "I will, in that case, meet you once I am finished at work. Though I would like to insist that you stay here for at least a couple of days. It is the weekend after all."

Alec’s stomach plummeted at the thought, even more guilt weighing him down for interrupting whatever plans Magnus might have—or what _he_ might be witness to if he stayed. Would Magnus go about doing whatever he had already planned on doing? Would there be company here in the apartment that he didn’t already know about? Would there be—

"Actually," Magnus said, with his fingers up at his ear cuff and darting his eyes elsewhere, "I was planning on a quiet weekend anyway. Last weekend was an extended birthday party for one of my old college friends visiting New York; I feel as though I might still be recovering."

"You… don’t mind me being here. The whole weekend," Alec asked, keeping his voice soft as though that would hide how much he liked the idea.

"On the contrary," Magnus told him, his eyes teasing as they glanced over his face. "I have a theory about just how adorable you look with bed hair; I’m looking forward to finding out if I’m right about that over breakfast," which of course, had Alec embarrassed all over again.

"Now," Magnus said then, standing with a flourish and extending a hand to pull Alec up. "You are in luck, since I have spare toothbrushes and an excess of toiletries stocked in my bathroom. If you would care to choose somewhere to sleep, then I will do my best to get you settled before I cook. I promise not to be offended if you choose to have a room of your own."

Alec took in the dramatic press of Magnus’ hand to his own chest, the wounded look on his face, and the way his eyes danced with mirth, and couldn't help but smile yet again. "That's… thanks, Magnus."

"Unfortunately, I cannot give you my undivided attention for at least a couple more hours," Magnus added, beckoning for Alec to follow him.

"I can leave if you—"

"Did I not just say that you are welcome in my home?" Magnus demanded in a dramatic spin that brought him far too close to Alec. Alec stumbled backward, and Magnus reached out to squeeze his arm for it.

"But—"

"I merely have to work a little. There are several essays that I need to return first thing tomorrow. If you want to keep me company as I do so, I would be… most obliged."

"I'll try not to interrupt you."

Magnus stepped back to look him over and smirked, spinning on his heel once again.

* * *

Magnus' _office_ really did remind Alec of an apothecary room. Alec tried to keep still in the chair in the corner but Magnus' bookshelves were so full of interesting things Alec couldn't help be curious. He kept stretching to read some of the spines reading some titles that he assumed were related to Magnus' mediumship, but then the chair would creak and he'd freeze, doing his best not to disturb him.

"Alexander. You are free to move."

Magnus continued writing for a moment before turning to look at him with a smile.

"I'm… sorry."

"Don't be. I can't imagine this is much fun for you."

"You're letting me stay here. You fed me. Which again, was amazing. You don't have to provide my entertainment as well."

Magnus' mouth curved up into a smile as he looked him over, turning back to his work as he played with his ear cuff. "I could always try to get Ragnor's attention. Perhaps he can keep you _entertained_ with a game of chess."

Alec's blood ran cold. He couldn't bring himself to answer. Magnus spun on his chair to face him looking horrified.

"That was insensitive. I'm sorry, Alec."

"No. No, it's fine," Alec replied, shuddering for the thought of sitting across from a chessboard with an invisible opponent. Magnus caught him doing it, looking filled with contrition as he turned to refill his glass.

"I was hoping that this wouldn't take so long. Though this student writes in such unnecessarily complicated language it is giving me a headache trying to read a single paragraph."

Resisting the urge to ask to read the offending essay himself, Alec stood with his scotch in hand and began examining Magnus' shelves. There were titles on demonology, Wicca, and many other titles that put the hair up on the back of his neck. But there were also many novels that he recognized, and he noticed that one particular shelf seemed to take pride of place in the room. Alec read the titles and assumed the shelf must contain those six titles Magnus had said encouraged him into teaching.

"Are you looking for _your_ books, Alexander?"

Alec winced, coming to stand the other side of Magnus' desk. "No. I'm not. I wouldn't even expect you to—"

Magnus held up a hand to stop him talking before sliding open a desk drawer, pulling out familiar-looking books that made Alec's heart race. "If you would be so kind."

"What?"

"Sign them," Magnus replied, handing him a pen and smiling. "I had to ask _Luke_ for their titles since you didn't get around to sharing that information. Though of course your name— _Xander Woods_ —I am already familiar with."

"...why?"

Magnus sat back in his chair thoroughly amused with himself. "I may not read everything in Barnes and Noble, but as an English teacher, I feel it is my duty to be informed of as much of the latest literature as is possible. Your name has stood out on many displays in many a bookstore I have frequented. I am quite humble to be meeting such a famous author face to face."

"But you've never read them," Alec said, nervous and confused and feeling awkward as he tapped the pen between his fingers.

"Not until they are signed. I apologize; before _you_ , I would not have even considered reading crime fiction as a genre."

"What do you prefer?" Alec asked as he began to sign, feeling stupid for it. Should he just write his name? Think of something witty to say? Did he _know_ anything witty to say?

"Usually fantasy."

"Like… Game of Thrones?"

"Something perhaps a little less violent," Magnus replied, running his finger under a line of text he was reading and tutting before crossing it out. "Generally, however, anything involving vampires, werewolves, warlocks; things like that."

Alec smiled; he'd assumed Magnus would read classics, or the kind of intellectual stories that he'd always found hard work. "There was a series I used to read as a kid. About Nephilim. Nephilim and… humans, actually. How they co-existed—or didn't, I guess."

"Nephilim," Magnus repeated, looking him over. "Well. That is definitely more my kind of thing."

Alec smiled, nodding towards the text Magnus was still reading through. "Sorry. I keep interrupting you."

"Not at all. Though I suppose the sooner I am finished, the better."

Alec nodded and returned to his chair snagging the first book he came across on the nearest shelf. He turned the pages trying not to grimace at some of the images there, quietly sliding it back into place. Instead he checked his phone, pleased to see a message from Izzy, and even happier that he could message to say he neither at home nor alone. He switched the phone on to silent screwing his face up for the string of messages that followed in quick succession.

" _Yes, I am with Magnus. No, it isn't a date_ ," he typed back, and then an, " _I'll message you tomorrow_ ," at her demand for _details_.

Alec answered a message from Luke assuming Magnus must have messaged him while he'd taken a few minutes to compose himself earlier, assuring him that he was okay. He scrolled through social media with frequent checks on Magnus for hearing him muttering under his breath as he worked, Alec's eyes lingering over the pull of his shirt over his back and arms before he caught himself doing it.

"Do you watch anything for research, Alec?" Magnus asked, pausing to take a sip of his scotch.

"Uh… not really? Not regularly, anyway."

"But you do watch _some_ crime shows," Magnus insisted, turning to smile.

"I… like Homicide Hunter sometimes. Frontline."

"How accurate do you find shows such as CSI?"

"Well. That's all about forensics. I don't know as much as I would like. But I… imagine some of it is a little off base."

"Off base?"

"Maybe exaggerated," Alec amended. "Maybe they suggest there is technology used every day that in reality is too expensive to use all the time. Things like that."

"Perhaps we can watch an episode of something once I have finished work," Magnus said, gesturing at his desk. "Though I freely admit that such… _images_ are… not my favorite."

"Then, why would you offer to watch?"

"Because," Magnus replied, dropping his gaze to Alec's glass. "I have you here to hold my hand if it gets too much."

Alec tried hard not to smile, snorting with laughter when Magnus winked, waving his hand to tell Magnus to get back to work.

* * *

" _Yes_."

Alec smiled as Luke bent to sniff at the sandwich Steve had just put down on his desk, catching Steve's exasperated smile.

"Please tell me you aren't going to eat that here. _Please_."

"You have a problem with my sandwich?"

"I _do_ have a problem with your sandwich," Steve agreed as he handed Alec his; his involved chicken, three kinds of cheese, and pickle, but he had to agree with Steve. The _mess_ that he'd watched their server slop into Luke's sandwich was nothing he would ever eat.

"So what did _you_ get?" Luke demanded, holding his hand out for the coffee Steve was already passing him. "Something like _lettuce_? On _rye_? Something disgustingly _healthy_?"

"Ham. Cheese. Tomato. Like a normal person."

Alec twisted his coffee from the holder in silence, watching them both with a smile.

"And what's _not normal_ about my sandwich, huh?"

"How about what _is_ normal about that… chaos?"

"Uh, everything?"

"The potato sticks?"

"You telling me you don't put _chips_ in your sandwiches?"

"The _cabbage_?" Steve continued as though Luke hadn't even answered. "The Russian dressing _and_ tartare sauce?"

"It's so good."

"I don't even want to see you eat it," Steve said already turning away and moving across to his own desk. "Last time I ended up with _tartare_ _sauce_ all over my report."

"Yeah," Luke agreed, grinning as he stood up and beckoned for Alec to follow him. "That's what you get for dumping your shit on my desk."

"Make sure he takes you into a room that has a _window_ , Alec," Steve said, smiling at Alec and handing over a wad of napkins. "Thanks for coming with."

"Thanks for the lift," Alec replied. He'd received a call from Steve just before leaving the cafe he was working in asking if he wanted a lift to the precinct, and had looked up to see him waving through the window. That Steve would know the cafe he was most likely to find him was either a sign of how much attention he paid to their conversations, or one that Alec spent far too much time in cafes. But either way, he was grateful for the lift; even if it was in a _police_ _car_.

Accompanying Steve to a sandwich bar to pick up lunch for them made sense and gave them a few minutes to catch up since they hadn't spoken in person for about a week. They'd agreed to meet for a drink later in the week, Steve not even asking why he was coming to the precinct in the first place. Though Alec was now curious about what Luke had told him to justify Alec being there for a _meeting_.

"So, Steve… he doesn't know. About what you do?" Alec asked as Luke led him into an office further along the hall from his and Steve's.

"I'm pretty sure Steve just thinks I've got some weird hobbies," Luke replied as he opened a window and sank down opposite Alec, unwrapping and beginning to devour his sandwich.

The combination along with pickle looked revolting to Alec, but Luke seemed to be enjoying it. He unwrapped his own sandwich taking a discreet bite, eyes on the laptop Luke had tucked under his arm on the way in.

"So," Luke said around a mouthful of food as he coordinated opening the laptop and taking a swig of coffee. "Thing is, you just gotta figure out where to look."

Alec handed him a couple of napkins for the sauce already leaking down his hand and nodded for him to continue.

"We got a start with the name of the niece," Luke continued, typing at the keyboard in between wiping at his fingers. "Matilda Duke; used to be Matilda Nelson, right?"

"Right," Alec agreed, wondering what searches Luke would come up with that he hadn’t thought of himself. "And if Vivan Nelson's got her niece as her executor, the chances are she didn’t have any kids of her own."

"Exactly," Luke agreed, turning to smile at him. "They’re close. Least, they were; aunt barely remembers her on good days since the Alzheimer's took hold."

"I can’t imagine anything worse than that."

"No, gotta be absolute hell," Luke agreed.

"So how did you find that out? That they were close?"

"I spoke to Cleo. I wanted to see if she knew anything before I started digging, see if she had any other details that might help us out."

"She thought there was a ghost all along, didn't she?" Alec replied, feeling stupid that he hadn't known himself. That it had taken him so long to admit what was happening.

"She did," Luke agreed. "She said the last owner was fairly detached, did just about everything by email, so she never got a feel for what they were like. But Cleo remembers Matilda a little. Said she was really upset when she came in having to sell the place. She’d lived with her aunt while at medical school, and when her aunt got too sick, the only thing she could think of was selling the apartment to pay for residential care. Matilda moved out the area for her residency, and I guess she must have settled elsewhere. Guess it’d have been hard coming back to care for her aunt if she’s got her own life somewhere else, right?"

"Right."

"So. We know she went to medical school here," Luke repeated, nodding to himself as he read the screen then spinning the laptop around for Alec to see. "And you know how colleges like to brag about their alumni when they’re successful and all, like they’re single-handedly responsible for how hard a student’s worked and all that."

Alec nodded in agreement thinking of similar pages of testimonials on the website of his own college, and doing everything in his power not to have to take part.

"So. According to this page," Luke said, tapping at the screen, "she got into a really good residency program in Chicago. One of the best, actually."

Alec looked at the website Luke brought up on a second search, echoing Luke's smile with his own, and nodded again.

"And these guys did the same; says Matilda Duke— _Nelson_ —went on to work at this hospital in Charlotte," Luke added, bringing up yet another search. "Guess this is her."

Alec stared at the photo on the screen in front of them, an open page on the hospital’s website introducing their staff, and laughed at himself for not thinking of doing similar. "That easy?"

"Oh, it’s not always," Luke assured him, smiling. "Not everyone’s so open with having their details, their history I guess, all over the internet like that. But even so, we got a pretty clean trail here."

"So," Alec said, shifting a little for not knowing what to do, then reaching out for his own coffee. "Do I… Do we… What do we do now?"

Luke paused when the office door was swung open and a young police officer stood wide-eyed for being in the wrong location, apologizing over and over as they backed out the room.

"I guess we need to know if there’s anyone this _Matilda_ thinks it could be that’s haunting your place. If there was any history of it being like that for her and her aunt."

"And we’ve… the previous people who had the place, the ones that wanted to sell the place on," Alec prompted, remembering what Luke had told him.

"There’s nothing much on record," Luke sighed, "but Cleo said there were just some vague rumors about the place being haunted, about potential renters coming and being spooked out. There’s nothing much else I can find on it, so, I guess Matilda is our best chance. I’ll… I’ll send her an email, see if she’s willing to talk."

"Magnus says it feels… different there," Alec said then, remembering how nervous he’d been going back in the apartment even with Magnus by his side. How he’d had to fake being okay with going back there alone that morning, shaking and jumping at every single noise he heard, convinced there was sinister laughter following him wherever he went.

His weekend with Magnus had been just about perfect. Magnus had insisted on taking him to see a few of his favorite places in New York for much of Saturday, but for nearly all the rest of the weekend, they’d been holed up in his apartment watching movies, listening to music, and getting to know more about each other.

The ease they’d found in each other’s company Alec couldn’t have ever hoped for. There was no awkwardness on his part, and Magnus was nothing but the perfect host, constantly checking he had everything he needed; though not in a way that made him feel crowded or on edge. And they’d laughed so much that Alec’s sides hurt from it all, even a day later. He was convinced he couldn’t remember the last time when he’d laughed like that.

Alec was also convinced even after only that short extended period of time together, that his theories about Magnus’ appearance and outward persona to hide how insecure he was at times were correct. Magnus with those walls down was just as fascinating to Alec as everything else about him was, but it felt humbling to be allowed to witness Magnus just as he was, without all his flourishes, without even asking to see it.

"Yeah, he told me that too," Luke agreed, breaking Alec from his mind wandering, though with a knowing smirk on his face that said he knew other things as well. Whether he was making assumptions about what he and Magnus had done together over the weekend, or he was just teasing him, Alec wasn’t sure. But the easiness of Luke's smiles for him convinced him not to worry too much.

"It’s… it’s calmed a little since—since last week," Alec added, steering the subject back to his apartment.

"Yeah," Luke huffed, raising an eyebrow at him, "and if you think for a second Magnus is impressed you’ve even gone back to the apartment when it freaked you out so much, you’re kidding yourself."

"I—"

"He called me this morning," Luke continued, rolling his eyes, "told me to try and convince you. Said you were impossibly stubborn, and that he didn’t understand why you would not just stay in his _perfectly good spare room_ until we had a better answer about what we need to do here."

Alec thought of Magnus’ protests directly to him for the same thing, and felt himself his cheeks flare with heat. "I know," he agreed. "I just don’t… I don’t like—"

" _Imposing_ ," Luke finished for him with a snort, "yeah, he told me that too. You any idea how indignant that man can get? I’ve not seen him this infuriated since they tried to change the curriculum in his school to cut some books from the reading list."

"I…"

"Relax; I’m kidding. Mostly," Luke amended with another smile. "It’s just… I mean, I’ve called Magnus up on what’s gotta be… six? Seven things with ghosts now? Couple worse than this actually—"

" _Worse_?" Alec repeated feeling his heart thud at just imagining what that might entail.

"Yeah, tons worse," Luke agreed, screwing his eyes up tight in memory.

"Like what?"

"I… don’t think telling you’s gonna help much here," Luke said, shaking his head. "At least, I don’t wanna put ideas in your head."

Alec considered how much more overactive his imagination was of late, and decided he had a point.

"Anyway," Luke continued, with a pinched smile, "I’ve… not seen Magnus like this before. Like he is with you, anyway; the whole… the whole act thing he does is always there in the beginning—"

Alec thought of the way he’d breezed into his apartment like every one of the stereotypes he’d already formed, and smiled to himself.

"—but the interest he’s taken—the way he is with you generally, I haven’t—I’ve never seen him like this," Luke continued, sending a teasing smile his way.

"Uh…"

"I mean, I thought at first, it was just another way of like… acting. Like when he was flirting with you all the time."

Alec had thought Luke and Raphael had been oblivious to the way Magnus behaved around him when the four of them were together; Luke's knowing smirk said otherwise, and it made Alec want to sink into his seat in remorse.

"But that he invited you to his apartment—that he let you stay in his apartment—and that he… I get the impression you guys meet up a lot, and are messaging all the time. I’d say it’s more than just flirting by now."

Alec’s heart hammered hard against his sternum, and he desperately tried to think of some kind of defense. "It’s not… we’re not—"

"Hey," Luke laughed, shaking his head and knocking his hand against Alec's arm. "I’m just saying; I think he likes you. I’ve never seen Magnus really liking anyone before, so it’s kind of… it’s kind of hilarious to watch the way he is around you, is all. Like, his eyes are on you, whatever you’re doing, and everything that comes out of your mouth he listens to like it’s the best thing he’s ever heard. I like it."

"You—"

"He’s… we’ve known him for a while now," Luke continued with a fond smile, "but he always keeps so much of his private life locked away, you know? I’ve… he’s mentioned a couple of dates in passing over the years, and when he’s been away somewhere, or parties he’s been to and stuff; but only ever in passing. I always got the impression he was always out doing something, you know? Like, a really, really hectic social life. But since you came along, he’s… I don’t know, just... different. Messages more, checks in more often. Half the time it’s to check if I’ve found anything out about your place, of course, but—"

"I appreciate any time you give up for that; you know that right?" Alec interrupted, feeling he needed to show his gratitude. "I’m not—I’m not asking him to—"

"I know," Luke agreed, smiling harder. "It’s just… I think he likes you. Like… _really_ likes you. I think it’s… I like it. Like seeing him like this."

Alec nodded slowly, a strange idea forming and having to shake his head to rid himself of it. Because if he let his imagination get the better of him, then he’d swear that Luke was asking him to be careful with Magnus’ feelings. To not do anything that might hurt him. And that was—

"He’s not as tough and… untouchable as he acts," Luke added, as though he’d heard his thoughts. Alec tried and failed to hold in a burst of laughter at the thought of him being of enough interest to anyone to hurt them in any way, and shook his head again.

"I… I’m not like that," he protested, still laughing a little.

"No," Luke agreed, studying him in thought, "I didn’t think for a second that you were. I just… like I said. I’ve not seen him like this before. And I don’t… I don’t want him to get hurt."

"I have no intention of that," Alec replied, really not believing he was having to say something like that out loud. He thought of his own experiences—or lack of—and sat a little straighter, determined that he would never do anything to make anyone else ever feel like that. Then the idea of Magnus actually liking him in any way other than friendship hit him again and his stomach knotted in excitement for it. Alec distracted himself balling up their sandwich paper for the nervous energy coursing through him.

"I know," Luke smiled, nodding at him. "Raphael tells me I get carried away with… I guess that I overthink things like this too much. Tells me I should just leave you two to it, and not interfere."

Alec closed his eyes to the thought of him and Magnus being discussed, and barely held back a whine of embarrassed protest. "There’s no… there’s nothing to interfere in."

"Maybe not yet," Luke teased, his eyes crinkling up in mirth.

"Luke—"

"Anyway," he laughed, nodding towards the laptop again, "I didn’t suggest you come here so I could tease you about Magnus. Not just that, anyway."

Alec made a noncommittal noise in response, earning himself another burst of laughter.

"I wanted to show you what I’d found out, tell you I plan on emailing this _Matilda_ … and kind of appeal to your common sense with being in the apartment," Luke added with a raised eyebrow.

"It’s fine," Alec denied with a firm shake of his head, "I’ll—"

"Alec, trust me. If it can flare up once, twice, like it’s already done, it’s gonna happen again. Especially as it’s already freaked you out so much. It’s gonna put you on edge, and that’s just gonna feed it, give it something to work with."

"I was thinking of selling it. The apartment, I mean."

"I know," Luke said with a pinched smile, "Magnus told me that too. That you were still thinking about it, anyway. I think you mentioned it at dinner at mine the other night?"

"He tell you everything I tell him?" Alec retorted, wondering if all the things he’d thought they’d discussed in the privacy of Magnus' apartment would be repeated to Luke as well. Then he chided himself for being irrational and told himself not to sulk.

"Only stuff involving your apartment," Luke assured him with another knowing smile that just heightened how stupid Alec felt for overreacting. "And anyway; not like it’s not obvious the place is getting too much for you—which is kinda why we’re all so surprised you keep on going back there, when it’s upsetting you so much."

"I don’t have any other choice," Alec replied, though he’d looked into renting somewhere else, started making vague inquiries about putting it back on the market—even looking for another apartment to buy. All half-hearted efforts, because there was still a part of him still arguing that none of what was happening really was happening at all.

"But you do," Luke protested with a huff of laughter, "Alec. You’ve… look. I don’t mean to pry, or—or make assumptions."

Alec swallowed hard, already bracing for whatever Luke was about to say to him.

"But I know you’ve not got the best relationship with your family. I know you can’t exactly just call up your brother and ask to sleep on his couch while we sort this thing out. And _Izzy_ , right? Your sister? She don't live here either. And I know… I know you don’t know too many other people here."

Alec nodded again, wanting to run for how foolish he felt for his existence.

"But you’ve got us, okay? I know we’ve not all known each other that long, but you… you fit with us. We like spending time with you; you think we’d keep meeting up with you like we do if we didn’t want you around?" Luke asked then, raising another incredulous eyebrow and his smile splitting wider as Alec looked back at him with an expression that to him felt like hope.

"Magnus clearly likes your company. And you sat with Raphael for three hours in his apartment when he got food poisoning last week, when you didn't have to," Luke added. "You're good people."

He'd not done _that_ much, Alec argued to himself. When he'd heard Raphael was sick he had gone to a pharmacy to pick up some medicine, and a little food he thought would help. Raphael had looked so terrible when he'd arrived at his apartment that Alec couldn't stand the thought of leaving him alone. So he'd sat with him, made Raphael tea, checked if there was anything he needed and then sat on his couch to work for a couple of hours. When Raphael emerged from his bedroom he had at least a little color returning even if he was surprised to see him. Alec had made him something simple to eat then left, receiving a thankful message once he'd got home.

So Alec shrugged at Luke's praise not really knowing how to answer him, not thinking it deserved a lot of attention, and receiving an affectionate eye roll in return.

"So if we’re offering you spare rooms, you could… maybe you should take us up on it," Luke told him. "We don’t mind—we’re offering. Just… maybe you’re used to dealing with stuff on your own, but you don’t—you don’t have to. This stuff isn’t easy. We know this stuff. We’re offering to help; take us up on it if it gets too much, okay?"

Alec turned his attention to linger over the office they were in taking in the pictures on the walls, and the stray pieces of equipment he couldn’t identify, needing to look anywhere else but Luke for the kindness of his words.

"Thanks. I’ll… see how it goes tonight when I get back."

"You sure?" Luke asked, the concern in his voice forcing Alec to turn back to him.

"Yeah," Alec smiled, "uh, Magnus is coming over anyway, so…" but he didn’t really need to finish his sentence, not for the delighted way Luke's face lit up for a few seconds before he managed to rein it in.

"Well, he didn’t get round to telling me _that_ when he called," Luke laughed, shaking his head.

"He let me stay all weekend," Alec began to protest. "The least I can do is—"

"I don’t wanna know how you’re gonna repay him for that," Luke teased, pretending to cover his ears.

" _Luke._ "

"You make it too easy, man," Luke laughed then, hard and happy, "I mean, look at you. You look like a stop light."

Alec raised his hands to cover his cheeks and groaned into his palms.

"And something tells me this whole _liking_ thing isn’t all that one-sided either," Luke prompted when Alec dared turn his eyes in his direction.

Alec held his breath, wanting to deny it; not because he was embarrassed for liking such an incredible man as Magnus, but for the fear of being mistaken about how he also thought Magnus felt.

"It… it isn’t one-sided," he said after a short pause, wincing and grimacing all over again when Luke clapped his hands together in celebration and raised his fists in triumph.

"Raphael’s gonna be so pissed," he laughed, shaking his head and dragging his phone out of his pocket.

"What? Why’s he—"

"‘cos," Luke insisted, "he was adamant that all the subtle questioning he thinks he’s been doing with you, all those discreet messages he thinks he's sending, means you’re gonna admit it to him first—without him even having to ask."

Alec groaned and slumped back in the seat in defeat, thinking that perhaps Luke might get on well with Izzy since they were both at similar levels of meddlesome. He had a moment of considering the three of them together, and had to fight the urge to hide.

"Your secret’s safe with me," Luke said with a wink when they made eye contact again. "And in the meantime, let me get an email to this Matilda, see what we can figure out to do next."

"Thanks, Luke," Alec said watching him already begin to type, a warm feeling stirring in his chest for these new friendships he’d found. Even the torture of being teased over Magnus might be worth it.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your [survey](https://forms.gle/2sBKAiHwk5ePfodd6)!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the [survey](https://forms.gle/wPyC3AG1HDpC82Bc8)!

"Well, that’s quite the welcome into your home."

Alec winced first for the tease in Magnus’ voice as his eyes slid down over his bare chest, and second for the shattering sound coming from somewhere behind them.

"Hi," he said, ushering him in, that residual sick, panicky feeling he normally had churning in his stomach for being at home lessening just for seeing Magnus. Though he couldn’t honestly tell if it was because Magnus’ presence might help with the ghost, or because he was just happy seeing Magnus. He thought perhaps it was the second.

"Let’s investigate," Magnus suggested, watching Alec intently as he shrugged into the t-shirt he’d taken off to cook, then squeezing his forearm in passing and carefully setting down a bag with two bottles of wine on the kitchen counter.

"Okay," Alec replied, following. He kept telling himself he felt braver, though was still very definitely crowding behind Magnus’ shoulder as they made their way down the hallway.

It was no surprise to Alec that when they rounded the bathroom doorway, it was to find that the mirror had shattered and now glittered over the basin and much of the floor. The sight of it still punched the wind out of Alec for the thought of what would have happened to him had he been standing there when the glass broke.

"Oh dear," Magnus said softly, his face pinched up in concern. Alec watched as he turned about the room before the shattered glass as though looking for someone, then turned sorrowful eyes on him. "Let me help you clean this up."

"No, it’s fine," Alec assured him, briefly squeezing his shoulder and already beginning to turn from the room. "It won’t take me a minute."

"It will take even less if I help you," Magnus pointed out, already following him out the room.

"You’re my guest," Alec insisted, and feeling bold, lightly gripping him around the waist, gently pushing him back so he’d know he wanted him to sit.

"But—"

"If you want to do something useful," Alec replied, a thrill of excitement rippling through him for how easy it felt to be so natural with Magnus, "then you can open the wine."

"Done."

Alec took the wine, glasses, and bottle opener to set down in front of Magnus on the coffee table, then gathered up all the things he needed to clear his bathroom of his now-shattered mirror. As he swept, Alec idly hoped the ghost would spare the one mirror left in his bedroom, and made a mental note to line it with even more salt as a precaution.

He made quick work of the cleaning, having had so much practice with smashed glass of late that he thought he knew every technique there was for finding every last shard of glass. Alec threw everything into the trash before washing his hands to give their dinner a final stir, then slumped down on the couch next to Magnus, gratefully accepting a glass.

"When I was young, perhaps eight, or nine, I accompanied my parents to a gallery in Paris for the opening of one of my mother's art exhibitions."

Alec smiled for Magnus' words, already forming an image of him in his mind as a child, convinced that he had been cute. "You… must have done that kind of thing a lot."

"Not always. Sometimes I was left behind in hotel suites when my parents feared the exhibit contents were… not suitable for a child. But on this occasion I attended, the gallery was a large, spacious room with impossibly high ceilings. Almost every surface was made of glass for the exhibits themselves; the displays, the cabinets, even the signs."

"That… sounds like a hazard waiting to happen."

"When you are an inquisitive child who has recently discovered the joy of _bo staffs_. I took many different martial arts classes as a child, but the bo staff, at least at that time, was my favorite."

"You didn't… have a bo staff there at the gallery with you. Did you?" Alec asked, already picturing a tiny Magnus whirling around and smiling for it.

"No. Only my very active imagination," Magnus replied, closing his eyes but still smiling. "I was mid-whirl when I tripped over the feet of one of the attendees. I almost went head first through a display. I would have done, had the man not quickly spun around and stopped me from falling too hard."

"That was… lucky?"

"It was," Magnus agreed, laughing. "Only, one of the staff working there was so horrified by what they assumed was about to happen, that they came charging across the room to stop me. And fell into the display themselves."

"Oh no…"

"Glass everywhere. Much like your bathroom floor just now," Magnus added, waving down the hallway. "My parents were outraged."

"At you?"

"No. No, at the member of staff, who crawled to their feet and started yelling at me in French. My father yelled back, and my mother led me over to the cafe attached to the gallery with my father's echoing, booming voice following. I have never eaten an ice cream as big in my life, I am sure of it. My father could be terrifyingly intimidating when he was angry. My mother didn't want me to watch, so distracted me with dessert. It worked."

Alec thought of an ice cream place he'd seen when walking recently and had the urge to ask Magnus if he wanted to go.

"So. How was your day aside from exploding bathroom mirrors?" Magnus asked when he'd shaken his head for his memory, still smiling to himself.

"Well," Alec sighed, closing his eyes in relief to the wash of wine over his tongue, "less eventful, I think. Answered some messages, added some stuff to my blog. Wrote a little. Kind of wish my ghost was a bit more practical with the stuff they’re throwing around; maybe they could’ve helped me with dinner. Tossed the salad at least."

"What are we having?" Magnus smiled, wriggling to sit further back, their thighs knocking together as a result.

"Nothing all that special. Just a pasta dish."

"Pasta is great," Magnus assured him. "And I’m starved; it’s been a long day."

"Tell me about it?" Alec suggested, settling back more comfortably himself, and firmly pressing his thigh back.

Magnus did just that, embellishing tales that Alec was sure probably weren’t half as interesting as Magnus was making them out to be. Though he was secretly thrilled for the thought of Magnus going out of his way to make him laugh. Every time he did Magnus’ eyes lit up with delight, even more so when he stood and gestured for Magnus to follow him over to the stove so he could sample the sauce he was preparing.

"Delicious," Magnus announced with a smack to his lips, grabbing the spoon before Alec could take it back and licking it clean. Alec was adamant he wasn't looking, but cleared his throat and busied himself just in case.

"You okay with eating on the couch? I’ve got trays. My _friend_ has cracked one of the table legs."

Magnus turned and looked in dismay towards Alec’s dining room table. "How?"

"Oh, you know," Alec replied, continuing to busy himself with plates and cutlery so he didn’t have to look at Magnus when he answered. "Kind of… shoved me into it when I got back."

"Alec," Magnus said softly, stepping closer and running a comforting hand down his back. Alec fought not to lean into it.

"It’s fine. _I’m_ fine; not like I’m not used to it."

"You shouldn’t have to be used to it," Magnus retorted with an impatient sigh, sliding his hand away slowly then walking about the room.

Alec shrugged, though Magnus was already gone. "Does it… feel different to you? Here, I mean?"

"Yes," Magnus called decisively. Alec stepped back from the stove and turned enough to see Magnus walking thoughtfully about the living room. His fingers were up in the air with that half-flourish Alec was getting familiar with as he walked, seeming to be testing for something. "Yes, it is different. _Stronger_. I fear that… your fear is giving it increased energy."

"That’s what Luke said too," Alec admitted, watching Magnus pace back towards him with a slightly accusatory look on his face. He held his ground though, refusing to move when Magnus came to a stop barely a foot from him, raising an eyebrow in challenge as he did and trying not to smile.

"Then why do you insist on staying here when it is this bad?"

"It—"

"Alec," Magnus said, running his hand over his back once again, "it is much, much stronger than before. I can feel it; it is _draining_ , and I… it has been a while since I have felt anything quite this powerful. This spirit is becoming… incensed."

"Are you okay?" Alec asked, the spoon in his hand cluttering down on the kitchen counter as he turned to check Magnus over in concern, reaching for him without even thinking.

"I’m fine," Magnus assured him, smiling and swaying slightly in his grip, "it’s just… that it is _present_ , and so… _vibrant_ ; it is like an actual force that is pressing at my senses."

Alec watched Magnus press at his temples worrying that he was in pain, or suffering because of this _ghost_. "I… was it a bad idea inviting you here?"

"No," Magnus denied, his hands coming up to rest on Alec’s upper arms, "not at all. It’s good; I can perhaps try to… reach out a little. Try to calm it—"

"You don’t have to—"

"Alexander," Magnus said, leaning in and closing the gap between them. "Although the main reason I am spending this evening in your company is simply because I _want_ to, that I can possibly help is a big part of why I am here as well."

"True," Alec agreed, turning back to the stove and turning it off, telling himself he was neither embarrassed nor disappointed by Magnus’ words.

"And besides; this looks delicious," Magnus added, nodding towards the pasta Alec was now piling up on to their plates."I would be foolish to turn down a homemade dinner that looks and smells that good."

Alec smiled as he finished preparing their plates, gesturing towards the living room for Magnus to follow.

Dinner was eaten in comfortable conversation, with Alec receiving numerous compliments about his cooking skills. Magnus was a much better cook than him by any standards, but Alec didn’t mind the praise; not for the sweet smile Magnus' words were accompanied with and how comfortable he was here with him.

"How is your latest book?" Magnus asked as they rested when they were finished, sinking deeper into the couch.

"It's… getting there. Really slowly."

"I don't suppose everything that is happening here is helping in any way?"

"No," Alec agreed, "not at all. I mean, it's putting _ideas_ in my head. But it's not helping me _write_ the thing."

"If it isn't too intrusive, or private at this stage. Can you tell me what the story will be about? I confess that I am halfway through your last book and I am… loathe to put it down. I need to know I have another to look forward to."

Alec both wanted to curl in on himself in embarrassment and be _proud_ that Magnus liked his writing. "Well, it's not even _finished_ , so. It won't be out for a while."

"It's all about anticipation, Alexander."

Alec ducked his head to smile. "Well. So this guy. His mom just died, and his dad was already dead. He's… not doing great. Only child, so no family really to… he's doing everything alone, and he's not doing great. He's taken a leave of absence from work and bought this old house in some random town he wants to be his start over. And he's trying to rebuild it, renovate it, whatever, by himself."

Magnus nodded for him to continue with an encouraging smile.

"So when he's working on the porch at the back that's all… this place is actually on the coast—I moved it to the coast. Initially, it was just in a town in the middle of nowhere. And the house is really dilapidated, falling to pieces. So he's pulling up this porch that's kind of rotting away because of… well, not just because of the sea, and the salt, and all that. It's just not been maintained for a while. And he finds bones there beneath the porch."

"And is the… deceased, _present_?"

"That's… not what I was going for, no," Alec replied, smiling. "But, the guy starts getting really creeped out in the house because of it, and there's this big police investigation right there on his porch. He starts to get suspicious about some of the locals because, well, this _person_ has been dead under the house for years, and everyone else seems to have something to say about it. Like there's some town secret, or something. And that's… without telling you how it ends, that's… basically it."

"I want to read it already," Magnus told him, reaching out to squeeze his arm. "I assume these… psychological elements you mentioned before will form part of that unease he is feeling?"

"Yes. Exactly."

Magnus dropped his head back on the couch. "Then. We have even more reason to help you with your _guest_. The quicker you are more comfortable in your home, the quicker all your avid readers get their hands on your next work. As can I."

"You don't think it sounds… too much?"

"On the contrary. I am resisting the urge to demand a sneak peek of what you have so far."

Alec thought of the chaos that was his manuscript on what was now a third full draft, and shuddered for the thought of showing it to anyone. "Honestly? It's not… anywhere near done."

"Then. I will just need to learn to exercise restraint."

Alec rolled his eyes but smiled for the insinuation in Magnus' look for him, needing to move before he did or said something in response that he probably shouldn't. So he stood and took their dishes, making for the kitchen despite Magnus’ protests that he should help clean.

"You never let me help at yours," Alec pointed out, filling the sink with suds. "You let me do little but pour more wine."

"Well in that case," Magnus replied without adding anything else. Alec, with his hands already immersed in hot soapy water, watched as Magnus came to stand beside him pouring wine into his glass, then gently held it up to his lips so he could take a sip.

Alec smiled at the gesture before drinking, chiding his heart for racing. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Magnus lean back against the counter and cross his arms, appearing deep in thought.

"It’s… masculine," Magnus announced softly after another minute.

"What. The ghost?"

"Yes. Not particularly old. _Strong_ —at least, he was fairly strong when he was living."

"Probably accounts for all the shoving, then, right?"

"Alec," Magnus said, reaching out to clasp a hand around his shoulder. "I imagine the… aggression you are experiencing is firstly, because he is building his energy from your own fear—of _him_. And secondly, through his increasing frustration that he doesn't know where he is, why he's here, what happened to put him in this... _state_. That has to be terrifying."

"It’s… must be frightening, I guess," Alec agreed, still trying to be more sympathetic towards the ghost. Though with his nerves in tatters and his home suffering damage on a daily basis, it was hard.

"I imagine so," Magnus sighed. "Do you mind if I… look?" On receiving Alec’s nod of confirmation, Magnus pushed himself away from the counter and walked away again.

Alec continued washing their dishes, straining his ear to listen, sure he could hear Magnus muttering as he walked about the apartment. He heard the spare bedroom door open, and a definite grumble of complaint as Magnus pushed what sounded like his desk back against the wall. And, Alec thought, perhaps upended the chair again. It had a habit of being on its side or turned over on the few occasions he dared to go in there, and Alec groaned to himself for the reminder.

Alec dried his hands, still listening out for Magnus, convinced that though he couldn’t understand his words, Magnus was speaking Spanish. Magnus rounded the corner with a surprised gasp as Alec made his way back to the living room, accepting his wine glass extended with a rueful smile.

"Spanish?" Alec asked as soon as they were sat.

"Yes," Magnus agreed. Alec's eyes flew straight to Magnus' ear cuff even before he could reach for it as he so typically did.

"You… think the ghost’s—"

"No, no; nothing like that," Magnus immediately cut him off. "I was speaking to Raphael over lunch, and he was berating me for allowing my Spanish to slip. Which is an unfair accusation; I have been speaking Spanish since I was a child. Perhaps longer than he has."

"He speaks Spanish to himself when he's really mad," Alec smiled, pleased to feel that easiness between them return as they sat back down, that press of their thighs together very definitely deliberate.

"He does," Magnus agreed with a fond smile. "I met Raphael during my first week in New York. My parents; they always taught me that those of us with wealth should do all that we could to help those who were less fortunate. So, while many of those taking the same classes I did were tending bars, or working as baristas—in cafes such as yours—I volunteered."

"Where?" Alec asked, his constant intrigue to know everything about Magnus peaking again.

"In a soup kitchen, for the homeless. There is a shelter attached that I—that Raphael and I—both try to donate if not money, then our time to, as much as possible. Raphael was the one to… show me the ropes."

"In the soup kitchen?"

"Yes," Magnus replied with another, softer smile. "He and I took it in turns to add a few additional ingredients when the food provided was… less than flavorsome. I am sure there are spices and seasonings that our patrons haven't tasted in years."

Alec resisted—barely—hugging Magnus, for the images his words put in his head. Instead, he nodded, encouraging him to keep talking.

"In any case. We met on my first day volunteering, and have been friends ever since."

"So. Raphael is a volunteer Spanish teacher, _and_ volunteers in a soup kitchen?" Alec asked, seeing an even softer side to Raphael than he'd suspected there was.

"Yes. Hence the lectures about me allowing my Spanish to _slip_. It would help, possibly, if every conversation we shared in Spanish had more… _substance_ , than the constant profanities that tend to spill from his mouth."

"Raphael? Seriously?" Alec said, laughing, unable to picture him swearing. The most he'd ever heard him say was a muttered _idiotas_ under his breath when somebody knocked into him at the bar in Hunter's Moon.

"Trust me," Magnus snorted, "that man has a filthy mouth on him when he gets going; when he isn’t speaking English. I have no idea why that is," Magnus added, to which Alec could only laugh.

"I guess it's… well. It's what they say about the quiet ones."

"I have never really known Raphael to be that _quiet_ ," Magnus retorted, once more with a pleased smile.

"Well. You do know him better than I do."

"Anyway. It’s how we met. Raphael and I regularly meet just to speak in Spanish—I suppose so that I can keep it fresh in my mind. It comes much more naturally to Raphael than it ever did to me," Magnus admitted with a rueful smile to himself.

"Oh?" Alec prompted when no explanation followed, and Magnus turned to give him a glance over then took another sip at his wine, seeming to debate his words.

"Well. My parents were… fairly insistent, that I started learning Spanish from an early age. Five in fact," Magnus said, smiling as though in memory.

"That seems… quite young," Alec replied, trying to picture learning a language at that age and failing.

"It was more games and songs in the beginning," Magnus admitted. "When I was older, my father informed me that it had been their intention to provide me with an Indonesian tutor, since my biological parents were both Indonesian. But, it appears Indonesian teachers were not so prevalent at the time. And since _my_ parents were fluent in Spanish, that was the next logical language choice for them, for me to learn."

Alec thought of so many questions but didn’t know what would be appropriate to ask, so just nodded to encourage him to keep speaking.

"That’s it, really. When I am thinking, when I am... talking to myself, I try to… it’s how I practice, I suppose," Magnus said with a self-deprecating smile Alec couldn't help echoing.

"I… were you talking? To it—the ghost here, I mean?" Alec asked when Magnus' earlier words caught up to him. He loathed the idea of having to learn a new _language_ just to deal with this _ghost_.

"Not exactly," Magnus answered, appearing to stall on his own words. "I was… sounding things out. Trying to get a feel for their energy. _Mood_. Try to… find a particular root of their problems."

"Any luck?"

"I’m afraid not," Magnus replied apologetically. "I just felt what we have assumed they were feeling. Frustration. Confusion. It’s _building_ , Alec; I can’t say that you won’t experience similar to what happened the last time. We have done all the usual things we can do to make it—the atmosphere—here better. However, without being able to communicate with him directly—and he is blocking me out entirely because of his frustration—we are at an impasse."

"So… there’s nothing I can do until we know more about them?" Alec asked, already knowing the answer from the guilty look on Magnus’ face.

"I don’t think so, no," he replied, reaching out and squeezing Alec's arm again. "Luke is yet to hear back from this _Matilda_ ; if we do not hear from her soon, then I suppose we will have to relent, and try a banishing spell."

"Why… Luke says you’re against them," Alec said, wondering if that was the wrong thing to say, or if it would cause offense.

"I am," Magnus agreed. "It’s not just about… uprooting a spirit from all they’ve ever known when they’re in a great deal of distress. It can… I have seen some cases where it only makes things worse."

"Worse than this?" Alec checked, not wanting to believe it. "Are you talking like… full poltergeist activity?"

"I… do not particularly like that term," Magnus replied, carefully as though he too was trying not to cause any offense himself. "Though whatever you are imagining when you say the word poltergeist, yes; it would be something like that."

"I… I’d rather not have that," Alec said after taking a moment to consider how much worse things good be really for him in the apartment.

"No," Magnus agreed quickly, "no, we don’t want that for you. For anyone, actually."

"So I guess we—I. I guess I wait," Alec repeated, suddenly fearful of being alone in the apartment when he’d been telling himself all day that he wasn’t.

" _We_ wait," Magnus corrected again. "We are dealing with this with you. I do wish you would take me up on the offer of my spare room until—at least for a few more days. Until we see if we hear back from Matilda."

"How about," Alec began to say, pressing a little warmer into his side, "I take it day by day. And if it gets too much then… then I’ll let you know?"

"Will you though?" Magnus said, pressing back a little more himself. "You are a stubborn man, Alec. Why you would insist on continuing to live in a haunted property when it is doing all the things it is doing to you, I cannot understand."

"I… don’t like to be defeated by things I… by things—"

"That you don’t believe in; I know," Magnus groaned, allowing his head to fall so his forehead was pressing against Alec’s shoulder. Alec sat perfectly still, not wanting him to think it was uninvited.

"I know that probably sounds stupid, but—"

"Not at all," Magnus quickly denied, sitting up again and staring back at him in earnest. "It is… noble, I suppose, to not give up."

"I don’t know about _noble_ ," Alec denied, smiling through another sip of wine.

"I know; I was sticking with my original label of _stubborn_ , but thought you might appreciate a little placating," Magnus teased, smiling back so warmly that Alec found himself holding his breath.

"You… you wanna know why?" he said then, having debated his refusal to give in to what was happening since he’d seen Luke that morning, and thinking he had a good enough excuse to be able to share.

"I do," Magnus replied, looking far more interested than Alec thought he had any reason to be.

"I… this place… this apartment, was supposed to be my do over," Alec said then, sighing and dropping his head back against the couch. "I… with my parents no longer talking to me, and Izzy gone. And _Jace_. I didn't… I needed to make _something_ work out."

"I’m sorry to hear about… everything. But I am glad that you’re here."

"Thanks," Alec smiled, liking the way Magnus seemed to be leaning even harder against him.

"Anyway. My first apartment was near my parents. I guess I hoped that by living so close that we'd… that things would get easier? Between us. But it didn't, and I… somewhere along the way, I just… I was never all that sociable or anything, but I—"

"You didn’t go out much. You started to see less people. Your world became… smaller," Magnus summarized for him with sympathy, which Alec didn’t want him to feel for him at all.

"I’m not… I don't—I don’t need a lot of people in my life," Alec tried to say, thinking best how to explain himself. "I’ve got… Izzy, and I… I do okay on my own. Not that I don’t—with you, and Luke, and everybody—"

"I understand," Magnus interrupted, saving Alec from stumbling over his own tongue, and smiling at him so adoringly Alec couldn’t help look elsewhere.

"When I moved here, I kind of made a bargain with myself that I’d… move closer, more central, and try and… force myself to go out more. _Do_ more."

"Alec; not everyone is suited to being sociable all the time. There is nothing wrong with that; Raphael is one of the best people I know, and he would be the first to admit how much he hates being around people he doesn't already know. He’s just not comfortable, and he is content with that. He has a small circle of friends. He has a few students he sees socially sometimes. He volunteers at the soup kitchen, and it’s… it’s enough for him."

"I don’t… I didn’t even really have much of any… any regular kind of contact with anyone here, until I met you all," Alec admitted, then told him an abridged version of how he’d met Luke, and how he’d realized the apartment might have been a little too good to be true.

"That… well, that was quite an introduction to your new home," Magnus replied once he’d had a moment to groan in more sympathy for him—which this time Alec didn’t regret quite so much for receiving.

"It was," Alec agreed, and for a few minutes they sat in silence, both with their heads leaned along the back of the couch.

"I don’t… I don’t know how you do it," Alec said then, smiling to himself with his eyes closed.

"How I do what?"

"The whole… being sociable—out, all the time," Alec told him, feeling Magnus shifting beside him but not opening his eyes to look.

"Who says I’m out all the time?" Magnus asked, sounding surprised by the idea.

"Uh… well. Luke. And Raphael," Alec stuttered. "And I… I guess I thought—"

"Because I am the way I am, that I’m something of a social butterfly?" Magnus suggested, sounding mostly amused, but it was tinged with a little something else that Alec couldn’t make out.

"I… I thought—"

"Alec," Magnus sighed, hard enough to have him afraid that he’d really offended him. "I… it is true that I do enjoy going out. That I like parties, and dancing, and… having fun. But it is not something I do all the time—not now, anyway. I have not lived quite so exotic an existence since… for a long time. But now I’m… I think perhaps I have changed, that I… constantly being out just for the sake of being out no longer has the appeal it once did. I have learned that you can immerse yourself in any crowd, in any number of people—even be in a relationship with someone you thought you knew better than anyone—and still be lonely as hell. It just took me a long time to figure that out, I suppose."

The sorrow in his voice had Alec nudging into Magnus’ side to get his attention, turning his own sympathetic look on him.

"I… I shouldn’t have assumed," he said, feeling every kind of guilty he thought was possible, yet also, even more intrigued.

"Perhaps not," Magnus smiled. "Though there are worse things to assume about a person. And besides; I suppose I have done little to make you believe to the contrary."

"You’re… you’re always available when I… when I want to see you," Alec admitted, realizing how true that was. No matter when he contacted him, or what it was for, Magnus rarely said anything other than _when_ , as though he believed he had to always be available for Alec.

Alec felt even worse for that thought, and tried to think of ways to make it up to him.

"Maybe I like your company better than anyone else’s at the moment," Magnus told him then, soft and loaded with intent that had Alec’s heart stirring its way into pounding.

"I… I’m enjoying your company too," he admitted, frantically trying not to let his gaze fall down to Magnus’ mouth, and wincing hard at his choice of words.

"I would… when this thing is over. With your apartment," Magnus said as he gestured with an absent wave of his hand off to the side, "then I would… very much like it if you would allow me to take you on an actual date. Not that I haven’t loved all of this time we’ve been spending together, of course."

Alec’s breath stuck in his throat, his mind going over all the occasions they’d spent time together when he hadn’t been sure if it was a date or not. And then his brain caught up to the word _after_ , and his stomach dropped, leaving him unsure of how to answer.

"I—"

"That is," Magnus said, swallowing more awkwardly than Alec thought he’d ever seen him do, and even withdrawing himself a little from Alec's side, "only if you want to. I wouldn’t want to presume that—"

"No. I mean _yes_ ," Alec quickly amended, wide-eyed, "I’d like that. I’d… like that a lot."

Magnus paused from his retreat across the couch and eyed him cautiously, seeming to weigh the truth of his words. "You should know Alec. This is the first time I have ever worked with Luke on something—in fact, possibly ever—when I have worked with a ghost, that I… and it has been so long since I have really been _attracted_ to anyone, that I… but I would feel… if before then, if we were to…. I—"

"Magnus," Alec whispered, reaching out and lacing his fingers through Magnus’, hoping he didn’t feel how bad his hand was trembling. "I’d really like that. I didn’t… I mean I’m not good at… it’s been a while for me as well, and I… not that I've ever... I—"

"We’re both pretty terrible at this," Magnus said with a soft laugh, squeezing his fingers and looking back at Alec seeming just as embarrassed as he was feeling. And after hesitating for another moment, Magnus leaned forward to drop his forehead against his shoulder with a soft groan for them both.

"Maybe a little," Alec agreed, happy for once not to be the only one feeling awkward in a situation.

"I just didn’t want… me inviting you to come to mine when everything’s happening here, I didn’t… I didn’t want you to think it came with any kind of expectation," Magnus explained, staring down at their fingers tangled together as though he was fascinated. "I know, that first night; that might have been me being a little… _too_ me, I suppose, attempting to impress you. Or to keep my guard up."

"I didn’t mind," Alec replied, his heart racing and his stomach rolling, and feeling like he both wanted to yell with excitement and retreat to think this over. He wanted to make sure he wasn't misinterpreting the things Magnus had just said to him out loud.

"I’m… reluctant to leave you in this apartment," Magnus said then, sighing and looking back at him so beseechingly that Alec felt guilty for even trying to stay.

"I… what if I leave, and I can’t bring myself to come back?" Alec asked, still enjoying the feel of Magnus’ fingers slotted through his own.

"I guess that’s a risk," Magnus shrugged. "But not as great a risk as the one you might be putting yourself at for staying when this spirit is… attaching itself to you like he is."

"It’s attaching itself to me?" Alec asked, his voice shooting up in fearful surprise.

"I think he must be... resonating with you," Magnus told him softly as though trying to keep him from an awful truth. "It’s... your fear; it must be connecting with you through it, and I would much prefer it if you didn’t stay here alone."

"I—"

"So I will offer you a compromise," Magnus continued, raising an eyebrow asking him to hear him out. "If you will allow me to, I would like to spend the evening here with you—sleeping on the couch, of course—"

"I can’t let you sleep on the couch—"

"And as much as I would love to share a bed with you," Magnus said, seeming to be holding back on laughing, "I cannot trust myself not to… well. To reach out in my sleep if I have you so close. There is far too much temptation here."

"Don’t you have… work tomorrow?" Alec asked as Magnus looking him over, thinking of all the reasons why he shouldn’t agree to it as he argued with himself against blushing.

"Only some paperwork. Nothing I even need to go into school for; why do you think I bought two bottles of wine instead of one?"

"I… I’d still feel weird about you out here on the couch."

"And yet the alternative is far too tempting," Magnus insisted, squeezing his hand and withdrawing his fingers slowly.

"I—"

"Besides. If I spend a whole night here, perhaps I can… get a connection with our visitor myself. Perhaps I can better understand this spirit that’s wreaking havoc here."

Alec had to nod in agreement to that, realizing it wasn’t even something he’d considered. Though the thought of having another person in his apartment overnight—even out on the couch—had his stomach knotting with nerves all over again.

"I… if you’re sure," he said anyway, because the look on Magnus’ face said he wasn’t going to listen to any more objections. Not that he had many, of course.

"Of course," Magnus said, leaning to lift both their glasses from the coffee table and extending Alec’s towards him. "Perhaps we can indulge in breakfast in that cafe you keep telling me about in the morning."

"Sounds good," Alec agreed, clinking their glasses together and cataloging the feel of Magnus pressed up beside him, barely daring to believe his own luck.

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

"You sure you’re up for this?"

Alec winced as Magnus sat up precariously on the couch, swinging his feet to the floor. He groaned as the blankets tangled around his legs, tumbling forward holding his head in his hands. Alec straightened up the blankets itching to reach out and do something to help, but wasn't sure Magnus would even want him to touch him.

"Eating will help."

From the look on Magnus’ face when he finally stood, Alec wasn’t convinced it wouldn’t just be better for him to just go home and sleep it off. He followed him through to the kitchen pouring Magnus a glass of water before he could do it himself.

Alec had woken early, bracing for bangs and crashes to announce an unwanted presence before remembering that Magnus was there in the apartment. Alec had tried to concentrate on the relief he felt for a peaceful night’s sleep where he’d been undisturbed, but the only thought filling his mind was that Magnus was just down the hall.

Alec wasn’t sure what they’d agreed to the night before. He’d spent a good amount of time worrying that he might walk through to the living room to find Magnus cold to him. When that wasn't playing on his mind Alec feared Magnus might already have left, having realized his mistake. His sleepy, though pained smile up at him from the cocoon of blankets and pillows he’d wrapped himself up in was a beautiful sight for Alec to start his day with, as well as a relieving one.

"And this is… this isn’t just a hangover?" Alec asked, wincing again for the indignant huff as Magnus walked by him. He watched Magnus lean back against the counter to drink, grumbling under his breath before answering.

"It is rare for me to get a hangover; it must be all that seasoned socializing I do," Magnus added with a glance that Alec thought might be a dig because of his comments the previous evening. He winced for a third time, standing awkwardly not knowing what to say.

"It is rare I get hungover on one type of drink; that is an affliction I only ever seem to suffer when I mix things. This is very much a hangover from our unwanted company."

"It’s… drained you?" Alec asked, feeling solely responsible for how pale Magnus appeared, and useless for how little he could help.

"Yes. This spirit is growing stronger. But we knew that already," Magnus added with a disgruntled shrug, immediately reaching up to pinch between his eyes and groaning once again.

"Tell me what I can do," Alec pleaded, stepping closer until he was standing directly in front of him. Magnus raised his head, their height difference seeming that much greater for how tired Magnus looked. Alec opened his mouth to speak again, but was left speechless when Magnus huffed out in complaint and leaned forward, dropping his head into the crook of Alec’s neck.

Pausing only for a second, Alec wrapped his arms gently around him. He smiled as Magnus hummed in approval and pushed away from the counter to wrap his arms tight around Alec’s waist. And for a few minutes they stood together without a single word, doing nothing but hold on to one another. Alec felt torn between feeling sorry for how Magnus was feeling, and thrilled that he would be so easily affectionate with him.

"I apologize," Magnus said, locking his arms around Alec's back and leaning back only enough to look at him. "I am a miserable person when I am ill, whatever the reason for it."

"I don’t mind," Alec assured him, lifting his arms to hook his elbows over Magnus’ shoulders; a gesture he seemed pleased for. "I just wish I knew what to do to make it better."

"Take me to breakfast," Magnus said softly, smiling back at him as though he had no intention of moving any time soon.

"Okay," Alec agreed, hesitating for a second, then goading himself into bending down a fraction and pressing a kiss against his temple. Magnus’ surprise was written all over his face when Alec pulled back. Alec forced himself to slip from Magnus' grasp, smiling to himself in triumph the second he turned his back.

Magnus pressed close to his side on the way to the cafe. It was hard for Alec not to be excited by that length of warmth along his arm. Their conversation was minimal on the way for how exhausted Magnus looked, though his smile for Alec when he looked his way stopped any nervousness he felt bubbling up.

Once in the cafe they headed for Alec favorite corner, with Magnus perking up visibly as they passed the counter to see everything on display. Though for all the delicious choices on offer Alec had to smile, when Magnus' head turned to follow a waiter delivering bacon and eggs to a nearby table. Magnus pinched Alec's sleeve still looking at the plate then turned back to face him and tugging .

"Stay," Alec said when Magnus tried to move, squeezing his leg. "I'll order." Alec kept glancing back at Magnus as he waited to be served, only to catch his patient smile. A switch had flipped for Alec with Magnus’ confession, letting himself truly acknowledge just how _much_ he liked Magnus.

Over breakfast their words were softer, with an that echo of easiness between them that they’d developed over the weekend at Magnus’ morphing into something stronger and more definite. And the smiles they kept turning on one another, the way they sank back into the couch in total comfort, Alec liked to think was a good sign of the things to come.

"Alec," Magnus said when they'd finished eating, "I do think I am feeling better."

"Good," Alec smiled, hesitating only for a moment before reaching to squeeze his hand. "I’m sorry you had to go through that."

"You slept well, I take it?"

"Best night I’ve had in there since I moved in," Alec admitted with a grimace.

"Does that mean that you slept better or worse at mine?" Magnus asked, with a teasing lilt to his voice.

"I slept great at yours," Alec assured him. Magnus seemed to find that all kinds of amusing, staring back at Alec as though he couldn’t snatch his eyes away.

"This… waiting I imposed on us last night," Magnus said after a moment, taking a quick glance at Alec's mouth before snatching his eyes away again. "It seemed like such a good idea at the time."

Alec swallowed hard for all the possibilities Magnus' words might mean, and smiled back waiting for him to continue.

"I mean," Magnus amended with an awkward swallow, "it still _is_ a good idea. Waiting, I mean. I’d… still like to take you out somewhere properly when all this is done."

"And I’d still like that," Alec replied, swallowing with difficulty himself for the nervous energy rippling from Magnus against him.

"It’s just," Magnus continued, leaning in tighter still, "here, sat with you like this, having you take such good care of me after my headache this morning; it’s becoming difficult to resist leaning in to kiss you."

Alec’s stomach gave a painful twist in anticipation, nervously darting out his tongue to wet his lips. Alec lied to himself, telling his eyes they were not falling to look at Magnus doing the same.

"I’d… I wouldn’t mind if you did," Alec said when he could get the words out, sure they sparked a ripple across Magnus' face.

"And of course," Magnus added, leaning in a fraction, "we’d still have to take things slowly. Even if we were too impatient to wait for that date."

"We would," Alec agreed, leaning in a little himself.

"But it might… it might be good if… it might be less distracting to actually kiss you, instead of spending all day imagining what it’s going to be like kissing you."

Alec’s heart began a nervous fluttering, and left him unable to do much but nod.

"It might make it worse, of course," Magnus said, his eyes forever darting over Alec’s face. "It might—"

"Magnus—"

Magnus closed the gap between them and claimed Alec’s mouth.

Alec’s eyes fluttered closed the second their lips pressed together, his heart jolting at Magnus’ relieved hum in response, and again as his fingers slot through the hair at the nape of his neck. Alec leaned into him, crowding closer for what was currently the chastest of kisses yet was already making him greedy for more, his heart hammering away for every little hum that fell from Magnus’ mouth.

Magnus pulled back from him with a look of delight on his face, his lips curving up in a smile that Alec couldn’t help return. He wanted to surge forward, claim a deeper kiss to follow that first one. But then Alec took in the caution in the way Magnus held himself, and heard his earlier words repeated back to him. He settled instead for holding his hand.

"I have no ability to resist with you," Magnus said then, shaking his head ruefully and smiling back at Alec with a look so adoring it made his cheeks hurt with how hard he was smiling.

"What do you mean?"

"Well," Magnus replied, absently playing with Alec’s fingers, "the moment you opened your door to me at your apartment, I had to tell myself not to dive right in. I… know I flirted with you, teased you a little in the beginning, but believe me, Alexander; I was holding back from turning my full charm offensive on you."

"That what you do with other people?" Alec said, laughing, waiting for his stomach to drop at the thought.

"Alec," Magnus smiled, raising and kissing the back of his hand, "it has been a very, very long time since I have let myself be interested in anyone. I told you that."

"Okay."

"And besides," Magnus told him, squeezing his fingers, "I wasn’t talking about anyone else. I was talking about _you_ having my undivided attention since the very moment we met."

"Undivided, huh?" Alec asked, surprised by his own confidence in teasing him back without overthinking it too much.

"Yes," Magnus agreed, "and I assure you; it took strength I didn’t know I was capable of not to try and convince you to go on a date with me long before now."

"I probably would’ve said yes, any time you asked," Alec admitted then, surprising himself further with his own honesty. He apparently surprised Magnus too for the way his eyebrows raised, and his mouth gaped open.

"You would?"

"Yes," Alec smiled. "I mean; I might not have believed you were asking me out on an actual date, but… I would have gone."

"Why wouldn’t you think that?" Magnus asked, sounding incredulous by the idea.

"I just..." Alec shrugged, staring down at their tangle of fingers and not really wanting to explain himself, not Magnus to feel sorry for him in any way. "You know."

"I know I’ve had trouble not getting my hands on you, uninvited," Magnus mumbled, looking back at him with a rueful smile and a slight shrug of his shoulders for Alec’s answering snort of laughter.

"Who said it would’ve been uninvited?" Alec replied, sucking in a hard breath for the blunt truth of his own words. Magnus’ smile was slow, as though he was warming from the truth of his words.

"Alec," Magnus said in a halting breath, seeming to be holding back a burst of laughter, "you aren’t exactly encouraging me to not try and take things further than either of us are ready for."

"Who says I'm not ready?"

"That look of near terror in your eyes," Magnus replied, his smile softening in affection.

"I… have no idea what I’m doing," Alec laughed to himself, earning a slight whine of complaint, and Magnus’ hand darting out to cup his cheek to catch his attention.

"Alec; let’s not overthink this," Magnus whispered, though there was no mistaking the urgent pleading in his tone. "Let’s just… we need to fix what is happening with your apartment, and there is no reason we can’t get to know each other better while we do that. But… we should, for both of our sakes, not overthink this. Any more than we’ve both already been doing, of course." 

"We’re stuck waiting for Luke to hear back from Matilda though, aren’t we?"

"We are," Magnus agreed with a sigh. "It’s not going to be easy if we can’t get some details about this spirit; it has been a long, long while since I’ve felt drained like this. When the activity reaches the heights it has for you, everything is… complicated. If we can just find out some details of who I need to speak to—make a connection with a name, or a past, perhaps—then maybe we can help them move on. But if not…"

"We’ll have to do that banishing spell you don’t want to?" Alec finished for him, taking in the dislike of the idea on Magnus' face.

"Or something more drastic like an exorcism—which I do not enjoy being a part of," Magnus added then, his face pinching up with all the distaste he clearly felt.

"That’s… they’re actual things?" Alec asked, surprised, holding back all his usual retorts about things like that just being works of fiction, catching himself just in time.

"To a point," Magnus agreed, nodding. "Although in this case, not the images probably put in your mind by whatever movies you’ve watched, but an exorcism of a place—your apartment in this case."

"So… how long are we giving this?" Alec asked, not liking to imagine how much longer he could cope with things being the way they were at home.

"Well—"

"I mean," Alec said quickly, hoping that his words weren’t going to ruin what was a building easiness between them, "I have to admit that, back at the beginning of all this, I’d have been more than happy to—to do whatever it took to just get rid of this thing—to… help this person move on."

Magnus pursed his lips but didn’t say anything either way, so Alec took that as a cue to keep talking.

"But now," Alec said, squeezing Magnus' fingers, "since I’ve met you all, it’s… I’d feel bad—wrong, I guess—for effectively kicking this… this person out of what might be their apartment."

Magnus smiled at him then like it was in reward, and Alec allowed himself to relax a little further.

"So. Does this mean that you are considering taking up the offer of a room in my apartment?" Magnus asked. Alec thought there was hope in his voice, along with perhaps a little apprehension about that admittedly small step they’d now taken.

"If… if that’s okay," Alec replied, hating that he was giving in, hating that he had to, but not really seeing any other viable option.

"And of course; we’d have to be… we’d have to be conscious of how we are behaving in such… close proximity, if we’re not going to rush things," Magnus added, though his posture said he was already thinking of all the ways they might not be so careful, and looked guilty for it.

"Of course," Alec said anyway, because he’d be lying if he said his own mind wasn’t wandering now that he was allowing it to do so.

"And we’d… I’d have to give you a spare key, so you could… come and go whenever you wanted."

"And… it’s only temporary," Alec added. "I’m… I wouldn’t be staying indefinitely."

"I’d at least like to take you on that date before we even consider you moving in," Magnus teased, though there was a kind of nervous excitement to it as well that had Alec’s own stomach flipping.

"I guess… one step at a time, right?"

"Right," Magnus agreed, though his eyes were already darting down to his lips again, and Alec couldn’t help hoping for another kiss.

Magnus held still. It took Alec a moment to realize that Magnus was waiting for him to make the first move, wanting to be absolutely sure that this was what he wanted as well. So Alec surged forward, curling his fingers along Magnus’ jaw and breathing him in as he kissed him hard. He closed his eyes to the new sensation of Magnus’ mouth against his own, excited for how well his day had started out.

* * *

"Make yourself at home."

Alec followed Magnus in hearing the door close behind them, telling himself he didn't _already_ feel at home. Magnus rolled his neck as he walked through, Alec's eyes following the pull of his shirt. He had a smile waiting for him when Magnus turned to look at him, nodding when he gestured for him to walk down the hallway.

"You already chose your room the last time you were here," Magnus added, already by his cocktail table and fixing them both a drink. Alec made quick work of dropping his overnight bag down on the bed in _his_ bedroom, adjusting the satchel still on his back as he walked back through.

"So," Magnus said as Alec returned, extending his glass, "how was your day?"

"It was good. I had a session at the gym this morning—"

"MMA?"

"Yeah. And then I… worked on my book for a bit. Editing, that kind of thing. And then I spoke to Izzy for about an hour while she was waiting for a centrifuge to stop… centrifuging?"

"That sounds quite the day," Magnus replied.

"It was. But a good one." Alec carefully ignored reminders of Izzy's _interrogation_ about Magnus, hanging up eventually to her excited squeak down the phone when he said they'd kissed.

"Then, I am pleased."

"I still have a little work to do," Alec added, wincing in apology. Not too much, and not necessarily something he couldn't put off if he needed to. But Alec had already seen the stack of work waiting for Magnus and intended not to be a distraction to him.

"As do I," Magnus replied, with a tired wave over his stack of papers.

"Do you ever take a day off? It's summer."

"Do you?" Alec had no answer to that, so only shrugged.

"I thought maybe, depending on how much work you have, I could… when I'm finished, I could go back out? Get us something for dinner?"

"That would be wonderful. Though… perhaps we could take at least a _short_ break before we get started, hmm?" Magnus asked, gesturing towards the balcony.

Alec loved the view from Magnus' balcony already. He stood by Magnus' side looking out over the city, calm for both the company and the view. In a moment of bravery, he changed hands for holding his glass and wrapped an arm loosely around Magnus' waist, smiling when he tucked into his side.

"What about your day?" Alec asked.

"Oh, the usual. Students who either are overly eager to learn or aim to cause maximum disruption. Honestly, Alexander. Aside from the work I need to return in the morning, I would like not to think about it again until tomorrow."

"Sorry."

"Don't be." Magnus turned slightly in his grip to smile at Alec, Alec's gaze falling to his mouth. Now that he'd had a taste of Magnus, how was he supposed to not want more? Without second-guessing, he ducked his head with the intention of a soft kiss. Though Magnus rested his glass on the balcony's ledge so his hand was free to grip Alec's waist. And what was Alec to do then but kiss back with more enthusiasm, putting his own glass down to cup his jaw?

Magnus pressed closer, a soft blast of contentment escaping his mouth when Alec took a breath before kissing him again.

"We'll get no work done like this," Alec said when he pulled back a second time, smiling as Magnus tucked into his neck for a hug.

"Well. Would that be so terrible?"

"For me, maybe not. I can catch up tomorrow if I need to. But you?"

Magnus sagged in his arms holding on tighter as he groaned. "I suppose not."

"Then. How about, we get the work done that we need to, then you choose something for dinner, and I'll go pick us something up?"

"Surprise me," Magnus replied, taking Alec's hand and leading him back inside. Alec sank down in the couch already reaching to pull his laptop from his bag, smiling as Magnus dropped down beside him with a groan of complaint for his stack of work.

"I feel like… Moroccan," Alec said as he lifted his laptop lid, watching Magnus arrange himself beside him with papers on his lap and balanced on the couch arm. "What was that place we ordered from before when we were at mine?"

"Dar 525. You enjoyed that?"

"I did."

"Well. The menu is in one of my kitchen drawers. So unless you want to go out, we can order in."

"Maybe… we could pick up? We could take a walk when we've finished work?" Alec suggested, already smiling like an idiot for the thought of holding Magnus' hand.

Magnus finished arranging his work turning to smile at him. "That sounds perfect."

Alec had to lean in to kiss him again for how _pleased_ Magnus looked for his suggestion, then demanded to himself that he leave Magnus to work.

* * *

"So, she’s agreed to meet."

Alec’s stomach dropped on hearing Luke's words, though there was no reason to be anything but pleased about the news.

"When?"

"She’s coming through to visit her aunt, so she said she’d meet up with us. Me, anyway; though I told her it makes sense for you to be there as well since it's your apartment this is happening in."

"And she’s… just like that, she’s happy to meet with total strangers?"

"Well no," Luke admitted, hand to the back of his neck as his eyes darted elsewhere. "I had to… I had to do a bit of persuading. She’s fairly adamant that she doesn’t know anything, but she’s so defensive about it that it’s kind of like all the alarm bells are going off at once."

"So where are we meeting her? And _when_?" Alec asked, already thinking of the tentative plans he’d made with Magnus that morning; over breakfast curled up on the couch together, both of them smiling ridiculously as they leaned yet didn’t lean into one another. Magnus had even shuffled a little closer to claim a kiss at one point, lingering there with their foreheads pressed together before pulling back with a confused _sorry_ , since he both wanted and didn’t want to kiss him in the first place.

Alec hadn’t objected, of course, had just slid his hand around his neck and pulled him in for a longer one, humming as Magnus had given in and pressed him firmly back into the couch.

"Well, since she’s adamant she won’t come back to the apartment—which I sort of get; if that was her home for however many years she was studying and some of her last memories of the place are her aunt getting progressively more sick, I guess it makes sense."

"So…"

"Tomorrow, if you can. A cafe near the residential home. It'll give you a new one to work out of; maybe I should bring Steve along since the two of you have such similar tastes in cafes," he added, which had Alec smiling and rolling his eyes.

"Okay."

"Magnus is invited, of course; I’m sure you can pass on the message," Luke said with a teasing grin that had Alec rolling his eyes all over again.

"It… makes sense for him to be there with this whole thing, right?"

"Right," Luke nodded. "I mean, it’d be better for us all to meet in the apartment. Magnus’ll... not be picking up on stuff from her exactly, but if she knows something, or is another catalyst for the ghost, then, if we’re in the apartment together, it would be easier for him."

"If there’s no real need for him to be there," Alec countered, frowning, "then… I don't know, Luke. If I were Matilda, and I was already meeting two people who’d contacted me by email about something… well, like _this_ , then I’d… having a third person might be too much."

"I guess," Luke shrugged. "I mean, Magnus can be a… he’s quite—"

"He’s _Magnus_ ," Alec retorted, raising his eyebrow. "It’s nothing to do with how he is, it’s just… I know I’d be overwhelmed by so many new people at once."

"Fair," Luke agreed, draining his cup and then looking up with a smile as the cafe door squeaked.

* * *

Matilda was not the quiet, timid person Alec had been picturing for himself after seeing her profile on the website of the hospital she worked for. She viewed both Alec and Luke with reserved politeness, raising from her seat in the cafe having apparently arrived much earlier than them given that her cup was already half-drained, and extended a hand for them to shake. They made their introductions and spent a few more minutes ordering drinks, then settled back into their seats with Alec wondering if he was the one feeling the most nervous of all of them.

"So, Matilda—"

"Mati," she corrected immediately, turning a pinched smile on Luke for cutting him off. "I haven’t been called _Matilda_ for a long, long time. No one’s called me that in years."

"Okay, Mati," Luke agreed. "How’s your aunt doing?"

"It wasn’t the best day," Mati replied, her entire body seeming to sag with the weight of her own words. "She comes and goes, you know? I don’t know if you know anyone going through Alzheimer's, but it’s… you have good days and bad days. I started off visiting every weekend, but when there’s never any guarantee that she’s going to even recognize me, it’s… I don't know. I feel selfish but—"

"I can’t even imagine what it must be like," Luke said in a soft tone that Alec hadn’t heard him use before. He fought against turning to look at him in surprise, knowing it would earn him a scowl.

"I thought at first of moving her to a place near me, in Charlotte, but… on her lucid days when I tried to get her used to the idea, she was dead against it. Said this is where she’d lived all her life, and she didn’t intend being anywhere else."

"So you sold the apartment when it got too much?" Luke prompted, turning another look of sympathy on her that seemed to soften the caution around her eyes.

"Yes. It was... I suppose I suspected she had Alzheimer's for years before she finally got diagnosed," Mati said as she nodded to herself. "When I left for my residency, and there was… it was difficult; she’s not got anyone else but me left. And although she was happy for me for getting into a great program, and she was nothing but supportive—honestly; I don’t know what I’d have done without her—she was… I guess a bit absent-minded at times. I just put it down to her age, even though she wasn’t all that old. When I guess, with hindsight, I can tell now what was happening with her."

"So you visited her? At the apartment?" Luke prompted Alec felt himself tensing up, not sure what he was expecting to hear, but his imagination already running riot.

"I did," Mati agreed, caution seeping back into her expression, her entire posture screaming that she was guarding herself.

"And… she got worse?" Luke prompted when she didn’t add anything else.

"She had. She did," Mati agreed. "It wasn’t like… all at once, or anything. She’d… she started saying she was missing stuff, like she was putting stuff down and couldn’t find it again. Or… I don’t know, she got pretty obsessed with… She had a falling out with a neighbor upstairs, convinced they were deliberately trying to scare her, or annoy her, or something."

"How come?"

"I don’t know," Mati sighed, slumping back in her chair a little. "You know yourself how the apartment’s laid out, right?" Mati turned to Alec then, waiting for him to nod back.

"Yeah."

"So, I don’t know how she got it in her head that my old room—at least, the room above it—they were having these parties, or were constantly moving stuff around. She was always complaining about the furniture moving from where she’d left it."

Luke's face registered the same feeling that was putting Alec's hair up on end on the back of his neck, but he only nodded to prompt her to continue.

"Anyway," Mati said, sitting forward again to drain her original coffee and already absently reaching for the second one. "I just… She started showing classic symptoms of Alzheimer's. I remembered from a rotation I did when I was studying; she was getting distressed with things like… I don’t know. Anything that was a multistep process meant she’d agonize over it, or… there were a couple of times I had to help her dress—not like—not like an elderly person might need it because their limbs were stiff or something, but… the ordering of things. Trying to put a sweater on over a jacket or… I don’t know, stuff like that. And she’d… she went to the same grocer’s for years, same few little stores she loved, and over time, she forgot about them all. Couldn’t remember the names of these people who’d she’d sent Christmas cards to for absolutely years, and that she thought of as friends. She just… her memory really got bad, you know? And she… she loved crafting; knitting, felting, all that kind of stuff. Give her a new thing to learn," Mati said, fondly in memory, "like… a new pattern book or something, and she’d... she’d just pick it up in no time. But as she got older—"

"But that… that happens anyway, right?" Alec blurted out without even intending to.

"It does," Mati agreed, "but when it’s… when it’s a combination of these things, and… she developed some compulsive, impulsive behaviors, and started getting really stressed if she had to do anything new. It took me years, but… I finally persuaded her to see a doctor, and they confirmed it. It was like once she’d been diagnosed, the whole thing just sped up."

The image Mati’s words painted for Alec made him sorry for her aunt. If her Alzheimer's was beginning to take hold as Vivian was experiencing the same things in the apartment that he was currently, Alec couldn’t imagine the confusion it must have added to the situation. And from the look on Mati’s face she regretted being harsh with her at the time—though Alec supposed he could just be projecting, or presuming, when he didn’t really know anything about the situation at all.

"So," Mati said, shaking her head and clearing her throat as though embarrassed to have spoken so much, "you said there’s a… problem with the apartment."

"There is," Luke agreed, sitting forward a touch.

"And I assume it’s got nothing to do with maintenance, or appliances, or anything like that since it was sold on, right?"

"Yeah," Luke nodded, "it’s nothing—it’s nothing to do with anything like that."

"You said there was… like the noises in my old room… and other—I don’t know what you call this stuff. _Activity_?" she asked, sounding doubtful.

"Uh, yeah," Luke agreed, casting a quick look in Alec’s direction, "there’s… the noises you talked about, the furniture moving and stuff; that’s happening. And more."

"So, what; you think the place is haunted or something?" Mati said then, laughing in pure disbelief. The look on her face said she regretted ever agreeing to meet up in the first place.

"Yes," Luke replied, calm and steady, fixing her with a look back that asked her not to argue, but to listen. Alec held his breath as Mati gave a cautious nod, then sat back and watched as Luke told the story of his apartment.

"So, what do you think I can do about that?" Mati asked after taking a long pause, sitting back and concentrating on her coffee as though she was considering all she’d heard.

"We wondered if you… well, firstly, if you experienced any of that for yourself," Luke asked, turning towards her a little as though giving her his full attention.

"Not really," Mati began to say, with her eyes darting way. "I remember not liking being back in the apartment, especially in my room—some bad memories, you know? Not of my aunt, or anything, but… I just didn’t like being back there. Can’t say it was anything to do with a ghost."

Luke nodded but kept staring back, expecting her to keep talking.

"I don’t know what to tell you," Mati said, shifting in obvious discomfort. "All the stuff you’ve said about, I don’t remember any of that. I don’t remember the apartment being cold, or… I never saw, or heard, any of the furniture moving myself. I… there weren't any voices, or doors slamming, or anything else you’re suggesting. I just didn’t like being there because of… personal reasons."

"Look—"

"I have a _wife_ ," Mati blurted out then, looking troubled. "I have a baby daughter. I have a _home_. My life's really… _really_ good now. And I’m so busy with work and everything, I’m sorry; I really don’t have time for any of this."

"Mati—"

But Mati was already standing, rummaging in her bag then dropping some money down on the table to cover the cost of her coffee. She mumbled an apology under her breath before racing out of the cafe, leaving Luke and Alec to stare at one another. Though where Alec felt defeated, Luke's expression was one of renewed determination.

"We’ve got something to go on at least," he said, sitting back and seeming unconcerned; Alec didn’t know what to do with that at all.

"How?" he asked, his voice raising in frustration. He’d got it in his head that this meeting with Matilda would, if not solve everything, then at least begin to turn things around for him.

"I think she’ll come around. Give us some more details," Luke said with a smile. "But we’ve got something to go on to start with, at least."

"What?

"Well," Luke said, draining his coffee, and his eyes drifting over to the counter, nodding to see if Alec wanted anything. "She said a couple of times about not liking the place because of something personal. I’d put money on it being the end of a relationship."

"But how does that help?" Alec protested, shaking his head, though agreeing to the cake Luke suggested with a sharp nod.

"If she had a bad break up, and that’s the reason she didn’t like going back to the apartment, because of the memory of all that, then… there’s got to be something tied with the break up to whatever’s happening."

"I don't—"

"Don’t worry," Luke smiled, "it just gives us more of a puzzle. I’ll… look into it some more."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your [survey](https://forms.gle/xbuqahtK3HSKA7ZR7)!


	15. Chapter 15

"Luke probably has a point."

Alec paused from where he’d been about to pick up his wine glass and turned a slightly incredulous eyebrow on Magnus, only to receive a soft laugh in return. "Seriously?"

"It’s true," Magnus smiled, nudging against his shoulder. "How many conversations that start with the phrase _it’s complicated_ are because of a failed or problematic relationship?"

"She never said those words specifically," Alec pointed out, though sank back comfortably against the couch so that they were pressed together side by side.

"No," Magnus admitted, "but it’s obvious. People are obvious. We all think we have these impossibly difficult, complex problems, when in reality we’re all the same. Going through the same situations, creating all the same drama."

"So we find the—whatever there is to know about Matilda’s past relationships here, and that solves everything? Isn’t that… isn’t that kind of intrusive?"

Magnus exhaling slowly before nodding in agreement. "It is. But we need to get to the bottom of this if you want things to go back to normal in your apartment."

"Magnus," Alec laughed, nudging and turning against him, "there’s never been a _normal_ in my apartment. This is my normal."

"True," Magnus said as he looked at him them with clear worry in his eyes; Alec felt the need to distract him from it. He leaned in, surprising Magnus with a kiss, smiling against his lips as out of the corner of his eye Magnus strained to keep his glass extended instead of dropping it in shock.

Alec turned further into him, and the movement freed up Magnus’ arm to sling around his shoulders, pulling him in closer so he could kiss him back. Their glasses were held precariously aloft until Magnus made an impatient noise and pushed him bodily backward, snatching Alec’s glass from his fingers after putting his own down and pushing both of them on to the table before cupping his face, dragging him back until Alec was leaning over him.

Magnus hummed as Alec curved his hand around his hip, slipping his fingers beneath his shirt and settling his palm against his skin. Alec splayed his fingers, hesitant in his exploration yet receiving nothing but encouragement as he moved. But then Magnus was pressing him back into the couch and straddling his lap without warning. Alec froze before spreading his hands wide over Magnus’ thighs and sliding them upwards, gripping around his waist and pulling him closer still.

"Anything I can do to take your mind off it?" Magnus offered, circling his hips a little, humming as Alec continued sliding his hand up and under his shirt.

"Many things," Alec replied, his heart already racing at all the possibilities.

"Do they involve… leaving this apartment?"

"They don’t involve leaving this couch." Alec planted his feet flat on the floor and rocked up against him, smiling at Magnus' catch of breath.

"Don’t tempt me," Magnus said, dropping his head down into Alec's neck and pressing kisses there, even as he continued to circle his hips.

"Maybe I’m not just trying to tempt you," Alec replied, feeling a burst of confidence that had him gripping Magnus’ waist and flipping them until they were a tangled heap along the couch. Magnus blinked up at him in surprise, looking down as though trying to work out how Alec had got him on his back.

"Alec," he said, angling his chin up to be kissed, "we—"

"We could just do this," Alec interrupted immediately, already hearing Magnus’ hesitance. They’d yet to even fall asleep together in a bed for Magnus’ fear that they were rushing things, which Alec still found amusing for the way he’d so insistently flirted with him in the beginning.

"And what’s _this_?" Magnus prompted, slotting his fingers into Alec’s jean pockets.

"This," Alec replied, bending to kiss a line up his neck before claiming his mouth once again and smiling as Magnus hummed against him.

"Well. If you think this is enough to distract you."

Alec nudged his way to fit better between his legs and nuzzled at his jaw, circling his hips and smiling at the unexpected _oh_ blasting from Magnus' mouth.

"We could… make it more distracting," he suggested in a whisper purposely close to Magnus' ear, his stomach rippling for the way Magnus jolted beneath him.

"We’re supposed to… we said we’d… I’d—"

"Magnus. We don’t have to do _anything_. But you don't have to be so… hesitant, with me either."

"You’re going through so much right now," Magnus protested, though it was soft, and absent for the Alec bent to mouth his way along Magnus’ neck.

"I am," Alec agreed, hooking his thumbs beneath the hem of Magnus’ shirt and sliding it upwards, then doing the same to his own, with Magnus arching up the second their skin pressed together.

"Alec…"

Magnus’ voice came out torn, so obviously stuck between wanting to progress things judging by the way his fingertips fluttered and hesitated before his palms smoothed out over Alec’s back, and wanting to slow things down. And as Alec claimed his mouth in a desperate kiss, the idea that it might be Magnus needing to hold things back, rather than Magnus trying to do that for him, finally worked its way into Alec's thoughts.

"Magnus did you… I mean, I’m happy to wait too, you know," he assured him, pressing a kiss to his cheek and pulling back a fraction so Magnus would have to look back up at his face.

Magnus' eyes darted away from him before he could bring himself to look.

"Magnus—"

"I… this is all so new between us, Alec," Magnus told him with an awkward swallow, still struggling to look him in the eye.

"I know it is," Alec agreed, shifting back a little so he could lay on Magnus more comfortably, propping himself up so he wouldn’t feel pinned.

"I just… I think it’s better we wait until there’s... not this whole situation with your apartment hanging over us," Magnus continued, still sweeping his hands over his back. "Just until we’ve… just until it’s just _us_ , and there’s… well. I suppose when the only reasons we’re seeing each other is because we want to see each other."

Alec pulled in surprise, not sure he'd heard him correctly. "Magnus… you think I wouldn’t—you think I wouldn’t be here with you like this if this—all this stuff wasn’t happening?"

Magnus dropped his gaze again, gently holding on to his waist. "Alexander. Tell me something—be honest with me. If you had seen me in one of those… coffee shops of yours. Cafes or something. Would you have approached me? Tried to… I don’t know, start a conversation?"

Alec forced himself to think before he answered, taking in the cautious look on Magnus’ face, convinced he was bracing to hear something he didn’t want to. "I… I’m not great with starting conversations with anyone I don’t know. But I’d have been _looking_ ," he added, smiling and ducking down to press a kiss to Magnus' cheek.

"Of course," Magnus agreed bitterly, "people often _look_ at me."

"Hard not to," Alec assured him, "you’re kind of distracting."

But instead of putting the smile on his face that Alec had been hoping to see, Magnus seemed to shrink into himself, retreating from him even though he was laid beneath him.

"Magnus—"

"I know; all this is fairly… eye-catching," Magnus said, one flourished hand Alec thought was supposed to be self-deprecatingly at himself.

Alec knelt up between his spread thighs and ran his hands down them, taking in Magnus' appearance. Tight black jeans, a wine red henley, Magnus' typical chains draping to mid-chest, and his hair carefully styled as it always was. His eyes were made up with the familiar kohl and dark eyeshadow that Alec had hoped to get a glimpse of him putting on in the morning but had yet to.

"Magnus… you’re beautiful. You know that. Right?"

Apparently Magnus didn’t, because he turned his head to the side, dismissing Alec's words.

"Magnus—"

"I’m aware I’m not… I don’t blend in at times," Magnus said, his eyes flitting behind Alec’s shoulder looking anywhere but at him.

"So?"

"So," Magnus said, swallowing hard, "sometimes it… it would be good to. To fit in, to… be treated as though I was normal."

"Who wants to be normal?" Alec retorted, but caught the pinch of his lips and held himself a little more rigidly, not sure what he needed to say or do. "Magnus—"

"Alexander. Has it occurred to you, that were it not for your ghost, our paths would never have had reason to cross?"

"So I’ve got one single thing to be grateful to this ghost for," Alec replied with a half-shrug. "Okay. So maybe you're right. Maybe we wouldn’t have met in a… bar, or club—or cafe. But that doesn't mean there’s anything wrong with the way we’ve met. Or that I… that I wouldn’t want us to have met."

Magnus’ eyes drifted back to his fixing Alec with a look of hesitation, as though he didn’t dare believe his words.

"I’m not used to people being so… accepting of me," Magnus said then, soft and haunted, giving Alec the impression he was remembering things he’d really prefer not to be. "I… it’s stupid, maybe—"

"I doubt it’s stupid, whatever it is," Alec replied, wanting to kick himself for it.

"I just…" Magnus sighed then cutting his own words off, squeezing Alec's waist. "I suppose I’ve got this idea in my head that… that if we rush into things here, that there’s nothing to keep you here after—"

" _After_?" Alec repeated, pulling back in surprise. But he shouldn’t have been, not really. He’d been guessing all along that Magnus wasn’t nearly as confident and exuberant as he always pretended to be. That Magnus had just as much reason to be nervous and apprehensive as he did himself.

With his heart sinking for how he’d been about to rush them into something Magnus himself wasn’t ready for, Alec shifted them again until they were laid side by side on the couch, thankful that Magnus’ couches were so wide.

"I’m not planning on going anywhere," he whispered, pressing a kiss to Magnus’ forehead and arranging himself so that he was tucked in Magnus’ arms. "But I get what you’re saying. There’s no rush here, we can just… be whatever we are now, wait for this thing to be over, and then… go on that date. Take things from there."

"It’s not that I don’t want to," Magnus said, wriggling to get more comfortable and pressing a hand against Alec's hip, looking worried.

Alec reached up to cup his face and shook his head with a smile, then did his best to kiss that worry away.

* * *

"So. We’ve got… we’ve got a couple of possibilities we can look in to."

Alec nodded as Luke paused to plate up the takeaway they’d ordered then settled back on Luke's couch, humming around a mouthful realizing how hungry he was.

"I thought I’d see if I could figure out anything about Matilda from back when she lived in the apartment. See if we can’t find any details of a relationship, or something. Anything that might lead us to who’s in your place."

Alec shifted in his seat and apparently was unable to hide his discomfort with the idea, earning himself a wry smile.

"I know," Luke agreed, "it’s intrusive as hell. But all I’m doing is looking at publicly available stuff. College websites, Facebook—even in 2006, which is when she last lived there, it was pretty big, and I guess people only got more privacy-conscious more recently, because, man; you should see some of the photos I found."

"Of Matilda?"

"Generally. Seriously; I mean, personally, I’m against employers using Facebook and all that online presence stuff to check up on prospective employees and all that. But how people post the kind of things they do online without even thinking about the consequences of it is pretty crazy."

"Are you trying to tell me you never posted any such things?" Steve teased as he joined them with beers that he uncapped and passed around. Luke smiled back and raised his beer in acknowledgment, clinking it against Steve's bottle.

"Maybe—"

"I happen to have a favorite, _favorite_ picture of you saved on my computer that must be from… I guess a New Years Eve party, where you were doing some really, really passionate, sorrowful karaoke," Steve added, grinning at him wickedly. "After you’ve eaten, Alec, you are welcome to—"

"Hey," Luke cried out in protest, pretending to shove against him, "if we’re getting out _my_ embarrassing photos, we’re getting out yours."

"I have nothing I am embarrassed about," Steve countered, pretending to be haughty about it but still smiling.

"Oh, _really_ ," Luke replied with an arch to his voice. "Because I happen to have several photos of you from our last team building thing where you were so wasted, I had to carry you to bed."

"I’m not embarrassed by that," Steve said with a dismissive shrug, grinning harder as he picked up his food.

"Dude; you were naked. Covered in seaweed," Luke protested; Alec spluttered out a peal of laughter and stared between them both as they too laughed, hoping for an explanation.

"This idiot thought it’d be a great idea to go skinny dipping in the lake next to the hotel we were all at for the weekend."

"It was a beautiful lake," Steve agreed, offering out his plate for Luke to try what he was having.

"Yeah," Luke snorted as he stabbed a fry with his fork, "it was also midnight. In September. A really, really cold September."

"Did you know Alec’s birthday is in September?" Steve asked, as though that was relevant to what they were saying.

"Yeah; I bet Alec’s not stupid enough to try and get himself hypothermia though—at any time of the year," Luke pointed out. Alec held up his hands in concession and earned himself another laugh. He continued to listen and helplessly smile for Luke and Steve attempting to out-embarrass each other with recalling various photos from their pasts.

"Anyway," Luke said, wiping his eyes after laughing hard. "After scrolling through a lot of photos—a _lot_ —I think I’ve got a couple of names. Matilda—sorry— _Mati’s_ boyfriend at the time, Owen Holt, and a guy I think was one of her closest friends back then; Calvin McCoy. What’s… maybe not odd, but… I guess _interesting_ —or makes things more difficult, I guess—is that right after they all graduated, all three Facebook accounts went kind of dormant."

"They all stopped using them," Alec said, nodding in realization. "I’ve got an old, old Facebook account I stopped using when I had to create a public one for… for writing."

"You didn’t want to run both?"

"No," Alec laughed. "It’s hell enough having to constantly go on and do all this… social media stuff when I hate it. I mean, I don't _hate_ it; I like a lot of it. Especially since it’s not my name out there, and these people—"

" _Fans_?" Luke interrupted, teasing him, and laughing again when Alec blushed casting a quick guilty look at Steve.

Steve shrugged, holding his hand up to tell Alec to wait until he'd finished the mouthful of food he had. "We're your fans too. I can't speak for Luke, but I'm… proud to know a _best-selling author_."

Alec shoved a forkful of pasta into his mouth so he couldn't retort for the teasing look on Steve's face. Though that pasta almost stuck when Steve began speaking again.

"Remind me. What are you doing here?" Steve asked, gesturing to the laptop balanced on the coffee table in front of them the Luke tapped at one-handed as he ate.

"I'm showing Alec how easy it is to trace someone online—it's for his next _book_."

"Do we get _credited_ for this?" Steve asked, his eyes bright with mirth.

"Uh. Sure—"

"Anyway," Luke said looking just as teasing, "we were talking about you and your fans."

"We were not."

"Oh. I think we should," Steve replied. Alec made himself count to ten to pretend he wasn't squirming with embarrassment.

"You can _call_ them fans, you know, Alec," Luke added. "You do have a _huge_ fanbase."

"Internationally," Steve agreed in between mouthfuls of his burger. "I checked."

Alec had to steer the conversation back. "So, all three of them stopped using their accounts, maybe made new ones, maybe stopped using them altogether?"

"Maybe. I've never liked social media," Luke said, looking down his nose at the screen. "It's all too… _personal_ , you know?"

"Oh, please," Steve replied, turning an incredulous eyebrow on him. "You _live_ on Twitter."

"Twitter is entirely different," Luke insisted. "It is a micro—"

"Justify it however you want. It's still social media. You love it. I bet you have Twitter open more on your computer at the precinct than anything else."

Luke mumbled under his breath but grinned back at Steve, pretending to glare at him as he took a swig of his beer.

"Mati—Matilda—has an account now, under her… I guess her married name. Mati Duke. All very… she looks happy. Calm. Lives a good life. No mention of either Owen or Calvin on there."

"Maybe they’re on there with new names as well," Alec suggested, though hoped he didn’t come across as ungrateful for Luke's efforts.

"Maybe," Luke agreed, "but I can’t find much of a trail online for either of them. I mean, I’m not saying everyone lives their life online, and there’s got to be a ton of people out there called Owen or Calvin, but… I’m not seeing them—not for the limited amount I’ve searched, anyway."

" _Dammit_."

Alec looked up to the sauce and pickle now sliding down Steve's jean leg, watching as he carefully shuffled away to the bathroom.

"Did you do that on purpose?" he asked Luke who was more interested in calling out at Steve, demanding that he not make a mess.

"Nope. Dude's just a disaster waiting to happen. You should see our office sometimes. Perfect timing though," Luke added, gesturing once more at the screen.

"I’m really not sure we should… ask Mati about them," Alec replied as he nodded at the screen himself, hating the thought of causing her any upset when it felt such a selfish thing to do.

"Agreed," Luke said with a quick glance to make sure Steve was out of earshot. "I’m thinking, maybe… speak to Magnus about this, see if he’s up for going to your apartment again, and… asking."

"Is… would that be harmful for him?" Alec asked, reluctant for the overactive imagination that was blasting all kinds of unpleasant images at him.

"We’d have to run it by him, see what he thinks; he’s the best judge of that. And I mean, we’ve still other options. I haven’t had time to look at everything, but we could… we can still do things like look up obituaries. We don’t know—I mean, we don’t have a date of death to go on, so that might take a while."

"I looked up some news articles for the building. I wanted to see if there was anything mentioned. Deaths or—I don’t know, something."

"Anything turn up?"

"No," Alec admitted, sighing. "It's a pretty boring apartment building. There were a couple of mentions about the renovation. One story of a cyclist crashing into the restaurant downstairs. But nothing else that stands out."

"Crashing?"

"Bike versus labrador, apparently," Alec replied, for remembering the story. "Some guy got tangled up in the leash."

"Ouch."

"Magnus wants a dog," Steve added as he returned, Alec's eyes drawn to the large darker patch covering half his thigh. "Or at least, he did. He mentioned it a while ago, when we were all playing poker. He says he’d love to have a dog to take with him to his beach house when he goes, so they could run up and down the sand."

Alec pictured that for himself, then pictured a weekend away with Magnus doing just that—and other things—and smiled to himself at the thought.

"This when you start dropping hints for a cat for your birthday again?" Luke teased. Alec kept watching as Steve fought against smiling back.

"You know I want a cat. It's not a hint if I am telling you, quite openly, that I want a cat."

"So _get_ one."

"Weren't you the one arguing with me that it wasn't fair to have a cat with the hours I work?"

"Do I not work the _same_ hours as you?"

"Do _you_ have a cat?"

Alec listened to a conversation about fur getting stuck to everything, and paws trailing dirt all over counters, laughing quietly to himself at the back and forth.

"I’m a dog person," Alec answered when asked, raising his hands in the air in defense, to which Steve muttered _of course you are_ under his breath. Then he muttered something else about Magnus that Alec didn’t catch but made him squirm anyway.

"How _is_ Magnus?" Luke asked then, the tone of his voice lilting and bordering on teasing.

"He’s good," Alec nodded. "I think he’s kind of snowed under with work right now. Every time I get back, if he’s home before me, he’s at his desk and it’s covered in assignments he’s working through."

Alec smiled to himself in memory of just the day before, when he’d arrived at the apartment to hear Magnus grumbling indignantly under his breath about students thinking they could fool him with Sparknotes. He’d quietly made him a coffee and pushed it into the only free space on his desk, pressed a kiss to his temple and left him to it, knowing he didn't need any interruption when so engrossed in work.

Magnus had no such qualms about doing the same to him, however, appearing in front of him an hour later and replacing Alec’s laptop with himself right there on the couch; not that Alec was complaining, of course. Though the week he'd been staying at Magnus' already had been an exercise in restraint for Alec. They kept catching themselves mid-kiss, wrapped around one another, a race on to see which of them would remind the other they were supposed to be pulling back.

"It’s… I think it’s been a while—a long while—since Magnus has let anyone, or had anyone around to notice he’s working so hard," Luke said then, with caution in his voice that had Alec on the defensive in an instant.

"Yeah. I think so."

"He’s… fairly private," Luke added, a look passing between him and Steve that did nothing but pique Alec’s interest.

"I suppose if there are things he wants me to know, then he’ll tell me in his own time," Alec replied with a shrug as though unconcerned, though his mind had already started going through a list of possibilities both likely and outlandish.

"I’m sure he will," Luke agreed, taking a sip of his drink and peering at him over the top of it.

* * *

Alec adjusted the gym bag slipping from his shoulder, smiling for seeing Magnus already waiting outside.

"Am I late out?" Alec asked as he leaned in to kiss him in greeting.

"No. Just on time."

"Did you have a good session?" Magnus asked, slotting his hand through Alec's and pointing in a direction for them to head. Alec had spent most of the session worrying that his suggestion for this evening Magnus wouldn't want at all. But Magnus seemed relaxed by his side, so Alec cautiously took it as a good sign.

"It was good."

"Any bruises for me to kiss better?"

"Only if you want to." Alec dropped his gaze to the hand on his arm asking him to stop, turning to slip into Magnus' arms.

"What did we say about you being a constant temptation for me?" Magnus asked in reproach, not giving him time to answer for kissing him.

"Why did you think I suggested _this_ tonight?" Alec retorted when he pulled back.

"You wanted us to volunteer at the soup kitchen to… relieve me of my temptation?"

"It… made more sense at the time," Alec replied, pressing a kiss to Magnus' temple when he ducked beneath his arm and tucked into his side.

Alec had shared lunch with Raphael to get a list together of all the best things to donate to the soup kitchen, then spent a couple of hours in a wholesalers getting as much as he could. Alec had thrown in some additional things that he didn't know if would make a difference or not, though still felt he'd not given enough when he saw the emptiness of the soup kitchen's shelves.

"Raphael tells me that you purchased every canned good there was in New York," Magnus said, smiling at him adoringly.

"Not all of them."

"Enough for the volunteers to already be singing your praises. Where are you going?" Magnus asked as Alec came to an abrupt stop, tugging him back.

"I don't need _praise_." Alec would rather go back to his apartment to face his ghost alone than deal with any _attention_.

"Too bad. You have it."

"But—"

"You are a good, kind, generous man," Magnus told him, cupping his face in his hand. Alec groaned but still leaned into it, stealing a kiss before once again letting Magnus tug him along.

The soup kitchen was already a hive of activity when they arrived. Alec stored his gym bag in a cramped corner of the one tiny room for staff then followed Magnus as he showed him where to wash up. He received strict instructions on cutting and chopping vegetables from a stern-looking woman with a Boston accent, then helped another who reminded him a little of Izzy as they pulled cans down from their shelves. His hand cramped for opening so many, though it was made better by Magnus appearing from nowhere to kiss it better before disappearing again.

When Alec found Magnus again he was over by the kitchen's stoves, dancing a little as he stirred. He was completely oblivious to his attention, leaning back at one moment to turn the volume up. Alec got shoved to one side for standing there gawping but continued to watch, before a hand appeared around his wrist and his Bostonian friend put him to work again. By the time the food was ready to serve Alec was thankful he wore only a t-shirt for how hot the kitchens were. Even Magnus' looked flushed when he appeared again; Alec resisted thumbing away a bead of sweat making its way down his neck.

"It's busy," Alec said, accepting Magnus' quick hug before he gestured for him to follow, the two of them stacking up all the plates, cups, bowls, and cutlery they could find.

"Oh. It's not so bad this evening," Magnus replied after using Alec to balance on so he could peer out at the long queue. "We might not even run out."

"Does… that happen a lot?" Alec asked, his stomach dropping for the thought of turning people away hungry. How could he watch if these people who had stood for so long left without anything to eat?

"Sometimes," Magnus admitted with a tight smile. "It is… difficult."

"Where's the nearest food place to here? There has to be a burger place, or pizza, or—"

"Alexander," Magnus said, pulling him into a quick kiss, "let's not worry just yet. I think we should have a good night. Are you sure you want to stay? We have already been here two hours, and there are more than enough—"

"Can we stay?" Alec asked, desperate now he was there to make sure everybody waiting was fed. Magnus smiled again, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

* * *

"So? How was your first evening volunteering in a soup kitchen? Will it be your last?" Magnus asked, tucking into his kebab with relish as they made their way back to his.

Alec gestured for him to wait since he too was fighting not to make a mess with his very late dinner, wiping his mouth before answering for a spill of sauce. "It was great. I mean, it _wasn't_ ; it's hard to think of so many people going hungry. But it was… I don't know, Magnus. It felt like we did something _good_ tonight. You know?"

"I do," Magnus agreed. "There is little more humbling than spending some time both with the good people who volunteer, and those who are without homes."

"Is that why you do it?"

"It is. I remember being very small when I first helped in such a set up with my parents. I think they stood me on an old orange carton so that I could reach the pan to stir. But it has always been… rewarding, as well as heartbreaking, to see those who most need it getting help."

Alec didn't think he'd be able to sleep for all the adrenaline running through him. As he'd helped serve up food and clean tables all he could think of was other ways to help. He had already decided that he would arrange for a large donation of food once per month to make sure that those soup kitchen shelves were always filled with something. He even had grand ideas of adding some electric can openers until he'd really appreciated just how little space there was for such gadgets.

Their slow walk home back to Magnus' finally eating after being on their feet for so long was slowly calmed Alec's racing thoughts. When Magnus had finished his kebab Alec took both their papers to throw in the trash, then pulled him into a hug.

"Do you want to… maybe stop at that place you like near yours? Overlooking the river?"

"Is this a further attempt to force us both to… _behave_ , once we are back in the apartment?" Magnus asked, tucking back into his side.

"Magnus. Honestly? I'm so… _exhausted_ , that all I want to do when we get back to yours is pass out. Maybe shower first."

"Then. We should go straight home—"

"No," Alec said, pointing towards the river as Magnus' building loomed up in their view. "No. I want this first. Just a few minutes, okay?"

Magnus smiled before they came to a stop by the riverside, stepping in front of Alec so he could wrap his arms around him from behind. Alec couldn't think of a better way to end their evening, pressing kisses into Magnus' shoulder as they watched lights shimmering on the water.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your [survey](https://forms.gle/nMiBxgMkiSFBtP6C6)!


	16. Chapter 16

"I’m on my lunch break; you’ve got about twenty minutes."

Alec took in the clipped tone, the work scrubs, and the stern look on Mati’s face over their Skype call, and wondered how Luke would get through to her through a laptop screen when he couldn’t face to face.

"Thanks, Mati, we really appreciate you taking the time for us," Luke said with an easy smile, appearing unhurried. Mati gave a cautious nod back, and cleared her throat.

"So? What do you want?"

"I wanted to run a name by you, see if it means anything to you. See if it’s someone who might be our ghost," Luke added; Mati’s eyes narrowed further in suspicion before she nodded again. "Calvin McCoy—"

" _Calvin_?" Mati repeated, snorting out loud at the idea. Alec watched her shake her head then wipe her eyes, trying to compose herself. "No. No, uh… Calvin’s somewhere in Europe. Or Africa. Or… somewhere. He’s… when we graduated, he wanted to volunteer for a while longer than the rest of us, so, he went over to Africa, and a one-year thing turned into two years. And then he just sort of… stayed. Traveled. Volunteers providing medical care, tries to live as off the grid as possible. I get a Skype message—call sometimes—every few months."

"So that’s why we didn’t find him online," Luke replied. Alec flinched for the way Mati’s eyes narrowed at him.

"You went looking for him?" she asked, horror creeping into her voice. "Why would you do that?"

"Because," Luke replied, nodding towards Alec, "he’s going through a real hard time in that apartment of yours—"

"It isn’t _mine_ —"

"Your aunt’s—"

"It isn’t hers either, anymore," Mati retorted, growing increasingly indignant.

"I know that," Luke argued back with his hands up in defense. "I know. But c’mon, Mati. If there’s anything you can tell us that’ll help; you got any idea what it’s like living with a ghost?"

"I don’t believe in ghosts." Alec recoiled for the bitterness in her voice, dropping his gaze from the screen.

"Yeah, and neither did he," Luke said with a nod towards Alec, turning the laptop just enough so she could see him better. Alec listened to Luke click his tongue as he rearranged the laptop on his dining table so they both had an easier view, and cleared his throat. "You spend five minutes in his apartment now, though? Guarantee you’d change your mind."

Mati’s eyes flitted to Alec’s with an expression somewhere between apologetic and mistrustful, but still she said nothing.

"You ever been afraid to stay in your own home, Matilda?" Luke added, and Alec watched the way Mati then squirmed in discomfort.

"It’s _Mati_ ," she corrected automatically, "I _hate_ that name. Only _he_ ever called me Matilda."

Quiet seeped in between them, Luke's apartment growing still. Though where Alec stiffened at the surprise in Mati’s widened eyes for letting out even so much as that, Luke leaned closer to the screen almost in triumph.

" _He_ ," Luke repeated, demanding without adding anything else at all, but apparently sure Mati was beginning to crack.

"Look—"

"Owen Holt?" Luke added, and this time the drop of Mati’s shoulders was more visible to Alec, who watched as that slight movement was finally accompanied by a nod of agreement.

"Yeah."

"Wanna help fill us in here?" Luke prompted when Mati continued to dart her eyes elsewhere. Alec watched the entire exchange, debating with himself if he should get involved or not. But then a surge of anger squared his shoulders, and he found himself clearing his throat to get Mati's attention.

"Mati," he said, keeping his voice soft despite the frustration he was feeling. "If it’s Owen that’s… that’s in my apartment, he needs help. He’s… angry, and he’s hurting. And he’s getting angrier—"

"He wasn’t like that," Mati immediately denied, shaking her head. "He might have… raised his voice a bit, got a little excited about stuff, but he wasn’t angry. Or aggressive, or—"

"What happened to him?" Luke asked, his voice a little softer, staring as though he had no intention of looking away until she answered. Mati stared back, unflinching for a few seconds before she closed her eyes and sighed in defeat.

"I found out from my aunt," Mati said, as her face became more drawn. "She called me, sent me a newspaper clipping in the post. Took a little time to get to me, and I didn't really get what she was trying to tell me at first. I’d… I’d just thought he’d decided to give up."

"Give up?" Luke prompted, shaking his head.

"Yes," she said, looking away, looking _guilty_ , Alec thought. "We’d… we’d been together all through medical school. Met on the very first day. Became… I had it in my head I was going to medical school to work, work, and work, you know? I had no intention of meeting anyone, caring about anyone. Owen walked in to one of our orientation meetings, told a really, _really_ bad joke—"

Alec smiled at the wistful look taking over Mati's face, imagining she was picturing that very memory.

"—and when we all went for drinks afterward, we just clicked. And that was it; joined at the hip," she added with a bittersweet smile. "We went everywhere together. Did everything together. Can’t say we started planning our future together or anything as organized as that, but… the assumption was there.

"Owen was different with me than when we were other people. I didn’t recognize it at the time, but then I guess we weren’t so aware of what anxiety looks like. Owen was never comfortable in large groups of people, became so distant whenever we had any event coming up. I figured it must have been him worrying about it, not wanting to go, not wanting to be seen to be boring or something because he didn’t like going out all that much. But he liked his own small groups of people, he wasn’t—I don’t know if I’d call him shy, because when he got to know people he was confident as anything. But he… he had difficulty with new people, new situations. Always felt out of his depth, right through studying.

"And then we started thinking about our residencies. Applied to the same programmes, started looking at apartments, talking about what we’d like to specialize in. Owen had it all mapped out. Wanted to be a nephrologist; on one of his rotations he’d got himself really attached to this older patient with kidney failure, and I think it stuck with him," Mati said as she sighed to herself again.

Alec looked to Luke for guidance, receiving a discreet nod telling him to wait.

"Anyway," Mati said, glancing at Alec briefly before continuing. "Owen was… Owen would have been an amazing doctor, whatever he’d chosen to do. He was fairly quiet generally, when he was working, or studying. But the second you got him on a ward speaking with patients, he just lit up. It’s… he lived for putting patients at ease, you know? Always went the extra mile, put in extra hours on top of all the extra hours we did anyway, and he was just… he was a natural. I always said he’d have been great in pediatrics, but… he could have worked anywhere. He’d… I really wish he’d got the chance to be a doctor, to… to see how amazing he could be.

"But Owen, he… he used to get really nervous before exams. Like, we’d study and revise together, and he was word perfect on everything. Every cue card, every contraindication, every side effect of treatment; he knew everything. But the second he got in the exam room, he’d just… freeze up. Forget everything. It was so unfair; he was probably one of the best of us, but in exams, he just… did resits, and barely scraped through.

"So when we started applying for residencies, he worried about that as well. But we applied together, prepared together, made plans. He… I kept telling him not to worry, and I… we really had our hearts set on this programme up in Chicago.

"When I got in and he didn’t, it just did something to him. He wasn’t resentful, or angry, or anything like that, but he just… he lost even more confidence in himself. In the end, he got into Michigan; not a bad programme at all, but just… not what he wanted. And I… I didn’t want to turn down my offer to go there instead; I’d been offered a place there too, but… the Chicago programme was perfect.

"And we started arguing. First he was talking about dropping out altogether and just coming to Chicago and finding any kind of job, just to be with me. And then he was talking about trying to get the decision for him not getting a place overturned, see if he couldn’t find a way to get into the programme I’d got on to. He never once expected me to change programmes for him, but I… I’m sure he must’ve thought about it. He must’ve… he started to just… withdraw into himself."

"It's okay, Mati," Luke said softly when she came to a stop again. Alec could just make out her hands wringing together on her lap as she studied them, before she looked back up in determination.

"I kept on trying to reassure him, you know? I mean, I loved him; I was heartbroken we couldn’t go together, but… and I know Michigan’s like… hours away, but… I didn’t doubt we could figure stuff out, not even for a second.

"But then he started saying we should maybe split up. That he couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing me, or having to try and fit however crazy our residencies were going to be in around going back and forth between Michigan and Chicago, and I… we just started arguing nonstop.

"We had this huge, huge argument, both got really upset. Didn’t speak to each other for three days—and we’d been in each other’s pockets every day for all that time. I… poor Calvin," Mati said with an attempt at a smile. "I spent almost all the time crying on his shoulder about it. Reading all the Cosmo articles I could get my hands on about long distance relationships and all that. I had every intention of having it out with him, of making Owen see we could do this, if we both wanted it.

"But one night, when I was over at Calvin’s, Owen showed up at my aunt’s, really, really drunk. And she… she got really mad at him. Told him he was breaking my heart, and that… that if he loved me, he wouldn’t be behaving like he was. She kicked him out; told him to go home, sober up, then come back and apologize.

"I kept trying to call him, message him, got nothing back. And I got really, really mad; a few of us had agreed to volunteer together over the summer. We were going as kind of _interns_ really, a medical assistance thing in Costa Rica. I expected I’d have it out with him there. But he never showed up.

"And then I got that call from my aunt, and that… that newspaper clipping came in the post…" Mati said then with a mournful crack in her voice. Alec watched Mati rush to raise her hand to cover her mouth to hide it, but tears were already falling from her eyes.

"No one contacted me. No one; not his sister, or his parents or… they let me find out like that…"

"What happened, Mati?" Luke asked, even softer than he had been before.

"That night… when Owen left my aunt’s apartment, he’d… I mean, maybe he… maybe he went to drink some more, but I didn’t know anything. And I… he got hit by a car, and he… he didn’t make it…"

"I'm so sorry—"

"When I read the newspaper clipping, I just… I didn’t know what to do. I tried getting in contact with his family, but they refused to speak to me. The one time I got through to his mom without her hanging up on me, she told me it was my fault, that _I’d_ killed him, because I was so heartless about… about the residency thing, and I… I never wanted us to split up. I never wanted… I never wanted any of this to happen."

"Mati—"

"I can’t blame them," Mati said, angrily wiping tears from her cheeks as she tried to compose herself. "He was… he must have been so upset. And he’d… I don’t know when he did it, but he must have deleted my number from his cell, and all my contact details, because… they didn’t even know it was me calling when I finally got through to his mom."

"Mati—"

A door swinging open behind Mati had her wiping her eyes again, her hand up over the camera of the laptop as she mumbled a response to a colleague. Alec heard a shaky breath taken before her face filled the screen again, and knew they would not get any further details from her.

"I have to go," Mati said, shaking her head and moving to stand, "I can’t deal with this right now. I have work to do. I’ll… I have to go."

Luke's final protest asking her to speak with them again went unanswered, and soon it was just Alec and Luke looking at each other in the reflection of the screen, with Alec having no idea how they were supposed to go from there.

* * *

"I'm… sorry. I'm trying with this, trying to—getting this final edit done is just… taking more time than I thought it would."

Alec's excuses for why he was still no further ahead with his final manuscript rewrite had been playing over in his head ever since Freya had called for this meeting, each one growing more ridiculous as he tried to flesh them out. He'd even planned the subjects of their small talk to guide them into this particular conversation. Alec should have known better; Freya always knew how to guide him into talking about what she wanted. Though now he had something new to worry about. In his haste to explain why he was so behind, he'd spoken directly over her. Alec had never seen her look so taken aback.

"Alec. You are allowed a private life. And rest. And _time_. It's not as though you haven't earned it—or haven't earned enough money to _give_ yourself some time off. Enjoy it. Soak up some sun. Keep doing whatever it is that's put that smile on your face," she added, completely unfazed.

"Well. That's—"

"Seriously. I wish even _one_ of my other authors were as organized as you are. Don't sweat it. Though please; tell me what it _is_ you've been up to, to make you look so… _content_ ," Freya said, steepling her fingers against the desk and leaning forward.

"I haven't been doing anything," Alec protested. He refused to let himself think of _Magnus_.

"Didn't you tell me you were taking up some sport again that you hadn't done since you were a kid?"

Oh. "Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I did. I did do that."

"I'm not sure _sports_ would put a smile on my face quite like the one _you're_ wearing, but. You and I are very different people. Regardless," Freya said, sitting straighter, "I appreciate the update. I appreciate knowing where you are. Even if we're not quite there yet. But that's not why I called you here today, Alec."

"Oh?" Alec asked, his stomach knotting in anticipation for whatever Freya was going to say.

Freya nodded, turning to type something on her laptop keyboard then leaning to the side for a paper file. "I think, Alec, that it might be wise for you to consider looking for some… representation."

Alec's heart gave a violent jolt. He ran his hands over the legs of his pants repeatedly, trying to picture who he could call. What law had he broken? Was he being sued? Should he call his Mom? Dad? He couldn't even really reach out to _Jace_ —

"Like an agent," Freya blurted out, eyes wide in alarm. " _That_ kind of representation. Not a _lawyer_ , Alec. Damn. Where did your mind go?"

With shaky fingers Alec reached out for the cup of water on the desk, gulping it back and yelling internally to himself to calm. "I—I don't know."

Freya continued to eye him with amused suspicion, before her face softened. "Alec. Do you know how many languages your books are already translated into?"

"I—I don't."

"That's because you never read your emails," Freya told him in exasperation, though she still smiled. "38. 38, Alec; and we have six more translations in progress. You sell in practically every country you can think of. I get calls, daily, _begging_ me for more information about the elusive _Xander Woods_."

"Okay—"

"People _love_ you, Alec. Seriously. Do you even _look_ at the attention you get online? You'd have the world eating out of your hand if you were to actually set yourself up a Twitter profile that you used regularly."

"I… don't have anything interesting to say," Alec said, clinging to the arms of the chair and still slipping in discomfort.

Freya raised one incredulous eyebrow and deliberately looked him over long enough to make Alec squirm. Then she rolled her eyes and opened the file, sighing to herself. "I bet you could sell at least a million more copies if we put your face on these books."

"We are not doing _that_ —"

"Thankfully, your way with words does all the advertising we need it to, without you being willing to talk about it," Freya added with a wry smile that made Alec squirm all the more. He watched her smooth her fingertips over the paperwork in the file and desperately looked around the office for more water.

"I. Uh—"

"Here. Let me get that for you."

Freya topped up both their glasses from the jug on the corner of their desk then tapped her fingers on her paperwork again.

"Thanks."

"So. Alec, I know you're not _completely_ oblivious to how successful you are. You've released three books now, you're working on a highly-anticipated fourth; really, you should have seen this coming."

"What coming?" Alec asked before gulping back his water.

"They want to—"

"Who's _they_?"

"Who _isn't_ they?" Freya replied, stroking her finger down the page. "Alec. Have you ever considered what it might be like to have your books adapted for TV? Or film?"

"What? No. Of course not." Alec was sure he'd never heard anything so ridiculous. _His_ work? On a screen somewhere? Absolutely was that never going to happen.

Freya picked up the stack of papers in the file which drew Alec's attention to just how much was in there. Five thick piles held together with Freya's familiar brightly colored paper clips along with several individual pages. Alec was desperate to know but also wished he could be anywhere but there in Freya's office.

"Well. Just about everyone else _has_ thought about it. Alec. I've got three inquiries here about TV adaptations, two for movies, and a ton more things that—you are in _demand_ , Alec."

"But—"

"I've been holding back from telling you this past couple of months, because I know you've been struggling to get to a place where you're happy with your story. I have every faith you'll get there; you're an incredible author, Alec, and I have to say it's a real joy working with you. I didn't think you wanted the additional pressure right now what with… well. I guess I already knew how you were going to react."

"You… you're _serious_?"

"What possibly could I gain from lying to you about this?" Freya said, closing the file and pushing it towards Alec.

"I… what do I do with this?"

"Well. There's this thing called _reading_ —"

"I meant—"

"Just… see what offers are being made, Alec," Freya insisted, reaching over to tap the front of the file. "I'm not saying any of these would suit you. Some might. Something even more amazing might come along. Just… read things over, would you?"

"I… okay." Alec pulled the file into his lap half-dazed, holding it in a tight grip.

"Of course, if you _do_ decide to go with any of these things somewhere down the line, that might mean we'd need to get you to do some signings. Potentially conventions. We—"

"You want me to _meet_ people?"

"Yes."

" _No_."

"You are a strange creature," Freya said with the frustrated affection he'd come to know so well over the years. "You ever hear that before, Alec?"

"Uh… maybe?"

"What am I going to do with you?" Freya asked in exasperation again. Alec didn't have an answer, still clutching tightly to the file in his hand. "Well. I don't know about you, but I'm starving. You feel like grabbing some lunch?"

"Uh. Sure." Alec had been considering seeing if either Maia or Steve were free, but this was good too. He and Freya hadn't had lunch together in ages; it might be nice to talk about something other than his _work_.

"Great. What do you feel like?"

"I don't mind."

"It's such a nice day," Freya added, ducking to pick up her bag before turning to look out her office window. "Maybe we can grab something and sit in the park?"

"There's actually a really great bagel place just around the corner from here," Alec said, remembering it from his first weekend staying at Magnus'. He even remembered the perfect spot to sit in in the park.

Freya eyed him in curiosity but gestured for him to follow her out. Alec waited in the office lobby as she gave some instructions to the receptionist then held the door open as they made their way outside. "Where is this bagel place?"

"This way."

Freya nodded and fell into stride before him, turning her face up to the sun. "I didn't think you knew the area all that well? You moved to Williamsburg, didn't you?"

"I did. But I came here recently; I was in Greenacre Park just a few weeks back."

"Oh?"

Alec sped up for the teasing in her voice wanting to avoid more questions. "Bagel place is just here."

"Was this discovery made on some kind of… picnic date?"

"We were just out for the day. We decided to… sit for a while." Alec could still feel the tension in his arm from wanting to sling an arm around Magnus' shoulders, find an excuse to touch his hand, or something. He'd made up for that since, of course, but that urge to reach out still sat heavily in him. Holding back from _more_ with Magnus was growing more difficult by the day.

"Don't think I won't ask more about this _we_ after we've ordered," Freya told him, swinging open the door to the bagel store and ushering Alec inside. He watched Freya order a smoked salmon and cream cheese then ordered a marinara, chicken, and mozzarella for himself, paying for both before she had the chance to.

"Those smoothies are really good," he said, pointing behind the counter, picking one up for the both of them.

Freya made it until they stepped foot in the park before starting her interrogation. "So. This _we_ —"

"These _offers_ ," Alec said, shrugging to mean the file tucked in the crook of his arm. "Is there some kind of… deadline on them?"

He didn't know what to make of the _offers_ either, but wasn't sure he was ready to talk about Magnus. Freya saw what he was doing, arching an eyebrow at him before waving towards a park bench overlooking a flower garden.

"Well. They are calling me a _lot_. So while there is no official deadline, _soon_ would be good."

"How soon is soon?" Alec asked, carefully unwrapping his bagel.

"Tomorrow? I'm kidding," Freya said, laughing as she slapped against his arm. "No. But soon. Maybe a week or two? This is my fault; I should have said something before now. And I'm sure these people are all keen enough to wait as long as you need. But maybe at least start thinking about it over the next week or two, okay?"

"I will." Though Alec thought he already had enough to think about without adding to it.

"So. _We_ ," Freya insisted, before taking a bite of her bagel. Alec thought about changing the subject again or making something up, though the image of Magnus came to him, and Alec realized he didn't want or need to hide anything.

" _We_ are new. _We_ are… taking things slowly."

"Slowly enough to take a romantic stroll through the park?"

Alec smiled for the teasing, taking his time to eat some of his bagel before answering. "I guess so. It's just… well—"

"If you say _complicated_ , I'm gonna knock that bagel right out of your hand."

Alec laughed for the expression on Freya's face, shaking his head. "Well. How about _challenging_?"

"Alec. If it's _challenging_ to be with a person—"

"It's not," Alec said, cutting her off. "At least. It's not _challenging_ to be with him. Far from it, actually."

Being with Magnus was easy. Not rushing things was the hard part.

"Then? What is it?"

"Just that… home stuff, you know?"

"Not really," Freya replied, uncapping her smoothie one-handed and balancing it on the bench by her side.

"I've—well. Between work—"

"If you take on some of these _offers_ , Alec, all those articles you insist on still writing won't be necessary at all. In fact, I seriously don't know why you still write them. It's not like you don't make enough with your books."

"I like writing them," Alec replied. "It's… _different_. I think it's good for me."

"Not if it's getting in the way of your _love life_ ," Freya teased. Alec clicked his tongue for it, more amused than anything.

"It's _not_. It's just… it's nothing, actually. We're doing great. We just both need things to be… slow."

"Well. Slow it might be. But I don't think I've ever seen you with this big a smile on your face. Happy looks _good_ on you, Alec. I like it a lot."

Alec had no answer for her but a smile. He went back to eating his bagel, half-planning what he and Magnus might do that night.

* * *

"If we can just get her to come to the apartment, maybe that’ll help," Magnus said with a sigh, tugging on his boots and turning to look up at Alec as he buttoned his jacket.

Magnus had been a sympathetic ear when Alec had told him of the conversation with Mati, kissing him thoroughly in distraction until the feeling of helplessness that had swept through him had faded away. The moment there was even a hint of a smile on his face, Magnus was tugging on his fingers, determined that they go to his apartment to see if there was anything he could do. They had only put it off a day because of Alec's meeting with  _Freya_ ; Alec had carefully stored the file away in his bedroom not ready to either look or talk about his  _offers_.

"She doesn’t want anything to do with it," Alec shrugged. "And I can’t say I blame her."

"Well," Magnus replied as he straightened up, leaning in to peck a kiss to his lips before nodding towards the door. "We can but try. I’ll… see if having a name to go on does anything."

Alec thought of all the things that had happened to him in the apartment and inflicting that on Magnus, and felt a little sick. "You’ll be okay?"

"I’ll be fine," Magnus assured him as he gestured for him to leave. "I’ll have you know this isn’t my first time."

Alec snorted at the accompanying wink, tangling their fingers together as they made their way outside.

For every step they took on the walk to his apartment, Alec was sure his heart gave a harder thud. He stalled at the foot of the building, taking his time clearing out his mailbox. Magnus waited in silence, giving him an apologetic smile when he finally looked up.

"It’s okay to be nervous," Magnus told him, crowding closer to whisper it to him and following it up with a kiss.

"I know," Alec replied, not even bothering trying to deny that he was. It wasn’t as though he could hide it from Magnus, not with the way he watched him—and the way his fingers trembled trying to get the key in the apartment door.

Magnus slid the key from his grip without saying a word, and led the way inside.

The apartment was exactly as Alec had left it. He’d rushed back in with Magnus and hastily packed a couple of bags of clothes, grabbed up the perishable food from the fridge and filled a bag with trash, leaving everything else as it was. There were two dishes in the sink that he hadn’t cleaned, and his books had tumbled to the floor as they always did, but Alec had expected more chaos. Everything was still, and almost peaceful.

Magnus’ face said otherwise, however.

"Without your energy to feed on, it appears our friend Owen has been dormant; though he is most definitely here."

Alec watched the way Magnus stiffened and his fingers twitched down by his sides, a tension setting across his shoulders that he’d never seen before.

"What do we do?" Alec asked, whispering, jolting in alarm for the way Magnus flinched.

"He’s… unhappy," Magnus said, his voice becoming twisted as though it was difficult to speak.

"Unhappy."

"Very. He’s… oh, he’s so lost, Alec." The pain in Magnus’ voice, coupled with the way he stooped forward, had Alec wanting to say they’d forget everything and just leave.

"What do we do?"

But Alec’s question went unanswered, with Magnus appearing to shrink before his eyes with the weight of what was happening to him. The air crackled, the space around them seeming to be filled with triple the usual pressure, enough for the usual coolness of the apartment to be replaced with a sensation like humidity.

The hair on the back of Alec’s neck stood on end, and he honestly couldn’t tell if it was just in anticipatory fear, or that change in the air closing in on him. His breaths became shallow, and his heart raced, but Magnus looked on the verge of collapse.

"Magnus," he called out, reaching out for him, but an unseeing hand grabbed at his arm and shoved it back with force. And then Magnus toppled forward, hands coming to rest on his thighs as he doubled over, with deep, strained breaths rippling out of him accompanied with a pained groan.

"He’s so angry," Magnus rasped out, panting from the effort it seemed to be taking him to stay on his feet. "Oh, Alec, he doesn’t understand anything. He doesn’t—"

But Magnus’ words were stolen from him and replaced with a grunt of exhaustion, one hand pressed to the floor as his back bowed.

"I’m getting you out of here," Alec snapped, reaching out for Magnus a second time and gripping on to his shoulder, feeling repeated strikes to his back. But he fought his way through it, managing to get Magnus’ arm around his shoulders so he could haul him up, then dragging him towards the apartment door and pulling him outside.

"I just need a minute," Magnus gasped out, leaning against the wall for support where Alec had propped him up.

"You’re freezing," Alec said, reaching for his hand on instinct and the contact making him shiver. He pulled Magnus’ hands between his own and began to rub some heat back into them, terrified of the tremble that continually shuddered through Magnus’ body.

Inside the apartment, the sounds of furniture shifting and glass breaking of its own accord left Alec wincing, having convinced himself he’d forgotten about such things in the short time he’d been staying at Magnus’. These seemed louder, more fierce than they had been when he’d been living in the apartment, though Alec wondered if even that was because of his time away. But a hard thud against the other side of the front door had him jolting back, still holding on to Magnus’ hands.

"We can’t stay here," he urged, squeezing Magnus’ fingers to get his attention, fearful of just how dazed he appeared.

"There is no one else to deal with this, Alec," Magnus replied, but his voice was timid, drained of all energy. Alec pulled him from the wall into his arms and held on tight, closing his eyes when Magnus eventually found the strength to raise his arms to wrap around him.

"But maybe we could… come back," Alec suggested, knowing it was a feeble attempt at making him leave, and having no idea how leaving dealing with what was happening to a later date was going to help any one of them.

"No," Magnus disagreed, shaking his head against his shoulder. "No, this has been going on long enough. You shouldn’t be frightened to be in your own home, Alec. And Owen shouldn’t be suspended here not knowing what’s going on."

"But look what it’s doing to you," Alec protested. "I know I don’t know all that much about this, but you can’t tell me how you’re… what’s happening to you, is normal."

"I’ll deal with it," Magnus told him, sounding more determined than Alec believed. But he nodded anyway, stepping back to give Magnus space whilst still holding on to both his hands in one of his own as the other lifted to cup his face.

"Don’t push yourself. Not for me, and not for this. Magnus. I don’t want anything to happen to you because of this.

"I’ll be fine," Magnus replied as he raised his hand to slot his fingers through Alec’s, squeezing there for a second then nodding towards the door for them to go back inside.

Alec’s final few glasses were strewn over the floor from yanked open cupboards, and the TV precariously balanced on the edge of its unit shelf. Alec unplugged it and laid it flat on the floor towards the balcony not really believing it would make much difference, but still feeling the need to do something, having visions of the thing being launched at the pair of them where they stood.

"Can I do anything?" Alec asked. Magnus’ answering smile was soft, apologetic even.

"Alec," he sighed. "I think perhaps… that you’re here is enough. As I said before, I think Owen must feel some kind of link to you, some connection."

"What’s that supposed to mean?" Alec demanded, immediately on the defensive. Magnus’ expression became both pained and contrite. Alec watched the flare of his fingers that he thought meant he was debating reaching out for his hand.

"Alec," he said, swallowing hard. "What you told me about Owen, from what Mati told you; don’t you think there are some similarities between the two of you?"

"Uh, no?" Alec snapped back at him immediately, fury already making a rod of his spine.

"Alec; I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but… from what she said, about Owen not being so comfortable in certain… social situations; you don’t think there’s a little similarity to you at least in some ways?"

"You think this ghost has latched on to me because I’m an antisocial bastard?"

"I didn’t say that," Magnus denied, his hands up in defense trying to placate him, but embarrassed anger coursed through Alec making him want to be anything but reasonable.

"Yes, you did."

"I’m just concerned—"

"Are we here to list my faults, or see what we can do with this ghost?" Alec bit back at him, his heart pounding in protest, pleading with himself to stop lashing out and failing. Magnus’ look for him was guilty, lips pinched together as though attempting to say nothing further to upset him. But Magnus then dropped his hands down by his sides and closed his eyes, breathing deep, leaving Alec to stare at him and yell at himself as much as he wanted to watch Magnus at work.

Alec kept watching, seeing a sickly sheen begin to creep in over Magnus’ face, the force of whatever he was doing beginning to make him tremble. But when a gurgling sound began to whistle up his throat and a low moan was the only thing that made it out of his mouth, Alec snapped, his heart pounding hard in fear of Magnus suffering. He rushed forward, lifted one of Magnus' limp arms and ducking so he could support his weight over his shoulders as he'd done just a few minutes earlier. Alec grimaced at the extra weight that was Magnus deadweight, and step by excruciating step made his way back to the door.

The air felt icy, each breath blasting out a cloud in front of his face, that Alec wasn’t sure he was seeing faces in or if it was just his imagination. But he grit his teeth in determination and forced himself to keep going, yanking the door open and hauling Magnus outside. He propped him up against the wall again as he locked the door, catching him in time as he began to slide.

"Magnus," he called out, hoisting him up and dragging him along to the elevator, willing it to speed up and hoping he’d begin to recover once outside. But when Magnus' legs gave out on him and Alec caught him just before he hit the floor, Alec grunted his way through carrying Magnus to reception and scared the receptionist there yelling for a taxi.

The few minutes in the taxi Alec’s hands repeatedly fluttered over Magnus, checking for a heartbeat, and feeling the clamminess in his skin. And if it hadn’t been for Magnus’ growled out protest that he didn’t need medical help, Alec would have taken him to an urgent care instead of home.

Once inside his apartment, Magnus pushed himself away from Alec, staggered a few steps forward before sagging again and Alec catching him for the third time.

"You need to lay down."

"If you wanted to see my bedroom, Alec, you only had to ask," Magnus retorted, but the tone of it was so weak in comparison to his usual tease that it did nothing but make Alec worry more.

Alec all but dragged Magnus through the apartment to his bedroom, with Magnus falling to the bed with a groan of relief the moment they stepped in. He rolled over showing Alec his back, and after debating with himself whether to help Magnus out of his jacket or not, Alec settled for removing his shoes and then closing the door behind him. He called Luke for advice and rummaged through the cupboards for something sweet, finding nothing that he thought would help.

As a last resort Alec opened the freezer, pleased to find a carton of salted caramel ice cream. He slid it out, filling a bowl with probably too many scoops, then stuck a spoon in before returning to Magnus' room, snagging a bottle of water from the fridge in passing. Alec slid the bowl on to Magnus' nightstand, not knowing where to put himself.

"I’m sorry I snapped at you," Alec told Magnus’ back, his stomach churning for both not knowing what to do to help, and the fear of pushing Magnus away.

"It’s fine."

"Not if you’re mad at me it isn’t." Alec replied. "And either way; it's not your fault you hit a nerve."

"Perhaps if I had worded things different when you weren’t already anxious about the things happening in your apartment."

"You scared me, Magnus."

Alec watched Magnus stiffen, then slowly roll over, a curious look in his eyes when he finally looked up. Alec forced himself to swallow in preparation for getting an explanation out, and offered up a small smile when his words got stuck. "When you… I’ve never seen anything like that before, and I… I was scared for you. I didn’t know how to help if you—it was all so quick."

"I suppose I must have looked quite a sight—"

"You looked _sick_ , Magnus. Like—literally like life was draining away from you, right in front of me. I was… so scared something was happening to you that I couldn’t help with, that you were suffering, and I… I don’t wanna see you suffering."

Magnus’ expression softened, his eyes darting to the water still in Alec’s hands. On shaky limbs he pushed himself up to half-sitting so he could reach for the bottle. Alec uncapped the water for him first, watching in silence as he drank his fill. Only when invited to did Alec sit down on the edge of the bed.

"I didn’t mean to scare you," Magnus said, his voice far quieter than Alec had ever heard it. He hesitated before reaching out but then briefly squeezed Alec's thigh. Alec quickly covered his hand with his own before he could withdraw it, taking the water bottle to push on to the nightstand.

"What was it—he, doing to you?"

"Fighting," Magnus said, dropping his head back against the headboard as he played with Alec's fingers. "The moment I spoke his name, Owen became incensed. I tried to reason with him, to, I suppose, project images of what happened to him, but he was too lost in himself to hear me."

"What can we do?"

"He is yearning… reaching out. I think he’s still trying to speak to Matilda, Alec. I think… and please, don’t misunderstand me—" Alec leaned forward and cut him off immediately with a kiss, relieved that despite his surprise for receiving it, when he pulled back it was to see Magnus smiling. "I think that if he feels a connection to you because of similar personality traits, he may not be realizing all he’s doing to you. Or he may even be lashing out at you specifically because you have a similar energy to him. This is all speculation of course; what we need, if it is possible to have it happen, is for Mati to return to the apartment."

"I don’t know how we’re gonna convince her," Alec replied, resigning himself to putting the apartment back on the market and looking for somewhere else to live.

"Is that for me?"

Alec looked up to catch Magnus eyeing the ice cream, reaching out for the bowl and resting it on his thigh. He filled a spoon, scraping the excess off on the side since the ice cream was already melting, then held it up to Magnus' mouth. His heart fluttered for the tease in Magnus' eyes as he accepted the ice cream; not for his typical _flirting_ , but because he was looking more like himself. He fed him another three spoons before Magnus nodded for him to take some himself, and in a comfortable silence they finished the bowl between them. Alec dropped his head in embarrassment when Magnus reached out to wipe some from the corner of his mouth, though quickly turned his head so he could get a kiss to his thumb.

"I need to rest, Alec," Magnus said when they were finished. The soft, tired tone of his voice put fresh guilt in Alec’s gut, and had him ready to back out the room.

"Okay." There was some work he needed to be doing anyway. And he could wash the few dishes in the sink, maybe clean the kitchen. Or—

"Alexander. Would you mind… staying? Here, with me?"

Alec froze in the doorway, turning to take in the hopeful look on Magnus’ face. He nodded, dropping the bowl back down on to the nightstand before kicking his shoes off and pushing them to the side. When Magnus patted the bed beside him he carefully climbed on, stretching his legs out as he settled beside him. Though when he tried to wrap an arm around his shoulders Alec quickly withdrew in surprise.

"Magnus, you’re freezing," he protested, helping a grumbling Magnus get beneath the comforters before sliding in himself. He turned Magnus from him then pressed up behind him, not hesitating at all as he wrapped his arm around his waist and pressed a kiss to his shoulder.

"You just fed me  _ice cream_. Of course I'm cold."

Alec smiled, squeezing him tight. "Rest. I’ll be here."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your [survey](https://forms.gle/vQrU1CZL8dWj3vyw7)!
> 
> Also. There is another survey that will be going up probably tomorrow on [Tumblr](https://mansikkaomenabanaani.tumblr.com/tagged/CYOMG), so keep an eye out for that.


	17. Chapter 17

"How are you feeling?"

Alec mumbled the question into the back of Magnus’ neck as he felt him stir and begin to stretch against him. Magnus stiffened for a second on hearing his voice, then tentatively slid his fingertips over the back of Alec's hand.

"Better, I think."

"You sure?" Alec asked, again into his neck, following it up with a kiss and splaying his hand wider over Magnus' stomach.

"I am better for waking up with company," Magnus told him, quiet and honest. Alec smiled to hear it, kissing the back of his neck once again. Magnus’ hum he took as an invitation to continue, mouthing up the side of his neck and closing his eyes as Magnus turned his head enough to give him better access. And feeling bold, Alec leaned back a touch, raised his hand to press into Magnus’ shoulder, encouraging him to turn over on to his back.

"Hi," He whispered, half-draping over his side, still pressing kisses into his skin and smiling at the way Magnus swallowed repeatedly for it.

"This is a very good way to wake up," Magnus whispered, nudging his knee against Alec’s before stroking a hand up his side and encouraging him to crawl between his legs.

"You’re supposed to be resting," Alec chastised, nipping at his earlobe and nuzzling along his jaw as he settled to rest on his forearms, then leaning the fraction needed to kiss him. Magnus’ appreciative hum against him had Alec sighing, then humming himself for the feel of Magnus’ hands slipping beneath his shirt.

"I _am_ resting," Magnus told him, fingers drawing absent circles into his back, chasing his lips as Alec pulled away to look at him.

"Well, good," Alec replied, reaching up to sweep a thumb over his temple, then ducking to kiss him again. He smiled through every angle and tilt of their mouths together, swallowing Magnus’ gasp as he darted his tongue into his mouth, and rolling his hips a fraction enough to have Magnus arching beneath him.

"Did I mention this is a very good way to wake up?" Magnus asked breathlessly as he pulled back. Alec snorted as he ducked to press his face into the crook of his neck.

"Maybe." Alec held himself up enough to slot his fingers beneath the hem of Magnus’ shirt, looking up for permission before pushing it up his chest. He trailed his fingers there as Magnus raised himself up just enough to help him ease the shirt over his head. Without hesitating Alec shrugged out of his own shirt, humming as they settled back together. The feel of Magnus’ skin on him invited a more frantic kiss, and that stirring of his hips became a little less gentle.

"This feels good," Magnus whispered, his hands sweeping in arcs over his back, dipping to slot into Alec's jean pockets as he rolled up to meet him. Alec watched him press his head back into the pillow biting down on his lip, raising up again only to look down between them.

"It does." Alec shifted once more to slide his hands down the back of Magnus’ thighs to lift them so his feet were flat on the bed. He had to touch him; Alec stroked greedy hands over his chest in exploration before claiming his mouth again.

"I’m really glad you’re here, Alec," Magnus whispered in between kisses. The soft urgency in his voice had Alec kissing him harder, tucking his hands beneath Magnus’ pillows so he wouldn’t be tempted to slip them down where he wanted them; unbuckling his belt to get his fingers on him.

"Me, too," Alec said, indulging in kissing Magnus a little more before forcing himself to stop. It was torture making himself roll to the side, closing his eyes to compose himself and resting his palm on Magnus' stomach before he could look at him.

"You didn’t have to stop," Magnus said in almost-reproach, making Alec smile and press a kiss to his temple.

"Yes, I did. We agreed we’d do this slow," Alec told him, hooking his finger through the chain on Magnus' chest and running his thumb over the pendant hanging from it.

"I might have been… overly cautious about that," Magnus replied, wriggling to get closer to him, in fact rolling so quickly that Alec was then on his back.

"Can I ask why you put this on when you came in?" Alec said, tugging at the pendant before Magnus settled over him. It was a heavy jaguar head that Alec had noticed was the first thing Magnus had reached for when stepping through his bedroom doorway.

"It was an eighteenth birthday present from my mother," Magnus said, mouthing first along Alec's neck then ducking and doing the same over his chest. As his lips brushed over his nipples in tease, Alec raised his hand to press to the back of his head to guide him. "She read somewhere that the jaguar was a sacred animal that… helped with visions. It has meaning and symbolism to shamans, but since I have never taken the time to research that as much as I might, I wear it as simply jewelry, and a reminder of her. Especially in moments like, well. What I experienced earlier."

"I like it," Alec said, sweeping his hands up his sides as Magnus settled better between his legs and stirred his hips.

"I like _you_ ," Magnus retorted, which had Alec huffing in laughter, wrapping his arms around Magnus to pull him into a hug.

"I like you too. Which is why I’m listening to what you told me, about taking this slow. Instead of giving in to what I want us to be doing here."

"Which is what?" Magnus asked, going back to mouthing at his neck, though slowing the roll of his hips a little.

"You don’t need me to tell you. But I don’t want to rush this."

"It doesn’t feel like rushing," Magnus huffed petulantly then rolled them back over, pressing his head back in his pillow.

"But you said—"

"I know what I said," Magnus agreed, sweeping his hands over his back. "But I—"

"We’re not in any hurry, are we?"

"No. But—"

"So we’re doing this your way," Alec smiled, nuzzling against him and huddling closer. "We’ll deal with… whatever’s going on in my place. And when it’s done, you and me can… we can figure _us_ out."

"Even if our… guest is stubborn, and won’t take the hint to leave?"

"I’m not going anywhere, Magnus," Alec whispered, pulling back to look at him. "I mean, of course; I’d prefer sooner rather than later to stop being attacked in my own apartment. But… however long that takes, I’ve no intention on going anywhere. Really."

Magnus stared back at him, the intensity of it telling Alec he was studying him, checking to get a sense of the truth of his words. So he held still, let him look his fill, smiling the entire time. "Okay," he relented after a few moments, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "Okay, Alec. I’ll be patient."

" _We’ll_ be patient," Alec replied, rolling to his side to tug Magnus with him. "It’s _me_ waiting here as well, you know."

Magnus’ smile for him then was softer, before he wriggled to tuck himself beneath Alec’s chin and hold on tight. "Well, okay then."

"Although," Alec added, kissing the top of Magnus' head, "shouldn't you… do you need me to get you something to eat? I don't even know what time it is."

The sky beyond the window didn't tell Alec much, and he didn't feel like moving enough to get his phone from the nightstand beside him. But he knew at least a few hours must have passed since they got back.

"I'm not hungry yet," Magnus said, snuggling closer. "Maybe in a little while?"

"Take as long as you need," Alec replied, smiling as he closed his eyes.

* * *

Alec adjusted the bag of groceries tucked in the crook of his arm, trying to relieve the cramp in his other hand. There was more than enough here for lunch and dinner both today and tomorrow, which might defeat the object of he and Magnus getting a little _space_. Though maybe if they fit a walk in after dinner at least, things might not be so bad.

Not that things were _bad_ between them. It was just that yesterday they had barely kept their hands from one another both times Alec had woken up in Magnus' bed. Alec had woken for the second time in the early evening to Magnus' kisses to his throat, his hands sweeping repeatedly over his chest. Alec had grabbed Magnus by the waist to haul him between his legs, and the two of them had begun moving together with increasingly heated kisses. Magnus had wrenched himself away without warning dropping face first on to his pillow and grumbling to himself for not stopping sooner, though still with an arm around Alec's waist to keep him close.

They'd left the bed for dinner, though even that was interrupted by constant kisses, and the urge they both seemed to have to reach out and touch. It had been hell wrenching himself away from Magnus going to his own bed when, hours, later, they decided to sleep. And from the look on Magnus' face at breakfast earlier, he'd had the same trouble sleeping Alec had experienced. One good morning hug, and they were barely able to keep their hands off one another again.

Since Magnus was working from home for the day, Alec thought he should be the one to go out, give them both a little break from one another. Though not too much of a break, Alec thought to himself as he sped up, since he'd agreed to make them lunch.

At the foot of Magnus' building, Alec felt his phone vibrate. Alec struggled to get his shopping in one arm and get his phone from his pocket, He narrowed his eyes at the unknown number, debating letting the call ring out. But instinct had him accepting, pressing the phone to his ear and speaking with a sharp _hello_.

"Can I speak to Alec Lightwood, please?"

"Yeah. That's me."

"Mr. Lightwood. My name is Dr. Cooper. I'm calling from Northwestern Memorial Hospital. In Chicago."

Alec's blood ran cold. _Izzy_. "Okay?"

"I'm afraid that your sister has been in an accident."

"What kind of accident?" Alec demanded, dropping his bags down on the nearest table in the lobby.

"There was an incident at the laboratory she works in. She'll be fine," the doctor added in what Alec assumed was supposed to be a reassuring tone. Which it wasn't. "She'll just need a little time to recover."

"Well. What happened?"

"First. Isabelle Lightwood. You are her brother. Is that right?"

"Yeah. Yes. I am."

"And you are listed as Isabelle's next of kin. Is that correct?" Dr. Cooper added; Alec could hear him turning pages and pictured the doctor skimming through Izzy's medical records. They were both each other's next of kin, something Izzy had insisted on when she'd moved because of the way their parents had behaved towards Alec. Isabelle wouldn't leave without the reassurance that _someone_ would be there for Alec if anything happened to him. He'd just never assumed he'd be called upon to _be_ a next of kin for Izzy, and was terrified.

"It is," Alec said, pleading with his voice to stop trembling.

"Okay. Well. Let me reassure again. You're sister's going to be just fine. But I think it would be good for her to have a familiar face around, and a little help."

"Is she there? Conscious? I—"

"She is currently sedated, and resting. Mr. Lightwood, there was an explosion at the facility your sister works for. We know that she was hit in the chest with a heavy piece of machinery, and that it has cracked three ribs. We're waiting on a second round of X-rays just to determine how bad the breaks are, and will then decide on a care plan to help her recover. She could definitely do with some help; at least for a few days."

"I'll come now. I'll… I'm in New York—"

"You have nothing to worry about, Mr. Lightwood," Dr. Cooper told him, irritating Alec all the more for how calm he sounded. "There is no urgency here. She will be fine."

"I'll get there as soon as I can."

"If you want, I can send you directions for here, for the hospital?"

"Of course."

Alec willed the elevator faster as he rode it up to Magnus' apartment, already working out in his head what he'd pack to take with him. He almost dropped his bags trying to get the apartment door open, walking through the apartment to put them in the kitchen as he listened out for Magnus.

"Magnus? Are you there?"

"In here."

Alec followed Magnus' voice to his office, finding him at his desk hard at work. "Hi."

"Well, hello," Magnus said, looking up with a smile. "Did you have a good morning?"

"Listen, Magnus—"

"I was thinking, we could have dinner out tonight," Magnus said. "Perhaps the Thai—"

"Magnus," Alec said, cutting him off with a wave of his hand. "I need to go."

Magnus set the pen he was using down gently, doubt beginning to creep over his face. "Go?"

"I need to go to Chicago."

"Your sister," Magnus replied, standing and quickly taking his hand, looking up at Alec in concern. "What happened?"

"I just got a call from her doctor. _A_ doctor. She was in an explosion—"

"An _explosion_?"

"Her lab," Alec said, his breath starting to come out in sharp gasps. "I don't know. Magnus, she's hurt. He said it was cracked ribs, and—"

Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec, cradling the back of his head. Alec sagged against him holding on tight, sure Magnus would feel the racing of his heart against him. He pressed his face into his neck, letting Magnus' warmth soothe him. And when calm enough Alec pulled back, though still clung on to Magnus' arms.

"Okay, Alec. First thing we need to do is get you to Chicago. Do you want me to book you a flight?"

"I _hate_ flying," Alec said already feeling sick at the thought. Though he was torn; how much quicker would it be to get there by plane?

"Well. How about by train?"

"I… I should drive."

" _Drive_?"

"I… if she needs my help, I'll need to drive her home from the hospital. I'll need… Magnus, I don't know what I need—"

"Let me organize a car hire for you first," Magnus said, squeezing his arms in reassurance. "You won't know what she needs until you get there. Okay?"

"I think so." Alec couldn't think at all, his mind racing even faster than his heart. "I can… I need to do that. The car. I—"

Magnus gripped Alec by the waist and leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek, then guided Alec into the chair at his desk and pulled his open laptop closer. Over Alec's shoulders he typed in the name of a hire company, and since Alec's hands were trembling helped him fill in as many details as he could.

"I suppose if I ask you to _rest_ before leaving—"

"Magnus I can't," Alec said, though reached back to cover the hands resting on his shoulders.

"Then. Will you at least promise me that you will not fall asleep at the wheel?"

"I'll promise to try not to," Alec replied, telling himself he'd not forgotten how to drive.

"Not quite the answer I was hoping for," Magnus replied, sighing as he squeezed his shoulders. "Let me make you something to eat before you go? I can wrap it ready for you to take with you, if you want? I'm sure you will want to get a few things together."

"Magnus, you don't need to—"

"But I _want_ to," Magnus insisted, kissing the side of Alec's head. "I wish I could do more."

A swell of affection hit Alec leading him to turn his head, tilting his chin for a kiss. "Thank you."

"It's no problem. Now. What car are we hiring you?" Magnus asked with a kiss to his neck that made Alec shiver. "Something bold and beautiful, or something practical?"

"Magnus, honestly? I don't care what car it is."

"So. If they happen to have an orange Lamborghini—"

"So long as it's _black_ ," Alec added quickly, recoiling from the brightly colored cars on the screen.

"So very _you_ ," Magnus said, nuzzling against him, flooding calm through Alec that he really needed to feel. "It looks as though your only options are a Honda, or a—"

"A Honda's fine. Good."

"Unfortunately, only available for short hires. I am afraid the only thing you can hire indefinitely currently is this monstrosity of a black Chevrolet."

The car was huge. Alec was sure he could fit six people in if he needed to. Eight at a push. "Magnus. That's like—"

"Possibly perfect. If Izzy has cracked ribs, at this height she should easily be able to slip out without jarring herself."

Alec thought of his sister, the four-inch heels she wore just about everywhere, and how he'd likely have to carry her out of the car, but said nothing. No other options were coming up for them. He leaned his head against Magnus' and nodded in defeat.

"The black Chevrolet it is."

"Excellent." Magnus quickly typed in the last of the details he could, squeezing Alec's shoulders as he added the information needed from his license and credit card. "All done. You can pick it up as soon as you are ready."

"Thanks, Magnus."

"Not at all. I suppose you'll want to leave right now?"

Alec was already on his feet with an apologetic smile ready. "Yeah. I need to."

"You'll keep me posted?"

"Of course. I mean, if you want me to—"

"I do," Magnus told him, squeezing his waist before pulling back. "Now. Should we check visiting hours? If you're leaving now, even if you stop for a break—which I hope you _will_ —by the time you get there—"

"I don't care what time I get there," Alec said, "I'll just… I need to be there."

"Of course you do." Magnus looked as though he wanted to add something else but instead just shook his head, squeezing his fingers and giving Alec a soft smile. "Let's get you ready."

* * *

Alec felt sick. Whether the dark circles beneath Izzy's eyes were because of her accident or because of a lack of sleep through working too hard, Alec couldn't tell. But as he stood beside her hospital bed watching Izzy sleep, Alec's only thought was to drop everything to take care of her. If Izzy would even let him.

"She had a reaction to the sedative we gave her," Dr. Cooper said, reminding Alec he was still stood beside him. That the doctor he'd spoken to earlier was around for him to speak to was a comfort, though from the tiredness on his face to match Izzy's, Alec could imagine he was working a double shift. He half-wanted to find someone else to speak to for fear Dr. Cooper might not be alert enough to talk to him.

"What kind of reaction?"

"Nothing too awful. It just made her sleep heavier, and for longer than we would have imagined. She will be fine though, I promise you."

"You said you had to do second X-rays?"

"Only because we wanted to be absolutely sure there weren't additional fractures. Which there weren't. Three, nice clean breaks—"

" _Nice_?"

"Well. As good as we could hope for," Dr. Cooper amended. "No particularly jagged edges, which means less risk of puncturing vital organs or severing blood vessels."

Alec's stomach churned for the thought of Izzy dealing with any of those things, snapping his head from side to side to clear the images his mind was conjuring.

"What do we need to get her better?" Alec asked, nodding to the pamphlets in the doctor's hand.

"These will give you some guidance. I am sure your sister would prefer to be present— _conscious_ —for any conversation we have about her care plan."

Alec looked to Izzy again, how peacefully she slept, and imagined her annoyance if they made those _plans_ without her. "Yeah."

"You know, Mr. Lightwood, we have a visitor's lounge—"

"I'm not leaving her." Alec walked away from Dr. Cooper pulling a chair to sit beside Izzy, slumping into it in relief. Belatedly he swung his bags from his shoulder to carefully set on the floor, awkwardly yanking his phone from his jacket pocket.

"You drove here?"

"Yeah."

"From New York?"

" _Yes_."

"Then—"

"I'm not leaving her," Alec insisted, turning to glare in Dr. Cooper's direction.

Dr. Cooper held his hands up in defense and pushed the pamphlets he'd been holding on to the table beside Izzy's bed. "Well. I get off in… four hours. I'll come check on your sister before I leave, but if I'm not around I'll make sure one of the other doctors here knows the situation."

"What situation?" Alec demanded, his stomach dropping.

"Not _situation_ ," Dr. Cooper said, holding his hands up again. "I just meant, I'd let them know you were here."

Alec nodded, watching him leave, absently straightening up the blanket covering Izzy. As horrible the circumstances were, Alec was _pleased_ to see her, hit with guilt that he'd not made the effort to visit her sooner. He carefully squeezed her arm, silently willing her to wake as much as he urged her to rest, dropping his head down on the side of the bed close to her arm.

Should he let Magnus know he was here? He'd promised to, though it was so early in the morning. Alec stared at his phone and talked himself into writing a message, reasoning with himself that Magnus was already asleep. Though when a message came back within seconds Alec was both relieved to see his answer and feeling guilty for realizing Magnus had stayed awake waiting to hear from him.

 _"Sleep, Magnus,"_ he wrote back as he smiled. _"We'll talk later, okay?"_

_"You as well. Get some rest, Alec. My regards to your sister when she wakes."_

Alec thought about sending another message though instead forced his phone back into his pocket. He toppled forward with his head pressed on the very edge of the hospital bed mattress, and in seconds was asleep.

* * *

"I'm okay, Alec. As okay as I was since five minutes ago when you last asked."

Alec smiled for the irritation in Izzy's voice yet still jumped out and ran around the car the moment he'd parked, swinging her door open and opening it for her. The look she gave him said she'd punch him if she was feeling more _intact._  Alec intended to take her current state to his full advantage.

"Tell me I'm not carrying you up to the top floor?" he said, gesturing at the courtyard building behind them when Izzy was out of the car. She looked so tiny stood beside it. Alec would tease if she didn't look so unwell.

Izzy grabbed his arm and turned Alec, pointing up. "That one's mine."

Alec took in the black railings on the balcony only one floor up and was thankful for it. He grabbed his bags from the trunk then gestured for Izzy to lead the way, taking slow, patient steps and wincing with the urge to reach out for every look of pain on her face. He was thankful that when they reached her apartment Izzy pushed her keys into his hands, though the sheen of sweat on her face did nothing but make him panic further.

"I need to sleep," Izzy said as Alec found the right key to get them into the apartment.

"Of course."

"You too," Izzy said, already walking through and turning to look over her shoulder, wincing and pressing a hand to her chest as she did.

"What did they say?" Alec asked in exasperation. "No sharp movements. No twisting. Deep breaths—"

"They also said I'd need six weeks recovery. _That's_ not happening. I need to get back to work," Izzy said, walking into a room Alec assumed was her bedroom. The cream colored walls and wooden floorboards were not a style he would have expected from Izzy, though Alec remembered her saying she'd kept the decor the same as when she'd moved in.

"Okay. Let's get you settled."

Izzy groaned, carefully sitting down on the side of the bed. In the reverse of what he'd done in the hospital, Alec dropped his knees to remove Izzy's boots, holding the heel up and waving it in her face.

"Flat things for now. Okay?"

"No."

" _Izzy_."

" _Urgh_."

Alec held Izzy's hand as she stood, pulling back the comforter for her. She looked ridiculous; her clothes had been ruined in the blast at her laboratory so Alec had given her some things of his own. The too long t-shirt was one thing, but the sweatpants Izzy had tied the elastic of in an attempt to keep them up were hysterical. Alec had turned up the legs of them and they still made her look like a child.

"So. We've got another… three hours? Before you need to take your pain medication again," Alec said once Izzy was settled. She glared up at him but sighed and patted the side of the bed.

"Thank you. Thank you for coming here."

"Where else would I be?" Alec said as he sat, careful so as not to jostle her.

"Alec. You've got your own life now."

"Yeah. And you're a part of that. You always will be."

"But still—"

"But still _nothing_ ," Alec insisted. "I'm here as long as you need me, okay? Whatever you need."

"Go make yourself at home," Izzy said with a defeated nod, closing her eyes and squeezing his arm.

Alec waited until Izzy was asleep before standing, pulling the door closed a little as he left the room. _His_ room was similarly decorated to Izzy's, the bedding of his lilac where Izzy's was brown. He dropped his bag down on the end of the bed then turned to explore the apartment. All the furniture and fixtures were black, and there were wooden floorboards throughout. The same was true of the bathroom, the only touches obviously Izzy a few throws and a stack of work-related books on the small dining table.

The balcony had barely enough room for two people to stand shoulder to shoulder, yet the courtyard it looked out over made it worth standing in the cramped space. Carefully mown lawns and well-tended to flower beds were everywhere he looked, with a children's play area in one corner and a tall cherry tree off to one side.

When back inside the apartment Alec checked the fridge, groaning for the lack of anything edible, remembering Izzy's idea of _cooking_ was experimental at best, and inedible at worst. He was glad he'd charged his phone on the drive over, quickly searching for the nearest grocery store and quietly letting himself back out.

Izzy's neighborhood was quiet, and green, and perfect for her, Alec thought. He passed a cafe he would probably work from if he lived here, as well as several stores and other places he vaguely recalled from conversations with Izzy when she'd been settling in. The grocery store was small but had enough for Alec to feed them both with for a couple of days. He intended taking full advantage of the car and going somewhere to stock up better once Izzy had rested a little.

With Izzy's cupboards and fridge full, Alec fixed himself a sandwich and sank gratefully down on the couch. The last thing he'd eaten was the sandwiches Magnus had made him on the drive over. Alec smiled for the thought of it, pulling his phone from his pocket to read through their messages since his arrival in Chicago.

 _"How are you both?"_ was Magnus' latest message. Alec finished his sandwich and returned the plate to the kitchen, unlacing his boots and sprawling out along the couch.

_"Izzy's sleeping. I just got back from grocery shopping."_

_"Are you sleeping as well?"_

_"Not yet."_

Alec smiled when his phone buzzed seconds later, pressing it to his ear. "Hi."

"Alexander. I hope you don't mind me calling? I didn't want to interrupt."

"No. Not at all. It's… good to hear from you," Alec added, getting more comfortable.

"I just wanted to check that you were… okay. Settled, at least."

"I think so."

"You must be exhausted."

Alec smiled for the concern in Magnus' voice. "Yeah. But I want to stay awake for now. Make sure Izzy's okay, takes her medication. I'll sleep tonight."

"You most definitely will. I don't know how you are still awake—aside from the fact that you are so stubborn."

Alec smiled harder for his teasing. "Well. I had to be."

"Of course."

"How was your day so far?"

"Oh. The usual."

Alec noted the shift in Magnus' tone, wishing he was more alert to ask better questions. "Difficult students?"

"No more difficult than usual. A few assumptions made by my colleagues has somewhat added to my workload, however. I suppose I should be thankful you aren't here to _distract me_ ," Magnus added in further tease. Alec turned to press his face into the couch.

"I thought you _liked_ being distracted?"

"I'm attempting to find a positive to this situation."

"Are you saying you miss me already?" Alec could picture Magnus fiddling with his ear cuff even without being there with him.

"Perhaps. I would ask the same of you. Though we are supposed to be—"

"Taking this slow," Alec finished for him, sighing.

"Exactly."

"Well, I do."

"What?"

" _Miss_ you," Alec said, fighting the heat rising up his neck. Whether it was too soon or not, that was how he felt.

"Well, thank you, Alexander. You will just have to make it up to me when you return home."

"Oh, I intend to," Alec replied, imagining all the ways he could do just that. "Though, I don't know when that will be yet, exactly."

"Take all the time you need. Izzy will need your help, I'm sure."

"If she'll _let_ me."

"Are you telling me that stubbornness is a Lightwood family trait?" Magnus asked, laughter in his voice.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess you could say it is."

"Well. I suppose a change of scenery might also help with your writing? And to take your mind off your apartment?"

"Promise me you won't go back there until _I'm_ back," Alec asked, already picturing Magnus sneaking back trying to help _Owen_ and suffering for it.

"I promise. I am sure Luke might use the time to try to talk some more to Mati."

Alec shook his head, pinching over his eyes, wincing for how sore they were. He loathed the idea of Mati feeling _harassed_ by them all, but as he opened his mouth to voice that concern, a yawn came out instead.

"Get some rest, Alexander," Magnus urged softly. "I'm sure at least a couple of hours, if your sister is already asleep, will do you good."

Alec arched against the couch, promising himself just half an hour before he'd wake and do _something_ , whatever that might be. "Yeah, maybe."

"Take care of yourself. I would very much like you back intact."

"I will be," Alec said, smiling into the phone. "And you… you can call me whenever, okay? You're not interrupting. I'll call you as well; I don't mean it should just be you calling me, but—"

"I will," Magnus replied, clearly smiling himself. "Now. Get some rest. We'll speak soon."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your [survey](https://forms.gle/w5DVcXFunRQpAP3o6)!
> 
> The survey for Alec's books will be open until tomorrow so if you want to help choose then the survey is [here](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScdFglKD0Y6VfLtgInXBOFj58boh8pixajUPTgCwwtQr7LdiQ/viewform)!


	18. Chapter 18

The table was set, Alec putting out everything he could think Izzy might want for lunch in the hope of encouraging her to eat. In the two days since he'd arrived in Chicago, Izzy's appetite so far had stretched only to some fruit and crackers. Alec was determined that he would get her to eat a good meal, or at least, the beginnings of one. He moved a chair an inch, adjusted a plate a fraction, and was just about as prepared as he could be to begin his attempts to coax Izzy out of bed. But soft footfall followed by a gentle hand on his lower back announced she'd joined him anyway. Alec pulled out a chair and nodded for her to sit, looking when she waved the phone in her hand.

"You called _Mom_?"

Alec's shoulders slumped in defeat. He spun away before he had to deal with her wrath, heading back to the kitchen where he could compose himself better before answering.

"I didn't. I messaged _Jace_. Told him to pass on the news—"

"What _news_?"

"You were injured, Izzy. You _are_ injured. They… I thought they should know."

Alec fussed over drying glasses before returning to the table, not knowing where to look. That Jace had called him minutes after he'd received his message Alec was adamant didn't hurt him. He should only be glad that Jace was concerned about Izzy, not look on it as a reflection of how little Jace thought of _him_ currently. Though he could really do without Izzy getting mad at him for being concerned; that would feel even worse.

"You'd be impressed," Izzy said, absently straightening up a fork when Alec looked her way. "Mom didn't give me one single lecture about how if I'd followed in _their_ footsteps, none of this would have happened."

"Did she... say anything else?"

"Not really."

Alec desperately wanted to ask if their mom even knew he was there. But once again he scolded himself for being selfish, and pasted on a brighter smile. Which didn't fool Izzy at all. She reached out to where Alec's hand was pressed against the table as he stood beside it, covering it with her own in solidarity.

"So," Izzy said, nodding over the table, clearly aware that Alec needed her to change the subject. "What's all this?"

"Well. You need more pain relief soon. And you haven't eaten. So I thought, maybe if I could get you to eat something more substantial than you have been doing, it'd… I thought it would be good." Alec slid into his own seat opposite pouring them both a glass of juice, looking up just enough to catch Izzy's hands hovering over the plates he'd set out.

"Is this what you eat for lunch at Magnus'?" Izzy asked, taking a slice of bread and loading it up with some meat and cheese. Alec opened the jar of pickle she reached for and speared one on to her plate, shrugging for the teasing smile on her face.

"Sometimes? Magnus likes… all kinds of food."

"Staying with him is expanding your palate."

"I guess," Alec said, loading up a slice of bread for himself.

"You're happy. Aren't you?" Izzy asked, a fond smile waiting for Alec when he looked. He nodded towards her still-uneaten food, planning on waiting for her to eat before answering. He watched her take a bite and did the same, washing it back with juice.

"I am. Yes."

"Happier than… I think I've ever seen you."

"I don't know about _that_." Though he was. Alec just didn't know how to express that with everything else that was happening around him.

"What's not to be happy about?" Izzy said half with her mouth full. "You have this great circle of new friends, a career you're really, really good at. And a charming, handsome guy that lets you live in his apartment rent free, and dotes on your every word."

"Where I wouldn't need to be staying if I didn't have a _ghost_ in my home," Alec pointed out, ignoring the rest of her sentence.

"So you're back to admitting you actually _have_ a ghost," Izzy teased, snatching up a handful of chips with a triumphant flourish.

"Ghost even has a _name_ ," Alec said after debating how truthful he should be. He could only picture the life draining from Magnus on that last visit; Alec's appetite was in danger of disappearing altogether for remembering it. Alec forced himself to finish his slice and load up another, moving a dish closer to Izzy when she reached for trail mix and winced, clutching at her chest.

"I'm fine," Izzy said with her hand up before Alec could say a word. "And maybe you'll go back and… they'll be gone?"

"He hasn't been _gone_ the last few times I tried going back there. And anyway. I don't want anyone going in there with me being gone, so. Nothing will have changed. It was… Magnus wasn't great after going last time. I don't want anyone getting sick, or injured, because of me."

Izzy sighed, though Alec was thankful she only continued to eat, not pushing the subject further.

"This place is nice," Alec added before she could change her mind. Already Alec loved Izzy's apartment, thinking it was far more suited to her than he'd first imagined.

"Me too," Izzy agreed, looking around the room with a soft smile.

"It feels like home. It feels like _your_ home. My place has never felt like that."

"No?"

"Iz. I could move tomorrow, and it… I wouldn't miss it. I have no ties to that place. I just… I didn't have anywhere else to go. And I didn't want to start over, _again_." Alec felt at home at _Magnus'_. It was far, far too soon to be feeling like _that_.

"Well. Things are different now. You have _Magnus_ ," Izzy said, snatching up a second pickle.

"I— _have_ is... we're _together_ , but—"

"But _nothing_. Alec, you have _never_ smiled like you do when you talk about Magnus. And all these friends you have now, all these things you're doing; I was so worried about leaving you in New York."

"You had to do what was right for you, Iz," Alec said, shaking his head and denying the guilt on Izzy's face. She didn't need to know he had toyed with the idea of _following_ her to Chicago initially, so he didn't have to be alone.

"And so do you," Izzy replied. "Your life looks so _good_ now. I'm so happy for you, Alec."

"Happy enough to… eat some vegetables?" Alec asked, lifting and waving a plate.

"You know. Tomato _is_ technically a fruit." Izzy helped herself to several slices of both tomato and green bell pepper anyway, grinning as Alec rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. Are you gonna tell me how this explosion happened? You've barely told me anything." Though Alec could forgive her for that. For most of the past two days, Izzy had been asleep. He'd been hovering, far too on edge to do anything productive. Izzy only had to roll over in her sleep and whimper with pain, and he'd be running through the apartment frustrated that he couldn't help.

"Honestly? I don't know," Izzy replied, taking another slice of pepper, picking up a bottle of ranch sauce to drizzle over her bread. "One moment I was callibrating this new set of scales, and the next I'm turning around to the sound of all these flasks vibrating in the dishwasher—"

"A _dishwasher_?"

"We call it the dishwasher," Izzy said, waving for Alec to wait as she took a bit of her food. "It's just this machine specifically designed for cleaning them. Anyway. I don't know what happened, but I was sent flying backward, got hit in the chest, and banged my head. I woke up in the hospital with _this_. That's it."

Alec watched her wave over her chest, monitoring the way she curled over herself, wishing there was something more he could do to help. "Well. I suppose it could have been worse.

"What's _worse_ is that my managers are insisting I take all the time I need," Izzy replied, her voice coming out irritable.

"Well. Iz, if the lab exploded, they must need some time to rebuild at least?"

"We have other facilities in the city we can work from temporarily. We'll probably move operations there while they deal with what happened, or refurb, or whatever."

"Is it far?"

"Maybe half an hour from here? If I drove."

"So. Maybe you'll—"

"Carpool," Izzy finished for him, waving towards the balcony. "One of my colleagues lives maybe five minutes from here. The one who bought that bouquet."

Alec followed Izzy's nod towards the bright pink and orange bouquet on the bookshelf on the opposite wall, vaguely remembering the woman who had delivered them. Izzy's apartment was covered in bouquets of flowers from colleagues and friends wishing her well, and she'd already received more cards than Alec thought he'd ever had in all his birthdays put together. That Izzy was so loved here made him happy, and proud that things were going so well for her. Even if he was bewildered every time he had to open the door to even more deliveries.

"Don't think I didn't notice you changing the subject from Magnus," Izzy added, brandishing a slice of bread at him.

"Not intentionally, I didn't."

"Alec. He makes you happy. You make him happy. What's the problem?"

"I never said there was a problem."

"But you're not giving me _details_ ," Izzy insisted, her face lighting up with glee.

Exasperated, Alec piled Izzy's plate with more meat and cheese, waving away her protests until the plate was stacked high. "I'll do you a deal. For every slice you make up and finish—not by overloading the thing—I'll tell you something. Not that I'm saying there's a lot to tell."

"Favourite feature."

" _Eat_."

"Is it his hair? His ass? His—"

" _Izzy_."

"How does he—"

"I'm leaving this table if you're not gonna play fair," Alec said, covering his face with his hands, already feeling the heat coming off his cheeks.

"But I'm _injured_."

"Oh. _Now_ you're injured."

Izzy burst out laughing, only to groan and curl over, clutching her side. Exasperated, Alec jumped up to ready her next round of pain medication, smiling when she pat the hand he wrapped around her shoulder in passing.

* * *

"So where are you now?" Magnus asked, trying to peer around the laptop screen, which made Alec smile. He shifted his weight more on to his arm where he was propped up on his bed and did his best to turn the laptop, showing Magnus his room.

"Bedroom. Izzy's asleep already; these painkillers she's taking are kind of strong. I didn't feel like sitting out there by myself, so. I came in here."

"Then I'm very glad you called."

"You don't mind?" Alec asked. It had been Magnus' suggestion that they exchange their frequent text messages for Skype. He'd spent half an hour finding the best position in the room for his laptop and felt more stupid for every passing minute, eventually giving up and sprawling out on the bed. From the looks of things Magnus had decided the same. Alec had only spent a little time in Magnus' bedroom but he'd recognize those gold satin sheets anywhere. It was oddly comforting to see them, and an unexpected relief to see Magnus so relaxed.

"Not in the slightest," Magnus replied with a warm smile. "You can call me whenever you want."

"I guess it's… quiet for you right now. I mean, without a houseguest," Alec added, feeling silly. He'd only really been gone four days. Alec told himself he shouldn't be missing Magnus as much as he already did, but from the softness in Magnus' smile for him, Alec was sure he was feeling the same.

"Oh, it is. Is it wrong that I am already used to sharing details of my day with you over a glass of wine, or dinner? Or breakfast, at least?"

"Not at all," Alec replied, helplessly smiling back at him. "I feel the same. I'm… sorry, I had to come away like I did."

"Your sister needed you."

"Yeah." Alec would do anything for Izzy. He would probably do anything for any member of his family despite all that had passed between them. But for once Alec had the urge to be selfish, to do something just for _him_. These calls with Magnus he looked forward to every day, but a part of Alec already couldn't wait to be back there with him.

"But, I won't pretend that I won't be pleased to have you back," Magnus added, filling Alec with relief. "It is strange here without you, Alec. I hope it is not too soon to say so."

Magnus' expression was that mixed one of hopefulness and doubt that he so often wore for moments when he was open with Alec. Alec wished he could reach out, or lean in and kiss that doubt away.

"It's not. Not at all. I feel the same," Alec replied, his smile echoing the relieved one Magnus gave him.

"Well. The sooner we have you back here, the sooner we can deal with your apartment. And the sooner you and I can… have that first date."

"Magnus. It's not like we've not had… it feels like we've already done a lot of stuff together."

"Oh, we have. Though neither one of us have referred to those events as _dates_."

"Maybe every one of them were."

"Still. I would like us to have an official one. One where I can spend hours worrying over what to wear, and where to take you."

"Magnus," Alec said, laughing, "I do that anyway. I did that the first time I came to yours for dinner. The clothes thing, I mean."

"And how perfect you looked," Magnus teased, affection in his smile as he looked him over.

Alec wiped his hand over his face, trying to fight smiling as hard as he was. "Anyway. The point is, _yes_. Of course we should have an official date. But it… feels like we're already doing that."

"I would feel less bad about insisting you share a bed with me like I did."

"It was one time," Alec protested smiling harder still. "And I didn't object."

"Nor did you make it very easy to want to _leave_ that bed," Magnus replied. Alec once again ducked his head.

"We're, uh… getting worse at that."

"What?"

"Just… _waiting_."

A soft noise fell from Magnus' mouth that went straight to Alec's core.

"Well. I suppose this is a… positive, to you being so far away currently. Neither one of us feels the need to leave the apartment to avoid… _that_."

"Maybe we should _stop_ avoiding that."

"Alexander—"

"I already told you I'm not going anywhere," Alec said, groaning as he waved at himself. "Well. This, Chicago, doesn't count."

"I know. But—"

"We can wait as long as you need us to. I just… I want you to know you don't need to hold back on… _that_ , for thinking I might change my mind after this thing with _Owen_ is over. I still want you in my life, Magnus, without any of that. I'm… not sure I can imagine life without you right now."

Alec was raw for being so honest with Magnus, but knew he had to be, to help Magnus feel more secure. That he felt so much so quickly left Alec unsteady as well. The sweetness in Magnus' smile made things easier, but Alec still wished he could go back so they could talk things through in person.

"I feel the same." Magnus' words were still tinged with hesitance. Alec couldn't help wonder who it was that had made it so difficult for Magnus to trust.

"Well. I'll be back soon. I think. I can't imagine Izzy will even want me here more than a couple of weeks."

"Oh, I am sure your sister is more than happy to have you there."

"She is," Alec agreed, "though she's also not the best patient in the world. I think more than a couple of weeks and we'll be back to how we were as kids."

"Did you fight?" Magnus asked, looking far more enchanted for the idea than Alec thought he should be.

"We… sparred. Teased. Yelled sometimes," Alec added, smiling in memory of one of their arguments that had ended with him putting syrup in her hair. He couldn't remember how it had happened, but was sure he could still feel her prod to his chest for it.

"So when you start telling me that you are arguing with Isabelle over silly things, is when I know to make arrangements for you coming back?"

"I'll let you know," Alec said with a smile, trying to think of what else he had to tell Magnus just to prolong their call.

* * *

Izzy always was such a fitful sleeper when unwell. Alec watched her from the bedroom doorway as she thrashed in her sleep, creeping forward only when she calmed to pull the comforter up to her chin.

" _Rest_ , Izzy," he whispered, gently squeezing her shoulder, and watching until she settled. When he was sure she was sleeping more comfortably he watched for another moment, then quietly made from the room.

Alec made coffee, setting himself up a tray on the dining table then opening the file Freya had given him for the first time, the words blurring on the first page until a sip of coffee gave him focus. There was so much to take in. In the week he'd already been at Izzy's he'd not really given himself the chance to think about any of it. The ideas on all of the offers seemed incredible, meant for someone other than himself. The thought of seeing his words, his stories through another person's vision was both overwhelming and exciting. And after just one read through everything, there were two Alec knew he would have to decide between, and the rest he could happily discard.

Not sure how he was supposed to find the _representation_ Freya had suggested he needed, Alec jumped up from the table and grabbed his laptop from his bedroom, quickly typing her an email asking for help. He wasn't ready to make a decision about either of the offers, but it wouldn't hurt to take this very first step and reach out.

Though first he should _work_. Alec had taken to cramming in his article writing in between checking on Izzy, yet had found no time to work on his manuscript. He opened the document with trepidation, stomach in knots for remembering the place he'd left it not knowing how to work through a difficult rewording. Though within minutes the words came easily, fire replacing that knotting as he chased the idea forming in his thoughts before it could escape.

"Alec?"

Alec looked up to a sleepy Izzy walking through in search of him, jumping up immediately to pull out the other chair. "Hey. You okay?"

"Fine," Izzy said as she carefully sat, hands curled around the table for support. "How am I sleeping this much?"

"Cracked ribs? Working too hard? You're recovering, Iz," Alec said, squeezing her shoulder. "You want something to eat?"

"What do we have?"

"You feel like… something sweet?"

"Yes. Though not those awful coconut macaroons," Izzy called, making Alec smile as he opened a cupboard.

"I forgot you hate coconut." Alec had eaten the macaroons for breakfast for how _offended_ Izzy had been for the sight of them. "You want that fruit bread stuff?"

"Can you toast it?"

"Sure. You want tea, or something?"

Alec turned to watch Izzy use his cup to drink the last of the coffee in the cafetiere that he'd filled earlier, shaking her head.

"Maybe milk?"

"You up for coming shopping later? Or tomorrow?" Alec said as he sliced the fruit bread and slotted it into the toaster. "I keep buying all this stuff, but. I don't even know if it's what you want."

"Everything but the coconut," Izzy said. Alec turned to catch her smile, before pulling down a glass from an overhead cupboard to fill with milk. "Thank you. Maybe we can go tomorrow? Do we have enough for tonight?"

"We could get pizza, or something?"

"Deal. I'm sorry, Alec. I'm so tired right now. I'm not really thinking about anything."

"Of course," Alec said, squeezing her shoulder again. "You need time to rest."

Alec raced back to the kitchen knowing Izzy's toaster was temperamental. He covered the fruit bread in a thick layer of butter just as she liked, sucking the excess from his thumb as he plated it up.

"Are you not eating?" Izzy asked, already tucking in.

"Already ate."

"You're working?" Izzy asked as Alec sat again, closing his laptop lid.

"I was."

"You can keep going."

"No. It's okay."

"You're already giving up so much time being here with me," Izzy said, sighing with guilt.

"We've been over this, Iz. It's fine." He wanted to tell Izzy about the offers he'd been getting for his books, but didn't think it was a good time for her to be over-excited. This recovery was taking far longer than Izzy wanted, and he'd hate to be the one to set her back by telling her things that would mean she'd likely hug him too hard.

"This is so good," Izzy said, shoving that last of her toast in her mouth.

"You want more?"

"I can—"

"I'll do it," Alec said, already grabbing her plate and leaping up. Her appetite had been so hit and miss, that he'd happily feed her the full loaf if she wanted it.

"So. How's Magnus?" Izzy called. Alec rolled his eyes but turned to lean back against the counter once he'd put more bread in the toaster.

"Good."

"Just good?"

"He's working," Alec said, hoping to avoid yet another interrogation. Izzy always knew the best words to use to get him to speak even when he didn't intend to.

"He works so hard."

"Like somebody else I know," Alec replied, nodding to the notice board in Izzy's kitchen covered in post-its and what looked like an impossible schedule. Alec didn't know how she found the time to sleep.

"Well. I'm not right _now_."

"Good. You need this rest," Alec said, turning for the toast so that it wouldn't burn.

"More butter," Izzy called. "I never thought I would feel this exhausted."

"You've been working so much. Maybe all that is catching up with you now."

"Like you're one to talk," Izzy said as Alec slid the plate in front of her, already picking up a slice.

"It's different."

"What. Because you work from home, keep your own crazy schedule?"

"Well—"

"If anything, I'm _glad_ this happened to me, if just for making you take some time off. Kind of."

Alec had nothing to say to that, instead picking up his coffee cup to find it empty, debating making more. Izzy offered him her glass of milk, and Alec took a gulp of that instead.

"You know. Mom's been calling me," Izzy added, carefully avoiding his eyes. "Almost every day."

"Oh, yeah?" Alec said, his stomach clenching, refusing to let himself feel anything.

"Yeah. It's been… _good_. I think."

Alec watched the confusion ripple across Izzy's face. "Well, good."

"She asked about you," Izzy added, which was both the last thing he wanted, and exactly what he needed to hear.

"She made it pretty clear—"

"I think she regrets that," Izzy said, cutting him off. "I'm not saying she's earned your forgiveness, or anything. But—"

"Izzy. Neither of them have spoken to me in forever. It's too late for any of that now." Alec told himself he believed that, that he held no hope at all for any kind of reconciliation.

"In any case. She sounds different. Softer, somehow."

"Good. She was always too hard on you, for everything."

"Alec—"

"I don't wanna talk about Mom. Okay?" Alec did his best not to snap but didn't think he could deal with conversations about their _parents_ on top of everything else. Izzy sighed, studying him over her toast

"What were you working on?"

"Book."

"Can I see?"

Izzy was the only person besides Freya who had ever seen his work in progress. The part he had just rewritten he'd been struggling with for weeks; Alec was excited for the thought of sharing it. He opened his laptop again and stood, gesturing for Izzy to move so he could bring his chair closer, showing her the progress he had made so far.

* * *

"You aren't the only one to be getting out of New York."

"Oh?" Alec asked, frowning for the tone of Magnus' voice, and the way he averted his eyes from the screen. They had only spoken for a couple of minutes catching up on each other's news, but Alec was convinced from the look on his face that Magnus hadn't had the best day at work.

"I have a meeting that I have to attend tomorrow. For work."

Alec's eyes were drawn to the way he fiddled with his ear cuff, unable to tell if this was a nervous thing this time, or because he wanted to avoid the subject. He hoped the increased workload and the grumbles he'd heard more of over the past few weeks about Magnus' work colleagues weren't making him too unhappy. Idly, Alec wondered if he might be better off if Magnus' position was made permanent at the school. Then he hoped they weren't sending him off on some unnecessary work trip when Magnus was already working so hard.

"Well, that's… good? I hope it's good, anyway."

"There is a restaurant I plan on visiting once it's over as a reward. I hear there are several desserts simply to die for."

"Well _that's_ a little drastic," Alec teased.

"I promise not to do that, never fear," Magnus replied, holding his hand up.

"Where is it you're going?"

"Madison."

"In… New Jersey?"

"Yes. What is it?" Magnus asked when Alec dropped his head and smiled.

"You know. One of my books was going to be set there. But after I wrote the first draft, I thought it would be better to make up somewhere completely fictional that… people could make their own minds up about."

Magnus' smile when Alec looked was affectionate and soft. "The Unspoken?"

Alec told himself not to preen for Magnus remembering the title of his books. "Yeah."

"Was there any particular reason for you choosing Madison?"

"No," Alec replied. "I took a ride out there when I was writing the book, trying to clear my head. Stayed a couple of nights. It just seemed to fit, at the time."

"I see."

"So, will you drive there?" Alec asked, wanting to steer the subject back to Magnus. He was already thinking of talking to Magnus about his potential book deals, but wanted to hear Magnus' news first.

"No. One of my colleagues will be giving me a lift, thankfully. I _think_ thankfully, anyway. It is a little over an hour in a car with someone I have never driven with before."

"I'm sure it'll be fine."

"What about you?" Magnus asked, taking a sip of something Alec assumed was a martini. "Any news? How is Isabelle?"

"She's much better. Ready to kick me out," Alec added, smiling. Izzy now had strength enough to poke him in the shoulder trying to get him to speak more about _Magnus_ , so he knew her ribs must be healing up pretty well.

"Oh?" Magnus asked, looking _pleased_ , Alec thought. "When can I expect you back?"

"In a few days. If that's okay," Alec said. By the time he got back to New York he would have been in Chicago just over two weeks; just as much time as he'd predicted he might be.

"Of course. It will be good to have you back here, Alexander."

"Thank you. And yeah, it will. And yes; actually, I do have some news," Alec added, dragging Freya's file across his comforter and sitting up better against the headboard.

"Oh?"

"I had a meeting. Before I left New York. The day before, actually."

"With anyone interesting?"

"My publisher. And I guess you could say it's pretty interesting."

"Oh," Magnus said, smiling in understanding. "This was the meeting you were nervous about because you thought you were no further forward with your manuscript."

"Yeah. That one. Turns out, it wasn't about that at all."

Magnus smiled again, taking a sip from his glass and also moving to sit more comfortably. "This is going to be good. I can tell from that smile on your face."

"It could be good. It could be bad. I don't… I need to think. A _lot_."

Alec opened the file and spread the paperwork out, the two files he was interested in already at the top and well-thumbed. "Freya—my publisher—got some offers for me."

"Offers?"

"From people. Studios, networks, that kind of thing. Magnus… people want to turn my books into—there are two offers here I need to think about, because they sound so good."

"Alexander. Please explain."

"Well, this one," Alec said, waving the file for Cold Hearted, "they want to make into a movie. And this one is for The Unspoken. They think they want to adapt it into a TV show. And if they do, they'd… maybe they'd want to work with me to produce further series. If it got picked up, obviously; I have no idea how any of this works."

"Alexander."

Magnus' face was filled with excited, affectionate pride for him, his smile so warm Alec convinced himself he could feel it through the screen.

"I know. This is all… _huge_."

"Have you spoken with anyone about it yet?"

"Only Freya. And now you."

"Then, I am honored. Tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking… I don't know what I'm thinking." Alec laughed, once again overwhelmed with all of the opportunities coming his way.

"Are there no offers for Born Of Lions?" Magnus asked then, sounding indignant for him. "I love that book."

"Oh. There are," Alec said, waving at the remaining files. "I just… the details aren't so clear on what they want from me. And I get the impression they want to change more than they want to keep. Like, they'd keep it in name, but I would have no… I guess no creative control."

"Born Of Lions is sat at my desk at school," Magnus told him. "This is the one with Luke Jolie, correct? He receives a strange gift from his mother and sets off on an adventure unraveling the truth about a crime he is witness to?"

"That's the one." Alec resisted the temptation to sink further down in the bed with a strange mix of pride and embarrassment for Magnus knowing so many details of his work, that. Though Magnus both saved him from doing it, and made him even more embarrassed, by holding his hand up telling Alec to wait, and sliding his other two books out from beneath his coffee table.

 _"Mangled hearts have been turning up all over New York and the city is scared. Ten murders in ten weeks. All the hearts carved out with the same dagger. Nobody—_ "

"Magnus, you don't have to read it—"

"Oh, but I do," Magnus replied, waving away his objections. " _Nobody has a clue who the killer might be. DCI Shane Olsson is a strong-willed, focused detective who puts his work before everything in his life, including personal relationships. He doesn't know it yet, but he is the only one who can stop the killer. When his lover, James Raymond, is kidnapped by the killer, DCI Olsson finds himself thrown even more into the investigation. His only clue is the dagger left behind at the latest murder scene. Olsson enlists the help of psychiatrist Jessica Greenway, trying to understand the killer's mind in an attempt to find James. Can Greenway help Olsson find the answers before the brutal killer strikes again? Will James be the next victim?_ Yes, Alec. I can see exactly why they wanted this as a movie. Full of intrigue, and twists and turns."

"Well—"

"And this one," Magnus added, picking up the second, "The Unspoken is actually my personal favorite."

"It—it is?"

"But of course. _The wild, coastal town of Bamford holds a secret. Steven Thornhill has the perfect life working as an illustrator, while his boyfriend, Harry McCallister, teaches in Bamford's only high school. When renovating his parent's house over the summer he finds a box of letters in the cellar, Steven begins to realize that things are not quite as they seem in the Thornhill family. A neighbor's engagement party leaves Steven with some startling questions about his and his family's past, and he decides to find some answers. At first, the people he has grown up amongst are generous and sweet, happy to answer his questions. He is intrigued by the town's doctor, Sharon Raymond, and her ties to his father. However, when rumors begin to circle about her misdiagnosis of several patients, Steven slowly finds himself drawn into a web of robbery, adultery and perhaps, even manslaughter. Can Steven discover what is happening before it's too late, or will his demise become yet another Bamford legend?_ I can already imagine this as a show. You have an avid viewer already."

It was a strange feeling hearing his own synopses out loud and read by Magnus, but the open happiness on his face as he looked at him took any residual embarrassment away. Alec even thought he _enjoyed_ hearing them in Magnus' voice.

"I don't know what to do with either of them yet. I mean. It feels like too much to consider both." Alec was putting so much faith in Freya getting him in contact with all the right people that might help him further. He thought he might be completely lost without her.

"I imagine there is a lot of work involved, yes. But this is _exciting_ , Alec. You should be proud of yourself."

"I am," Alec agreed, "I just… it doesn't seem real yet, you know? I never thought anything like this would happen when I started writing."

"Alexander. You are an international bestseller. Of course people want to adapt your work. And of course you should take your time to make a decision; this is a huge step for you."

"Yeah. It is."

"Your sister will be so proud of you. You should tell her."

"I will. I was just… I guess I was waiting for the right time."

"We should celebrate," Magnus said then, sitting forward to push the books back beneath the coffee table.

"Celebrate what?"

" _You_ ," Magnus said, smiling. "Your books. The moment you are back."

"Well. Nothing's decided yet," Alec began to say, stopping for the way Magnus waved his words away.

"Still. It isn't every day that I get to hear such exciting news. I'm proud of you, Alec. And so very honored you would share this with me."

Alec smiled at Magnus on the screen, excited for the thought of soon seeing him in person again. "Well. When I get back, we can—"

The shrill tone of Izzy's doorbell made Alec jump and groan at the same time for it interrupting their conversation.

"You need to go?" Magnus asked with a soft smile.

"Yeah. I mean, I might only be a minute. It's probably more flowers or something for Izzy."

"Go," Magnus told him, "it's okay, Alec. We'll talk tomorrow."

Alec waved his goodbye, pasting a smile on his face for the person waiting on the other side of the door, hiding his frustration for his call with Magnus being cut short. Alec swung the door open, his heart thudding in surprise, catching just as startled eyes staring back at him.

"Jace."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your next [survey](https://forms.gle/2Ac2xZjpAGi3ENxM6)!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Just a headsup if you haven't looked, the rating for this has now changed.
> 
> As I said in the a/n in the beginning, this fic is a WIP written with audience participation, meaning things like titles, summaries, and final ratings and tags will be put in at the end after people have voted for the various options. The rating has been amended here for a slight change in tone ;)

"Alec."

Alec stiffened for the arms wrapped around him in a hug, closing the door with one hand as he patted Jace's back.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he extricated himself from Jace's grip as quick as he could, putting a good distance between them.

"Izzy, obviously."

"Izzy?"

"Yeah, Alec," Jace said, laughing. "Though it's good to see you as well."

Fury began to writhe and boil in Alec's stomach, his jaw aching for how hard he was clenching his teeth.

"I'm… sure Izzy will be happy to see you."

"Where is she?" Jace asked, looking around the apartment in interest. His curiosity made Alec realize he hadn't been to the apartment before.

"Sleeping."

"Seriously?"

"Jace. She broke three ribs."

"Yeah," Jace said, taking his jacket off and slinging it on the couch, "like, two weeks ago. These things don't heal quicker than that?"

"If you knew it happened _two weeks ago_ , why did it take you two weeks to _get_ here?" Alec snapped, that fury boiling up for Jace looking so surprised for his outburst.

"Alec. I was _working_."

Alec paced away before he could say something he knew he'd regret. Izzy was already sat up in bed when he went through to wake her, leafing through a magazine. She couldn't have been awake long for the careful way she stretched when yawning, turning to him with a smile.

"You, uh, have a visitor."

Izzy slid the magazine to the bed and with practiced eased spun enough to get her feet on the floor, playfully batting away Alec's hand when he held it out to help. "Who?"

"You'll see," Alec replied, doing his best not to sound bitter as he followed her out. His hands still flared instinctively as he followed her, ready if Izzy jarred herself or stumbled.

" _Izzy_."

Alec cringed for the enthusiasm with which Jace went to hug her, though shouldn't have worried for the way Izzy immediately pushed him back.

" _Careful_."

"Sorry," Jace said with his hands up in defense, smiling as though he didn't have a care in the world. Izzy allowed him to hug her more gently, then turned to deliberately stare between them.

"You didn't say you were coming," she said.

"Thought it would be a surprise."

"Well. It's good to know who I can turn to if I need help," Izzy replied, echoing some of the frustration Alec felt.

"Alec was here," Jace said as he shrugged, waving towards Alec, as though it had been just hours since they last saw one another, instead of months. Again Alec struggled to keep his temper.

" _Jace_ —"

"Izzy," Jace said, waving away her words, "the point is, the three of us are here now. So let's just catch up. Okay?"

Alec braced for Izzy's anger as she drew herself up to her full height, hands on her hips and glaring at Jace.

"You haven't spoken to Alec in—"

"Iz," Alec said as he reached out to squeeze her arm, shaking his head when she looked. "It's fine."

"Of course it is," Jace said, slapping Alec on the shoulder, "it's _us_."

"Why don't we get dinner?" Alec said before his own anger could bubble over.

Izzy glared at Jace but then sighed, relenting with a nod. "Okay. Are you staying?"

"If that's okay," Jace replied, the picture of innocence and not wanting to offend. Alec hated that he was so _livid_ with him but again fought to keep it in.

"You're on the couch," Izzy told Jace, waving towards it.

"Fine with me."

"I'll cook something," Alec said, already striding towards the kitchen needing the space. Which of course meant Jace followed him.

" _You? Cook?_ "

"Alec cooks all the time now," Izzy said as she joined them, leaning in her usual spot in the kitchen corner. Alec raised an eyebrow at her in passin,g ducking back through for a dining chair and making her sit.

"Seriously?"

"I always cook," Alec replied to Jace, checking through the food they had in. He pulled eggs, potatoes, onion, cheese, and chorizo from the fridge, planning on throwing something quick together. "Tortilla?"

" _Tortilla_ ," Jace mimicked. Alec gritted his teeth and rolled his sweater sleeves up to wash his hands.

"Is this one of Magnus' recipes?" Izzy called across the room. Alec's stomach knotted for it, delaying him from answering because of the bile it put in his throat.

"Yeah."

"Magnus," Jace said, leaning back against a counter with his arms folded when Alec looked. "Who's _Magnus_?"

"Only the guy our brother is _dating_. If you called him once in a while, you might know that for yourself."

Alec winced at the tone of Izzy's voice even if he did send a thankful smile in her direction, trying to pour all his focus into preparing their dinner.

"Hey. I call—"

"When?" Alec said, determined not to turn around. " _When_ do you call, huh?"

"Okay. So maybe I text instead."

"Again. _When_?"

"Look. It's not my fault I'm the only one in this family—"

"Who our parents have any time for, aside from Max?" Izzy finished for him.

Alec said nothing. He didn't feel like a part of the family anymore. It was so long since he had. Even stood in Izzy's kitchen, where he'd felt at home for the past two weeks, the presence of Jace made him feel like an outsider.

"Well. Neither of you wanted to actually put any effort into the family practice, so—"

"Plates are in that cupboard," Alec said, cutting Jace off and pointing across him. "Glasses in there. Cutlery's in the draw."

"And?"

Alec turned to glare at him, casting a quick glance in Izzy's direction. Jace rolled his eyes, but did as asked without further comment.

"Clary didn't want to come with you?" Izzy asked. Alec turned on the oven to heat through, deciding to listen in on the conversation instead of taking part.

"She's got an exhibition to prepare for. It's why I came away. Apparently, I'm too much of a distraction."

Alec almost sliced into his thumb for the cocky smugness of Jace's tone, cursing under his breath and relieved when he lifted his hand to inspect.

"She some kind of artist, or something?" Alec asked before he could stop himself.

"Yeah. She's the best."

Alec listened to Jace's non-stop commentary about Clary's art, and talent, and vision, and all kinds of other things. He was half-pleased that Jace had found someone who apparently made him happy, but also half-exasperated for this person who had walked into Jace's life and was apparently all Jace cared about.

"Magnus' parents were artists," Alec found himself blurting out again.

"Well, Clary—"

"Really?" Izzy asked, speaking over Jace.

"Yeah," Alec said as he continued to prepare their dinner, "they were really good. Exhibited all over the world."

"Actually. Clary's mom—"

"So like… they're in galleries now?" Izzy asked again.

"I think a few, yeah. Magnus showed me this book with some of their stuff in. I can't honestly say I get it all, but. They were talented."

"Were?"

"They're both dead."

"Clary's mom is too; you know—"

"Poor Magnus," Izzy said. Alec fought to control the smile creeping across his face, keeping his back to Jace as he moved over to the sink. He turned when he felt Izzy's hand on his back, catching her smile of solidarity. Alec threw his arm around her shoulders and carefully tugged her into his side, before getting back to work.

"Why are we eating _omelet_ when we haven't seen each other in months?" Jace said then, putting the plates away again and turning off the oven. Alec whipped around to face him, still with a knife in his hand.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Alec, c'mon. There's got to be a place around here that serves something better than _omelet_. I'm starving."

"Alec's cooking us dinner."

"We can have it for breakfast or something. It's _eggs_. C'mon. I feel like Italian."

" _Jace_ —"

"Izzy. It's fine." Alec gripped the counter making himself calm, then began putting everything he'd already cut into Tupperware. He listened as Izzy berated Jace for being selfish, and again as Jace did his usual coaxing, until Izzy's annoyance morphed into exasperation. Was there ever a time when Jace didn't get his own way?

"I'll change," Izzy said, daring a guilty look at Alec. "There's a really good Italian maybe… ten minutes from here if we take a taxi—"

"I can drive," Alec said, wiping down the counter and making sure everything was back in the fridge.

"What if you want to drink something?"

"Alec won't drink," Jace said, already shooing Izzy to hurry up. Izzy looked between them both and sighed, walking away.

Alec waited until he heard Izzy's bedroom door close, determined he would have things out with Jace out of her earshot. Izzy didn't need to be dragged into this non-argument where Jace had forgotten he even existed.

"Jace—"

Jace waved telling him to be quiet, his phone already pressed to his ear. Alec heard his soft tone for _Clary_ and rolled his eyes for it, sure he wouldn't eat a thing for how tight the knots were in his stomach.

* * *

"So, where did you eat?"

Alec sagged back against his headboard, relief washing through him for hearing Magnus' voice. They had been back from the restaurant barely five minutes and Alec was desperate to be alone. He had a headache from how tense he'd been since the moment Jace walked in to Izzy's apartment, right through dinner, and even when Jace tried to steal his bedding. Alec refused to feel guilty that Jace was sprawled out on the couch under a mass of throws and blankets instead of his own comforter.

"This Italian place with like… six tables."

"That sounds… intimate," Magnus replied.

"It was fine." Alec closed his eyes, thankful he'd called Magnus the moment he'd shut his bedroom door instead of trying to arrange a Skype call. He would never have been able to hide his anger or hurt if he'd had to look Magnus in the eye.

"Alexander," Magnus said softly anyway. Alec massaged at his temples trying to relieve some of the tension there, sinking further down the bed.

"Well. The food was good."

"The company not so much?"

"Izzy's great."

"Ah. the prodigal brother," Magnus replied, with enough disdain to make Alec smile. Alec had tried not to go into much detail about his family situation, avoiding talking about just how much Jace's behavior hurt him. But in saying so little, he'd revealed so much.

"Yeah."

"And?"

"It was just… the usual."

"Which is?"

"Jace, acting like nothing's a problem, like… no time's passed since we all saw each other. The way he talks, you'd think we all met up every week, or something. All he ever wants to talk about is himself. Well, and _Clary_ now."

As Alec had tried to talk about Izzy and how she was recovering, and Izzy had in turn tried to steer the conversation to how great things were going for Alec, all Jace had done was change the subject. Every time Jace's face softened for saying Clary's name Alec was pleased to see him so happy. But then he'd be reminded that Jace had barely had any contact with him of late, and that happiness he felt for Jace was replaced with anger. Both at Jace and himself.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"Not really," Alec said, sighing. "I'd just be repeating anything I've told you before, and getting angry about—it's pointless."

"Well. If you need to. You can."

"Thanks, Magnus." Alec smiled for the softness of his voice, relieved that he would soon be going back to New York.

"I wish your brother was… kinder to you," Magnus added, frowning as though searching for better words.

"Well. Jace is just… I guess it's just how he is."

"You deserve better than _how he is_."

Alec didn't know how to answer that. "He's flying back the day after tomorrow. Wants me to take him to the airport."

"Of course he does."

"And I thought," Alec added, smiling harder for the indignance in Magnus' voice, "I could… when I leave the airport, I can drive back to you. Home. To New York."

"I would love that," Magnus said. Alec could hear his excitement, he was sure of it.

"So. How about your day?" Alec asked, wanting to forget about his evening at least for a few minutes.

"Oh. You know. Work is as challenging as always."

Magnus had been more closed off about work ever since the meeting he'd gone to in Madison. Alec hoped when he got back he could be a comfort to Magnus if he was having difficulties at work.

"I hope… not all bad challenges?"

"Oh, no," Magnus replied with a little more enthusiasm, telling Alec about one of his favorite students and their ideas in an essay he'd just marked until both of them were laughing.

"I'm… really looking forward to coming back," Alec said when they'd finished, shifting more so that he was laid out on the bed. He was so tired, and the soothing sound of Magnus' voice was making him want to curl up and sleep already.

"I'm really looking forward to _having_ you back. Should I have anything special in for you when you return?"

"No. Just you," Alec replied, grinning for Magnus' pleased hum in response.

"That, I can do."

"I should let you rest."

"As I should you."

"Okay," Alec said, reluctant to end their call, though out of anything he thought might be interesting to say.

"I will see you soon, Alec," Magnus replied.

"Yeah. I'll be back soon."

Alec waited a moment to make sure Magnus didn't add anything further then ended the call, belatedly noticing a waiting message. He thumbed it open, wondering if it was a continuation of the conversation he'd been having with Maia whilst at dinner, discreetly answering her beneath the table when Jace's constant talk about himself got too much.

He'd heard regularly from Maia, Steve, and Luke since arriving in Chicago, all of them wishing Izzy better and checking to see how they both were doing. Luke's messages were probably the most frequent, with repeated checks that he would soon be returning home. This message was also from Luke with the same polite inquiries, checking again that Alec was coming back.

 _"You're not thinking of starting over again in Chicago, are you?"_ said Luke's message.

Alec frowned at the words, wondering what he could have said to make Luke even consider that he might. _"Of course not,"_ he wrote back, hitting send and thinking what else to add. Though a knock on his bedroom door distracted him, tossing the phone to the side as Jace swung the door open.

"There any beer around here?"

"No."

"Nothing?" Jace asked, exasperated.

"There's juice in the fridge. Milk. Coffee."

"There's got to be a bar around here. We should—"

"Jace. I'm tired."

"But—"

"If you're that desperate to go to a bar, go by yourself," Alec bit back at him, angrier still for the surprise in Jace's eyes.

"Fine. I'll leave it 'til tomorrow."

Alec watched Jace back out his room and quietly close the door, groaning as he rolled over and pressed his face into his pillow.

* * *

"Would you sit _still_?" Alec hissed out the corner of his mouth. He watched Jace come to a stop from pacing across the waiting area of Izzy's doctor's surgery, glaring until Jace dropped into the nearest chair. His skin was bristling with irritation for the way Jace kept standing and sitting, straightening up leaflets on a rack one minute then slumping into a chair with an impatient groan the next. Izzy was in for a check up on how her ribs were healing; Alec was already on edge enough for worrying that Izzy would take this check-up as an excuse to rush back to work.

"Just because—"

A harassed-looking woman coming in with a stroller and toddler in tow stopped Jace mid-sentence. He eyed the family, the space in the waiting room, and then the family again, moving to drop down in the chair next to Alec to give them room. Alec smiled as the woman was joined by a man holding another flustered toddler he assumed was a twin, their red cheeks and teary eyes evidence they were the one who was sick.

"How long's this gonna take?" Jace mumbled, still shifting around even though he was sat.

"I don't know, Jace."

"We could be—"

"Our _sister_ was thrown across her lab, knocked unconscious, and cracked three ribs. She's been in agony ever since. You can't sit for five minutes while we check to see how she's doing?"

" _Okay_ ," Jace replied, dropping to rest his elbows on his thighs. "I hate these places, is all."

"Izzy's the one in there being examined," Alec pointed out, "we're just sat here waiting."

"But still. We could've come back when we knew she'd be done."

"Seriously?" Alec said, his fury at Jace rising up again. "You can't wait five minutes for _Izzy_?"

"So, five minutes then. Okay," Jace said, sitting back up and pulling his phone from his jacket pocket. "I can do five minutes."

Alec grit his teeth as he watched Jace slide open the screen and begin to write. "That Clary?"

"Obviously."

"She sounds… sweet."

"She's the best," Jace agreed.

"I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," Jace said, pausing to smile at him. "I don't think I've ever felt like this before."

Alec smiled back, his anger for Jace softening. He wouldn't begrudge him anything. Alec just wished he didn't feel shut out of Jace's life altogether. "Well, good."

"Izzy's gonna love her."

"I'm sure."

"I'll ask her to come visit us when she's over her ribs," Jace added.

Just like that, Alec's fury rose up again. He waited to see if that invitation would be extended to him, or if Jace would share the fear he felt about Izzy going back to work too soon. If Jace offered for Izzy to stay with him so she could take some more time to recover, Alec could tell himself he wasn't hurt for once again being excluded. When no such thing happened, Alec watched Jace continue to write, then knocked his thigh against Jace's.

"What?"

"You think it's okay to fly when you've got broken ribs?"

"What am I, a doctor?" Jace replied. "I don't know, Alec. She'd have to check."

"You could check _for_ her."

"Or, I could just plan all the stuff I want her to see and do while she's with me. Clary has—"

"You haven't even asked Izzy if she wants to yet," Alec protested.

"Why wouldn't she want to visit me?" Jace asked in surprise. Alec forced himself to keep quiet, to not let out any of the words he was thinking, going back to staring across the waiting room at a poster on the opposite wall.

"Never mind."

"She can't be that bad, right?" Jace added, nodding towards the hallway Izzy had disappeared down when her name was called.

"What do you mean?"

"She doesn't _look_ ill."

"She's getting better," Alec replied. "First few days she was pale as anything. Couldn't eat. Couldn't sleep all that well for the pain."

"Then it's good you came here, right?"

Alec closed his eyes and grit his teeth again, searching for a subject change. "How's work?"

"Awesome. Took on some great new clients, got a ton more on our books. We're talking about getting someone else in since we've got so much work."

 _"We_?"

"Dad and me. Remember Hodge?"

Alec pictured the family friend he, Izzy, and Jace used to practice sparring with in their backyard. "Yeah."

"He's moved to L.A. too. Got in some trouble with the law firm he works at."

"So you want him to work… with _you_?"

"Oh, it wasn't any work-related trouble," Jace replied in dismissal but didn't elaborate further.

"Okay."

"I could use the help," Jace added, looking Alec over. "Not like I get to pick my own hours like you do."

"You're _here_ , aren't you?"

Jace shrugged, turning back to his phone. "I'm taking Clary to Paris in a couple weeks. Gonna have _no_ time when we get back, so, yeah, Alec. I'm here _now_."

"You've known this girl five minutes, and you're flying her halfway around the world?"

"You jealous or something?" Jace asked, laughing.

"Of _Clary_?"

"Yeah. You get a real attitude when she comes up in conversation," Jace said, his smile dropping away to a scowl.

"Maybe because it feels like my _brother_ forgot I existed the moment she showed up," Alec hissed back, fighting not to raise his voice.

"I didn't forget you existed."

"Sure feels like it."

"You and this fancy life you're living—"

" _Fancy life_?" Alec repeated in incredulity. "Jace. I sit at home, or—in a cafe somewhere. I write, all day long. That's _it_."

"Whatever," Jace said, with a dismissive shrug of his shoulders. "Just don't act like this is all on me."

Alec felt like he'd been slapped.

"It's not my fault Maryse and Robert could only count on _me_ to carry on the family business," Jace added. "You and Izzy just went off doing your own thing."

"You're the only one who ever _enjoyed_ law," Alec replied, fury making him start to want to get up and start pacing himself.

"The point is, our parents are counting on _me_ to keep the business going. I don't see either of you around helping out."

"Why—"

"And you like the law enough to use it to write those _books_ of yours," Jace added with a disdainful laugh. "One day, you're going to regret not being around for Mom and Dad."

"I _tried_ being around for Mom and Dad," Alec argued. "They shut the door in my face. _Literally_. Dad asked me not to come to the family home anymore. Told me not to contact Max. Ignored my messages, my calls, sent my books back when I sent them copies. They shut me out, every time I tried to talk to them, like I didn't even _exist_ anymore."

"Then maybe you should've tried harder."

Every angry rejection by his parents, every accusation of him embarrassing the family by pursuing a _whimsical career_ instead of the one they had carved for him, came back to Alec, making his blood boil. He'd spent so many years trying to force himself into the mold created for him by his family, then years more feeling guilty and weak for not being able to force himself to do as they asked.

His first book he'd dedicated to his parents without a single acknowledgment. His second was to his siblings with only Izzy excited for the gesture, since by then Alec had been forbidden to speak with Max. For the third it had been Freya, since there was no one else left in the world for him to give anything to. To sit there now taking Jace's accusations brought the entire thing up again, when Alec had been starting to find peace.

"You're so _principled_ ," Alec bit back at him, earning himself a surprised look from Jace. "You act like you're following in their footsteps, doing all these things, all for _them_ , when you… you do what the hell you want, for _you_. You always have."

"Hey—"

"Remember all those times I had to cover for you?"

"Alec. We were _kids_ —"

"Remember all those times you messed things up with their clients because you wouldn't listen to what they wanted, you just decided what was for the best?"

"I—"

"How many times did Mom and Dad take all that out on _me_ , say _I_ should be the one to set an example for you? Even when I wasn't _working_ for them?" Alec added, feeling like now he'd started talking, he might not stop. "I had to watch you treated like some… like you could never do anything wrong, our entire lives. Like Izzy and I were always gonna disappoint them because we weren't _you_. Like it was always everyone else's fault when you screwed up—that it was _my_ fault."

"Alec—"

"And then you move to Los Angeles, setting up this new office for Dad, just spending all this money getting it ready without actually doing any work to get new clients. They weren't even _speaking_ to me, and yet I got snarky emails telling me somehow this is _my_ fault?"

"We _have_ clients now," Jace said, "everything's fine. We've got all the work we need."

"So, you have all the work you need, and _Clary._  And me and Izzy, what; we're not important to you anymore?"

"I talk to Izzy—"

"So what did _I_ do?" Alec demanded, turning to face him. "Tell me, Jace. What did I do? You moved to L.A. three years ago, and we went from speaking every single day, to you maybe answering one of my messages once a month? What, you just don't need me in your life anymore? Is that it?"

" _You_ should've—"

"I should've _what_?" Alec asked, seething. "What, Jace? Tell me what I was supposed to do? How I'm the one who's at fault in any of this?"

"People move. Grow apart. It's _life_ , Alec. Stop making this into something it isn't."

"So, you're telling me, that you ignore my messages, and calls and everything. We go from talking every single day to nothing at all, and I'm just, what? Supposed to accept it?"

"Look. Alec—"

"You know what, you're right," Alec said, getting to his feet as he saw Izzy stepping back out into the hall, shaking the hand of her doctor. "I'm done. It doesn't matter anymore."

"What doesn't matter?"

"I'm not trying anymore, Jace. I'm done. If you want us to be in contact, fine. If you don't, you don't. I'm _done_."

Alec walked away, ignoring the soft, wounded tone in Jace's voice that had always called him back or made him feel guilty, gently wrapping Izzy up in a hug.

* * *

Bouncing on the balls of his feet Alec urged the elevator to rise faster, desperate to be home. In _Magnus'_ home, Alec amended as he stepped out on his floor sagging in relief. He should have been exhausted after driving non-stop. But for the thought of seeing _Magnus_ again, Alec felt like he might not sleep for hours. Even though Magnus was likely already asleep himself.

Alec's drive back to New York had given him plenty of time to think, and for once in the longest time he felt clarity, truly at peace with his family. Izzy was recovering well and was surprisingly willing to take more time to rest, even if she was insistent he return home. Alec hoped she _meant_ it when she'd said she'd rest. Jace's attempts to coax Alec into talking with him were ineffective. Alec was polite but distant for the remainder of the time they spent together with Izzy, dropping Jace off at the airport with barely two words.

Alec's life was _good_ now, even if there were so many things he still hadn't figured out. Though he would no longer feel wounded for Jace not wanting to make the effort to speak with him. He would no longer worry about parents who pushed him away for no good reason at all. Alec had Izzy, and people in his life who cared about him, and a career that made him far happier than he could ever have dreamed. He even had several ideas for things he wanted to change to finally finish his current manuscript. Life was _really_ good, and on the other side of that apartment door, it was about to get even better.

Inserting and turning the door key as quietly as possible, Alec crept into the apartment, closing the door as gently as he could. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room at three in the morning, with Alec needing to hold on to the wall for support as he bent to remove his shoes.

Should he tell Magnus he was home? Alec hesitated before moving, adjusting the bags on his shoulder as he walked to his bedroom. He dropped the bags down on his bed and rolled the ache away from his shoulder, then crept back through, intent on just peeking in through to check Magnus was okay. Though he stumbled backward with Magnus' bedroom door quickly swinging open, Magnus staring back at him in sleepy surprise.

"Alexander."

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to wake you," Alec told him, sagging in further relief for the softness of his smile.

"I was only dozing; I wanted to be awake when you arrived."

Alec took the extended hand allowing Magnus to tug him forward. The silk of his robe against Alec's forearm as he curled his fingers through the back of his hair felt just as much like home to Alec as the apartment. There was no time to contemplate his sentimentality, however, for the soft inhale of Magnus against his mouth as he closed the gap between him. Magnus sagged against Alec's chest throwing his arm around his waist.

"Hey," Alec whispered as he drew him closer still, dropping Magnus' hand so he could wrap him up in a hug.

"You're back."

"I am."

"You must be exhausted," Magnus said, leaning back enough to get a hand up to cup his face. Alec covered it with his own, shaking his head.

"Not now. Not really," Alec said, betrayed by his body choosing that moment to yawn.

"Would you like tea, or something?"

Alec cupped Magnus' face tracing out the curl of his smile with his thumb. "Magnus, no. Go back to sleep."

"But how can I sleep now that you're here? I've been waiting for this moment for more than two weeks."

Alec smiled for the kiss to the pad of his thumb. "Me too."

Magnus surged forward to kiss him again, a clash of teeth and tongue as they fought to get closer still, laughing as they both lost their balance. Their kiss softened as they righted themselves, Magnus backing Alec up against the wall outside his bedroom. Alec nudged him back for just enough room to stroke his fingertips down Magnus' bare chest. He slipped his hands beneath Magnus' robe to grip his waist, eyes drawn to the way Magnus swallowed.

"You're back," Magnus said again with a delighted smile.

"Yes. I am."

Magnus nodded, swallowing again before leaning in for another kiss, sweeping his hands up Alec's arms. Alec closed his eyes for the fingertips swept through his hair to cradle the back of his neck, nudging his upper lip against Magnus' to open his mouth.

"I could stay," he said, brushing their lips together.

"Stay?"

"Here," Alec said, nodding towards Magnus' bedroom.

"Alec—"

"I don't care what happens," Alec added in between kisses. "I don't care what doesn't. I just… can we fall asleep together? Please?"

In between deciding he was at peace with his family, on the drive back Alec had been thinking the same thing over and over, of how much he wanted to fall asleep with Magnus in his arms. Alec had missed him; far more than he thought he should have done. Though Alec had promised himself not to lose what was happening with Magnus to overthinking, determined to enjoy every development they shared together.

"How am I supposed to say no to you?" Magnus whispered, raising up on tiptoe to press their foreheads together.

Alec slumped down so that Magnus wouldn't have to stretch, gently swaying him in his arms. "Don't."

Magnus smiled, claiming another soft kiss, then took Alec by the hand and led him into his bedroom.

* * *

Alec woke to a kiss to his sternum, smiling to feel Magnus' hair tickling beneath his chin. He tightened his arms around him as he stretched and yawned, laughing as Magnus pushed himself further up the bed to land in his neck. Alec let his arms drop to the bed for the slight shift in the breeze their movement had created, belatedly surprised by the heat. He glanced towards the window at the bright clear sky beyond it, deciding he might work on Magnus' balcony today.

"Good morning, Alexander."

"Good morning." Alec adjusted his arms so one was on the back of his head, and the other resting on Magnus' lower back. Even his skin was clammy. Alec ran his fingertips over his back until Magnus shivered, then dropped his arm back to the bed again.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Perfect. You?"

"The best," Magnus agreed, pressing a kiss to his neck. Alec smiled for the kiss that followed, and those that made their way along his jaw. Magnus raised his head to look at him, propping himself up on one elbow and splaying his hand wide on Alec's chest. "I am sorely tempted to call in sick so that I can stay right here with you."

"I wouldn't mind if you did," Alec replied, stroking his hand up Magnus' arm.

"Sadly, I have a group of students this morning who are getting more and more nervous the closer we get to the end of summer."

"They haven't been working?"

"Oh, they have," Magnus replied. "They are finding the material difficult. And I have to admit, with how hot it is, it is near impossible for any of us to concentrate in our stuffy classroom."

"Yeah. It _is_ warm," Alec agreed, sweeping his hand down Magnus' side and plucking at his silk pajama bottoms. "How are you sleeping in these?"

"Well. Last night, I didn't know I wouldn't be sleeping alone. I needed _something_ to keep me warm."

Alec turned more on his side, splaying his fingers at Magnus' hip. "Are you cold now?"

"I'm not. Though as much as I would love to take these off, I'm afraid I am wearing nothing underneath."

Alec pressed his fingertips against Magnus' sternum dragging them down, letting them come to a stop on the waistband of his pajamas. "What a pity."

"You had the right idea," Magnus added, taking his turn to sweep his hand down over Alec's chest. He trailed his fingertips over his hip through his boxers, lightly gripping Alec's thigh, leaning in for a soft kiss that Alec chased for more.

"Good morning," Alec whispered as he rolled them over, bracketing Magnus between his arms. Magnus' smile for him was gleeful as he tugged for Alec to crawl between his legs, quickly splaying his thighs as much as he could to give him room.

"Good morning."

"I missed you," Alec said, mouthing at his jaw.

"Oh, I have missed you too."

"Yeah?"

"Of course."

"Good," Alec replied, claiming a kiss as he began to stir his hips. Magnus kissed him back with a groan and started to move beneath him, hands running repeatedly over his back.

"You make it very difficult for me to want to leave for work."

"So don't."

"I must," Magnus said even as he gripped Alec by the waist to lift him and looked down between them, watching the way they were beginning to knock together through their clothes.

"Right now?" Alec asked, dropping his own gaze to watch as he dragged himself along the length of Magnus.

"Not _right_ now."

"Good," Alec said, "so. What are we doing until then?"

"You can sleep a little more if you're tired after your journey," Magnus teased, sweeping his hands over Alec's ass and pulling him to him.

"Not tired."

"No?"

"Not at all. Though you do keep reminding me that we're supposed to be taking this _slowly_."

The only warning Alec had that Magnus was about to do something was the glint in his eye. He called out as Magnus quickly threw him over, pinning Alec on his back as he straddled his thighs. Alec grinned up at him, arching as Magnus swept his hands repeatedly over his chest. Though the smile dropped from his face for the heat surging through him, for Magnus feeling out the shape of him through his boxers.

"You were saying?" Magnus asked, raising an eyebrow in challenge.

"Me?"

"You."

"Nothing at all," Alec said, pressing himself into Magnus' hand.

"Then, good."

Alec watched Magnus hand on him, his fingers curling around his girth. Magnus continued to stroke him as Alec thickened against his palm, smiling when Alec looked back at him. Alec hesitated before reaching for Magnus himself, his stomach rippling for the way Magnus dropped his head back as he wrapped his hand around him through the silk of his pajamas.

Alec sat up, Magnus immediately adjusting in his lap, bracing a hand against his shoulder. Alec swept a hand over his chest again before cupping the back of his neck, drawing him into a kiss. Magnus whimpered against his mouth as Alec swirled a thumb over his head, his pajamas already showing a darker patch when Alec looked. When Magnus caught him looking he sat back with a determined glint in his eye, quickly freeing himself and kneeling up so Alec had room to do the same.

The feel of Magnus closing his fingers around him had Alec gripping hard to Magnus' arm. Alec smoothed his fingers over his cheek as he dropped their foreheads together, Magnus blasting out Alec's name as he took him in hand. They tried to kiss, interrupted for the gasps falling from their mouths as they continued to stroke one another, all of that _waiting_ they'd been doing catching up with them. Alec panted out Magnus' name as he angled himself forward so they were pressed together. He dropped his head into the crook of Magnus' neck when he slotted his fingers through his own so they could continue stroking in a joined grip.

Magnus cupped his face, a blissed-out smile for Alec when he looked, leaning in to swallow his answering gasp. Alec sped them up, swirling a thumb over both their heads and laughing when changing his grip had Magnus shuddering in his lap.

"Good?"

"I just wanted to welcome you home," Magnus replied, though his words trailed off into a soft groan. Alec kissed it from him, watching the slide of their hands, mumbling encouragement as Magnus shuddered spilling over their knuckles, and quickly following himself. Magnus dropped his head on to his shoulder with a groan, Alec leaning back against him as their breathing calmed.

"You okay?" Alec asked, cupping Magnus' cheek and tilting his head so he could properly see his face.

Magnus gave him a triumphant smile and leaned in to kiss him. "After that start to my day? I feel like I could take on anything. Though perhaps not right now."

Alec laughed, pulling him into a one-armed hug, their fingers still messily slotted together as they softened.

"Alexander," Magnus said as he looked down between them and sat back, "how would you feel about joining me in the shower?"

Magnus was right. This was the very best way to start the day.

* * *

"Well, hello."

Alec smiled for the softness in Magnus' voice as he peered around his bedroom doorway.

"Hi."

"I was just putting away laundry," Magnus said, abandoning the towel he was folding on the bed and crossing the room to kiss Alec.

"Have you been back long?"

"Not long," Magnus replied, moving to loop his arms around Alec's waist. Alec pulled back so he couldn't, presenting him with a bouquet of flowers, relieved to see how pleased he looked for them.

"You said at lunch. Your day was kind of… monochrome," Alec explained, more convinced than ever that Magnus was beginning to hate his work. He'd sounded so down on the phone when Alec had called asking what he wanted for dinner, describing everything around him in his classroom as dull. Flowers wouldn't make up for a bad day, but Alec was pleased that they were enough to make him smile.

"And now it is technicolor," Magnus agreed, smelling the flowers and then grabbing Alec by the hand to tug him in. "Thank you."

Alec laughed as Magnus walked him backward until he was sitting on the side of the bed. "You're welcome."

"I'll just get a vase," Magnus said, bending to kiss him. Alec watched him all but skip from the room. He waited for him to return, wondering what excuses he might need to make to sleep in here a second night. Or even if he'd need an excuse.

"How was the gym?" Magnus asked when he swept back in the room, arranging the bouquet on his nightstand and tilting his head in admiration.

"It was good."

"Your hair is still wet," Magnus added, slotting between Alec's thighs and pushing the hair back from his forehead.

"I thought it would be quicker to shower there."

Magnus' smile was gleeful telling Alec his mind had gone to the very same place. Their long, long shower together that morning had been an exploration of one another that had almost made Magnus late for work.

"Well, with Luke due over soon, that was probably a good idea."

"I thought so," Alec agreed, sneaking his hands beneath Magnus' shirt to grip his waist. He swirled his thumbs over the smoothness of his skin before hooking his fingertips to rest in his waistband.

Alec wasn't expecting things to pick up again so quickly with his apartment, the news that Luke was coming over to speak with them taking him by surprise when Magnus had told him at lunch. Though just the memory of _Owen_ and how ill Magnus had seemed in his apartment quickly changed Alec's focus, making him determined that he resolve his situation at home once and for all.

"I know you only just got back," Magnus added, continuing to play with his hair. "I could have told Luke to wait another day."

"No. It's good that he's coming now. The sooner we deal with Owen, the sooner we can have that first date."

Magnus kissed the tease from Alec's mouth, nudging him backward on the bed and crawling between his thighs. Alec swept his hands beneath Magnus' shirt before grabbing his ass to grind up against him, chasing his kisses with a gasp as they both began to stir.

"I should have told him to come tomorrow," Magnus mumbled into Alec's neck as he mouthed along it, deft fingers already unbuttoning Alec's shirt.

"Maybe he'll be late."

"Perhaps we could just pretend we don't hear the doorbell when he comes," Magnus said, moving to kiss a trail over his chest, and darting his tongue out over Alec's nipple.

Alec cradled Magnus' face with one hand dragging him back up into another kiss, his fingers already working at the belt buckle to the back of his waist. Now they had started, Alec didn't know how they were supposed to stop. His need to feel Magnus' skin on his was fire in his veins, making him ignore any logic in him arguing that they wait.

Magnus was no better, running his thumb over the length of Alec through his jeans and smiling triumphantly when he tried to thrust up into his hand. His fingers already had his jean button open, starting to slide his fly down, when a hammering at the front door had them both groaning in exasperation. Though Alec laughed when Magnus dropped his face into his neck mumbling obscenities about interruptions, squeezing him into a tight hug before they reluctantly got up from the bed.

"Alexander."

Alec looked down at the fingers gently curling through his own, turning to catch Magnus' hesitant smile. "What is it?"

Magnus swallowed, dropping his gaze though at the same time placing a hesitant hand on Alec's chest. The fear in his eyes when he looked up had Alec wanting to gather him up in his arms.

"I just… wanted to check that we were okay. After this morning."

"Why wouldn't we be?"

"We were… I hope it wasn't… too much."

Alec smiled, raising his hands to cup Magnus' face and kissing him as softly as he could. "I don't know, Magnus. Maybe we should… do it again, just to check."

Relief washed into Magnus' face softening his smile. "We could just ignore Luke."

"Yeah, well. It doesn't sound like he's going anywhere," Alec said, stumbling closer as they heard yet another knock on the door.

Magnus smiled against his lips, sagging into Alec's arms as he wrapped him up in a hug.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your [survey](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScn2mOR9F2re2dMTAJrvkGyLzCi6GGI3uhd5nZyAaALL3uqhQ/viewform)!


	20. Chapter 20

"Was it really necessary for you to almost break my door down?" Magnus asked as he let Luke in, with irritation in his voice Alec knew was laced more with frustration. Frustration that he _shared_. He carefully looked elsewhere avoiding Luke or Magnus's gaze, willing his heart rate to calm for how much he'd wanted things to escalate in Magnus' bedroom.

"Dude. I rang the doorbell three times," Luke said with an easy smile, reaching out to grip Alec's shoulder. "Hey, Alec."

"Hi."

"Your sister doing okay?"

"She was when I left."

"It's good to have you back," Luke added, squeezing his shoulder again. Tension began to pinch at Alec's stomach for the reminder of Luke's messages when he'd been away.

"It's good to be back."

"Almost as good as it is to have you back," Magnus said after announcing he would make them coffee, patting his chest in passing. "I hadn't realized just how big and echoey this apartment is when I am alone."

Alec smiled after him, trying not to acknowledge he could feel Luke staring at him.

"In other words, he missed you."

"We spoke every day I was gone." Alec tried to keep his face neutral so that he wouldn't look as defensive as he felt. 

"I've never seen Magnus look at his phone so much. We've never seen _Magnus_ so much," Luke added, with a blast of incredulous laughter.

"Who's _we_?"

"Me. Raphael. Steve. Even Maia; said she saw Magnus twice in one week, when that never happens."

Maia had sent Alec a message telling him Magnus was in the Hunter's Moon, offering to sneakily take him a picture. He hadn't asked, because he didn't want to be nosey. But from what Luke was insinuating, while Alec had been in Chicago, Magnus had been keeping himself pretty occupied. Alec didn't know what to do with that knowledge. 

"So how's work?" Alec said thinking it best to change the subject. "Busy?"

"The usual."

"Steve said something about a dog-fighting ring in Dumbo?"

"Oh, yeah," Luke said, groaning. Alec relaxed as he began to give details of the case he'd mostly already heard from Steve. 

"So. Now that Alec is back, what options do we have?"

Alec's focus turned to Magnus as he returned. The break in his and Luke's conversation shifted the atmosphere in the room. Alec took in the curious way Luke's eyes turned repeatedly around Magnus’ apartment, barely resisting the urge to snap his fingers to bring back his attention.

"Luke?" Alec urged, smiling at Magnus as he sank down beside him, reaching out to straighten up the tray of coffee he'd lowered on to the table in front of the couch.

"Yeah. Uh… well. You know, traditionally, one sure-fire way of getting rid of a ghost is to find the bones of the person who’s not budging, covering them in salt, and burning them."

"I’m sure Alec is more than aware of that," Magnus retorted with an arch to his voice. "Though unless you wish us all to become grave robbers overnight—"

"I’m just saying—"

"It’s… not a good option," Alec agreed, comforted by the heat of Magnus’ thigh pressed against his own. 

"Either we go with a banishing spell," Magnus began to say, his voice reluctant as he reached out for his cup, absently stirring in cream.

"The whole, ashes to ashes thing?" Alec asked, accepting a cup as Magnus passed it to him.

"Exactly."

"Or, we could try a full on exorcism," Luke finished for him. Alec raised his eyes from balancing the cup on his leg to look back at him, and Luke's gaze darting between himself and Magnus in consideration, his lips curving up into the smallest of smiles.

"Or, we try to get this… Mati to Alec’s apartment by any means necessary," Magnus told him, clearly dismissive of Luke's other suggestion.

"She’s not answering messages," Luke shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee. "She’s not responded to anything since Alec and I spoke to her over Skype."

"I can understand why she wouldn’t want to get involved," Alec replied, and sighing for it. Understanding wasn’t the problem, however. It was how to get his apartment back. Even if Alec was currently unconvinced he even wanted it. "It’s a lot to ask of someone who’s got an entire new life now."

"It is," Magnus agreed, "but it would perhaps be the most effective."

"And if it isn’t?" Alec asked. "If we somehow get her to the apartment and Owen lashes out at her? What if it makes things worse?"

"I know."

"You got pretty sick when you went," Luke pointed out, to which Magnus immediately tutted and tried to dismiss it.

"You _did_ , Magnus," Alec agreed softly, leaning into his side, "you did. It was terrifying seeing you like that. I don’t want you back there."

"Our alternatives aren’t much better, Alec," Magnus sighed. "Perhaps if I prepare myself a little better—"

"You’re telling me you went there unprepared?" Alec's heart raced for the thought of it. Why would Magnus put himself at risk like that?

"Not unprepared. But perhaps not as prepared as I could have been."

"Why?" Alec asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Alec," Magnus said softly, "you were with me. We were… we had a lovely afternoon together, and I—"

"You don’t think your own safety’s a little more important than a _lovely afternoon_?" Alec urged, pressing harder into his side.

"Guys," Luke huffed, reminding them he was there with him, "c’mon. We need to figure this out." Again Alec saw the way Luke's eyes drifted down to the tight press of their arms together, but made no effort to pull back. 

"I think I should go again, since we don’t have too many other options," Magnus sighed, taking another sip of his coffee. "I will protect myself better. Perhaps I will go alone—"

"No way," Alec argued, shaking his head adamantly, "no way. You can’t go back there on your own. Not after last time."

"Alec, you lived there with this for months."

"Yeah," Alec agreed, "but I’m not—it’s different. I’m not like _you_ , Magnus. He just… he couldn’t hurt me like he—"

"He shoved you so many times that you were covered in bruises," Magnus countered, "that on at least one occasion left you unconscious. You said you woke up once feeling like you were being strangled. Owen has just as much chance of hurting you as he does of hurting me."

"But—"

"And he’s clearly been thriving on your fear," Magnus added with an apologetic smile. "You’re like a walking talking power pack for him, Alec."

"Because of… because you think he’s like me?"

"No, Alec," Magnus urged, turning into him and squeezing his hand, "because he is _scaring_ you. Because he’s making you scared, it’s like you’re a… rechargeable battery. Perhaps it’s easier for him to latch on to you because of… similar personalities. But that fear he’s making you feel, it’s an energy source for him. If I go alone—"

"I’ll go with," Luke interrupted, his eyes repeatedly darting down to their hands like he couldn't stop looking.

"How’s that any better?" Alec argued.

"I’m used to this," Luke said with a dismissive shrug. "Magnus is used to this. Spirits can’t touch us like they do you— not me, anyway—because we don’t have that same fear. It’s not new for us, you know?"

"But if it—if Owen got to Magnus last time—"

"It isn’t the first time that has happened to me, Alec," Magnus smiled, nudging into his shoulder and pulling back.

"And it won’t be the first time I’ve been there when it happens," Luke added, probably in an attempt to stop him worrying, but only making Alec feel worse.

"I could just sell the place so none of us have to go back," Alec suggested, though it was an argument without much strength. As much as he didn’t want to be dealing with what was happening, neither did he think he could knowingly pass on the same problem to someone else. Magnus raised an eyebrow that said he knew Alec’s internal argument, and Alec slumped back a little in defeat.

"We’ll go," Luke told them, "give it one more go. Then we’ll have to think about a banishing spell. There’s nothing much else we can try aside from—"

"We’re not doing an exorcism," Magnus huffed, waving the idea away. "I am yet to do one, and I have no intention of ever doing one. It is needless, and cruel, and not even a consideration as a last resort. We will figure this out."

"I’m free now, it's only early. Or tomorrow, if you want," Luke added. "But, there's no time like the present."

"No," Alec shook his head, "no way. The last time—"

"It was two weeks ago, Alec."

"I don’t care," Alec replied, shaking his head again. "Magnus—"

"Alexander," Magnus smiled, nuzzling against his shoulder, "you are very cute when you are worried; I like it."

"Okay," Luke announced loudly with a smile to his voice even when Alec couldn't bring himself to look away from Magnus. "If you two are gonna get all domestic, how ‘bout I meet you there?" 

"Or, we can go now, and you can stop adding more to the adorable shade of blush already on Alec’s cheeks. Really, Luke, you are such a tease," Magnus added, which flared further heat over Alec's face. The fact that he reached out to swirl his thumb over his cheek didn’t help much either. But Alec smiled at the gesture and politely avoided Luke's eyes when Magnus rose gracefully from the couch announcing he would need to change, holding his hand out to help him up.

"So."

"No," Alec said immediately in answer to Luke the moment Magnus was out of earshot. The last thing he needed when worrying about what might happen to Magnus was to be teased.

"What?" Luke said, holding his hands up. "You look happy."

"I am. We’re… trying to keep things easy between us right now. We don't want to—we agreed to not make this complicated; not until after this stuff with the apartment’s dealt with," Alec added softly, hoping that Luke understood.

Luke pursed his lips and nodded. "You’re… so when we are done with this, you’re not… going anywhere. Are you?"

Alec slapped his hands down on his thighs in exasperation, for all Luke's similar questions over the past two weeks rearing up in his memory. "No. I’m not. Where's this even coming from?"

"Because I don’t think… I don’t wanna see him get hurt," Luke said, raising a shrewd eyebrow.

"But—"

"And I’m not saying that you will. It’s just… I told you already. He doesn’t—I’ve not seen him open up like this before. And I like it, but I’m worried that if—"

"How many times are you gonna tell me that, huh, Luke? I mean. What kind of callous bastard do you think I am?" Alec demanded in a loud whisper, his heart pounding for the tide of anger rushing through him. 

"Alec, I—"

"Are you ready, Luke?"

Magnus returning to the room shrugging into a green sweater that gave a quick flash of his stomach as he pulled it on, It drew both Alec and Luke's attention, though Alec was fairly sure it was in entirely different ways.

"Sure," Luke nodded, draining the last of his coffee.

"I’ll clean these up," Alec said, jumping up himself and waving over the cups.

"You don’t need to—"

"Yeah, well, I will," Alec countered. "And I’m going down to that bakery you like. Get you something sweet, just in case you need it when you come back. Okay?"

Magnus’ face took on that soft expression Alec decided was solely for him, and gave a sharp nod.

"Message me if anything happens. Or if you need anything. Or… I don’t know," Alec said, holding out his keys that had found a spot on Magnus’ coffee table and folding them into his hand.

"I will."

"Please be careful," he added, stepping closer.

Magnus looked up at him in curiosity, making Alec smile with the need to reassure him. Telling himself he was doing it because he wanted to, not to prove a point to Luke, Alec leaned in for a kiss that lingered several seconds longer than necessary in company. It was worth it for the surprised, pleased look on Magnus’ face when he pulled back. 

Alec kept his eyes firmly away from Luke for feeling him staring at him again. He walked them to the door, reaching out to tangle his fingers through Magnus’ for another few seconds before reluctantly letting go, and closed the door behind them.

*** 

To keep busy after going to Magnus' favorite bakery, Alec decided to make dinner so that it would be ready for when Magnus got back home. Magnus had given him no ideas earlier when he'd called, so Alec had grabbed a few things from a grocery store on the way back from the gym with the idea of just throwing something together. 

Since it was still pretty warm out, Alec decided on something they could eat cold. He took off his shirt wiping his arm over his forehead, glad that Magnus had already thrown wide open the balcony doors. Alec flicked through a recipe book from one of Magnus' shelves, Googling what Aglio olio noodles should really look like, and probably adding far too many shrimp. And when satisfied with his work Alec tidied everything away, exasperated when such little time had passed.

Still too warm, Alec stepped on to the balcony, where he had worked that morning before the sun had grown too hot. He pulled his phone from his pocket dialing Izzy's number, smiling when she answered on the second ring.

"I promise I'm resting."

Alec smiled, ducking his head and splaying his hand on the wall of the balcony, looking out over the city below. "Good."

"Actually… I'm pleased our lab won't be ready for another month. I feel less guilty about taking the time off."

"Izzy. You need it."

"I know I do. And I'm resting. _Honest_."

"Do you need anything?" Alec asked, mentally going over Izzy's stocked fridge and cupboards that he'd filled himself before leaving yesterday. The apartment was spotless, and every item of laundry clean and folded away, leaving Izzy, hopefully, to have no excuses for not taking the time to recover.

"Not a thing. I have a tray, right here on the table, covered in _snacks_ , and a pot of that tea you bought. Rooibos?"

"It's supposed to be good for fractured bones."

"Seriously?"

"I looked it up."

" _Oh_ ," Izzy said in understanding, "in The Unspoken."

"Yes," Alec agreed, picturing one of the characters in his books. He let his mind wander to wondering what a televised character might look like, then pushed the thought away.

" _Speaking_ of…"

"What?"

"So. Since I have nothing else I need to be doing, I am re-reading my favorite books by my favorite author."

"Izzy—"

" _What_?" Izzy said, teasing laughter in her voice. "I love your books. I could read them a hundred times over, and I would still want to read them again. I _love_ your characters."

"Well. You'll have a fourth one soon enough. I got some stuff down this morning, and… I think I'm almost done, Iz. I'm… it feels like it might be finished."

Excitement was still firing through Alec's stomach for the end of his story being so close. One final read through of the latest additions and he would be ready to hand his manuscript to Freya. Alec was sure that in under a week he would be ready to meet with her again. He'd decided to put further thinking on his book offers to one side until then, so he could concentrate.

"Alec, I'm so happy for you."

Izzy was so supportive of Alec about his book offers, even though he'd only had chance to mention them in passing—when Jace had left them waiting at the Italian restaurant to step outside to speak to Clary. He'd had every intention of talking them over more with her before leaving Chicago. But with everything with Jace, Alec hadn't found the time. 

"I'll be relieved to finally have it done. This one feels like it's taken forever."

"Well. You have been through a lot lately. Moving, your ghost, _Magnus_ ," Izzy added with glee.

"Yeah. It's been… busy."

"How is Magnus?"

"Good. _Great_."

"Where is he?"

Alec sagged, fear for Magnus making the temperature seem to drop. "He's, uh… on his way home. From work."

"Well. Say hello from me."

"I will. I should… I should get dinner ready," he added, not sure why he wasn't willing to discuss Magnus being in his apartment attempting to deal with his ghost. Though he didn't think he could deal with Izzy's concern on top of his own.

"Then you should go. I'm fine, Alec. I promise."

Alec waited to hear Izzy say goodbye, and pocketed his phone. He paced Magnus' apartment, trying not to repeatedly check the time. He paused beside bookshelves, and trinkets, and anything that caught his eye trying to keep occupied, yet nothing could keep his thoughts for long from Magnus. The thought of what _Owen_ might be doing to him made Alec's heart race. 

He talked himself out of following Magnus and Luke to his apartment three times, furious again when only a few more minutes had passed. When his phone vibrated in his pocket Alec dug it out with his heart in his throat, hoping to hear news. Seeing Jace's name on the screen filled him with confusion until it gave way to irritation.

_"Are you busy?"_

Alec read the message debating whether or not to ignore it altogether. Though he typed back a quick, _"now's not a good time,"_ instead, dropping the phone on to the couch cushion beside him when he eventually sat.

As he should have expected, his phone vibrated again seconds later. Alec rolled his eyes not in the mood for Jace to be calling at all.

"Hey, Alec."

"Hi. Listen—"

"No, Alec," Jace said, contrite and full of pleading, "we need to talk."

"We already tried talking. We said everything we needed to say."

"No, Alec," Jace insisted. Alec dropped his head back against the couch.

"Okay. What?"

"You're mad at me."

"And?"

"I don't… like you being mad at me."

Alec stretched his fingers out over the couch cushion watching them splay, disinterested in having this conversation. There was nothing he really wanted to say.

"Alec?"

"Look. I'm not going over this again. You win, okay, Jace?"

"I'm not trying to _win_ —"

"Well, you did. You were right. We live different lives. We don't—"

"Alec. Why are you being so awkward about all this?" Jace asked, his voice beginning to raise in frustration.

"What do you expect me to say, huh?" 

So much resentment and hurt swirled up for Alec that he'd repeatedly pushed down, only for things to be brought back up again. All the things he'd rehearsed saying to Jace over the last few months, or even years, didn't really feel relevant anymore. Though he had to say something.

"Look. I spent my whole life living in your shadow, never being good enough, because I wasn't _you_. None of that even bothered me, because you and me, we… you were my brother, Jace. You were my best friend. No matter what happened. No matter what either of us did, we had each other's backs."

"We still _do_."

"We _don't_ , Jace," Alec said. "I've been… all these months, I've been trying to get back to that, telling myself I want that, but like you said. People move on. They move, and just… we'll never be that close again."

"But I want—"

"What _I_ want, isn't this. I don't want to be second-guessing every time I don't hear from you, or feeling like I've done something wrong every time you avoid me. I don't like feeling like I mean nothing to you when for so long, you, and Izzy, and Max were all I had. When Mom and Dad kept telling me I wasn't good enough, wasn't working hard enough, it kept me going knowing I had you all. And now, I don't. I have Izzy—"

"You have _me_ , Alec."

"We've changed, Jace," Alec said, shaking his head despite no one being there to see him. "You, and me, we've both changed. It's not even just this past few months. Ever since you moved to L.A. we just… we've grown apart. I just didn't want to believe it, but we did. And that's… that's okay."

"I want you in my life, Alec."

Alec threw his head back and closed his eyes, pinching over them. There truly wasn't anything else he wanted to say. Alec had accepted it wasn't Jace's fault that their parents all but idolized him while pushing him and Izzy out. He had even accepted Jace never meant to be selfish, that his confidence came from always getting his own way. But Alec couldn't go back to feeling so out of step with the world, like his life was on pause waiting for his parent's approval, and Jace's attention. His own life was just as full and important without any of that. Why would he want to go back to living in limbo?

"I shouldn't have just held on to—I should have been trying to live my own life. Instead of worrying that I wasn't a part of yours. I'm always _going_ to be a part of yours, but it's… it's different now. And that's good. I think it's good for us both." 

"So, what are you saying?"

Alec didn't think he'd ever heard such defeat, and sadness in Jace's voice. He didn't want to be cruel, but neither did he want to keep talking in circles. That peace that had begun to set in for him on his drive back from Chicago flared up again, leaving him calm.

"Just… it's okay. This, it's all okay. We'll talk at some point. I'll message you."

"Alec—"

"I need to go now," Alec said as he got to his feet, walking through to the kitchen thinking he'd have more coffee as he waited for Magnus. "We'll talk. Bye, Jace."

* * *

Two hours after Luke and Magnus had left the apartment, Alec was pacing in ever tighter circuits. Sliding his cell from his pocket every few minutes and debating with himself whether or not to send a message, Alec kept repeating to himself he was impatient and worrying too soon. But the image of Magnus in his own apartment, doubled over in agony and getting weaker by the second, was something Alec never wanted to see again. Which naturally made it play on repeat in his mind.

Alec's eyes lingered over the clock on Magnus' desk as he added his office to the path he was taking, then again on a second loop what felt like several minutes later, when only one had passed. A burst of guilt hit him squarely in the gut leaving Alec throwing on a shirt and running from the apartment, unable to deal with the thought of either Magnus or Luke getting hurt because of him.

The distance between their apartments felt like double the actual length. Alec was breathless when he threw himself into the elevator, his heart pounding hard enough to be able to hear it in the confined space. On the short ride up he imagined finding all kinds of things. Hearing banging and crashing the second he stepped out on to his floor; the muffled screams of Luke and Magnus on the other side of his door; the door flung opened wide and Luke and Magnus unconscious, or worse, trapped in that spare room with no amount of him rattling the door handle granting him access.

The hallway was silent as the elevator doors slid open. Alec took a deep breath and swallowed back the bile rippling up his throat. The door to his apartment was closed, reminding him that he’d only taken one key from the apartment and had given that to Magnus. So if for any reason they were trapped inside, or injured, without breaking the door down he wouldn’t be able to get in.

His heart gave a harder jolt at the thought as he made his soundless way along to his door, bracing for any sound of movement or whatever might be happening inside. But his apartment was silent, and when he tried the door handle it was locked. Alec knocked, feeling silly for it, half-expecting to hear the dragging sound of either Luke or Magnus hurt and trying to get to the door, but hearing nothing.

Cursing under his breath, Alec pulled his phone from his pocket, his heart hammering faster for first Magnus’, and then Luke's phones going unanswered—and not being able to hear them ringing from inside the apartment. But then he heard one solitary thud, followed by a shuffling, stood back expecting either Luke or Magnus to swing the door open. When no such thing happened Alec stepped closer, pressing his ear to the door with a feeling of dread seeping up his spine.

A callous burst of laughter had Alec gasping, jumping for the following thump against the door sounding just like an angry fist. Alec could picture someone on the other side of the door leaning in just as he was in mirror, listening, breathing heavy, and taunting him. And on hearing another thud Alec was stumbling back, staring at the door, then turning on his heel in defeat.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your [survey](https://forms.gle/aSLSJwKaHdJ2JS1M6)!


	21. Chapter 21

The heat of earlier in the day had dropped altogether by the time Alec made it out of his apartment building, pacing back and forth not knowing what to do. He set out in the direction of Magnus' to begin with before spinning back in guilt, sure Luke and Magnus couldn't have gone too far. Perhaps they'd stopped for a drink before going in, or were already on their way back to Magnus'. Alec dialed both of their numbers again, a sickening feeling seeping into him when they rang out.

Alec was so on edge for walking aimlessly not knowing what to do for the best, that it took a few rings before he even heard his phone.

"Alec?"

Alec’s heart leaped up in his throat at the tone of Raphael’s voice, knowing instinctively he was calling about Magnus. He ducked into the first cafe he passed to escape the noise of the traffic so he could hear the call.

"What’s happened?"

Raphael sighed hard into the phone, making Alec’s knees feel like they might crumble beneath him. He braced himself against the wall of the cafe and turned his back on the barista waiting to take an order that wasn’t going to come. "They’re at the hospital."

" _What_?"

"Alec, they’re fine," Raphael urged him, his voice commanding, though not enough to help Alec calm at all. "Their phones were drained by… your _friend._ " 

"Wait," Alec said, the blood rushing in his ears competing with his suspicion for why Raphael had been the one to call. "What… you _know_? About my place?"

"I do," Raphael agreed, "but that's a story for another time. Luke called from a pay phone in the hospital. Magnus is… I’m sure he’ll be fine, Alec; it's not like he’s never had things like this happen before."

"What happened?" Alec asked, going when ushered from the cafe for not ordering and leaning back against the wall outside.

"He had a seizure—a kind of fit—in the apartment. Luke says it was because of the… because of _it_. But of course, that isn’t something he would want to tell the hospital. You can imagine the questions. And tests."

"But if he’s sick—"

"Alec," Raphael said, a little firmer, "Luke is with him. He has seen this happen before. Magnus is unconscious—"

"Unconscious?"

"But he’ll be okay. If this goes the same as the last time, the hospital will run tests for things like epilepsy, and whatever else they might think is responsible for a seizure. They'll find nothing, and release him. Magnus'll be told to speak to his own doctor."

"But—"

"He isn’t sick, Alec," Raphael told him, "you know he isn’t sick. He's been tested for all kinds of these things in the past; there's nothing wrong with him. Nothing that can be explained by the usual medical justifications, at least."

"Can I… do you think—"

"Go to the hospital," Raphael told him. "Luke will find you. Alec, he'll be _fine_. Go."

* * *

"He’s okay; he looks a little pale, and he’s got a nasty gash on his head from where he fell against the island in your kitchen, but he’s fine, Alec. Really."

Luke's words did little to stop Alec feeling sick as he took a couple of breaths to brace himself before following him through to the ward. Magnus laid prone on a narrow hospital bed drained of color, and looking so small, had Alec charging forward and leaning over him in the bed, his heart pressing against his throat as he stared down at him.

"He’s unconscious?" he asked softly, gently pressing around the bandage covering part of Magnus' forehead. He winced at the beginnings of bruising he could see spreading out, and absently wiping away a smudge of kohl from beneath Magnus' eye.

"He is," Luke agreed. "He’s fine, though. Doctors ran some tests, nothing bad came back. Seems like the last time I saw him like this."

"When?" Alec demanded, spinning to glare at him in horror. "If you knew this could’ve happened—"

"Hey," Luke said, hands up in defense, "he’d give us both crap for talking about him like this when he’s laid there out cold and can't say anything himself. But he’d also be the first to tell you that this is what he does. None of this comes without a cost, okay?"

"Is it doing permanent damage?" Alec asked, on the verge of tears for the thought of Magnus coming to harm because of him.

"I don’t think so," Luke said with a shrug, though that gesture to say he wasn't worried was accompanied by a concerned glance in Magnus’ direction. "I’ve only seen it this bad once—I think this just looks worse ‘cos he didn’t get that bump on the head back then."

"So… what happened?" Alec asked, searching around for a chair and on finding one positioning it next to Magnus' bed, taking hold of his hand once sat.

"You know what happened," Luke replied curtly, making Alec aware how stupid his question was. "That thing— _Owen_ —got the better of him. Magnus kept pushing, trying to reason with him, hold him off, calm him down, but he wasn’t having any of it. He just ended up on his hands and knees coughing and gasping at one point, then up again like he was being held by his throat. And then he just… lost his footing."

Alec pinched over his eyes at the images Luke's words put in his mind, shaking his head to clear them unsuccessfully.

"But he’s gonna be okay?" he asked, knowing it was pointless but unable to stop himself.

"‘Of course," Luke replied. Though with his eyes still narrowed staring down at Magnus as though he too was willing him to wake up.

"And he was like this, the last time this happened?" Alec asked again, tugging up Magnus' blanket to cover him better.

"More or less."

"Which means?" Alec demanded, his fear for Magnus making his words come out angry.

"Guess this Owen is a lot stronger than the last one that got to him," Luke replied, his eyes falling to Alec’s hand.

"So the last time—"

"The last time was a guy that got killed in a biking accident," Luke said, his fists bunching down by his sides. "Guy died real sudden from slipping on a bad patch on the highway when we’d had heavy rain. Guess the last place he remembered being was his ex-girlfriend’s place. Scared the crap outta her, and gave Magnus a run for his money."

"So, what happened?"

"Same as always happens. There’s always more to the story than people’ll tell us. Ghost latched on to the girl; turns out they’d split up a week or so before he died, ‘cos he found out she’d been cheating on him. I guess—though Magnus’ll probably tell you different—part of the reason the ghost latched on to her was probably revenge. Anger for what she’d done to him."

"What happened to Magnus?"

"Took him a while to get control. We were all set to do a banishing spell—started it even. Magnus collapsed, girl went crazy; guess it’s a bit much to have a guy you barely know convulsing and mumbling out all kindsa shit on your floor."

Alec squeezed Magnus’ hand tighter and closed his eyes, snapping them open immediately again for the images waiting there.

"And then?"

"We got lucky," Luke said, coming to stand the other side of the bed. "The girl started confessing to all the stuff she’d done, all the times she’d cheated on him, apologizing for it all. Guess it must’ve done something, because by the time she’d finished screaming, the ghost was gone."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that," Luke agreed. "Sometimes it’s the easiest thing in the world when they find the thing that was keeping them here. Nothing in the apartment when I went to check up on her a week later. Never heard from her again. Hey; maybe whatever did this to Magnus—Owen—will be gone from yours now."

"He’s still there," Alec said, shaking his head. "I heard him."

"You heard him?"

"I went to the apartment. When I didn’t hear from either of you. He’s… Owen is still there."

Luke groaned out loud, eyes turning to the ceiling for a moment before dropping back. "We’ll… we’ll figure it out."

" _He_ won’t," Alec denied, shaking his head and gesturing at Magnus. "I don’t want him anywhere near my apartment again. Not if it’s done this to him."

"Think he's gonna listen to either one of us?"

Alec closed his eyes and sag, already picturing Magnus' complaints.

"You, uh… you really do care about him, don’t you?" Luke said then, sounding surprised enough for it to punch fury through Alec’s gut.

"Even if I didn’t, you think I’d be okay with him getting hurt because of me?" Alec demanded, scowling across the bed.

"I’m just saying—"

"I do care about him. A lot. More than I have anyone, for a long time. Maybe ever." He  _did_. Alec had never felt the way he did about Magnus before; not even close.

"Good," Luke agreed, his expression easing into a smile, "because he’s gonna need a lot of TLC when—"

"I’m not going anywhere," Alec told him, trying to keep control of his anger, reminding himself this wasn’t anyone’s fault.

"Good."

"I don't know why you've even got this idea in your head that I might," Alec added with a pointed look.

Luke sighed, visibly sagging like he was exhausted. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Where did all this come from anyway? Did Magnus say something?" Alec asked, aching for the thought of making Magnus worry without even knowing how.

"It's my fault. I just assumed... with everything going on."

"What's _everything_?"

"Alec. Your apartment is a _nightmare_. And you… you're not exactly sounding attached to the place for all these comments you keep making about selling up. Not that I blame you."

Alec hadn't set foot in his apartment for weeks. He didn't even think he could call it home. So he couldn't deny anything that Luke was saying. "Doesn't mean I'm _leaving_ , though."

"I just thought… with you visiting your sister, and how you… you said you didn't have all that much here in New York, what with your brother, and your parents. I just _wondered_ if you might just… stay. In Chicago."

"Things have changed," Alec said, relieved that Luke's continuous questions were only out of concern, and that there was nothing he had missed. "I have friends here. And _Magnus_. I'm not going anywhere at all. Why would I?"

"Well. I guess you have more reason to be here than anywhere," Luke replied, his smile one that was both contrite and filled with relief.

"I do."

"Sorry."

"Don't be," Alec said. "Now. Do I need to… is there anything I need to know? Anything else? To care for him with this thing, or—"

"I’m sure Magnus’ll be a terrible patient," Luke huffed, rolling his eyes. "And I’m sure he’ll downplay all of this so you don’t worry. But if there’s anything else he wants to share with you, about what he needs, or wants, or whatever. I guess you'll be the first to know. But just call, if you need anything, okay?"

"He'll be stubborn."

"Oh, I know he will," Luke agreed with a sigh, his expression softening and looking so tired, Alec felt a stab of guilt wondering if he’d been drained by Owen as well. "I just… it’s not exactly my favorite thing either seeing him like this."

"I’m sorry that I dragged you all into this." The weight of guilt for Magnus and Luke having to deal with his apartment had Alec dropping forward, momentarily resting his forehead on his and Magnus' joined hands.

"Got nothing to be sorry for," Luke said when he looked back up, waving a hand in dismissal. "After all this, you can take us out for a real fancy dinner or something—or even get a ton o’ take out. But other than that, just… look after him, okay?"

"I will."

Tension from Luke not moving had Alec shifting in discomfort, though still refusing to let go of Magnus' hand. Alec continued to watch the rise and fall of Magnus' chest, and the black circles beneath his eyes. Luke stood still as a soldier, not moving from the bed.

"What?" Alec asked finally relenting and looking at him.

Luke looked over Magnus as he slept, his gaze slowly settling on Alec's face.

"You're gonna… stay here? Like. Right here. In this room?"

Alec shrugged, shifting in the stiffness of his seat. "Where else would I go?"

* * *

The hospital bed blanket was scratchy against the back of Alec's hand but he didn't care. There was no way he was letting go of Magnus. Aside from a polite _no thank you_ when Luke offered to get him coffee before he left, and a brief nod when Raphael stopped by to check on Magnus, Alec didn't move. His focus was solely on Magnus, monitoring any change of expression or sign of pain on his face.

When Magnus woke with a start, Alec slumped forward in relief. With trembling fingers he reached out to press the button to call for assistance, covering their joined hands with his free one and smiling when Magnus properly opened his eyes.

"Hi," Alec said, raising Magnus' hand to kiss the back of.

Magnus' smile was weak, his eyes already fluttering closed. "Alexander."

"How are you feeling?"

"...exhausted."

"And who you would be?"

Alec didn't flinch for the doctor charging over to join them, though wished he knew what story Luke had given for him to be able to come and go so freely. The guarded expression on the doctor's face only made Alec indignant.

"His boyfriend."

Alec continued to stare back at the doctor, surprised when the slight scowl she sent his way morphed into something softer, and then a kind smile.

"Well. Since _this_ one has gotten himself into trouble again, I suppose I should be the one to introduce myself."

"I'm not in _trouble_. I'm _sleeping_."

The doctor's mouth twitched again as she looked over Magnus in affection. "Maybe you're just trouble on your own."

"Alexander. This is my _dear friend_ Catarina. I do hope she hasn't been scowling at you too hard while I was… away."

"Alec. It's nice to finally meet you properly," Catarina replied, clasping a clipboard between her hands at waist height and smiling at Alec from across the bed.

"You too." In all the commotion, Alec had managed to forget that Catarina worked here at the hospital.

"You do know he's going to be an obstinate, ornery patient when you get him home, don't you?" Catarina added, ignoring Magnus' disgruntled grumble under his breath.

"Yeah," Alec said, squeezing his fingers, and smiling when Magnus looked his way with deep mistrust. "Maybe I know about that already."

"I don't doubt it. So I'll make sure to give _you_ this aftercare sheet to deal with, so _someone_ doesn't pretend it doesn't exist."

"Aren't you going to give me anything _useful_?" Magnus demanded, his eyes following the sheet Catarina handed to Alec across the bed.

" _Luke_ bought you pretty much the entire stock of chocolate in the gift shop," Catarina replied with a wry smile, nodding to the table to her side. "Now. Are you going to behave?"

"Don't I always?"

"Have you ever?" Catarina retorted, squeezing Magnus' arm through the blanket before turning a soft smile on Alec and saying a quiet goodbye.

"Hi," Magnus said cautiously the moment Catarina had gone, looking up at Alec in uncertainty as though not sure how he would react. Alec didn’t trust his voice not to crack so half-leaned over him to kiss him; probably a little harder than he should have done considering where they were, and that Magnus was sick.

"Please don’t do that again," Alec sighed, leaning his forehead against his shoulder before withdrawing and sitting back.

"I’ll… do my best."

"I mean it," Alec told him, squeezing his hand through the blanket. "I don’t… I’m so sorry this happened to you because of me."

"This didn’t happen because of you," Magnus denied, shaking his head then wincing, reaching up with his free hand to prod at his bandage, only for Alec to snatch his fingers away. "This was because of a person who became stranded here, not because of you. It is no one’s fault."

"It feels like my fault," Alec countered, sighing as Magnus slid his hand from the blanket so they could hold hands properly.

"Because you’re my _boyfriend_?" Magnus teased, though Alec couldn’t pretend he didn’t hear the hope in his voice.

"No," Alec sighed, leaning so he could kiss him again, "that’s just why I’m planning on getting you home, and to bed, and keeping you there."

"Alexander," Magnus preened, arching up for another kiss, "if you wanted us to spend a day in bed together—"

"Would you _stop_?" Alec laughed in exasperation, kissing away another retort and not pulling back until he felt Magnus sighing beneath his lips.

"I could," Magnus replied with a soft yawn. "Though if your means of keeping me quiet involve kissing me—"

"I’ll kiss you anytime you want if you promise to look after yourself. Let me get you home, and look after you for a while."

Magnus swallowed hard, and Alec told himself he was mistaken that there were tears in his eyes. "I’ll try."

"I guess that’s all I can ask," Alec replied, rolling his eyes already anticipating just how stubborn Magnus would be, but so happy to see his eyes open that all he could really feel was relief.

* * *

"I know it's pretty late. In fact," Alec amended, quickly checking his phone, "it's technically pretty _early_. But, I made noodles earlier, if you want something to eat?"

"That sounds wonderful, Alexander."

Alec watched Magnus collapse on the end of the couch, a soft burst of relief blasting from his mouth as he dropped his head back. It was around three in the morning. Magnus had been feeling better enough to kick up a fuss that would allow him to leave the hospital. Though despite being told he was safe to sleep, Alec still thought Magnus should stay awake for at least a little while.

After shoving the mound of chocolate Luke had bought into a cupboard and quickly closing the door to stop it falling back out, Alec plated them both up some noodles, finishing his own in minutes for not having eaten all night. Magnus picked at his own noodles slower, though once he'd had a few mouthfuls ate with more enthusiasm.

"Thank you," Magnus said softly when done, with no protest as Alec took his plate. Alec quickly washed their dishes then took through a bottle of water, uncapping it before handing the bottle to Magnus.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"Think maybe you can wait a little while before sleeping? You just ate."

Magnus smirked up at him, silently acknowledging he knew Alec didn't want him to sleep just yet. When Alec stood in front of him Magnus groaned sitting forward, turning his head to the side and resting it on Alec's stomach.

"Perhaps we could sit in bed if you want to talk a little."

Alec held out his hands helping Magnus to his feet, leading him to his bedroom. In silence he helped Magnus undress, kissing his cheek when Magnus waved away the pajamas he held up. As Magnus prepared for bed Alec quickly stripped himself, wearing in his boxers as he stood behind Magnus in the bathroom. Magnus leaned back against his chest as he brushed his teeth, closing his eyes as Alec dropped a kiss in his neck and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"So," Alec said as he got Magnus settled. "Catarina said you had to rest, keep warm, drink plenty of fluids, and take painkillers whenever you needed them. Also, that I should check your dressing and not get it wet when we wash your hair."

"You’re going to wash my hair for me?" Magnus asked in surprise, allowing Alec to tuck his comforter and a couple of extra blankets up around him.

"When you’re ready, yes."

"You know, Alec. The best way for me to keep warm could involve—"

"You’re supposed to be _resting_ ," Alec chastised, adamantly perching on the edge of the bed despite Magnus throwing the covers back.

"For all your attempts to keep me awake for longer, I'm afraid I think I'll be asleep in about five minutes."

Alec cupped his face searching Magnus' eyes, not sure what sign of  _sickness_ he was looking for to keep arguing that he stay awake. "Okay. So sleep."

"Surely you must be tired too?"

"I’ll sleep soon," Alec promised him, squeezing his hand through the blankets again. "Here, if you want me to."

"I do."

"Okay," Alec agreed. "But I want you to rest now."

"And what are you going to do?" Magnus asked, though was already sounding close to sleep.

"Check what pain relief I have with me. I'll get you some more in the morning. They wouldn't open up the pharmacy at the hospital for it being so late."

"There’s none in the bathroom closet?"

"I didn’t want to go rummaging through your things."

"You can rummage through any of my things whenever you want," Magnus countered, the yawn following it spoiling the effect.

"Magnus," Alec laughed, "you have to _rest_."

"That doesn’t mean I have to behave."

Alec groaned in response, falling forward to rest his forehead against Magnus' shoulder.

"Sleep," Alec insisted, standing back up and biting back a laugh at Magnus' half-hearted protest. "I'll come back soon."

Alec wanted to lock the door, and to check what food they had in for breakfast. If he could write himself a list, perhaps he could go out early in the morning before Magnus even woke.

"Probably a good thing to remove any temptation," Magnus agreed with another yawn, leaving Alec fighting back another smile.

"Just… call if you need something, okay? Your phone's on charge. And I won’t be gone long."

Magnus replied with a sleepy mumble, and was asleep before Alec had left the room.

* * *

Alec woke with a start, disorientated until realizing he was in Magnus' bed. He turned his head, sure he'd gone to sleep with Magnus using him as a pillow. Magnus now had his back to him, his shoulder bared for the slipped comforter. As carefully as he could so as not to disturb him Alec rolled over, sweeping a hand up Magnus' side. Magnus arched for it in his sleep letting out a breathy sigh Alec couldn't help smiling for. Alec pressed a kiss to his shoulder and gently settled behind him, waiting for Magnus to wake.

"Alexander?"

Alec snapped his eyes open realizing he'd dozed off again, slipping his hand around to splay over Magnus' stomach. "Hey."

"You're here," Magnus said, his voice croaky and sleepy, and making Alec smile again. Magnus slotted his fingers through Alec's and arched back against him, humming as Alec kissed the back of his hair.

"Of course. Where else would I be?"

Magnus pressed back against him and sighed, in what Alec decided was contentment. "Still. I am very pleased to wake to find you here."

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel… rested. And warm. And as though I am a few minutes away from being irritated by this _bandage_."

"Too tight?"

"No. Just itchy."

"Catarina said we had to keep it covered."

"Of course she did," Magnus grumbled, shuffling back even more indignantly. Alec pressed a kiss into his neck for it.

"Only for a few hours."

"Which means it can come off _now_."

"I… think she meant a little longer," Alec replied, gently lowering Magnus' hand before he could pull at the bandage.

"Alexander," Magnus said with a pout Alec could hear, "how am I supposed to go outside?"

"Maybe you should just stay here."

"My classes—"

Magnus jumped up from the bed in a panic, looking in every direction for his phone.

"It's on charge. In the kitchen," Alec called out as Magnus rushed from the room, groaning and jumping out of the bed to follow him.

"I didn't realize the time. I need to—"

Alec took the phone from Magnus' fingers the moment he pulled it from the charger, holding it up for him to see. "Who are you calling?"

"Well. The department. I don't like to think of how many calls I have missed. If—"

"Please. Open it," Alec said as he turned the phone screen for Magnus to look, squeezing his arm in reassurance.

"But—"

"Please," Alec repeated, leaning in for a kiss.

When Magnus relented, Alec saw the missed calls on his phone, and instead of letting him see he turned away, returning the last call. "What's their name?"

"Marian."

Alec nodded, keeping Magnus back as he continued trying to talk. "Hi."

Alec held the phone from his ear for the _yelling_ , waiting until _Marian_ had screamed herself out.

"Hi," he tried again, "Marian?"

"Of course it's _Marian_ ," the woman hissed down the phone. "Where the hell is Magnus?"

"Magnus is ill."

"What do you mean he's _ill_? And who the hell are you?"

"Firstly, don't take that tone with me," Alec said, covering Magnus' mouth when he tried to speak. "And secondly, my name is Alec."

"And you would be?"

Alec turned to check Magnus' face, waiting for his nod after mouthing the question at him. "His boyfriend."

"...I see."

"Magnus is _resting_ ," Alec added, squeezing Magnus' hand trying to remove some of the worry on his face. "He had an accident last night and needed a hospital visit. He's not long been home, and he'll not be available today. Maybe not even tomorrow."

"Well. Tomorrow is Saturday," Marian said, her anger shifting to something between mistrust and concern.

"Right. It's been quite the day; I'd forgotten."

"...How is Magnus?"

"He'll be fine. He banged his head pretty bad and needs to rest for a while. But I'm sure he'll be fine to come back on Monday."

"...Monday?"

"Well he can't exactly come back _now_ , can he?" Alec demanded.

"Well… no."

"If you call again today, it'll be me who's answering. Magnus needs his _rest_."

"Oh… okay."

"I'll tell him you called," Alec added, hanging up before she could say another word. "Well. She was unpleasant."

"I can picture her scowl already," Magnus groaned, sagging against Alec, then grumbling when he bumped his injured head against his shoulder when turning.

"That's her problem. Magnus, you're sick. You worked almost the full summer for them, pretty much every day. And you're still not on a full contract. They can _wait_."

Magnus groaned again, though lifted his arms to wrap around Alec's waist. "I suppose."

Alec hugged him back after pushing Magnus' phone on to the nearest counter. "So. Luke bought you enough chocolate to last a month."

"I had forgotten."

Alec shifted them enough so he could reach the cupboard he'd rearranged before sleeping. He carefully unwrapped a bar one-handed and snapping off a square that he pushed into Magnus' mouth. "Eat this. And then you and I can take a bath."

Magnus smiled around his square of chocolate looking very pleased with himself. "Together?"

"Obviously."

"Are you afraid I'll fall asleep in the water?"

"That, and I want to take a bath with you," Alec said, snapping Magnus off another square of chocolate and popping it in his mouth before taking one himself. "C'mon."

* * *

"This is nice."

Alec snorted a kiss into Magnus' shoulder for hearing the same thing three times, wondering how much longer they could stay in the bath before the water grew too cold. "It is."

"We should do this more often."

"We will."

Magnus hummed pleased for his answer, nuzzling back against Alec's head. "I don't think I remember the last time someone other than me washed my hair."

Alec pressed his nose into Magnus' hair inhaling the beautiful sandalwood scent that he had decided would forever make him think of Magnus. Magnus had all but purred as he'd got his fingers to his scalp, carefully avoiding the bandage on his head. Alec couldn't even be too exasperated for Magnus deliberately snapping his head back so the bandage got soaked. He'd carefully peeled it back around the wound scowling at the bruising around the cut, only glad that it wasn't worse.

"I can't remember either."

"Although I do remember being put in a tub in the backyard when I was very small, and being scrubbed clean after an adventure with paint."

"Adventure?"

"The blue from the paint stained my hair in stripes at my temples for three days. No amount of washing would shift it."

The thought of a tiny Magnus with streaks of blue paint in his hair put the biggest of smiles on Alec's face. "Well. There's no paint here. So you're safe."

Magnus wriggled back against him, slotting his fingers through Alec's against his stomach. Contented silence settled upon them. Alec nosed against his ear, shifting his foot in the water reassessing how many more minutes they could stay before getting too cold. His attempts to talk about what had happened in his apartment Magnus had so far brushed off, and kept brief. Though Alec couldn't help trying again.

"So. Raphael knows about ghosts and stuff. _My_ ghost."

Magnus' fingers flew to his ear where his cuff should be. Alec kissed over it, squeezing him around the waist. "He does. Though he only knew about the issues in your apartment—actually, I can only assume Luke must have informed him this evening. He knows what I do, but I… Alexander. I would never betray your trust like that."

"It's fine. I know."

"Raphael and I had a… strange encounter, when we were volunteering at the soup kitchen one night."

"A ghost?"

"No," Magnus said, squeezing his hand. "It was merely a cat scurrying amongst the garbage scattering cans everywhere. Though it was enough to begin a conversation about ghostly encounters. I am not sure even now quite how I revealed the details of my… _mediumship_. Though he has known for a long time now. He doesn't get involved, of course. Raphael, much like _you_ , does not believe, as such. Some poker nights he delights in nothing more than to rile Luke up with his comments and insinuations."

"I can imagine."

Mention of Luke made Alec think back over the things he had been saying about the possibility that he might leave New York. Could Magnus too need a little of the same reassurance that he had offered Luke?

"You know. Magnus. I meant what I said. About… me not going anywhere, when all this is over."

"Of course." Though instead of adding anything further, Magnus squeezed Alec's hand a final time, and made to climb from the bath.

"Hey. Where are you going?" Alec said, holding up his hands to help Magnus when he almost slipped back.

"It's getting cold."

Alec had to agree. He quickly climbed out himself grabbing them both a towel, though first reaching out to dry Magnus off. Magnus' smile was warm, but he couldn't quite meet Alec's eyes.

"What is it?" Alec asked, lightly pinching Magnus' chin to tilt his head.

"Nothing."

"Magnus. I mean it. If that's what you're thinking. I'm not leaving. I'm not."

"Alexander," Magnus said, pressing his palms against Alec's chest and leaning. "I believe you."

"Then. Why does it feel like I'm missing something?"

Magnus' smile became softer, as he darted his eyes over Alec's face. "You stayed at the hospital with me."

"Magnus. Of course I did."

"And you waited with me. You brought me home."

Alec nodded, reaching up to run a thumb over Magnus' cheek for the wistfulness in his expression.

"I never expected… you care about me," Magnus said, shaking his head as though he was having difficulty believing it. "I didn't really expect that. I didn't really think that anyone would."

Alec ducked to kiss him, pouring his response into it without saying a single word.

"Magnus," he said when there were too many words trying to fight their way out, "so many people care about you. They _do_."

"I know."

"Raphael came to the hospital while you were asleep," Alec added. "Luke only left because he had to go back to work. Steve messaged me I don't know how many times saying he'd come down but was trying to hold the fort at work so Luke could stay as long as he wanted. And I don't know how Maia knew about what was happening, exactly? She's away on a field trip for her course. But even she left me a voicemail and sent me some messages telling me to tell you to get better soon. Believe me. People _care_ about you, Magnus."

Alec pulled Magnus in by the waist, neither of them quite dry. Alec tugged for Magnus to follow, still stealing kisses as he guided him towards the bedroom. Though instead of turning to back Magnus to the bed, all Alec could concentrate on was the sound of his phone vibrating insistently on the nightstand.

"You should get that," Magnus said, his lips twisting up in amusement for the frustrated groan Alec pressed into his neck.

Alec masked his annoyance at them being interrupted yet again, fixing a smile on his face as he answered. Though if it was a cold caller, Alec thought he might throw the phone against the nearest wall. "Hello?"

"Is that Alec?"

Alec crossed his arms, pulling the phone from his ear and frowning for the unfamiliar number on the screen. "Yeah?"

"It's, uh… it's Mati."

"Oh. Hi."

"Look," she said, her voice tense as though she'd rehearsed words she'd prefer to get out in a rush. "Your friend Luke's been calling me. Leaving me messages. Trying to—it's been a lot, okay?"

"I'm sorry," Alec said, not knowing what else to.

"No," Mati said, her voice anxious, and halting. "It's me that's sorry. I left you to deal with _that_ when it was—when maybe I could do something about it. I don't know. Maybe I can't."

"Mati. I understand. Truly I do. This is a lot."

"Anyway. I'm… I'm visiting my aunt tomorrow. I wondered if you wanted to meet. Talk. Something."

Alec's stomach clenched in anticipation, wondering what had changed Mati's mind.

"Okay. If you're sure."

"I think I owe you… an explanation, at least," Mati said, sighing. "But it'll be a quick one. My family will be with me, and I… I don't want them sucked into this mess as well. We're staying in a hotel overnight, but I don't… we can meet. Talk. If you want."

"That's great. _Thank_ you, Mati," Alec said, hope beginning to seep into him for the thought that this nightmare with his apartment might soon be over. He watched Magnus begin to walk towards him, giving an encouragement nod.

"I'll text you in the morning to confirm."

"Okay."

"Okay," Mati said again, hesitation in her voice. "And I'm… sorry. Truly. That you had to go through all this."

"We're… figuring it out," Alec replied, smiling for the hand slipped in to his.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your [survey](https://forms.gle/eo1quhDnQMEwwuix9)!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since we don't have tags yet, heads up for a mild warning; details are at the end.

Alec read his message from Mati and fired a quick one back, trying to picture the park she mentioned in the text. He turned the phone to show Magnus as he stood up from where they'd been sitting together on the couch, stretching as Magnus took his phone. "She wants to meet at three this afternoon."

"That's good."

"Do you know this park? I think it must be near her aunt's residential home."

"I do," Magnus said, handing Alec his phone back as he stood himself, then following him to the bedroom. "And I'm going with you. Perhaps once we have spoken to Mati, we can go directly to your apartment."

Alec threw on the shirt he'd left at the foot of the bed for after his shower. Magnus had distracted him earlier with kisses, preventing him from finishing dressing. He'd had no objection before, and he wasn't much objecting then as Magnus' hands immediately swept beneath his shirt. Though Alec did wish he had a way of distracting _Magnus_ so he wouldn't have to get further involved with the mess that was his apartment.

"Magnus, you can't," Alec said after a deliberate pause, carefully swirling a thumb beneath the wound on his head. He smirked when Magnus made a disgruntled noise and pulled his hand away, giving him a mock glare.

"I am better already."

"But—"

"Alexander," Magnus said, resting his palms against Alec's chest, "the sooner we deal with this, the better, correct?"

"Yeah. But you ended up in the hospital last time. Magnus… I don't know if I can go through that again. And I don't want _you_ to have to."

"We need to resolve this. Mati might hold the answer to everything we need to get you your apartment back."

"I don't care," Alec said, gripping Magnus by the waist. "I don't care if I never set foot in the place again. Not with what it's doing to you every time you go in."

"I can take care of myself."

"Can you?" Alec asked softly, with a pointed look at the cut on his head.

"If we know what we're _looking_ for—"

"Magnus, please." Alec punctuated his words with a kiss. "I don't want you hurt, or suffering, or anything because of me."

Magnus' smile was a soft one of resignation that made Alec's stomach twist. "It has to be done. The sooner we deal with this, the better it will be for everyone."

For the second time since they'd left the hospital, Magnus' tone put Alec on edge. Something was happening with Magnus that he needed to know more about. "Something's going on with you. Isn't it?"

Alec watched Magnus pull away from him, though not before a look of _pain_ crossed his face that he didn't manage to get under control quickly enough.

"It's nothing."

"Magnus. I know something's happening. You keep giving me these looks that I... I don't know what they mean. And you're… I know your work is stressing you out."

"Teaching can be a testing profession at times," Magnus replied, with a mysterious look on his face Alec _knew_ was a wall.

"What aren’t you telling me, Magnus?"

Alec’s stomach knotted and unknotted for the conflict rippling across Magnus’ face, both wanting to reach out and comfort him for whatever was playing on his mind, and shield himself from hearing something unpleasant. He led Magnus back through to the couch in for them to sit together, waiting in silence for Magnus to be ready to speak.

"It’s nothing, really," Magnus replied, though his eyes darting elsewhere said otherwise. Alec steeled himself and reached out to hold his hand, squeezing and waiting for him to look up. Magnus’ eyes were tired, cautious, and it was obvious to Alec that _nothing_ was causing him pain.

"Please, Magnus," he whispered, reaching out to push hair away from his forehead with his eyes once again drawn to his wound. "I thought you and me were always going to be honest with each other?"

"It’s not about honesty. Not really," Magnus denied, squeezing his hand back and sighing. "It’s just… these past few wonderful weeks with you have been so… _different_."

"Different?"

"Far different from relationships I've had in the past."

"And that's… bad?" Alec asked, ignoring the tension beginning to build in his stomach.

Magnus cupped his cheek, softly shaking his head. "On the contrary. I don't think I have ever felt so… cherished, by another person. It's just… for some reason, this has all brought up memories of some of those relationships. I suppose I have just been thinking too much."

"Thinking about what?" Alec asked, bracing for hearing about those who had hurt Magnus in his past, and wanting to protect him from it.

"None of this should still be anything that gets to me. It’s not something I want anymore, and it’s an… aspect of my life that is no longer _me_ , but. I haven’t spoken about it in years."

"So? Tell me."

Magnus sighed harder, wriggling to get comfortable, and playing with Alec’s fingers in his lap for so long, Alec thought perhaps he wouldn’t speak at all.

"When I first came to New York," he began to say, swallowing hard, "when I was studying. I told you, my life was a little different then. Endless parties, always living for the moment, always doing _something_ —never really taking the time to just _be_."

Alec nodded in encouragement the second Magnus glanced at him, telling himself to be patient.

"I fell in love. I met someone… Camille, not long after I graduated. Life was really, really good for me for a while. I’d secured a great teaching position, lived in a good neighborhood where I had a lot of friends, lots of places I liked going. Actually," Magnus added with a guilty glance at Alec, " _your_ neighborhood."

"What, Williamsburg?"

"No. Upper East Side," Magnus replied. "When you told me that was where you'd grown up I didn't know what to think, or feel. It's silly, really, that a place where I have so many bad memories from so long ago could have an impact after all this time."

Alec leaned in to kiss him, glad when he pulled back it was to see Magnus smile.

"And Camille," Magnus continued, "Camille walked into my life at this bar I was at with friends. She woke up in my bed the next morning, and never really left."

Alec squeezed his hand when Magnus stopped talking, hesitating before reaching out to run his thumb over the frown on his brow. "It’s okay. Keep going."

"Remember what I said to you before? That we all have secrets and think our stories are the unique ones? That what we have experienced is different, but in reality, it’s really all the same? Well, this is mine."

"So? What happened?"

"We hooked up. Stayed together. Fell in love; Camille was… beautiful. She was funny, outgoing, the kind of person who could befriend anyone in seconds. She had this way of making everyone feel like she was giving them her undivided attention. I was… enamored. I had been in a couple of relationships before, but nothing serious. But Camille, she… quickly, Camille became everything to me."

"Did something happen to her?" Alec prompted softly, his stomach dropping for wondering if Camille had died, taunting Magnus with her passing.

"Nothing bad," Magnus replied, studying Alec’s fingers where he toyed with them. "We lived together for almost five years, officially and unofficially; we both had apartments, but we just seemed to drift to where the other was. And I was… perhaps you won’t like to hear it, but I was… I'd convinced myself I was so in love with her, Alec. I couldn’t see anything but her. I saw a future with her. I even toyed with the idea of proposing."

"Did she… did she not want that?" Alec asked, pushing down the wash of jealousy that rose up out of nowhere for Magnus being wed to someone else.

"I have no idea. Though I doubt it for the sheer disdain she ever showed when I talked about the subject. I didn’t get the chance to ask. But I assume not."

"What happened, Magnus?"

Alec watched him struggle for his words, jolting when Magnus moved to drop his head into the crook of his neck, leaning to one side so as not to brush against his wound.

"Here’s where my story gets really boring, and cliche," Magnus replied with a groan mumbled into Alec's throat. Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec’s waist leaving them at an uncomfortable angle, but Alec didn’t want to pull away when Magnus seemed to need an anchor.

"Go on."

"I was away for a teaching conference. Just a couple of days. Camille was, for all intents and purposes, an interior designer. Though predominantly, she lived off her father's wealth. She took on the occasional client when it suited her, so I was used to her disappearing for days on end for her work. It was unusual for it to be me the one who was away."

Alec nodded when Magnus shifted back, trying to encourage him.

"I somehow managed to get home early. perhaps the conference finished early, or I caught an earlier flight; I don’t remember. But I do remember walking in to our apartment—my apartment—to find Camille having sex with one of my fellow teachers on my couch. The guy who had been flirting with her every time we were in his company for months," Magnus added with a huff. "Only, it turned out he wasn’t just flirting with her. They had been sleeping together for a couple of semesters."

"Oh, Magnus..."

"And then, obviously, there was screaming and yelling on my part, kicking her out of the apartment with my heart breaking. Consolatory drinks were had with a couple of friends, who then revealed they had suspected such a thing was happening, and more and more stories came out. I learned, far too late, and from people I had once trusted, that Camille had been unfaithful throughout our entire relationship. Enough people knew, yet no one saw fit to tell me."

"Magnus, that’s—"

"You can imagine, then, that my… ability to trust was… _shattered_. I felt betrayed, that my entire life was a lie. I built up walls, fled back to Camden, and drifted for a while. I ended up back in New York after my mother died—which you already know. And… here I am now. Still haunted by these… _misdeeds_ against me," Magnus said with a bitter burst of laughter, self-deprecating and harsh enough to make Alec wrap him up tight in his arms, kissing the back of his head.

"I am so sorry."

"It’s no big deal. It shouldn’t be a big deal—"

"Having your trust stolen from you like that; it _is_ a big deal, Magnus. It is; don’t… you don’t need to pretend otherwise with me."

"Ever since, I have… I know you, and Luke, and Raphael; you all think I am this sociable, constantly busy person, but it really couldn’t be further from the truth. I attend parties, meet with the occasional friend from time to time, this is true. But much of my time I avoid such occasions, for not knowing who to trust. For not feeling I can trust my own judgment. And for the most part, because until you… I didn't want to put myself through all of that again."

"Magnus." Alec sighed, leaning back and cupping his face, kissing him softly, closing his eyes to the tremble beneath his palms. He kissed him until that tremble stopped, until Magnus’ hands gently squeezed around his waist.

"Having you so openly care for me, and want to _be_ with me, is… I keep expecting to hear that you're giving up. That you've had enough."

"How am I ever going to have _enough_ of you?" Alec asked, nuzzling against his cheek. "I don't know how many times—okay, so maybe I understand a little about what you keep saying about me leaving when this thing with Owen is over. But I'm really not going anywhere. Okay? I'm really not."

Alec wished then that he had his own relationships to share stories of with Magnus, so that he wouldn't feel so alone in _being_ left alone. But he had nothing to tell; even the various crushes he'd developed over the years paled in comparison to the things it seemed Magnus had been through. Alec squeezed his hand again in reassurance, wondering what he could say or do to help.

"I have more to tell you," Magnus added, dropping his gaze from Alec's, making his stomach clench.

"Okay?"

"Alec," Magnus said softly, with a swallow hard enough for Alec to hear it, "perhaps I have been unfair, or jumped to conclusions about the attachment Owen has to you."

Alec squeezed his hand tighter and shook his head, cupping the back of Magnus’. "What do you mean?"

Magnus took another couple of deep breaths then fell silent. Alec just held on tight, waiting for him to find his words. "I think it’s more likely that he has an attachment to us both. I have never been affected as badly as this before; days after the first time—hours after the latest—I still feel as though I have a low grade fever, or form of flu."

"So you think… because he’d accused Matilda of having an affair—"

"Not necessarily," Magnus replied, shaking his head against Magnus’ neck. "Perhaps he latched on to the elements of me that also has… have played on my mind for this _time_  in my life. My own sense of loneliness."

"So—"

"I think you and me, we are both too close, emotionally, to this case. I think perhaps because we have… because we have started to mean something to one another, that perhaps this has… maybe this has made things worse."

Magnus’ voice was soft, and full of contrition. Alec’s heart ached for the thought of Magnus blaming himself.

"So, what do we do?" Alec asked, squeezing him a little tighter, gently squeezing Magnus' arm. He smiled in encouragement when Magnus looked up, once again picking up his hand.

"I think we’ll have to let Luke do a banishing spell. It’s that or Matilda, and whatever she has to say this afternoon, or an actual exorcism. Though I don’t think—Owen is already volatile enough."

The resignation in Magnus’ voice had Alec sweeping a soothing hand down his back, nuzzling and kissing where he could get to, and cupping his face again when Magnus moved. "Can I talk to you about something, Alec? Something that… well, I suppose it ties everything together about what I have just told you. I think."

Alec’s heart thumped hard for the look on his face, the way his fingers fluttered by his sides as though wanting to grip on to him, yet also was afraid to touch. Not knowing what to expect, or what to say, Alec gave a single nod, and yet again found himself waiting for Magnus to find his words.

"You know, Alec; before I met you—in fact, also as I have been getting to know you. I had been considering leaving my work. Things have become so… stagnant. They demand more and more from me each year, without reflecting that in the salary they offer me. I am… tired of being underappreciated for what I do."

Alec’s heart thud hard in protest, his stomach giving a painful jolt for this confirmation that Magnus had been suffering. Though he told himself not to show any reaction for it. "I knew something wasn't right."

"Alec; I understand if this is sudden news," Magnus said, sighing as he dropped his gaze, "or if it makes you believe all that we have shared together isn’t important to me, which isn’t the case at all. These last few months with you in my life have been… more than I could ever have hoped for."

"So... what are you saying?" Alec asked when he too had taken a moment to compose his thoughts.

"I’m saying, I will understand if you want nothing more to do with me."

Alec's heart beat harder in protest, blood beginning to rush in his ears. "You’re not making any sense."

Magnus swallowed painfully, gently taking Alec's hand. "Since before you and I were together, and continuing once we were involved, I have been applying for work."

"Of course," Alec replied. "Your school is treating you like crap. Why wouldn't you?"

"I received a job offer. A really good job offer, to teach, full time," Magnus blurted out, with one quick glance in Alec’s direction, then unable to look at him at all.

"You said you didn’t want anything permanent," Alec replied when he’d taken a second to process Magnus’ confession.

"I know I did. I _meant_ it—though I think I meant, I did not want anything permanent here, Alec. With this school. It has been so difficult lately that I… I have never felt so unhappy in my work."

"I know. I'm sorry, Magnus," Alec said, wanting to kiss him in reassurance. The conflict on Magnus' face held him back.

I think I… _I_ am sorry, if you feel that I have led you on—"

"Just—back up a second, huh? Explain what’s happening here?" Alec demanded, soft as he could make it, pressing his hands into Magnus’ needing to anchor himself to him. Surely after everything these past few months, how careful they had been in getting to know one another, this wasn't an out of nowhere goodbye?

"What’s happening here, is that I’ve received a job offer, that I’m going to accept," Magnus said, still clinging on to his fingers, but with a look of resignation on his face that made Alec's heart protest all the more.

"Which is great, if it’s what you want," Alec told him, smiling in reassurance when Magnus looked up. Even if he thought it was _him_ who needed reassuring just then.

"It is, Alec. It is what I want. It’s something I… perhaps I have wanted all along, but didn’t know it."

"So, why’re you looking so guilty?"

"The job offer is for a university."

"You teach high school."

"Well. I can teach more than only high school."

"Magnus," Alec pleaded, "tell me. What is it?"

"Alexander," Magnus said nervously licking his lips. "The job offer. It is for a university in Madison."

Alec nodded, still not understanding. "Okay."

Magnus sighed, nodding as though to say he understood Alec's confusion. "I’m accepting the job. I will be starting officially after the fall break. We are doing a phased handover so that I can ensure my current students are as prepared as they can be, and my new can… well. I will be taking over from a teacher about to go on maternity leave, who is moving to another part of the faculty when they return."

"Well. That all sounds pretty good for you, right?"

"It does. It really does, Alec," Magnus agreed, a soft smile lighting up his face that Alec loved to see. "This is the most excited I have felt about the thought of my work in… years. Since before my mother died."

"Then. What is the problem?" Alec asked, shrugging.

"I should have told you, but I… oh, Alec. I didn't know what to say. What to do. This is all so sudden; I didn't have any intention, really. I was applying out of habit, and then the interview came up while you were away. And, well. Here we are."

Alec nodded, demanding to himself that he not overreact, or make assumptions, forcing a steadying breath out before allowing himself to talk.

"So… are you telling me this now because you’ve—that this thing between us was never going anywhere? Or because you’ve now changed your mind about us, or what?"

"I haven’t changed my mind," Magnus denied, holding his hand tighter. "I didn’t… I never meant to fall for you quite as hard as I have. But I… Alec, I think I have to do what is right for me here."

"Of course you have to do what’s right for you," Alec said as he raised his hand to cup Magnus' cheek. "But are you saying you don’t want anything to do with me anymore because of it?"

"This is the problem, Alec. I want you—I care about you… much more than I ever anticipated. And the thought of leaving you here… I don’t want that."

"So you still… you still want me?" Alec asked, begging Magnus' answer to be one that wouldn't break his heart.

"I do. So much, Alexander," Magnus told him urgently, reaching up a shaking hand to cover Alec's hand with his own. "I want to be selfish. I want _everything_."

"Then, if you’re not telling me this is goodbye, why are you so… _worried_ about this?"

"I don’t—"

"Madison's, what… an hour from here?" Alec said, laughing as he leaned to press a kiss to Magnus' temple, nuzzling there.

"It is."

"So do you… are you commuting? Driving? Working there so many days per week then coming back? You're not moving altogether, are you?" Alec asked, his blood suddenly running cold for the thought of Magnus leaving New York.

"Not leaving, no. Though I do need to consider my options. I need to know what hours I will be working; for all I know, commuting may be possible daily. Or, if all of my lectures run late, then perhaps it would be wise to find somewhere to stay in Madison for weeknights. I don't quite know yet, which is part of the reason I didn't tell you yet. I should have."

"Well. If you do stay there in the week, I have no problem with driving to see you, if you want me to, that is."

"I would. I do," Magnus said, tears beginning to prick in his eyes.

"Then I’m not… Magnus, if you still want me— _this_ —then an hour is nothing."

"Well, no, but—"

"Magnus," Alec whispered, wrapping him up in his arms again, that pounding in his heart easing away as he relaxed. "If you think for one second, I plan on letting go of you, after everything you’ve done for—after how much you already mean to me—it’s just not gonna happen."

Magnus' face morphed between cautious hope and happiness when he pulled back, hesitating to reach for Alec's hand. "Alec. I don't… this— _we_ —haven't been together long, but… already, I don't think I know how to be without you."

"You won't have to be," Alec said, squeezing his hands. "Is this—Magnus; is this what you've been worrying about?"

Magnus' face crumpled as he nodded his head. Alec had to have him in his arms. He cradled him listening to shuddery breaths as Magnus tried to calm himself, holding on to his hands again when Magnus sat back up.

"Listen to me, Magnus. We're going to speak to Mati," Alec said, shaking his head and leaning in to kiss him again. "And if Mati can't help, well. We're going to ask Luke to do this… banishing spell, or whatever it is we need to do to have this thing _over_. And then, you and me are gonna get on with our lives. Learn how to… learn how to be just _us_. Together. Without any of this."

"Are you sure you're ready to lead such an unexciting life with me, Alec?" Magnus teased with tears in his eyes and a watery smile. That hesitance was still written on his face, leaving Alec to think it might be a while before he could do enough to convince it to go.

"Can't wait," Alec agreed, gently pinching beneath his chin to angle Magnus' face, and running a sympathetic thumb over the bump on his forehead. "Starting right now."

Magnus covered Alec's hand with his own, leaning in for another kiss. Alec could already feel the shift in heat behind it, curling his hands around Magnus' waist when he tugged him to stand.

"Alexander…"

Alec closed his eyes for the way Magnus pressed up against him, his fingers splayed against his chest as he leaned up. Magnus' kiss was a hard, claiming one that had Alec stumbling backward, smiling when Magnus took his hand. He followed him to the bedroom, hands sweeping up Magnus' arms as Magnus plucked at his button and fly.

"Magnus," Alec said, forcing himself to cover Magnus' hands, "it's okay. We don't need to—"

"I want you," Magnus said, stealing Alec's breath for the intensity of his gaze for him. "Alec, I… I think, right now I _need_ you. Of course, only if that is something that _you_ want."

Cradling Magnus' face between his palms Alec tried to pour everything he was feeling into his kiss. He moved as guided when Magnus began to undress him, tripping in Magnus' haste to get his pants off. He soothed Magnus' apology by kissing him harder, showing his own desperation to have him undressed by yanking at his clothes. With both of them naked, Alec smiled for the nudge that sent him tumbling backward, quickly rearranging on the bed with Magnus already crawling between his legs.

"Hey. We're not leaving here for hours," Alec said, sweeping his hands over Magnus' chest before he could settle. "We have time."

"Well. I don't know how _you_ are feeling. But at this moment this feels long, long overdue."

Alec smiled up at him in tease, walking his fingertips up Magnus' thighs. "And what would _this_ be?"

Magnus smiled back with equal tease, running his thumb up the length of him before shifting down the bed and taking Alec into his mouth. Alec groaned as he lifted his head to watch him, thickening against Magnus' lips and tongue. Magnus winked as he took him in his mouth again, hands lightly gripped at Alec's inner thighs to part them a little further. Alec dropped his head back against the pillow with a grunt for the warmth engulfing him, his fingers gripping through Magnus' hair.

"...Ow…"

Alec froze from where his thigh had brushed against the side of Magnus' head as he'd dragged his leg further up the bed. He looked up to see Magnus wincing, jabbing at the wound on his head with a pout. Magnus screwed his face up in apology when he looked at Alec, pressing a disgruntled kiss to his stomach before hauling himself up the bed.

"Did I catch you?"

"It's okay, Alec," Magnus said as he settled beside him.

"Let me see."

Magnus tilted his face for Alec's examination, snapping a kiss to the middle of his palm. "I'm fine."

"Maybe we shouldn't be doing anything like this with your head like… that."

"Alexander—"

"Or maybe you should just… you know. Let _me_ ," Alec said, carefully turning them until he had Magnus on his back.

Magnus guided Alec between his legs, arching with a pleased hum as Alec settled. He bit his lip, giving a quick glance down between them before arching up for a kiss.

"You don't have to be _so_ careful with me."

"Oh, yeah?" Alec asked, stirring his hips and grinning for the way it made Magnus' eyes flutter. "Tell that to the bruise on your head. And that cut. And how long you were _unconscious_."

"I can think of much more pleasant ways to be rendered unconscious," Magnus agreed, trailing his fingers down over Alec's back.

How Magnus went from the vulnerability he'd shown just a few minutes earlier to the flirty confidence he grinned up at Alec with then, Alec wasn't sure. Alec dropped his head into Magnus' neck contemplating all the walls Magnus must have thrown up over the years, and promised himself that he'd learn all the ways he needed to bring them down.

Magnus' smile was soft when Alec shifted, almost a look of wonder waiting when Alec ducked for a kiss.

"You're staying," Magnus said softly, tinged with a touch of hesitance yet also filled with hope.

Alec nuzzled at his jaw before nodding, brushing their lips together, and smiling as Magnus arched up to meet him as he moved. "I am."

* * *

"That must be them."

Alec's heart plunged for Magnus words and the squeeze of his fingers, telling himself not to do anything but smile. Mati's smile was just as nervous as his own when they started walking towards one another, her arms gripping a young toddler to her chest as though her own daughter was the anchor keeping her from falling apart. A woman Alec assumed to be Mati's wife stood beside her with a hand hovering at her lower back, and a more confident, protective smile on her face.

"Alec. It's good to see you again," Mati said, adjusting the girl on her hip and awkwardly reaching out to squeeze his arm. They moved to the side of the footpath in the park they'd agreed to meet in for realizing they were blocking it, with Mati's wife throwing an arm out in front of her family when a cyclist veered in their direction. She scowled after the retreating bike, but softened her expression for the discreet shake of head Mati gave her.

"You too," Alec replied, glad for Magnus' company. He would have felt so out of his depth meeting Mati and her family alone.

"Alec. I'd like you to meet my wife, Eloise. And this little lady is Olivia. Olivia, are you gonna say hi?"

Alec smiled for the shy glance in his direction before Olivia tried to duck away. Though then her gaze fell on Magnus, and she wouldn't stop staring. Olivia held out a pudgy hand in his direction, and an enchanted Magnus reached out to squeeze her finger.

Alec made his own awkward introductions, smiling for the softness on Magnus' face for Olivia, who wriggled in Mati's arms to better look at Magnus, still staring at him in fascination.

"It's nice to meet you all," Magnus said with a polite nod for Mati and Eloise. "Your daughter is beautiful."

"You hear that, Livvy?"

Eloise pretended to reach out to tickle Olivia making her squeal in delight, burrowing deeper into Mati's arms.

"I'll be just here if you need me," Magnus said then with a discreet nod towards the benches behind them, pressing into Alec's side in reassurance. "Call me if you need me. Okay?"

On their way to the park Magnus had worried about overwhelming Mati for being present at their _meeting_ unannounced. Alec had done his best to convince him otherwise, but Magnus had decided to leave it in Mati's hands. His turn away from them was deliberately slow, giving them the chance to ask him to stay.

"No. Come with."

Magnus turned a cautious smile on Eloise when she called to him. "If this is personal—"

"You're involved too. You're here for Alec, right?"

"Of course."

"Then… stay. Livvy's clearly not planning on letting you out of her sight." Eloise scooped her daughter up in her arms tucking her into her side, and stepping closer to Magnus. Olivia approved, reaching out to play with the shiny buttons on Magnus' sleeve cuff.

"Well. I suppose I could provide an adequate distraction for this little one while you talk," Magnus said, reaching out to squeeze Olivia's hand when she stretched for him again.

"Exactly. Come on, Magnus," Eloise said, nodding further along the path. "How about you and me get Livvy here an ice cream?"

Magnus glanced at Alec in amusement, moving so Olivia didn't have to drop her grip on his arm as they walked.

"I hope you don't mind that I got your number from your friend Luke?" Mati asked, turning back to Alec after watching them leave.

"No. That's fine," Alec said, gesturing back to the benches. He followed as Mati led him towards two facing benches off to the side of the path winding around the park's lake, sinking down on the one opposite.

"You must think I'm awful for not wanting to help," she added, hands wringing together on her lap once sat.

"No. I really don't. I wouldn't want to get involved in something like this either."

"But I _was_ involved with it. I was. I didn't… I could have done something long before now. I _should_ have. I just hope that you can forgive me, and that Owen can forgive me, and… my aunt."

"Your aunt?" Alec asked, watching Mati as she continued to fret.

"My aunt," she agreed, "Vivian. She is a… wonderful woman. She was an incredible guardian, and someone so easy to live with. She was—she _is_ everything to me."

"How is she?" Alec asked when Mati's words trailed away.

Mati's face dropped further for his question. "I suppose you could say today was a good day. She didn't know who I was, but she was happy to see me."

"I can't even imagine."

"She knew." Mati's eyes filled with apologetic tears. She dropped her gaze to her lap, playing with her fingers. "She knew about Owen."

Alec didn't understand. "Knew what about him?"

"She knew he was in the apartment after he'd… when he'd _gone_."

Cold began to creep up the back of Alec's neck. He shifted in his seat for it, nodding for Mati to keep talking.

"All that time my aunt said she could _hear_ him. All that time. And I just… I didn't believe her. I thought it was because she was _sick_."

"That wasn't your fault—"

"But she was going through all of this. She was going through what _you're_ going through. She was… how can I know she wasn't suffering with _him_ as much as she was with the Alzheimer's? I can't—I can't know. I left her to deal with all of that on her own, thinking she was getting clumsy when things were getting knocked, and broken. When she _told_ me it was him breaking things, making the lights pop, and lighting the stove. When she said she couldn't sleep because Owen was stood at the bedroom door…"

A blast of memory for experiencing the same had Alec shifting again. He was terrified by it; what would Vivian, who was already dealing with deteriorating health, have felt like having to deal with that alone?

"She didn't say it was Owen in the beginning, of course," Mati said, carefully wiping at the corner of her eye. "She just kept on saying all these things. Like there was _company_. And the neighbors were loud. And they wouldn't let her sleep alone. I don't think she started telling me it was _him_ until the last few months she was there. She said she knew it was him because she could _smell_ him. I just thought… I just thought she was losing her mind."

Alec couldn't recall any particular smell, but everything else Mati was mentioning continued to bring more memories back. Alec didn't know then, in that moment, how he'd dealt with what was happening in his apartment for so long.

"I know she's sick," Mati added, once again wiping her eyes. "I know she needed to get round-the-clock care, and that's… that's the Alzheimer's. But knowing how much more she was dealing with because of _Owen_ when she was going through all of that. She must have been so scared. And I don't think I can ever forgive myself."

Magnus returned with Eloise and Olivia then, clutching a pile of napkins as Olivia seemed to want to smear the ice cream all over her face. Alec had to wonder if Mati had blurted out all she had to tell him out their earshot. Though the delight on Olivia's face for her sweet treat temporarily pushed away any other thoughts.

"You said before, about Olivia. I think I thought she was a baby still," Alec said, when Magnus sat down beside him, pressing their thighs together.

"Alec," Mati said with a soft smile as she looked at Olivia, "when you two have kids, you'll be thinking they're babies forever as well. She's eighteen months now. I don't know how I'm ever supposed to let her out of my sight."

Alec opened his mouth to react but no words came out. Though he watched Magnus smile, his hand already up at his ear cuff as he cleared his throat. "Yes. Well."

"Anyway," Mati said, shaking her head. "I wanted to meet you today, so that I can… I don't know what I can _do_ , exactly. I can't bring myself to go to the apartment. I really wish I could, but I just… I can't."

"That's okay, Mati," Magnus said. "We will find a way."

"You've been to the apartment too?" Mati asked in a small voice, with even more guilt as she looked at Magnus.

"Oh, I have. Owen was a most… charming host."

"I'm so sorry—"

"Don't be," Magnus said, shaking his head trying to tell her not to worry. "I understand. _We_ understand."

"Is there anything I can do without… going there?" Mati asked, with a thankful glance in Eloise's direction as she stirred a thumb over the back of her neck.

"Well. In my experience—"

"You know about things like this? Ghosts, I mean?" Eloise asked, adjusting Olivia in her lap so she could lean forward, interest written all over her face.

"I do."

"So you're…?"

"I can, on occasion, communicate with those who have passed," Magnus said. Alec couldn't tell if his voice had become guarded, or if he was only expecting him to be on edge.

"That's… that must be hard?"

"It is something I have dealt with my entire life," Magnus replied. "I suppose it is like anything you have had from an early age, or birth. It is a part of you that you are aware of, and learn to deal with."

"So you can… you can see ghosts around all the time?"

"I can ground myself so that I don't. There are certain scents, and crystals, and elements that can… well. That can keep inquisitive spirits at bay. Though most of the time they are unaware that _I_ am aware of their presence. So I don't feel any need to... keep them out."

"So are there… if you were to look now. Are there any here?" Eloise asked, her eyes darting around the park, her face lighting up with excitement.

Magnus looked around them, fingers flitting down by his sides. Alec found himself holding his breath as he watched him, jolting as Magnus' face broke out into a smile.

"There," he said with a nod that had the adults in their party turning, while Olivia continued to make a mess of her ice cream. A tiny handprint of it had made its way on to Eloise's black jeans. Eloise tugged Olivia across to balance on her other leg as she wiped at it.

"Who is it?"

"Well. I haven't been introduced, so I don't know their name."

"Well. What do they look like?" Eloise asked, fascinated.

Magnus' stance changed as he continued to look behind them, visibly sucking in a hard breath. "She is wearing a light blue dress covered in a red floral print. It looks like attire I would place in the 1950s."

"...what's she doing?"

"At the moment? It's hard to tell."

When Eloise turned to look at Magnus for a further explanation he nodded, licking his lips. "Sometimes ghosts are mere echoes of their lives here. Like a section of well-worn tape that plays over and over, slowly fading over time. From her position and mannerisms, I would suggest she was feeding the ducks."

" _Seriously_?"

"Yes.

"And you can just _see_ her?" Eloise asked, her voice getting higher and higher. Mati turned to look at her with an adoring but exasperated smile on her face.

"Yes. I can."

"Can you… can you talk to her?"

"I don't know. She doesn't appear to have noticed that I have noticed _her_ , so, perhaps not. But maybe."

"So I'm guessing that's not what Owen is. An echo," Mati said, once they had all turned back.

"No," Magnus replied with an apologetic smile. "Owen is a fully manifested ghost who, I'm sorry to say, appears to have lost all touch with his humanity. Most of it, anyway."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that he is, at present at least, no longer the man you used to know. I suppose you could say he is the very worst version of himself, without any sense of remorse."

"Alec. Did he hurt you?"

Alec darted a glance at Magnus, encouraged by his slight nod. "A few times, yeah. I think he… he tried to speak to me once, maybe."

"Saying what?" Mati asked, eyes wide in alarm.

"Nothing much. Just said _mine_. I guess at first we thought it might be your aunt, talking about the apartment."

"He stayed over once or twice. But nothing more than that."

"Mati," Magnus said. "Was there anything in the apartment that belonged to Owen? Something that was important to him, that he wouldn't want to be without?"

"Like what?" Mati asked, guarded. Eloise leaned against her in support.

"It could be anything, really. Every spirit is different."

"So, what? Furniture, or something?" Eloise asked. Alec took in the way that Mati's gaze became guilty before she dropped it to her lap.

"We know that typically when spirits can't move on, it is because they become attached to something," Magnus explained. "It could be a person, place, or thing. Now, from what Alec has told me about your… about Owen's passing, I can't imagine he would be attached to the apartment. Or you."

"It's not like he's been following Mati around. We'd notice, wouldn't we?" Eloise asked, back to stroking the back of Mati's neck in reassurance for how worried she looked.

"Exactly, yes."

Mati slumped further against the bench, not even Eloise's touch seeming to comfort her. "I know what's keeping him here. I don't… I'm so sorry. I know what it is."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your [survey](https://forms.gle/nqDk9Zy3jMS81tMa9)!
> 
> _Warning_ : Malec indulge in a little mild loving.
> 
> ***More surveys!***
> 
> [Story summary](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfWJrKgY7RwEqJH_P8fiEha72cFIg3MrU7y8V1rDLpSzU0U9A/viewform)
> 
> [Title and Tags](https://mansikka1.typeform.com/to/gXeCDm)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Okay, some _warnings_ are necessary for this next chapter. It should be pretty obvious by now that our ghost is not all that friendly, so be prepared for some unpleasant spookiness. If you need to know more, there is an additional note at the end - don't look if you don't want spoilers, but do know that 1) people are going to suffer a bit in this chapter, and 2) everything will be fine in the end - in the next chapter! I promise!
> 
> Once again. If ghosts are not your thing this is not a good chapter for you!

"It's okay," Magnus urged softly. Alec held his breath waiting for Mati to speak again.

"By the time I got back from volunteering, I'd told myself I'd come to terms with Owen's… passing," Mati said, dropping her gaze to her lap. "His family still wouldn't speak to me, and as much as I wanted to at least know where his grave was so that I could visit—lay some flowers… say _sorry_ —I didn't know anything at all. I told myself I was angry, and over it, and that I didn't care. I had enough to think about, anyway. I was getting ready to start the new study program in Chicago. There was enough going on.

"But after I'd said hello to my aunt, and we'd caught up on news, I went to my room to unpack—maybe even to start packing, actually; I didn't have long before I'd need to be leaving. And on the dresser there was this ring box, this blue velvet ring box with a… there was a _ring_ ," Mati choked out, with a nervous glance at Olivia as though worried about her daughter seeing her tears.

Eloise smiled back at her leaning in for a kiss, then stood and adjusted Olivia on her hip, walking a few paces away to stand by the edge of the lake. Mati watched her leave, her breath coming out in shuddery blasts and looking like she might just leave herself. Alec wanted to encourage her to keep talking and also to comfort her, but didn't know how.

"Owen and Calvin had been taking these… metalworking classes on campus," Mati said, back to wringing her hands in her lap once she turned back to face them. "And Owen, he… he made me a _ring_. I think… I _know_. Owen was going to propose."

Blood rushed in Alec's ears for the way Magnus jolted as though _this_ was the answer he was looking for.

"So the ring is still in the apartment?" Alec asked when Magnus didn't speak, his expression one of pure focus that Alec didn't know what to make of.

"I didn't know what to do with it," Mati said, darting a guilty look between them. "I couldn't _keep_ it. I couldn't... I _couldn't_. I know I shouldn't have left it there, but I… didn't know what to do. I could have taken it to Owen's mom, but she refused to speak to me. I didn't… I didn't know what to do. But it's _there_."

"I would imagine an engagement ring would be something Owen could have attached himself to," Magnus replied when Mati look up, offering her a soft smile. "That is an emotional investment for anyone."

"That could be what's keeping him there?" Mati asked, her lips beginning to tremble, and fresh tears pooling in her eyes.

"Often what keeps us here is an emotional tie. If Owen had been about to propose, with a ring he'd taken the time to make for you himself, then _yes_. It could be."

"What did I do?" Mati sobbed, dropping forward and holding her head in her hands.

With a nervous glance in Eloise's direction wondering if he should call her back, Alec stood up from the bench he shared with Magnus and sat down next to Mati. Magnus nodded in encouragement. Alec raised his hand not knowing where to put it, lightly gripping her shoulder.

"It's okay. You didn't know."

"But he's stuck here," she cried, "he's stuck here because of _me_."

"No, Mati," Magnus said, "not necessarily."

"But you said—"

"Owen's death was sudden, yes? Was an accident that occurred when he was… inebriated?"

Mati nodded, still shuddering with her tears. Alec kept his grip on her shoulder, not knowing what else to do.

"Then it is likely Owen became stranded because he had no way of preparing to be gone. That he would have tried to reach out to _you_. Which isn't the same as it being your fault."

"You said he'd argued with your aunt, right?" Alec said, finally dropping his hand. Mati leaned into his side anyway, and Alec was happy to give her that support.

"She never said it was a bad argument."

"But that might have heightened his emotional state," Magnus told her. "It could have been what made him susceptible to getting, for want of a better word, stuck. It is an unfortunate set of circumstances that have led to this. You can't blame anyone."

Mati nodded, though Alec could tell she would need time to believe it. He watched her continue to wring her hands in her lap, and darted a look at Magnus for guidance. Magnus nodded back in encouragement again, silently telling him to wait.

"You said… he's not human anymore?" Mati asked then, a fearful gaze cast between the two of them.

"I would say it is more that he has been stripped of his humanity by his ordeal. He is lashing out, though no longer has the sense of what damage, and pain he is causing. He isn't meaning to hurt anyone, I am sure of it."

Alec remembered Luke's comments in the hospital about a previous ghost they dealt with wanting revenge. Could Magnus be far more forgiving and trusting of Owen than he deserved?

"So… what happens now?" Mati asked, saving Alec from asking the question himself.

"Well. Now that we know what Owen is likely attached to, we should return to the apartment."

"Magnus—"

"We need to do this," Alec," Magnus said, waving his protest off.

"Wait. That cut on your head. That bruise. _Owen_ did that to you?" Mati asked, horrified as she stared at Magnus.

"It couldn't be helped."

"How can you even _think_ of going back there?" Mati asked, shaking her head in disbelief for how dismissive Magnus was about his own safety. Alec wished for any alternative than Magnus returning to his apartment, but no other solutions came to mind.

Magnus turned a smile on Alec that made him both want to hug him, and whisk him away somewhere safe, where they could forget all that had happened. "Well. Who else is there to deal with such things?"

When neither Mati nor Alec could answer him Magnus smiled, slowly rising to his feet.

"You're going _now_?" Mati said quickly jumping up herself, with Alec soon following.

"No time like the present. I'll just say goodbye to your family."

"I don't… I don't think he should go," Mati told Alec, watching Magnus as he made his way over to Eloise and Olivia and gently squeezed the toddler's foot to get her attention.

"No. Me neither," Alec agreed, also watching him. "I just don't know any other way."

* * *

The apartment was _waiting_ for them when he and Magnus walked in; Alec could feel it. Alec held his breath as Magnus closed the door behind them, jolting when Magnus reached to take his hand.

"Sorry."

"Don't be," Magnus replied with an absent kiss to his shoulder, already making for Alec's spare bedroom. "Where did she say she left this ring?"

"The dresser drawer."

Alec trailed behind Magnus, his heart pounding as Magnus opened the bedroom door. Alec would swear that the air in the room gasped just as he did.

"Oh, Alec. He knows why we're here."

For the anguish in Magnus' voice, Alec couldn't bring himself to move. But he had to. Alec ran a hand down Magnus' back in passing then crossed the room to the dresser, pulling open the third drawer as Mati had instructed and feeling underneath. At the back his fingers ran over a material that had to be velvet, tugging until the item came loose.

Alec studied the blue velvet ring box in his fingers, pulling away the tape that had secured it inside the drawer. Magnus met his eyes and nodded, before holding his hand out. The moment Magnus curled his fingers around the ring box the air began to crackle. Alec's skin crawled for it, desperate to leave the room. Though watching Magnus stumble had Alec closing the gap between them to hold him up.

"I'm okay."

"You sure about that?"

"No?" Magnus said, laughing. "But we have to do this. We have to—we have to _try_."

With the ring box sat squarely on Magnus' palm Alec daren't look away, his skin crawling again as he watched it give a violent jolt. Magnus covered the box with his other hand as though soothing an injured animal. Alec swallowed for the pain in his expression, and the agonized way Magnus closed his eyes.

He couldn't see it, but Alec _knew_ the moment Owen moved to stand beside Magnus. He could picture him, just as he'd seen in the few images he'd seen of him online. Alec tightened his grip around Magnus' waist knowing he could do nothing to protect him, tempted just to tug him back outside.

"He's here, Alec."

"I know."

"It's this ring. It's _this_."

Magnus squeezed the ring box between his hands, adjusting his stance so Alec knew to step back. Though his fingers continued to twitch down by his sides, desperate to reach out. The low, rumbling tone of Magnus' words made him startle, but Alec made himself stand still. Magnus squared his shoulders, confidence seeming to lengthen his spine as Alec watched. Though Alec went cold when Magnus turned, looking at Owen as though he was physically there in the room with them. He took in Magnus' sympathetic smile and the softness of his expression, and pleaded with Owen to be just as kind.

"You can't stay."

Magnus was so _gentle_ , so _understanding_. Alec could imagine him using that tone to soothe anyone having a difficult day. He'd expected kindness and compassion from Magnus towards these _ghosts_ he seemed to have such respect for, but to see it for himself almost felt like an intrusion on a sacred moment.

"You should know that Mati is happy. That _Matilda_ is happy."

Alec shrank back for the pitiful wail that blasted across the room following Magnus' words, his skin crawling for the all-too-familiar sob that came next. Alec knew Magnus meant to plead with Owen to show his own compassion, to accept his news with grace, and move on. But Alec had spent enough time alone in the apartment with Owen to recognize the way the air shifted, knowing far worse things were to come.

"Owen—"

Alec recoiled for the strike across his face, groaning as he curled over from the punch to his stomach that followed. Angry fists pummelled over his back as he moved to right himself, though Alec tried to push Magnus away when he stood in front of him like a shield.

"It's okay—"

"Owen," Magnus called out, "you can't keep doing this. You can't keep hurting people—"

A sharp, hard blow knocked Alec to the floor. He cradled his head as his vision blurred, forcing himself to roll over and shuffle backward until he sank against the wall. As he looked up, Alec caught Magnus' expression shift from understanding to livid, his fingers twitching furiously down by his side.

"You will _stop_."

A harsh cackle of laughter bounced around the room. Alec jolted again for the blinds being let down by an invisible hand, and the dresser smashing back against the wall beside his head. He half-expected to see the bedroom door slam, wondering how he and Magnus would then have to pry it open. But then Alec had new things to be worrying about as a cold blast washed over his face and came to settle around his neck.

"No—"

Alec's protest was squeezed from his throat. He clawed at his neck trying to loosen Owen's grip but couldn't get a purchase on anything. Though when he felt himself being lifted Alec sucked in the breath he could, pleading with his heart to stop racing so that he could think.

" _Alec_."

Magnus' voice was muffled for the blood rushing in Alec's ears. He tried to grab at the carpet, and then the door frame as he was dragged from the room and down the hall. The door thudded closed behind them, Magnus pummelling his fists against it to be let out. Alec sent the lion figuring on the coffee table flying when he was tossed against the couch, hearing it drop to the floor. The reprieve from the fierce grip on his throat Alec used to gasp in several sharp breaths, calling out when fingers tightened around his neck again.

Kicking out, Alec's foot cracked against the coffee table, only succeeding in scraping it back across the floor. Owen's grip didn't falter. Alec tried to shrink back into the couch cushions away from the heavy breath billowed over his face. The breath only grew warmer, an amused huff to accompany it when Alec rasped for his lack of air.

When the pressure dropped from him, Alec propelled himself forward, gasping and panting with his elbows shakily propped on his knees. He only realized the reason for Owen's movement when Magnus flew into the living room wide-eyed and furious, staring at him down on the couch.

"You're okay?"

Alec could only cough, though he waved away Magnus' concern, only to jolt back from a thump to the side of his head. He tried to croak Magnus' name out though was hit with a wave of exhaustion that led him to drop his head down on the couch cushions. He was soon forcing himself upright again for the mournful groan coming from Magnus. When Alec looked he was stood stooped over barely a foot away. Though for how distant his eyes looked, Magnus may as well have been in another room.

"What's happening?" Alec called out as the ceiling lights began to buzz, and the curtain was thrown across his balcony window. He jolted again for a popping sound that he thought must be more bulbs blowing elsewhere in the apartment. Though all Alec could try to focus on then was the pained expression on Magnus' face.

Alec hauled himself up from the couch after a couple of attempts for how badly his limbs were shaking, staggering forward and taking Magnus' hands.

"Alexander."

Magnus' eyes were glazed over staring beyond Alec's shoulder, though Alec could tell he wasn't looking at anything in the room at all. There were tears leaking from the corners of his eyes, and his breath continued to rasp from him. His hands were clammy as he gripped on to Alec, and he was shaking enough that Alec feared he might fall.

"Magnus. What is it?"

"He's _showing_ me."

"Showing you what?"

"Matilda. His death. Everything."

Alec called his name again only for Magnus to be further lost in what he was seeing, barely showing any signs of noticing when Alec took him in his arms. The erratic beating of Magnus' heart alarmed Alec enough to pull back and press his hand over it, cursing out loud.

"That's it. We're leaving. Forget all this."

Alec tried to walk Magnus backward towards the door, stopping the second that he whimpered and sagged against his shoulder. He tilted his chin up watching Magnus trying to form words, repeatedly calling his name and getting no response. He had to do something to get Owen's attention.

"Where's the ring?" he asked, turning over Magnus' hands, feeling sick for realizing it must still be in the bedroom. He fled from the room finding the ring box discarded on the floor by the dresser, falling to his knees when he went to pick it up for the hard kick to the back of his knee.

_"Mine."_

Alec would swear he could see a jean-clad pair of legs to his side when he turned his head, groaning for the kick to his stomach.

_"All. Mine."_

"I don't want anything of yours," Alec groaned out, feeling fingers peel back his own from where they clutched at the ring box. "Here. Take it."

The ring box was swiped from his hand, striking against the wall. Alec drew back from the force of it, though was up on his feet again when he heard a thud coming from the living room.

"Magnus."

Magnus had sunk down on the edge of the couch, holding his head in his hands. From the rise and fall of his back, Alec could tell he was trying to calm his breathing. He curled his fingers around Magnus' shoulder, panicked for the desperation in his gaze when Magnus looked up.

"Forgive me, Alec. I don't know if I can contain him. He is… far stronger than any other ghost I have encountered."

"Is it because I'm here?"

"I think he is thriving on us both. But If I am not here, how can I help? How can I convince him to go?"

Alec had no answer, only holding out his hands when Magnus insisted on getting back on his feet. Alec pulled him close taking advantage of the lull in Owen's attention, fearing when he might strike again.

"So. What do we do?" Alec asked when Magnus looked at him again.

"I think we must… we must perform a banishing spell after all. It is the only way. I don't know what else to do to make him calm."

"Should I call Luke?"

"I fear that if we wait any longer, the moment we return it will be infinitely worse."

"Magnus. How much worse could it get?" Alec asked in disbelief.

There was a sharpness every time he swallowed from having his throat crushed, and Alec knew the next time he showered he'd spend a long time inspecting bruises and scrapes. The pained, worried swallow Magnus gave instead of answering told Alec all he needed to know. So though Alec had the urge to drag Magnus from the apartment never to return, he knew that they couldn't.

"So. What now?"

Magnus sagged in his arms, his defeat putting an extra beat in Alec's heart. "I don't know. But he is watching us. Mocking. _Furious_."

"But we—"

A knock on the door interrupted Alec, his stomach turning in knots. As much as he'd normally love to see Maia, it was definitely not the time. Though when he threw the door open with an apology ready for when he told her to leave, it was to find Mati standing there instead. Her eyes were wide with worry as she attempted to peer around Alec's shoulder, looking inside.

"Can I come in?" Mati asked, her voice trembling.

"Sure." Alec pushed the door wider open then softly closed it behind her, trying to anticipate if Mati being present would help, or make things worse. The air beginning to crackle more violently around them gave Alec his answer, forcing him to step to the side as though Owen had walked into the room and in his path.

Alec's head snapped back for the hard crack across his face, cupping his jaw with his thumb and finger to check its movement for the dull ache creeping along it. He looked to Magnus, unmoved from where he'd stood beside the couch, watching him fight against sagging, and desperate to help. Though that squeeze on his throat from earlier returned to keep him in place, Alec struggling to keep his feet on the floor as he was lifted.

"...Owen?"

Alec turned his head the fraction he was able to see Mati staring open-mouthed at him.

"Talk to him," Magnus urged, his hands stretched out in plea.

"Owen. You can't keep doing this. You can't stay. You _can't_."

Mati's words only tightened Owen's grip on Alec, though he was thankful when he was lowered and no longer struggling to find purchase on the floor.

"Owen," Mati said, "I know it's still you. I know you're still in there. Can you hear me?"

"Try telling him a memory, or something," Magnus called out in between labored breaths. "Anything happy that you shared together."

"But we shared so many happy things," Mati said, tears streaming down her face, "there were so many. We were happy, weren't we, Owen? We were. For so long. It's—we would have figured things out if we'd have just talked. We _would_."

The lights continued to flicker around them, a heaviness replacing the crackling in the air.

"It's not working," Alec said as the grip around his throat tightened again, more blasts of menacing breath washing over his face.

"Owen," Mati said, stepping closer, "remember when we—remember when you took me for that picnic in the park for my birthday? That tiny little place just behind the campus, where all the butterflies were over that—where all the wildflowers were along the edge of it? You met me from class, and you laid out this checkered blanket, and set out this… you had this old wicker basket that was stuffed with food.

"You made these little cupcakes that were all purple frosting, because you knew it was my favorite color. And you—you put candles in one of them, so I could blow it out. And it's… you know, Owen, that's one of my favorite birthday memories, even now? It was such an _us_ thing to do, such a _you_ thing. Sitting in this tiny corner of the park eating cake and sandwiches, making up stories of the few people we saw around us. You even made up this long thing about one of the butterflies. And I remember just watching you tell this story—half with your hands, because you do that—and just really knowing in that moment how much I loved you. More than anything else in the world."

The room blurred for Alec as he was tossed across it, landing in a heap at Magnus' feet. He nudged his hands away knowing Magnus had little strength of his own, hauling himself up on the couch. Alec turned to watch Mati continue to wring her hands together, wishing he could say anything that might help.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you," Mati said with a fresh burst of tears, "I am. I never wanted you to leave me. You were my first love; why would I ever have wanted this to happen to you?

"I wouldn't change a thing about my life today. I wouldn't. I know that sounds harsh but it's true. I'm happy, so _happy_ , Owen. But if you and I… if you had asked me… I don't know. Would I have said yes? Would _we_ have said yes, and then regretted it? Spent our entire lives together? I can't know that, Owen. But I need you to know that I loved you so much. I would have stayed with you, no matter where you studied, no matter what you chose to do. It wouldn't have mattered if you were on the other side of the world; I _loved_ you, Owen. And I know that you loved me. Maybe you still do. So if you do… if you do still love me, then… please can you love me enough to let go?"

"Alec…"

Alec quickly darted his hands out to hold Magnus up as he sagged forward, standing again so he could tuck him into his side.

"What's he _doing_?" Alec called out as a gushing sound ripped through the apartment. He rushed through to the kitchen to find the faucets pouring water, neither of them budging when he tried to turn them off.

"The bathroom?" Mati said, which sent Alec charging down the hallway to see the faucets at the bathroom sink spewing water as well. No amount of trying to twist them made them move. Alec pulled on his hair stuck for what to do, running back through to the living room to check on Magnus.

The faucets in the kitchen and bathroom continued to gush water, the roar of it adding to the cacophony of noise as bangs rattled and rose throughout the apartment. Even the shower started up; Alec raced back through the apartment trying to turn the water off but the faucets and shower dial wouldn't budge. And the sinks were starting to fill; even with nothing in them or blocking the drain, the levels of the water just kept rising up.

Magnus could barely move, whatever agony Owen was putting him through keeping him rooted to the spot, half slumped forward. Alec ran back to check on him for a second time, slipping on the pool of water beginning to form in the hall.

Alec crawled across the floor groaning for each blow received to his back and legs, prying the utility cupboard door open and hauling himself up. The water shut-off valve was stiff, not giving at all as he tried to turn it. Alec slipped three times before grasping on with both hands and finally turning the supply off.

Water had already seeped across the kitchen floor and into the carpet of the living room. Alec wiped his hands on his jeans as he turned around, wondering if any attempt to mop the water up now would be worth it while Owen was still raging.

The hair stood up on the back of Alec's neck for the quiet that rushed in at him, bracing for whatever new torment was to come. His skin began to tingle, and his pulse started to race faster than ever. Alec raised his hand expecting to see something crawling over his palm, jolting back when it looked like a hand was slipped into his own.

"... _Magnus_?"

"Don't you _dare_."

Magnus strode towards him, incensed as he came to a stop in front of Alec repeatedly darting his eyes over his face.

"What's happening?" Alec asked. Something was wrong with his eyes. Magnus seemed to be fading right in front of him, his voice muffled as though behind glass.

"Listen to me, Alec. You have to fight him. You have to hold on, you hear me?"

As Magnus clutched his arm looking at Alec in pleading, Alec realized he was observing what was happening through someone else's eyes instead of his own. Owen's eyes. Owen was in his  _head_. Alec watched Magnus drop his grip on him and check his pockets, beginning to turn away.

"Don't leave me." Alec couldn't stand it, couldn't be trapped here with Owen and his thoughts. Everything was darkness, and agony, and loneliness. The turmoil raging through Owen now roared through Alec, so that every hurt Owen knew, Alec too experienced. He couldn't watch Magnus walk away from him.

Magnus spun back, hand up to cup Alec's cheek in reassurance, already shaking his head. "I'm not. I won't be long."

" _Please_..."

Tears choked Alec's words though Owen was barely letting him do anything at all. He could feel them beginning to run down his face but could do nothing to wipe them away. Magnus took his hand, carefully lacing his fingers between Alec's own and squeezing.

"Alexander. I'm right here, okay? Right here."

Alec tried to nod, more desperate tears leaking down his cheeks when he couldn't.

"I am going to need you to move with me," Magnus said. "Can you do that?"

Alec's legs were lead, Owen fighting even the most minuscule of movements he tried to make of his own. But with Magnus' constant words of reassurance, Alec forced himself to take some steps, following Magnus wherever it was that he guided him. Alec was aware of Magnus removing some pieces of quartz from a shelving unit, and as he rummaged through a toolbox in his utility room for a hammer. He tried to ask Magnus what he was looking for when he began looking through his kitchen cupboards, wondering what he intended doing with the bag of salt he pulled out.

"Mati. I will need your assistance," Magnus said. Alec had forgotten she was even there. The three of them made their precarious way to Alec's spare bedroom along soaked floors that seemed far more slippery than they ought to.

"What do you need me to do?" Mati asked as she paused outside the bedroom door, sounding far too frightened to follow Alec and Magnus in.

"Find me all the towels you can for starters. We need to keep the floor as dry as possible."

Between Magnus' gentle tugging and Owen's raging within his skull, Alec went as guided, closing his eyes for how dizzy he was. He got glimpses of Mati drying the floor and blocking off a section of it with rolled up towels. Then of Magnus making a thick salt circle that he guided Alec into the middle of before stepping out. A cold band was slid on to his wrist, Alec having an echo of memory telling him it was the iron bracelet he'd once wore to fend Owen off. Owen knew it too, his screams rising to a fever pitch that left Alec quaking, with no way to escape.

"Bring me the rest of the quartz from around the apartment. Whatever you can find. Quickly."

Alec opened his eyes to see Mati running for the room, having to snap them closed again for the nausea building in him.

"Stay with me, Alec."

Of course he'd stay with him, Alec replied, though only in his thoughts. Owen wouldn't let him get a single word out.

Alec clung to Magnus' hand when it was offered, trying to focus only on the swirl of his thumb over the back of it. He wanted to plead with him not to let go, but the return of Mati had Magnus slipping his fingers from his grasp.

Through half-closed eyes Alec watched Magnus arranged the quartz crystals around his feet, taking the last of those he'd shoved in his pockets to add to the arrangement. The placement left Owen incensed, both trying to keep his hold on Alec and fight his way out.

"And this."

Magnus took Alec's hand to flatten it out palm up, removing the ring from the box and placing it centrally. Owen's fury whipped up in Alec as Magnus curled Alec's fingers over the ring into a fist, squeezing over it.

Magnus began to chant, strange words that Alec couldn't make any sense of, his voice rising and falling in a commanding tone that had Owen wailing both within Alec and outside of his body. A roar in his ears made Alec think of crashing waves, his body buffeted as though on the deck of a sinking ship being deluged by a storm. Everything was dark around him, his skin taking on a fever-like clamminess one moment and then shivering with goosebumps the next. And when Alec didn't fight that darkness seeped in on him deeper, making it harder to fight his way back.

Alec strained to listen for Magnus' voice, the strength of it wavering as Owen both lashed out and retreated. Alec's legs were weak enough to send him crashing to the ground, yet being yanked upright by Owen as he fought for control stopped him from moving too far. Though his foot nudging against one of the quartz crystals made Owen scream so loud in Alec's head, he was sure his eardrums would pop.

"Can I do anything?"

Mati's words only made Owen more enraged, making Alec suffer for them.

Magnus' voice grew higher, and even though Alec's awareness was dulled for Owen's control, he could hear how badly Magnus' voice was shaking. Owen was draining Magnus just as much as he was Alec, and Alec had no way of fighting back to help.

The air vent in the room rattled to life blasting out frosty air into the room. Alec heard Mati gasp for it, then slip when the bedroom door started banging repeatedly against the wall. Alec knew it was Owen trying to distract Magnus, to break his concentration, yet when Alec cracked his eyes open the fraction he could it was to see Magnus unfaltering, despite how exhausted he looked.

Magnus' gaze latched on to his then, and Alec drew strength from the intensity of it. Magnus prowled closer, arms extended out to his sides as he continued his chant. Owen's screams became a high pitched whistle Alec could picture billowing from his skull like steam as Owen continued to fight him. And then a sensation of being drawn from pulled Alec in every direction, jolting and jerking as that movement settled then made its way out through his core.

Alec stumbled as Owen left him, standing bent over for only seconds before exhaustion made him collapse. The ring slipped from his grasp and rolled, hitting the thick salt line Magnus had made and dropping on its side.

"Out of the circle," Magnus called out. Alec jolted for Mati touching his arm as she helped to guide him without disturbing the line of salt.

When free of the circle Alec only had the energy to try to crawl towards Magnus, who was still upright though staggering, continuing to repeat his chant. Alec watched in horror as a deep, agonized groan spilled from him and dropped Magnus to his knees. Though as Alec tried to call out to him a fresh wave of exhaustion hit. The last thing Alec saw before sleep came to claim him was Magnus dragging himself towards the circle.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your [survey](https://forms.gle/7hkCUWqiUJNv4kjf8)!
> 
> These two surveys will be open for another two days as well if you wanted to take part.  
> [Story summary](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfWJrKgY7RwEqJH_P8fiEha72cFIg3MrU7y8V1rDLpSzU0U9A/viewform)  
> [Title and Tags](https://mansikka1.typeform.com/to/gXeCDm)
> 
> * * *
> 
>  _Warnings_ Owen is going to injure both Alec and Magnus, and get inside their heads. You could interpret what Owen does to Alec as possession.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Warnings_... but nice ones... see end notes if you want to check before reading.

_Noise. So much noise. Rain glistened streets looming up beneath his feet and a pounding in his heart that can't outpace his loss. He's losing her, he's going to lose her, and it's all his fault. Owen staggers down the street swigging from a bottle of whatever it was he got in the bar he just passed, not tasting a drop of it in his struggle to get it down._

_She's going to Chicago. She's going without him. All these years they've been together and this is the end of it all now. The ring, that he still has blisters on his thumb from making, sits in Matilda's bedroom, waiting for when she gets home. Will she still want him? Owen pictures her gripping the ring in her fingers, running from her aunt's apartment and coming to find him. She'll be in tears, but they'll be happy ones. And he'll be crying too, because they can get through distance, surely? Anything is possible when they're so in love._

_A harsh honking horn has Owen staggering backward, overcompensating with a stumble when he almost falls. His hand hits something. Cold, metallic, rain-soaked. He thinks it's the hood of a car._

_More noise, more tires screeching. More heads poked out of car windows screaming for him to get out of the way. Owen turns, trying to escape the sound and the anger aimed in his direction. His bottle shattering on the ground as he steps to the side, and knows no more..._

Alec sat bolt upright gasping himself awake as Owen's memories left him, sagging in relief to find Magnus laid by his side. He reached out, hand pressing over Magnus' heart through the comforter, waiting for his own to calm.

Magnus didn't stir as he laid back down beside him. Alec propped himself up on his elbow to watch him, brushing back hair from the cut on his forehead, pursing his lips for the spreading of the bruise. Alec knew he was covered in them; they both were. He could feel the scratches down his back from being dragged along the floor, and the sting in his throat when he swallowed from Owen's grip. If Alec had his way, and he intended to once they had rested a while, then he and Magnus would share a bath, inspecting all of their injuries and kissing them better for as long as needed.

Alec remembered being jostled, propped up between Magnus and Mati as they had dragged him from his spare room. Alec remembered the dig of the scatter cushions beneath his back as he'd sprawled out on his couch, far too drained of his _essence_ to even move. Magnus had slumped by his feet at one point, and Alec had a vague recollection of Mati ordering them both to rest as she cleaned up. He remembered a muted discussion between Mati and Magnus about _water damage_ , _remains_ , and _cleaning_. But intermingled with his own memories were still Owen's; Alec didn't want to probe too much for what else he might have to relive.

"Alexander?"

Alec jolted for the gentle caress down his arm, blinking his eyes open to find Magnus watching him. He reached up, cupping his face and smiling for the kiss pressed to his hand.

"How are you feeling?" Magnus asked as he covered Alec's hand with his own.

"I must've fallen asleep again. How are you?"

"Exhausted. But fine. I'm more concerned about you."

Alec nudged for Magnus to move so they could lay on their sides, kissing him in reassurance the moment they'd settled on their pillows. "I ache. I feel like I could sleep for a month. And I think… I won't forget any of that any time soon. But I'm fine. Honestly."

"In all my years, I have never seen a ghost do what Owen did to you."

Alec closed his eyes letting Magnus check him over, trying not to wince when gentle fingertips found the bruises to his skull. He smiled for Magnus' tut of exasperation that was followed by a kiss to his throat for the bruises that were already visible, and held on just as tight when Magnus pulled him close.

"Honestly. I'm okay."

"But that was… I was so _afraid_."

Alec hugged Magnus tighter for the crack in his voice. "Same. I couldn't do anything to help you."

"Oh. I'm fine—"

"Well. If _you're_ fine," Alec said, trapping Magnus' hand mid-dismissive wave, "then so am I. We just need to rest up a little, and… move on."

Alec meant it. For how horrific the experience in his apartment had been, now all he felt was elated, and free. Knowing that Owen was gone and that neither he nor Magnus would have to deal with him again put such relief in Alec's heart that he could dance for it. Just as soon as it didn't hurt so much to move.

"We'll have to speak to Luke," Magnus said, lacing his fingers through Alec's. "No doubt he will want to know how you are. How _Owen_ is. Or was."

"And you. He'll want to know how you are, too."

"I suppose."

"We'll see if he's around tomorrow, or something. I'm too tired, and aching, for much talking right now. Aside from to you, obviously."

"Alec—"

"I mean it," he said, kissing him. "We're both okay. We're gonna _be_ okay. Don't you think _Owen's_ had a hold on our lives for long enough?"

"I suppose. Does that mean you're in a hurry to move back into your old apartment?" Magnus asked, dropping Alec's gaze.

Alec tilted Magnus' chin so he would look at him, shaking his head. He'd been expecting Magnus' fears about him _leaving_ already with Owen gone to rear up at some point, but not quite so soon. "Not unless you're kicking me out."

"I would never."

"Well, _good_ ," Alec said, kissing him again. "Because even though I know Owen's _gone_ , I don't think I'm ready to go back there yet. I don't know if I want to go back there at all. I don't… Magnus, it never felt like home."

_Magnus'_ felt more like home to Alec than his own apartment, but he didn't think he should say that out loud. Magnus reached up, toying with the hair at Alec's forehead, giving him a soft smile.

"You can stay here for as long as you would like. We can even arrange to bring some more of your things here so that you have everything you need to hand."

"I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage, or—"

"Oh, Alec. You can take advantage of me however and whenever you wish," Magnus teased. Though the impact of his words was ineffective for the way he winced when stroking his hand down Alec's side.

"What is it?"

Magnus held up his thumb for them both to inspect, showing chipped nail polish and a dark purple patch spreading down almost to the knuckle. "Let's just say that home improvement isn't exactly my forte."

"But you—"

"I had to crush the quartz. With the banishing spell," Magnus said, poking at his bruised thumb. "I might have missed with the hammer a few times."

Alec thought then of the mug Mati had been clutching when they'd left, remembering they'd scraped the crushed quartz, salt, and ring into it, but no such _hammering_. There was so much he had probably missed, but Alec decided it would all have to wait. He gently grabbed Magnus' wrist to guide his hand closer to his mouth, kissing over his thumb.

"I wonder where Mati is keeping Owen's… remains?" Magnus said then, toying with Alec's fingers.

Alec shrugged. "You know. Magnus. I've ever really asked you about… you know. What it is you do. When you're… talking to ghosts."

Watching Magnus dealing with Owen was terrifying to live through in the moment, but thinking back on it then, how _powerful_ , and  _confident_  Magnus had been intrigued Alec, leaving him wanting to know more. And to support him in any way Magnus might need.

"Well. What do you want to know?"

"I don't know," Alec said, shifting on the bed, carefully turning better on to his side. "What it… what it feels like, I guess?"

"It can be as simple as a regular conversation, though often it is more about _feeling_ the communication. Getting a sense for what they are attempting to share."

Alec nodded, going over the few times he'd seen Magnus after Owen had got to him, picturing Magnus in his hospital bed. "I've seen that it drains you sometimes."

"It is as though every bone in my body has become heavier, and all of the energy has been stolen from me. I can feel it literally seeping from me; it is the most unsettling aspect of it all."

"And you can just… switch it off? Or, ignore it?"

"So long as I am not emotionally drained from other events in my life, then, yes. For the most part, I can choose to tune in, or not. Though during the various upheavals in my life it has been impossible to shut them out. At times I think I acted more like a magnet than anything else."

Alec nodded, absently trailing his fingers over Magnus' chest as he absorbed his words. A horrible thought occurred to him. "That thing you said, about negative energy? About acting like a battery for them?"

"Yes."

"So when you were… suffering. With your mom, and—and _Camille_ …"

Alec's heart sank for the way Magnus seemed to shrink into himself, confirming his suspicions without having to say a word. Alec wrapped him back up in his arms holding on tight.

"It was constant for a while," Magnus said, his words muffled into Alec's skin. "I was never alone. They would seek me out everywhere. I am lucky, I suppose, that when I was most despairing, I had Ragnor to fend them off."

"Ragnor helped you?" Alec asked in surprise, rolling back enough to see his face.

"He did. Ragnor is very good about discretion, and personal space, so there is no fear of him ever… intruding. Though equally, he is excellent at looking out for _me_."

"Wait. I thought he was here because of that—tied to that chess set, right?"

"He is."

"Then… how did he look out for you?"

Magnus met his eyes and gave a tired smile, Alec's heart thudding as he realized what Magnus was saying.

"So you're saying that… when you were at your lowest, these ghosts all came to _you_? In your home?"

"My home was at times occupied with more spirits than there have ever been living guests," Magnus agreed, darting his eyes away.

Alec wrapped him up tight again for the images Magnus' words put in his head, forgetting to be careful for both of them being bruised. "Sorry."

"Don't be. You didn't know me back then—"

"I mean," Alec said, with a kiss to his forehead, "for hugging you too hard."

"I'm not objecting."

"I mean. I'm sorry for all that you went through too," Alec added. "Doesn't matter if I didn't know you back then. I do now."

"Well. You are far more pleasant company to have in my apartment," Magnus replied, his eyes crinkling with affection.

"Then. Maybe I should just stay here until you get sick of me," Alec said, curling his hand around Magnus' hip and pressing against him, so that his words could only be taken as a tease if they weren't ones Magnus wanted to hear.

"You can stay here for as long as you want. Honestly. I like having you here, Alec."

"I like being here," Alec said, pressing closer as he kissed him again.

Magnus nudged Alec until he was on his back, half-draping over him while still being careful not to jar any of his wounds. Alec discreetly moved his leg when Magnus brushed over the bruising of his ankle, though cupped his face drawing Magnus into a harder kiss. Though before they could take things any further came the interruption of Magnus' phone. Magnus rolled over with a groan of frustration, snatching it up.

"Yes?" Alec watched his face soften, and his eyes drop closed. Magnus raised a hand to pinch over them, nodding his head. "Of course. I hope you feel better soon."

"What is it?"

"That was Raphael," Magnus said, pushing the phone back on to his nightstand. "Raphael is feeling unwell."

"He's not eaten something he shouldn't again, has he?"

"Not this time, no."

"Then, what is it?" Alec asked, lacing his fingers through Magnus'.

"Raphael it seems has pulled something in his arm, or shoulder, from playing tennis." 

Alec nodded, smiling for the dejected pout on Magnus' face. "Does he need something?"

"Actually, yes."

"What is it?" Alec asked, already planning a grocery run, picturing the best route from Magnus' to Raphael's. It would have to wait though. They both needed to sleep for at least a few more hours.

"He was supposed to volunteer tonight. At the soup kitchen."

Alec nodded his head, already warming to the idea, far more preferable than shopping because it was so many more hours away. "Well. I'd like to, if you want to."

"You would?"

"Of course."

" _Tonight_?" Magnus asked, incredulous but also smiling in affection.

"Well. We didn't have any other plans yet, did we?"

"No. Though we do need to think about that first date." Magnus gave him a careful look with a fixed smile as though fearing Alec might make excuses to put that date off.

"Whenever you're ready, Magnus," Alec said, tangling their fingers together against the bed. "But let's just… rest today. Go to the kitchen tonight. And then… plan something for tomorrow? Or the next day?"

"So soon," Magnus teased, though kissed him in gratitude.

"Not soon enough. But tonight we… it'll be good to help out again." Even though the pair of them were so battered and bruised. He couldn't imagine standing to stir, or lifting cans, or wash never-ending dishes just then. But with a little more sleep Alec was sure they would both be willing.

"Are you planning on buying all the canned goods New York has to offer again?" Magnus teased, rolling over to deposit himself on Alec's chest.

Alec reached out to push the hair back from his forehead, wondering how much use either of them would actually be for how much they ached. He swept his hands over Magnus' shoulders, straining to press a kiss to the crown of his head. "Only if we don't have to go get them until much, much later."

* * *

He was not pacing. Alec told himself this repeatedly as he walked back and forth through the apartment, repeatedly checking his phone and cursing the time. Magnus' first day at his new university Alec knew wouldn't be filled with actual teaching, but he was desperate to hear that Magnus had good colleagues and facilities, and wasn't going to be asked for more than he should have to give.

Though it wasn't just nervousness for Magnus' first day that kept Alec's heart fluttering, preventing him from sitting still. He'd spent three hours first thing that morning traipsing from store to store to find something to wear for their date that evening. He'd brought far too much, and had started pacing when he'd tried every possible outfit on and still couldn't decide what to wear.

On his second loop incorporating the balcony into his route, Alec heard the front door, charging back in with his arms already extended wide.

"How was it?" he asked as Magnus dropped his bag on to an armchair and stepped into his embrace.

"Alexander. It was incredible. I have office space, a locker, access to all the facilities within the faculty. I have a budget for materials, and can participate in any activities on the campus that I choose to. I even have a _laptop_ ," Magnus added, nodding towards the bag that Alec then realized was far bulkier than he remembered from the morning.

"Half of those things you should've had anyway, right?"

"Many of them, yes," Magnus agreed. "Though we are dealing with a far larger institution, I suppose."

"So you liked it?" Alec asked, pushing aside his constant anger for Magnus' soon-to-be former school.

"I _loved_ it."

"Did you get to meet any students yet?"

"Only one or two. I spent much of my day with my new colleagues and getting to know where everything is. It was a good day, Alec."

"I'm so happy for you," Alec whispered into his neck, squeezing Magnus tight.

"Thank you," Magnus replied, draping his arms around Alec's neck and leaning against him, claiming a kiss. Alec slotted his fingers together behind Magnus' back feeling Magnus smile against his mouth, so happy for Magnus, and thankful to have him home.

"So," Magnus said when he stepped back, hands dropping to curl over his shoulders, "how about you? How was your day?"

Alec had so many things to tell him, but he didn't know which news to start with. He was so full of both excited and nervous energy for everything that had happened during his day, that the beginnings of each of his pieces of news vied to be let out first.

"I heard from Luke."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," Alec said, adjusting where he stood. "He found _Owen_."

"He _found_ him?"

"His grave. He's in a cemetery not all that far from here. I don't think I even realized Owen was from New York."

"No. I can't say it had occurred to me either."

"Magnus," Alec said, leaning to steal a kiss, "I know Mati's going to lay some flowers, and take the ring and stuff. Luke gave her the address earlier today. But do you think… would it be okay for _us_ to lay some? Not inappropriate, or anything?"

Alec's anger for Owen had dropped in some ways though not in others. He was okay with what he'd been through, for the chance to truly get to know Owen's story. But to see what it had done to Magnus Alec didn't think he could forgive. By laying flowers he hoped he could use the moment to close the most bizarre chapter of his life. Magnus, of course, saw it only as a sweet gesture, kissing him with such enthusiasm that Alec staggered backward from the force of it.

"It would be perfect," Magnus whispered when they pulled apart, giving Alec the biggest, most adoring smile.

Alec leaned in for another kiss, gently gripping Magnus waist before nodding towards the bedroom. "So. We're still good for tonight?"

"Our first date?" Magnus said with a smile, leaning against him. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Where are you taking me?" Alec asked, with an excited thrill in his stomach. He'd never really been taken on a date before. Alec dropped his grip on Magnus only to cup his face, drawing him in for a kiss that he told himself would be the last before they left; otherwise, they'd never get ready.

"Well. I hope you aren't too tired; we have a busy evening ahead. Not _too_ busy; we just have two places to go."

"I'm not tired at all," Alec said, trying to imagine where Magnus might take him. "I can't wait."

"Since you woke up this morning talking about steak—"

"I only said I dreamt we'd had a steak dinner—"

"Then your dream was a premonition," Magnus teased. "I booked us a table at one of the best steak houses I have ever been to. Followed by cocktails at a rooftop bar not ten minutes from here, that I think you'll love."

Alec kissed him for it, already picturing the two of them walking hand in hand on the way home. "Magnus. That sounds perfect."

"Our table is booked for eight," Magnus added, smoothing his hands over Alec's chest. "I wanted to make sure if I was caught in traffic that it would not ruin our date."

"You thinking about getting a car instead of hiring one?"

"Well. Once I know for definite the hours I'll be working, then I'll decide. But for now," Magnus said, with a glint in his eye that made Alec swallow, "we have almost two hours before we need to leave. What should we do until then?"

"I already spent hours choosing something to wear," Alec said, curling his fingers back around Magnus' waist to pull him close. "Shouldn't take all that long to get ready."

"Me neither."

"So—"

Magnus kissed the words from his mouth with a gasp of air, hungry, and claiming, making Alec stumble backward again. Alec kissed back just as hard, already tugging Magnus' shirt from his pants and pulling at the belt buckle he wore to his back.

"We keep being interrupted," Magnus said, pulling his phone from his pocket and tossing it on the couch. Alec did the same, smiling as Magnus first hummed in approval and then began to back him towards the bedroom.

"We do."

It was mostly true. Every time they had reached for one another the past few days there had been something to disturb them. Though that didn't mean in between recovering from their ordeal with Owen that they hadn't found  _some_ time to be together. Alec shoved the bedroom door closed behind them in impatience for more of the same, arms up so Magnus could get his shirt over his head. Magnus tossed it behind him, mouthing over Alec's neck and humming into his jaw.

"You used my shampoo," he said, pressing his nose into Alec's hair and inhaling.

"That okay?"

"It smells amazing on you," Magnus said as he mouthed harder, unbuttoning Alec's jeans at the same. Alec made just as quick work of Magnus' pants and shirt, clutching to his shoulders and laughing when Magnus yanked down his boxers.

"You in a hurry, or something?" he teased, slipping his hands into Magnus' boxers and more gently helping him out of them.

" _Yes_."

Alec laughed again for being crowded back, toppling on to the bed. Though that laughter turned to something else for Magnus crawling between his legs and splaying Alec's thighs apart. He swept his hands down Alec's chest before teasing him to hardness with featherlight brushes of his fingers and a wicked glint that only grew wider when Alec tried to arch into his hands.

_"Now_ who's in a hurry, hmm?"

Alec grabbed him by the thighs pulling him closer, guiding Magnus to settle and lay between his legs. He rolled up to meet him as Magnus stirred his hips, fingers already at the back of Magnus' head to draw him into a kiss.

Magnus reached down between them, both of them groaning for the tightness of his grip. Their kisses grew messy for it, missing more often than not for the pleasured moans repeatedly blasted from their mouths. Though when Magnus dropped his grip to brace better against the bed, Alec's sudden move to meet him led to Magnus bluntly nudging between his cheeks. Alec reached down to hold himself open in invitation, snorting for the curse that followed.

"What?"

"You are a terror."

"I am?" Alec asked, grinning as Magnus knelt back up, and giving himself a quick stroke that Magnus' gaze dropped to.

"Most definitely."

Magnus' eyes drifting over him with such heat had Alec splaying his thighs wider, continuing to stroke himself as he watched. Magnus walked his fingers up over Alec's chest with a swirl of thumb through his hair there, before pitching to the side without warning, pulling lube and condoms from his nightstand drawer.

"Do you want me to apologize?" Alec teased, watching him uncap the bottle.

Magnus didn't answer, only shifted down the bed to lap over his length, working his fingers into him. Alec grabbed his wrist so he could writhe down on them, laughing as Magnus dropped his forehead against his hip with a groan.

" _See_?"

"See what, Magnus?"

"How am I supposed to concentrate on anything," Magnus said, crooking his fingers inside Alec making him arch, "when you continue to do that?"

"Do what?"

Magnus raised an eyebrow at him, looking smug when another stir of his fingers sent a jolt of heat through Alec that made him call out. And without breaking eye contact or slowing the slide of his fingers into him, Magnus pressed kisses up the length of him from root to tip, sucking him into his mouth.

Alec arched again for Magnus sliding into him minutes later, squeezing around him as Magnus adjusted on his knees. Those teasing smiles they'd shared turned to softer ones as Magnus toyed with the hair at Alec's temple, leaning in for another kiss as he began to move.

"Can we make this kind of welcome home a regular thing?" Magnus asked, nuzzling against his jaw.

Alec swept his hands down over Magnus' back to cup his ass, grinding up beneath him and smiling for Magnus' stutter. "We can do whatever you want."

"Oh, really?"

Magnus moved to brace on his hands as he looked down between them watching himself slide into Alec. Alec followed his gaze, reaching to push hair back from Magnus' forehead. Magnus looked up, getting a quick kiss to his palm before lowering himself and tucking his face into his neck.

Alec held him in a loose hug at his waist, closing his eyes for the kisses to his throat and the lazy, pleasured heat building in him for how good Magnus felt.

"Alexander."

Alec snapped his eyes open for the anguish in Magnus' voice, gripping at his waist as he slowed. "What? What is it?"

"Your poor neck is still a little bruised."

"It was only two days ago."

Two days of him and Magnus lazing around the apartment, aside from helping out in the soup kitchen. They'd had takeout delivered, and otherwise only answered the door to Luke when he came to check on them. The moment he'd left they'd crawled back into bed, straight into each other's arms and falling asleep in seconds.

Alec tilted his chin back for the careful thumb tracing along his bruises, then squeezed his hip in reassurance. "And besides. I'm okay."

"But still—"

"Magnus."

Alec gripped him by the waist, squeezing around him as he arched up. Magnus' lips parted for it, his eyes fluttering closed, before he opened them again and gave him a rueful smile. "Don't try to distract me when I am concerned."

"I'm only _trying_?" Alec said, sweeping his hands down over Magnus' ass and grinding harder on to him. "I can't be doing a very good job."

A soft moan fell from Magnus' mouth, snapping his hips to meet him and letting out his own smug laugh for Alec's answering groan. "We will discuss this another time."

"Okay, Magnus."

"I mean it."

"It's not like you haven't inspected all of my injuries already," Alec added, thinking of the bath they'd shared the afternoon after what had happened in his apartment. Magnus shared the same memory, Alec knew he did, for the way his eyes crinkled up.

"Yes. Well."

"We're _fine_ ," Alec whispered, angling up to claim a kiss, curling his fingers through Magnus' hair to pull him closer.

The response Magnus gave was a disgruntled, wordless thing that Alec fought not to smile for. He claimed another kiss, feeling Magnus' lips curve against his own.

"We are."

Once again they were back to missing kisses as they started to build together, gasps and giggles from them both as they moved. Alec nudged Magnus up as he sped up knowing he was close, wrapping his hand around himself and laughing for Magnus cursing for it.

" _What_?" he asked, wondering if Magnus' fascination with _watching_ him was because they were something new, or if this was going to be a _thing_.

"You are far too distracting."

"You're one to talk," Alec replied as Magnus kneeled up, taking advantage of him moving to stroke over his chest.

With a tight grip on Alec's waist Magnus snapped his hips faster, eyes darting between Alec's hand and his face. He croaked out Alec's name as he came, shuddering in to him, then cursed once again as Alec followed. Magnus hummed in approval, still keeping a grip on Alec as he angled to slide into him a couple more times, smiling as Alec arched up for it.

"I could definitely get used to having _this_ to come home to," Magnus said, stroking over Alec's thighs.

"I wouldn't mind."

Magnus beamed down at him, withdrawing and kneeling from the bed, bending down for a kiss. Alec turned his head to watch him walk through to the bathroom, sighing in contentment with himself waiting for Magnus to come back. Magnus returned to perch on the edge of the bed wiping Alec clean as he leaned down for kisses, then laid on his side, propped up on an elbow.

"Are we in danger of falling asleep if I lie down properly?"

Alec turned on his side to mirror him, splaying his fingers over Magnus' hip. "Definitely."

"Hmm," Magnus said, kissing him, "well. Any other day, I wouldn't care. But I have plans for you this evening."

"Was _this_ one of them?" Alec asked, squeezing his hip and smiling.

"No. Just something I was thinking about from the moment I woke up this morning."

"Magnus. I've been thinking about you all day as well."

Magnus' smile was soft as he ducked his head, though soon he was looking at Alec again, leaning for another kiss. He pressed his fingers against his chest and shuffled closer, closing his eyes with his own contented sigh. "Just five minutes. And then, would you care to join me for a shower? Another, I mean? Apologies for making you need a second."

Alec kissed over his eyes, echoing Magnus' smile. "I'm not complaining."

"Good," Magnus said, tapping his finger against Alec's chest. "Now. Let's have those five minutes."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~Hello! So since this chapter was going to be really long it got split into to, and for that reason there is no survey as such for this chapter. But, there _is_ still the survey for the fic's [title](https://mansikka1.typeform.com/to/Q705Hv) if you want to take part in that! Closing in about a day.~~
> 
> All surveys up to this point are now closed, thank you for taking part if you did!
> 
> _Warnings_ so... maybe a little loving happens in this one.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are, with our final chapter, we have titles, tags, and a summary, and hopefully some clue about what's been going on. Thank you for taking part in this with me as always, these are fun to do! Your last survey is at the end; happy reading! <3

"So. Maybe I have some more news," Alec said, kissing Magnus' knuckles as they stepped outside the steak house. "Or at least… an idea I think could be good."

Dinner had been a delicious, slow affair, sat in a corner booth away from everyone. As they'd arrived, Magnus had announced he was starving and wanted the biggest steak he could get. And once they'd finished, he'd decided the steak had been  _so_ big that they should probably walk between the restaurant and bar to make room for cocktails. They had spoken so much over their meal, sharing so many things about their lives that they didn't already know about one another, and any news about their days they hadn't already. Though Alec had purposefully kept a few things back for them to talk about.

"Oh?" Magnus said as he pointed out a direction for them to head in. The heat of the last few weeks had dropped quite suddenly the day before with a downpour of rain. There had been another, longer burst of it overnight; Alec thought the air still felt fresh from it, and was grateful for that as they walked.

"You know Phoebe, right? From the soup kitchen?"

"Of course," Magnus replied with a fond smile. "How could I not?"

Phoebe's distinctive Bostonian accent—always spoken at volume—meant wherever she was in the soup kitchen she was heard by everyone. Phoebe also seemed to be everyone's favorite person between both the volunteers and their customers. She made time for everyone no matter how busy, forever kind despite the sternness of her tone sometimes.

"Did you speak to her much the other night?"

"No. I didn't get chance. It was… chaotic."

Chaotic was an understatement about their night volunteering at the soup kitchen. Alec was sure there were double the amount of people waiting to be served than the last time he'd been there. They'd cleaned out a local store buying whatever they could get their hands on to make up for those additional numbers, leading Alec to consider making a more regular donation so they wouldn't run out so quickly again.

"I was paired up with her for most of the time. Well, she _claimed_ me," Alec said, thinking of how Phoebe had tugged on his arm demanding his help. "I like her a lot."

"She is one of the very best volunteers they have. Phoebe gives so much of her time, all while working as many hours as she can in her own job while raising her son alone."

"Yeah. She showed me a picture of him," Alec said, smiling for the memory. "He's four, I think she said. William."

"She fixes bikes, right?"

"Yeah. At some cycle repair place near my place. McCarren Park."

"Perhaps you and I should hire bikes," Magnus said in an idle comment, squeezing Alec's hand as they crossed the street. "Take a tour of a park near here. Or anywhere in the city, really."

"We can. Phoebe would probably even recommend us some if we wanted to buy them."

"Let's not get carried away," Magnus said, pressing a hand to Alec's chest and smiling, taking the opportunity to steal a quick kiss. "Where would we store them?"

"There's a place downstairs at yours."

"...there is?"

"Magnus," Alec said, laughing for the surprise in his voice. "How long have you lived there?"

"Long enough to be embarrassed that my _boyfriend_ knows more about the building's facilities than I do myself," Magnus replied, already playing with his ear cuff.

They arrived at the bar then, riding up in a glass elevator that Alec daren't look down in for seeing the ground disappear beneath his feet. The bar was beautiful; cream cushioned couches and low polished tables lined the length of it, and the view over the city incredible. Magnus nodded to someone behind the bar who waved and gestured towards a couch, making Alec realize he'd reserved them a place there too.

"This place is amazing," he said as they sat, looking out over the view. "Thank you."

"Thank you for letting me take you out on a date."

"Oh. If they're all going to be like _this_ , you can take me out any time you like," Alec teased, cupping Magnus' face to draw him into a kiss.

"I'll hold you to that."

"I'll have to get creative to find somewhere different to take _you_ ," Alec added.

Magnus shrugged, pulling Alec's hand to hold in his lap. "Alexander. I will happily go anywhere, so long as it is with you."

Alec smiled at him helplessly, waving away Magnus' offer of the menu trusting him to choose the best cocktails for them both.

"Anyway," Alec said, smiling as he pressed a kiss to Magnus' cheek once he'd ordered. "We were talking about Phoebe."

"We were," Magnus agreed, nudging against Alec's arm so that he'd lift it then tucking into his side.

"Phoebe is having some… problems," Alec said, tugging him close and nosing against Magnus' temple, tilting his chin and taking the opportunity to look over the cut on his forehead, thankful that it was healing so well.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Her landlord sounds like a dick, and this couple just moved in opposite her and her son, who don't seem like the kind of people you'd want to raise a kid around."

Between parties, arguments, and constant knocks on the door at all hours, Alec knew it wasn't somewhere he'd want to live himself, never mind raise a child.

"That's awful."

"It is," Alec agreed, with a jolt in his stomach for the excitement he felt about what he wanted to say next. "And it… it made me think."

"About?"

"Magnus. What if I… rent my apartment out? To Phoebe? She'll be so close to work, and her son's school. Maia's a great neighbor, and everyone else on our floor is pretty quiet, keeps themselves to themselves."

Magnus looked at him in sheer delight.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea, Alec," he said, leaning in to kiss him. "But are you sure? I mean. It's a big responsibility."

"You know her well enough, right? You know she's… you already said how great she is."

"I didn't mean that. I just meant… are you sure? You barely had the chance to live in the place yourself."

"I told you. It never felt like home for me. And if you're still okay with me staying at yours for now—"

"Oh. Believe me, I am."

Alec smiled for the certainty in Magnus' voice as though the matter was decided and never needed discussing again. Which Alec liked a _lot_.

"Then it makes sense to have the place occupied by someone instead of just sat there, right? And it would help her out. She'd have to give notice on her place, I guess, and that'd give me time to get the apartment checked over to see what repairs are needed, any decoration. I don't think the water damage could have been _that_ bad, but I should… I need to check that out anyway."

Alec thought he should have probably returned to his apartment already to check that damage, but had no interest in doing so. A couple of days holed up with Magnus had been far more appealing.

"Alec," Magnus said, turning more to him still smiling as though he couldn't help himself. "This is… have you spoken with her about it?"

"No. But I took her number. I was thinking about maybe calling her tomorrow. And I thought," Alec added, "I could… maybe if we smoke cleanse the place like you did before, and… maybe we could get something from Devil's Innate. I know Owen's gone, and all, but. Just in case."

"I am sure Danica would love to help," Magnus agreed, affectionately squeezing his leg. He kept a light grip on him until their cocktails were delivered, leaning forward so he could hand Alec his, then picking up his own for Alec to clink his glass against.

"It's good," Alec said, the sweetness of the drink hitting his tongue before the alcohol.

"Not too strong?"

"It's perfect."

"And since neither of us has an early start in the morning," Magnus said as he took another sip, "we can work our way through the entire menu if you like."

"Well. Maybe not _all_ of it," Alec said, laughing. "Definitely some though."

Magnus hummed, smiling at him over the rim of his glass, winking in tease. Alec nudged his glass away to kiss him, darting his tongue over the corner of his lip for the sweetness there and ducking his head for the way Magnus' eyes narrowed.

"The views are beautiful, aren't they?" Magnus said when Alec looked back at him the picture of innocence, nodding in front of them. "You can see all the way down to the river, and so much further when it is a clear sky."

"It is beautiful," Alec agreed, watching lights twinkle in the water below, and a plane passing in the distance. "Thank you for suggesting it."

"This is my idea of being _out_ ," Magnus added; Alec was sure he was referencing his earlier assumptions about how busy his social life was. Having been at Magnus' for a while since, Alec knew how far from the truth those assumptions had been. This kind of evening was perfect—for _both_ of them.

"Me too. I like this."

"Just some quiet evenings filled with good conversations and the people I care about."

"Yeah. Same for me."

Magnus' smile for him then was so filled with affection again, that it had Alec pause from taking another sip of his drink. When Magnus continued staring at him in thought, Alec considered asking what he was thinking. Though instead he leaned in to kiss him once more, rewarded for it by yet another smile.

"It has been a very good day. This is a perfect way to be ending it," Magnus said, back to looking out over their view.

"Yeah. It really has." Alec told him then of his frantic shopping efforts earlier that morning, loving the way it had Magnus laughing out loud. So he pulled any other anecdotes and stories he could from his day just to make him do it again, excited for just how happy Magnus was in his company.

Alec told him of his Skype call with Izzy, who despite being frustrated by still being injured was resting without too much complaint. And he told Magnus of a call he'd had from Maia demanding that they meet for lunch soon, even though she was the one who'd been away. In turn, Magnus shared further details of his new faculty colleagues, the lecture hall he'd be teaching in, and an argument he'd seen break out in traffic that morning. Their conversation was so simple; Alec couldn't be happier for how easy it was for them to be together, or how easy it was to find his words when speaking to Magnus. All that waiting for their first date had only served to make them comfortable with one another in the very best of ways.

"And," Alec said, bracing to share what for him was his biggest news after their second cocktail was delivered, "Magnus. I'm done."

"...done?"

"The book. I'm finally done with it. Went over the manuscript for a final time this afternoon. I even called Freya to arrange a meeting. I can send it over now, but, I need to go in and sign contracts, and... well. Just to talk, really."

"Alexander," Magnus said, pushing his glass on to the table in front of him and turning, "this is wonderful news."

"It is."

"Will you allow me to read it? Or must I wait like every other fan?"

Alec dropped his forehead on Magnus' shoulder for the word  _fan_ , shaking it there as he laughed. "You can read it when we get back if you like."

"Perhaps tomorrow," Magnus replied, lingering a look over him. "It is something I intend to savor."

"Whenever you want. I'll just email you a copy."

"And will you use the meeting as an opportunity to discuss those offers for your books?" Magnus asked, his smile for Alec filled with pride.

"Maybe. I think so. I feel like… is this really happening?" Alec said, laughing at himself, also putting down his drink. "I think that if I speak to another person about it—this person, or people Freya thinks can give me some advice—then maybe I'll have to start believing it."

"You _should_. You've worked so hard for this."

"It doesn't feel like it sometimes. Sometimes I think this all just _happened_ to me, and I got lucky."

"But you are constantly working," Magnus insisted. "Researching, writing articles, answering all those _messages_ I see you so reluctantly logging in to Facebook for on occasion," Magnus added in tease.

Alec groaned, nodding and thinking that all that _interaction_ was more work than the writing itself. "I'm… _relieved_ , to be finally about to hand this thing over. I think I might even take a break from writing articles for a while."

Financially, there was no need for him to keep writing them anyway. Alec had kept up the work initially for not trusting his books would have continued success. Though with the figure for his advance still stuck in his head from one of Freya's recent emails, as well as the projected earnings, along with all he already had in the bank, his financial situation meant Alec could afford to take some time. A lot of it. Especially if these _deals_ Freya had passed him came to anything.

"You deserve it. I'm so proud of you Alec," Magnus said, cupping his face, swirling a thumb over his cheek.

"Thank you. I'm sure I'll be writing _something_. I can't imagine _not_ writing. But it'll be for me. Something fun."

"Such as?"

"I don't know, Magnus," he said, grinning as he pressed his nose to his temple. "Maybe I could try writing one of those werewolf and warlock books you said you liked. Or about Nephilim, or something."

Magnus smiled for his tease, kissing it from his mouth, pressing so close to Alec he was half-pitched over him, as though about to crawl into his lap. In fact, after a quick look around to see who might be looking, Magnus straddle him, grinning down at Alec in triumph.

"Are you trying to get us kicked out?" Alec said, sweeping his hands down Magnus' thighs before tugging him closer.

"If we do, I can make just as good cocktails at home."

"You wanted to come here for the view."

Magnus crossed his forearms behind Alec's head, nudging against his nose as he adjusted on his lap. "Oh, I don't know, Alexander. I am quite enjoying the view I have."

* * *

"Oh, let me see let me see let me see," Freya said with grabby hands before Alec had even sat down across her desk, after being shown in by her receptionist.

Alec pulled his laptop from his bag, logging in as soon as the screen popped up. Since he was already connected to Freya's wifi he quickly found the file for his manuscript and sent it over. He waited as Freya opened the document on her own screen, glad the publishers had finally switched to paper-free manuscript submission after the last time his manuscript had been smudged in a dash through the rain between a taxi and Freya's office. Alec watched Freya's expression as she looked at the screen, telling himself not to be nervous since the manuscript had been checked over so many times.

"Okay, so… what do we have here?" Freya said. " _'In the town of Nerthe, Todd Manners tries to build himself a new home. Quite literally. The decrepit house captured his attention on an aimless drive while trying to outpace the grief of losing his mother. Every creak keeps him company, and every splinter or bruise is a painful escape from the ache in his heart._

 _On one blustery evening, when the sea breeze whips up so loud he can't sleep, Todd starts pulling up the porch. The skeleton beneath it turns the friendly smiles from his neighbors into mistrustful glares, leaving Todd feeling even more alone. Whose bones are buried beneath his property? Who is it that watches the house, and Todd's every move? What lengths is Todd willing to go to, to start over?_ ' Oh, Alec. I _love_ it already."

"You've seen a version of this summary before," Alec replied, though already sagging in relief.

"True," Freya agreed, "though not when accompanied by that satisfied smile on your face. I know _you're_ happy with it. That makes all the difference."

Alec didn't know how to answer that so only gave a shrug in response, reaching for the coffee already waiting for him and trying not to grimace for the taste.

"And you went with… _The Dwelling Place_ as the title?" Freya asked, scrolling back up the page.

"Yeah."

"It's good. I like it a lot."

"Thanks."

"I'm so happy _you're_ happy with it now," Freya added, leaning behind her for a short filing cabinet and pulling open a drawer, sliding out a file.

"I am. It's taken so long."

"Only because you wanted it perfect," Freya replied, pushing what was now a familiar-looking contract across to Alec. He still wasn't sure he'd get used to the rush it gave him, signing over his own words to be published.

"That, and it's been a weird few months."

"In a good way, though?"

"Well. _Now_ , it's great. Everything's great."

"And how is Magnus?" Freya asked, a lilting tease to her voice, handing him a pen with which to sign.

"He's great too," Alec said, waiting for Freya to lean across the desk as she always did for this signing, watching as she carefully peeled back the sticker highlighters she used for every signature required.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," Alec said, rereading a line in the contract just to double check its meaning. "He's just starting a new job that's going to be amazing for him. And we're having a… _dinner_ tonight, with a few friends."

"Somewhere exciting?" Freya asked, tapping her finger against a page about halfway down. "I assume these figures are still acceptable?"

Alec read the advance figure and number of copies that he'd already had confirmation of, deciding _this_ was the thing he would never be used to.

"They are," he agreed, signing. "And no, just at home. We're just having people over."

 _Home_ , Alec thought. Magnus'  _was_ his home. Despite how new everything was between them. The only other time Alec had felt this  _right_ about something was when he'd decided not to pursue a career in law. Who cared if, from an outsider's perspective at least, things were progressing between them so quickly?

"He's cooking?" Freya asked, smoothing her finger over the page when one of her highlighter stickers left a mark.

"We got some things ready this morning before I came here, but yeah. Magnus is doing most of it." On top of a meeting at his former school, Alec added to himself. Today was such a busy one for Magnus.

"I like him even more already."

Alec paused from signing, losing his place on the page as he smiled. "Yeah."

"So. You know how this goes," Freya said when the last signature was added, and she scribbled her own on the final page. "You'll be assigned an editor. Alison again, actually; she's just making her way back to full time."

Alec thought of the editor he'd worked with on his last two books, and was glad she was back from maternity leave, for how much he enjoyed working with her. "That's great."

"Have you thought any more about those offers we talked about?" Freya said, closing Alec's file after pressing a stamp into the cover page.

"I have."

"And?"

"I'm interested. I just… I don't know what to do next."

"Well," Freya said, sliding open a drawer and pulling out a business card. "I took the liberty of putting some feelers out after our emails. This is an agent that I think would very much suit you. They're close by, pretty laid back, fierce when they have to be. Impeccable taste. Already _loves_ your work. I've put clients in touch with them in the past, and have nothing but good things to say. Perhaps if you sound things out with them first, you can make a more informed decision?"

"Sounds good," Alec agreed, taking the card extended across to him.

"If you like, I can call to arrange a meeting for you," Freya added. "If you give me some hours that you're available, I'll see what I can do."

"That would be amazing. Thank you." 

"Perfect," Freya said, clapping her hands together. "Well. If you don't mind, I'll set it up now, and then you and I could maybe grab a coffee out of here? I don't know what beans we bought, but this? Urgh."

Alec laughed as Freya scowled at her coffee and politely pushed his cup away in agreement, glad it wasn't just him who thought the coffee tasted bad. "Sure."

"We had some ideas for your book covers, and also some promotional _stuff_ we should discuss—don't worry," she added, before typing in the phone number. "I'm not going to try bullying in you into _talking_ to _people_. I know it won't work."

Freya's confidence in his work and unwavering support from the very beginning had got Alec through so many difficult times. Alec would even go so far as to call her a friend. Her smile for him then was certainly a warm, if not teasing one as she gestured to her phone to say she was calling this  _agent_ now.

Alec stood as she did, moving around the desk to help her with her jacket as Freya spoke on the phone singing his praises, adamant he would not blush. He quietly packed his bag again and nodded to say he was ready, holding the door of Freya's office open and following her out as she continued to talk.

* * *

"I'm so sorry I'm late."

Alec charged into the apartment already going over a checklist of things he was supposed to have helped with, guilt hitting him for how much Magnus had already done.

"I knew you would be a while," Magnus replied, tugging Alec in for a kiss as he tried to pass him rolling up his sleeves.

"I didn't think we'd be _that_ long." Alec couldn't ever have hoped for a better working relationship than the one he had with Freya, one that slipped in to easy conversations that went on for hours. Their coffee had become two as they'd discussed all the possibilities for his books and the deals that he was considering, as well as catching each other up on their other news. It was Freya, actually, who had alerted Alec to the time. 

"Please. Don't worry. Everything is under control."

"Everything?" Alec said, wrapping his arms around Magnus' waist and pulling him flush against him.

"Everything," Magnus agreed. "So? How did things go with Freya?"

"We talked about the additional stuff she hadn't seen yet. She liked it. They'll be putting it out to an editor next week, I think."

"Perfect," Magnus said, kissing him in reward. "Did you have the chance to talk about those offers?"

"A little," Alec agreed. "She's set up a meeting for me for next week so I can get some advice. With an _agent_."

 _Him._ With an _agent_. Alec couldn't get his head around the idea.

"This is wonderful news," Magnus enthused, "I'm so proud of you, Alexander."

"It is," Alec said, crowding ever closer, claiming a longer kiss once he'd backed Magnus up against a kitchen counter.

"Well," Magnus said, breathless and playing with his lower lip when they parted, and with a guarded glance around them. "Our guests are due any moment."

"I don't have time for a shower?"

"I'm afraid not."

"At least a shirt change?"

"Of course," Magnus said, smiling as he patted Alec's chest, squeezing his top button. "But first. Alexander, I have a surprise for you."

"Oh?"

"Well. I have to confess that I had a little help with preparations for this evening. That meeting I told you about at the school, I'm afraid, Alexander, was a diversion."

Alec grinned for the mischievous look Magnus gave him, kissing him but then protesting when Magnus nudged him back so he couldn't have another. "So? What have you been plotting? Or doing?"

Magnus' eyes danced with excitement before he nodded over Alec's shoulder. Alec began to turn, still trying to grip on to Magnus' sides. Though he dropped that grip just to clutch on to his fingers, a smile taking over his face for seeing Izzy leaning in the kitchen doorway.

"Let's just say I had a guest to collect for this evening, from the airport. One that has graciously agreed to stay with us the whole week."

"Hi," Izzy said, waving as she walked forward with her arms extended.

"Izzy." Alec closed the distance between them, carefully wrapping her up in a hug.

"Magnus is a far better host than I was," Izzy said when she pulled back, grinning as she smiled up at him.

"Oh. I don't know about that," Magnus said, "you had only been here half an hour and were already helping me prepare our dinner."

"Yeah. He's the best," Alec agreed, rewarded by Magnus pretending to be smug about his praise then laughing it off. Then turned to Izzy, adding, "so this is why you didn't answer me earlier?"

"Maybe," Izzy agreed, pretending to be thinking about his question. "But this is the _good_ kind of surprise, Alec. At least, I _hope_ it is."

"Of course it is," Alec agreed, squeezing her shoulder. "It's the best."

"You don't mind, do you? That I Facebook stalked you to find your sister?" Magnus added as Izzy continued to turn smiles on them both.

"Not at all. I didn't even know you _knew_ me on Facebook."

"Oh. I just so happen to now follow the social media of _Xander Woods_ just about everywhere he goes," Magnus replied in teasing. " _You_ came up as a friend suggestion because, well. I suppose because you are already in my contacts. And we have exchanged emails once or twice."

"I haven't been on there in a while. I probably should."

"Your sister has been entertaining me with stories from her laboratory," Magnus added, turning away to check something on the stove. He nudged Alec away when he tried to help him, nodding towards Izzy.

"The gory ones?" Alec asked, and then to Magnus said, "let me do _something_ to help."

"Are there any others?" Izzy replied, laughing as she playfully slapped Alec on the arm when he reached out to straighten up a stack of plates. "Relax. Everything's under control."

"If you want to change, you should do it soon," Magnus said softly, checking his phone. "Luke is downstairs with Steve, and Raphael already messaged to say he'd left."

"Maia messaged when I was on the way back," Alec said. "She'll be here soon too."

"And Catarina," Magnus added as he looked at his phone again. "Our friends are all so… punctual."

Alec thought the reason for that was the group's fascination with being invited to Magnus' home. But he didn't say it out loud. He only leaned in to kiss him, ignoring Izzy's grin that he could feel without even looking for it. "Okay. I'll be quick."

* * *

As Magnus rejoined him on the balcony handing Alec a topped up glass, Alec noticed Magnus looking beyond his shoulder for a second time.

Alec leaned in for a kiss, squeezing at his waist. "Are you okay?"

"Of course," Magnus said, clinking their glasses together. "I think our guests are enjoying their evening?"

Luke nodded then having followed Magnus out, saluting as he passed them to return to his conversation with Raphael. Alec looked beyond them to the end of the balcony where Izzy, Maia, and Catarina were laughing and groaning for whatever it was that Steve was telling them. Though then Steve was calling out in protest, for Luke clasping him on the shoulder and starting the beginnings of a conversation Alec knew was intended to embarrass him. Alec laughed as Steve held his hand up, mimicking Luke as he spoke, then telling a story of his own.

Magnus looked over them all with a fond smile, though was then shaking his head; Alec thought it was to himself.

"Magnus. What is it?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Magnus. What?"

Magnus patted his chest as he pursed his lips together as though not sure what to say. He turned to look at their guests once more, then back to Alec and cleared his throat. "Well. I hope that this doesn't alarm you, or spook you in any way. This is your _home_ after all; I want you to feel safe here."

"I do."

"Good."

"So?" Alec said, prompting Magnus with a kiss, sure that whatever Magnus had to tell him was nothing bad. "What is it?"

Magnus shook his head, his mouth screwing up as though to prevent himself laughing. "It's just that… well. I think you should know that Ragnor approves. Of you, and I, and… well. This evening. _Everything_. He _likes_ you."

Alec felt a soft coldness to his upper arm as though someone had clasped him there. Though instead of the terror he'd felt at Owen's grip so many times, Alec felt nothing but calm and reassurance. He patted over the spot then raised his glass in toast, hoping it was at least somewhere in Ragnor's direction.

"Thanks, Ragnor," he said softly, catching Magnus' thankful smile.

New York was warm again, that heat and the views from the balcony their reason for taking their party outside. Alec wrapped his arm around Magnus' waist guiding him to join the others, just as Maia regaled them with a tale from her field trip involving something _creepy_ in the water. Alec watched Izzy's face light up in delight as Maia spoke, holding out a hope that in the week Izzy was staying with them, she and Maia might become friends.

Tomorrow he, Magnus, and Izzy would be going to his old apartment to pick up the last of his things. While there they would meet with a contractor, who was a friend of Steve's, to get everything ready for Phoebe and her son William when they moved in. Catarina had already insisted Magnus, Alec, and Izzy go to dinner at hers in a couple of days, and there were loose plans in place for a Friday night in the Hunter's Moon with everyone.

Alec's schedule was _busy_. He had an upcoming archery tournament that Magnus was _jubilant_  about the idea of watching. They would take a couple of days to explore Madison together when Magnus needed to go back to the university after Izzy had gone home. While Alec was meeting with his _agent_ early next week, Magnus had decided he and Izzy would go shopping. And apparently, as Magnus and Izzy had been getting to know one another that afternoon, they had decided he and Alec would visit her in Chicago sometime soon.

In the space of what was really only a few months, Alec's life had gone from being empty to so filled with invitations and things to do, that sometimes he double-booked himself. And there was Magnus, of course, who had winked at him in the queue at a deli forever ago, and was now there first thing in the morning every time Alec opened his eyes. Alec wouldn't change a thing about his life now, and was adamant he would never let himself be lonely again. These people around him would never let him, Alec thought, smiling for the incredible friendships he'd made. Perhaps he wouldn't run out of people to dedicate his books to after all.

"Alexander. Are you okay?"

Alec smiled for the squeeze around his waist pulling him from his musings, pressing a kiss to Magnus' temple and humming there. "I'm good. Everything's perfect."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is your very last [survey](https://forms.gle/aJCnLt3TgchSpswL6)! I haven't written a single word of the epilogue yet so you get to shape all of it!


	26. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... we are done! Thank you once again to those who took part in all the surveys that shaped this, it's been fun writing with you all <3

The campus of Magnus' university was far quieter than Alec thought he'd ever seen it in the almost-year it had been since Magnus had started work. Typically at this time when he waited for Magnus, Alec had to keep the windows up to drown out the noise of students rushing back and forth. But with only about a week to go until the end of the semester, Alec sat in peace. His arm rested on the open window as he scrolled through his tablet to kill some time, Alec enjoying the warmth of the sun as he had been doing for much of the afternoon in a favorite cafe corner.

When he'd first started driving Magnus to work, Alec had found a beautiful cafe with a quiet courtyard to work in, as well as a park nearby where he would meet Magnus for lunch some days. He only drove Magnus in once or twice a week, the other days Magnus taking the car himself or carpooling with a colleague. Though Alec had long enjoyed the quiet of the days he spent in Madison, finding a different pace of work to that he had back in New York.

Alec's schedule was busier than ever. His agent, David, had just finished the negotiations for The Unspoken to be turned into a TV series, which would mean in Alec's future there would be two more books to write in that world. Alec had worked with a screenwriter to turn Cold Hearted into a movie script, and the studio involved sent Alec messages with what felt like daily updates. Potential castings, locations, the special effects company they were going with, and so many other details Alec didn't know what he was supposed to do with. But he dutifully read the emails David forwarded him, giving as many responses as he could to keep everything flowing.

David, like Freya, had become an incredible support to Alec, outgoing for the points when Alec needed a push, and reserved when he knew Alec needed quiet. They were a good team, the three of them, and both Freya and David loved Magnus, occasionally joining them for drinks or dinner when they all had a free night. Alec's working relationships he truly knew couldn't be better, and was forever thankful that both David and Freya were in his life.

Alec's phone buzzed then; he was half-expecting a message from David since he'd been in a meeting with a producer to discuss Cold Hearted for most of the afternoon. Instead when Alec checked his phone it was to find a message from his mother, whose name appearing on his screen still put a knot of discomfort in his stomach.

_"Alec, I hope both you and Magnus are well. I was hoping perhaps the three of us could have dinner next week if you are free?"_

Alec reread the message debating about coming up with an excuse. He'd received a lengthy apology in an email from his mom several months back when he'd learned his parents were divorcing, and that his dad and Max were moving to Los Angeles. Alec had emailed her back after a week of planning what to say, considering not answering at all. Though Magnus had gently coaxed him to, offering encouragement and kisses as he'd fought to get his words out.

The divorce had been finalized just last month, and though Alec initially had been furious that only Jace had been told about them getting divorced in the first place, he'd realized it was for the best for all involved. These text messages from his mom were new. He and Jace might message a couple of times a month, and their relationship finally one Alec was content with, but having his mother reach out attempting to slot back into his life Alec both wanted and didn't know how to deal with. He put his phone away again, deciding he would talk it over with Magnus first, since he always managed to clear his head.

"Don't look. But that's his boyfriend there. Sat there in the black Lexus."

" _Him?_ He's Professor Bane's boyfriend?"

Without thinking, Alec turned in the direction of the staged whispers he could hear in the parking lot, finding two students pretending not to be looking in his direction.

"I promise. He came to sit in the back of the lecture hall when you were off that time with strep throat. Seriously; it was the cutest thing. He bought him _coffee_."

"Aww."

"He's beautiful. And so tall. And none of us could get a thing done for the _tension_ between the two of them, you know?"

"Tension?"

"From the looks they were giving one another, I thought Professor Bane— _Magnus_ —was gonna take him right there on his desk."

" _Take_ as in…?"

"Yeah. Exactly."

" _Why_ did I have to get sick?" the first student protested, unintentionally raising their voice. The second student _squeaked_ and hit the first on the arm when they realized Alec had heard them. Alec resisted the urge to put the window up and hide, instead raising an eyebrow and trying not to laugh when they scurried away.

Alec watched until they disappeared from sight then quickly typed an abridged version of what had happened to Maia. She answered just as Magnus appeared on the university steps, making Alec laugh for the long, long string of laughing and crying emojis she sent.

"Well, hello," Magnus said as he slid into the car, leaning across the seats for a kiss even before throwing his bag on the back seat.

"Hi."

"I'm sorry I'm a little late; office hours with two of my students spilled over a little when we couldn't get the scanner to work."

Alec curled his fingers through the back of Magnus' hair to kiss him again, thinking of those _two students_ and not saying a word about what he'd just heard. "How was the afternoon?"

"Good," Magnus said as he put on his seatbelt, regaling Alec with the details of his classes as they made their way out of the campus. Magnus _loved_ his job, had practically bounced out of the faculty building after his first full day of teaching. Alec couldn't have been prouder, or more happy for him.

Over the summer, Magnus was intending to do at least a little research, having been approached by the department head asking that he write something. He wasn't tenured yet, wouldn't even be up for it for another two years, yet Magnus felt secure in his job like he hadn't in so long. Getting some work published would only make him even more secure.

"So. You finish next Wednesday," Alec said once they joined the local traffic, and Magnus' hand was laced through his in his lap.

"I do," Magnus agreed, squeezing his hand. "This semester has gone so quickly."

"It really has."

"Thankfully, there is little else I need to prepare for, in terms of work."

"What about tomorrow?" Alec asked, raising Magnus' hand to kiss the back of, and trying not to do anything but smile when Magnus looked at him.

"Alec. I'll be fine," he said, kissing Alec's shoulder in reassurance. "But yes. I will be as prepared as I can be for that."

Alec responded with a wordless grumble, which earned him a squeeze of his thigh. Tomorrow night after work Magnus was going with Luke to meet a woman who was convinced her house had a ghost. Or several ghosts. With three small children who seemed to take it in turns waking her by playing with their _invisible friends_ , the woman was creeped out enough to have sought Luke out.

Luke too said the place felt awful when he'd visited, and some research had told him the house was on the land of a building with an unpleasant past. Alec shuddered for the thought of ghost children even though they were driving in the late afternoon sun, pleading with his brain to not replay the thought when they went to sleep that night.

"You could… take Ragnor with you?" Alec said, mostly in teasing. On a previous occasion when Magnus had tried to help a cafe owner who was adamant they had a poltergeist, Magnus had taken one of Ragnor's chess pieces with him in a pocket for good luck. Ragnor, apparently, had found the entire situation hilarious, and thanked Magnus for an impromptu _day out_.

"We will see," Magnus said, smiling when Alec looked at him. "Though either way. I promise I'll be careful."

Alec sighed, wanting to be supportive, but wishing more than anything Magnus wouldn't put himself in harm's way.

"Anyway. I have something to show you," Magnus said then, dropping Alec's hand so he could turn in his seat, grabbing a folded over magazine from a pocket in the front of his bag.

"What's this?" Alec said with a quick glance as Magnus' lap where he flattened out the magazine.

" _This_ was left behind in the staffroom by one of my colleagues. I happened to stumble across an interesting read."

"Oh?" Alec quickly looked again, screwing his face up for seeing his pen name emblazoned across the page. "What is it?"

"Oh, just a two-page feature praising the work of the _elusive Xander Woods_ and speculating what is next for him."

"Well what's _next_ is dinner—"

"They are very excited that you have agreed to both a movie and a TV series," Magnus continued. "And they are practically effervescent for knowing _The Dwelling Place_ will be out in as little as eight months. Your fans are _waiting_ , Alexander, and _eager_. Did you know there are already fights on Twitter speculating over who would be best to cast in each of the roles?"

Alec was aware, though was trying not to be. Already he'd carefully answered several questions about how he personally pictured his characters, questions which seemed to have increased in number with the announcement of his _deals_. Alec had taken to running any responses through David, worrying perhaps unnecessarily how his words might come across. David had composed several responses for him when he knew he had to answer, but didn't know how to.

"It's all… so much," he said, when he didn't know what else to, comforted for Magnus swirling his thumb over the back of his hand.

"Can you imagine how much _more_ it would be, if you were to reveal yourself?" Magnus asked, winking when Alec looked his way. "I am sure you would sell at least a million more copies if your fans could see your face. And if you did book signings, interviews, they would be lining up to—"

"I found a restaurant for us to try on the way back," Alec said, looking at Magnus in pleading. "You hungry?"

"Starving," Magnus said, dropping another kiss on his shoulder. "And only teasing. You should never feel pressured into doing something you are uncomfortable with."

"Speaking of," Alec said, relieved to have the perfect segway into a complete change of subject. "My mom just messaged. Says she wants to have dinner with us next week."

"How do you feel about that?" Magnus asked, his voice softer as he continued to stroke over his hand.

"Weird? Strange? Stupid?"

"Why stupid?"

"Because. It's dinner with my _mom_. It shouldn't take that much thinking about."

"Alexander. You haven't even seen your mother in years. It is only in recent months you have begun to communicate again. You can feel as _weird_ as you want, but not _stupid_. Not at all."

"I guess."

"Though, if it is going to be next week, it will have to be Monday," Magnus added. "It is the only evening we have free between now and the end of the semester."

It was true. On Friday they were going to Maia's for dinner, and popping in to see how Phoebe and her son William were doing. The weekend was full with an archery tournament for Alec on Saturday, and a day out with Catarina on Sunday. Tuesday was a meal with Magnus' colleagues, for which he and Alec had booked a hotel for the night. If they didn't agree to dinner with his mom on Monday, there would be no way to fit her in.

"I guess," Alec said, still not entirely sure he wanted to have the dinner at all. But he would, because Magnus would be with him, and because there had always been a part of Alec that desperately missed his mom; even when he'd tried to convince himself otherwise. "I'll… message her when we get to this restaurant."

"Tell me about this restaurant," Magnus said, gently helping him to change the subject.

"Actually, I booked us a table," Alec said. "It's in Newark. Steve recommended it. His new _boyfriend_ took him there last week."

"Ah, yes. The mysterious _Lorenzo_ ," Magnus said, smiling in amusement. Everyone had seen photos of Lorenzo on Steve's phone but they were yet to meet the man in person, Luke's attempts to tease Steve for it ineffective. It was a hard time for Luke; _nobody_ was bothered by his teasing. Not even Raphael, who had recently started seeing someone called Simon.

"It's French," Alec said, turning his thoughts back to their dinner. "Menu seems great. Looks like a place you might like."

"And you?" Magnus asked, squeezing his hand. "Might _you_ like it?"

"I'll like being there with you," Alec said, shrugging. "I like anywhere when I'm that."

Magnus' smile was full, and beautiful, and since they were waiting at the lights Alec took advantage of the pause in driving to lean in and steal a kiss. Magnus tossed the magazine on to the back seat and leaned in for another, both of them snorting with laughter for the car horn behind them when they missed the light turning green.

* * *

Waking to the soothing sound of waves Alec would never fail to do without a smile, he thought as he felt Magnus stir beside him. Alec pulled him in closer, pressing a kiss into his neck and breathing in deep. This was the first full week of the school holidays, and unlike last year, Magnus wouldn't be spending the entire summer at work. They could indulge in sleeping in as much as they wanted.

They'd arrived at Magnus' beach house in Rockport just a few days ago, and had done nothing since but lounge around the house indulging in each other. Alec looked forward to several long weeks of spending time alone with Magnus. The only plans they had so far were to visit the art gallery nearby which exhibited some pieces of Magnus' parent's work. Alec had seen photos of them in books but was excited to see them for himself, and to hear Magnus' stories about them.

Alec closed his eyes again, focusing only on the sound of the waves and the warmth of Magnus in his arms. Though he whispered a _good morning_ into the back of Magnus' hair when he felt him stir again.

"Morning," Magnus mumbled, wriggling back against him and humming in approval as Alec splayed his fingers wide over his stomach.

"Good morning."

"Did your phone just buzz?" Magnus asked, stretching and yawning, pressing his face into his pillow. Though as Alec rolled backward to reach for his phone on the nightstand, Magnus flopped over, dropping his head on Alec’s chest with a contented sigh and kiss.

"Yeah," Alec replied, seeing the notification from Izzy, but far more interested in the kisses pressed to his sternum, and the subtle nudging against his leg. Stroking his hands down over Magnus’ back, Alec encouraged Magnus to raise his head up for a long, slow kiss, abandoning his phone to the bed.

"Who?" Magnus asked once he’d pulled back, settling once more against Alec's chest.

"Izzy." Alec adjusted his arm around Magnus’ shoulder, pressing an absent kiss to the top of his head as he thumbed open the message, waiting for the image on the screen to unpixelate.

"And?"

A picture of Izzy tucked into the side of a long-haired man with a confident smile was waiting for him. Alec read the caption of, _meet Meliorn_ ; _I can't wait for you to meet him when you and Magnus come to Chicago._

"Alexander?" Magnus said again when Alec didn't answer for quickly typing back a response.

"Izzy has a new boyfriend," Alec said, turning his phone to show Magnus. "Seems _Meliorn_ has plans for you and I when we visit at the end of summer."

"Oh?"

"Some kind of event for… actually, Izzy didn't say what, only to _dress to impress_."

"Perhaps we will need to go shopping for new suits for the occasion," Magnus replied. Not that Magnus ever needed an excuse to shop.

"I do like you in a suit," Alec replied, laughing softly, squeezing Magnus tighter as he nudged for him to look up. "Actually, I like you in everything. Or _out_ of everything."

"Well. I just so happen to be _out of everything_ right now."

"Oh," Alec said, throwing his phone back on the bed and sweeping his hands down Magnus' back to cup his ass, "believe me. I'd noticed."

"And had you noticed—"

An excited yapping from the living room interrupted them, Alec grinning for the clanking sound that was probably Gatsby nudging against the side of his pen to be let out. The pen was huge, taking an age to dismantle to put in the car when they left then reassemble again when they arrived. They would keep the pen for Gatsby overnight until they had visited Izzy, but once home again Gatsby would be free to roam. Alec had caught Magnus and Gatsby in several  _discussions_ about what things were suitable to chew, to get him used to the idea. 

"Duty calls?" Alec said, claiming a final kiss before Magnus pitched to the side mumbling about the worst timing. Alec laid in bed a moment longer, watching Magnus pull on lounge pants and listening to him cooing at their puppy in greeting as he left the room.

Gatsby had been an impulse purchase. On his way back home from an MMA session, Alec had come across an adoption drive by a local animal rescue. He'd seen the tiny, forlorn-looking German Shepherd cross cowering in the corner of a cage, and had to take him home. It had taken just two days to arrange everything with paperwork, and discreetly buying more pet supplies than Alec knew what to do with. But when Magnus had arrived home from work—late, because the colleague he'd carpooled with that day took the wrong lane mid-debate about the Oxford comma, getting them stuck in traffic—he'd been greeted by Alec in the doorway. Alec had been pacing for almost half an hour waiting for him, bouncing with excitement and their new charge tucked in his arms.

Alec rose and dressed quickly, putting on coffee as he watched Magnus in the backyard, playing with Gatsby on a patch of grass. He made a batter for waffles, inspecting the fridge for the fruit they had left, then filled Gatsby's bowl with food and replaced his water, laughing when Gatsby skid across the floor in his race to get inside and eat.

"Why don't we have breakfast, then take Gatsby for a walk along the beach?" Alec said as Magnus pressed him back against a counter, wrapping his arms around his waist.

"Perfect," Magnus agreed, nuzzling into his neck before claiming a kiss. "I'll get changed."

Alec prepared them breakfast, making quick notes on his ever-present tablet for details he wanted to include in his latest story in between pouring batter mixture into the waffle iron and setting the table. This story might not even see the light of day. Alec had started it on a whim sat outside Magnus' university waiting for him to finish a meeting, with almost five thousand words written by the time Magnus climbed into the car.

The story was of a powerful warlock who solved crimes in a mystical fantasy world that Alec felt had all but written itself into existence. He hadn't put much thought into it at all yet, only writing whatever came to him whenever he sat down to write. Alec was bemused by how the story was coming together over a matter of weeks, when The Dwelling Place must have taken him at least eighteen months.

"Is there more for me to read already?"

Alec smiled for the kiss to his shoulder and Magnus' attempt to peek around it, laughing for his grumble when he closed the screen. "These are just notes. You can read the actual story when I have a little more of it."

"Tease," Magnus protested as he took their plates over to the table, praising Gatsby for not begging and then ruining it completely by taking him a slice of ham from the fridge. Alec raised an eyebrow when Magnus looked at him in guilt. "What? I can't help it."

"You spoil him."

"Says the person who deliberately insists we have bacon and eggs for breakfast so that you can feed him bacon rinds."

"That was once," Alec said as he joined him carrying their coffee.

Magnus held his hand up, raising two fingers into a V shape. " _Twice_."

"Twice that _you_ know about."

"See? You spoil him more than I do," Magnus protested, though was already leaning across the table for a grateful kiss. "Though, perhaps not as much as you spoil me. This looks delicious."

Over breakfast, they made plans for their day that involved nothing more strenuous than a walk to the market for more food, some reading and writing, and their post-breakfast walk with Gatsby on the beach. There was a cove a little way up that Alec wanted to look at again. He had an idle thought that it would be a perfect spot to propose in one day. Maybe one day that summer. Or maybe if they took a Fall break. He hadn't really figured the details out, only that there would be a proposal, and that his future would always have Magnus in it, right there by his side.

With a full stomach, Alec stepped out on to the beach feeling the sand squidge and crunch between his toes. The wind whipped up, buffering against him, leaving Alec to make a half-hearted attempt at calming his hair before giving up. The beach was deserted, miles and miles to explore, disturbed only by the crashing of the waves lapping at the sand. Alec breathed deep, looking out over the beautiful blue horizon with not a cloud in the sky and not a thought in his head that wasn't a happy one.

A hand slipped into his, and the excited panting around his feet told Alec that Gatsby was ready for his walk. Alec echoed Magnus' smile as he leaned in to kiss him, the two of them following Gatsby as he raced forwards, his pawprints sinking into the sand.

* * *

 

 


End file.
